Brotherly Love, Or Something Like It
by Sharmander
Summary: It all started with his mother driving off to get him a mystery present, now he's got a delinquent in his house, and they're supposed to form some sort of brotherly bond. Well, that's definitely not going to happen...or well, sort of.
1. The Present

**Chapter I:  
**The Present

"Roxas!" I hear my mother calling me from downstairs and I groan because I really don't want to move right now. I'm currently seated, and quite comfortably too, in front of my computer typing out a 10 page essay for the fifth time because apparently my cat is against my education and loves shutting off my computer.

"What!" I call back, keeping an eye on Oblivion, that damn devil cat, as she purrs and rubs herself against the extension cord that is currently keeping my computer alive. I hiss at her and try to reach her with my foot but I can't (damn short legs), so instead I look around my desk for something to throw at her. My search comes up inconclusive and I have nothing to whip at her to keep her from-

And she succeeds yet again in unplugging the computer. I feel like screaming, or shoving her down the toilet, or possibly doing both at the same time while having a noose up and ready, made from my mouse wire but then I remember its wireless and that I had set my computer to automatically save every 4-5 minutes. I send her a smug look which she chooses to ignore and instead goes off to rub herself against other things; hopefully she won't break anything…again.

"Come down here!" and this leads to a screaming competition, my mother screaming that she can't come up because she has her shoes on and I should be going down to see her and my father off, while I scream back that her shoes are clean and I can't move or else I'll loose my writing mojo.

"Oh Roxas, just come down here!" I decide to humor her and get up; she's the one paying for my expensive education after all so if my inspiration wears off and I write utter crap for the rest of my essay it is her doing. I know that won't happen though, I only have to write the concluding paragraph and I'm finished but she doesn't need to know that.

"Yeah, yeah I'm here," I say once I reach the landing and I realize they (they, being my parents) have small duffle bags at their feet meaning the trip will probably be a bit longer then just a few hours. I stare at them curiously and my mother is the first one to speak.

"We have to go pick something up a few cities over, we'll be back by Friday night so no parties," Pfft, yeah right because I am such a wild party animal. Chain me to the wall because I am out of control…God can you feel the sarcasm here? "Alright Roxas?" I realize I had tuned out the other half of her speech so I just nod and smile at her as she pecks my forehead and opens the front door, my father picks up their bags and heads out, walking down the stairs towards the parked car. My mother however, stays standing at the door for a few more minutes and when she looks at me, her smile is so bright I think I'm going to be blinded.

"I'm sure you'll just love it," is all she says before walking out and closing the door. I twist my lips up, wondering what in God's holy name she's talking about because as far as I'm concerned I already have everything I could ever want and/or need but if she wants to get me more things, well, all the power to her.

I'm not spoiled, just lavished with attention and presents.

I head back upstairs to find Oblivion rolling all over my keyboard, making my computer spazz, about a million and two windows are open and it's making that weird noise, the one that comes when you press the shift key one too many times and activate the 'sticky keys'. Has anyone else every realized how absolutely disgusting that is? I mean, what are they _sticky _from?

Anyway, I rush over and shove her off the keyboard which in turn makes her hiss and jump at me, claws out and going straight for the eyes. I screech and try to duck but alas, I'm too slow for her feline agility and she ends up stabbing her claws into my stomach, clinging on for dear life and ripping me to shreds. I scream and try to pry her off but the damn cat has a good grip. When I finally manage to get her off me it's only because she gives up, her mood swing disappearing as she retracts her claws and drops to the floor. I want to kick her, oh believe me I do, but I don't and let her walk away.

My cell phone suddenly starts up, effectively scaring the crap out of me and making me have at least 3 heart attacks in a row before I reach over and pluck it off the desk. I flip it open without even checking to see who it is, I figure that I'll know once I talk to them.

"Open your window!" comes the voice and I feel like fainting until I recognize who it is and turn to face my window only to find Sora there, brightly smiling along with Hayner, I roll my eyes and walk over, hanging up in the process.

"Can't you guys use the door?" I ask and Sora laughs as if I'm stupid or something, Hayner adds his own chuckles here and there, clapping me on the back like I'm some big, macho man who likes that sort of thing.

"No way, where's the fun in that?" Sora says, dropping onto my computer chair ungraciously while Hayner plops onto my bed, crinkling the sheets in every way humanly possible and even beyond that.

"Well, there is normality in it," Sora and Hayner are two of my best friends (Sora is my cousin), together we all attend Kings Hart Private School for the insanely rich and snooty although not everyone who goes there is snooty or even close to it. Olette, in fact, is probably so far from snooty she'd have to see it with a telescope and Naminé is the complete opposite of snotty, but believe me there are quite a few snoots and snobs.

"Where are your folks?" Hayner asks, staring up at my ceiling and popping his gum, probably day dreaming about his and Naminé's wedding or something equally displeasing to imagine.

"I have no idea, they just left a few minutes ago…said they were going to get me something," I say with a shrug and remember that I have my essay to finish typing. "Guys, I have that essay due and I haven't finished so…" I trail off, hoping they'll get the point and climb right back out of my window and head home, which really means they'll crawl out the window and Sora goes right a few feet while Hayner goes left. I know I'm pretty lucky to have them as next door neighbors but right now, I really need to finish this essay.

"Dude, relax! It's a P.A day tomorrow, remember? Long weekend!" Hayner sings excitedly, pumping his fist in the air while Sora howls like a wolf, spinning around in my computer chair. My eyes widen and I rush towards my calendar, practically throwing myself at it and seeing that yes, there is no school tomorrow.

"Thank fucking god!" I sigh, flopping over onto a near by bean bag chair and letting my body relax. For some reason during the week I'm always tense, when Friday comes around I visibly deflate and I'm ready for sleeping and doing nothing but lying around all day, until Sunday rolls around and I have to rush to get everything ready. I'm a procrastinator and yes, I know it's a filthy habit but I just can't seem to break it.

"Seriously dude! Anyway, Sora and I where planning on crashing here, watch a few movies you know, play a few wickedly awesome video games!"

"Sure, whatever. I hate being alone in this house anyway," I say, shivering at the memories of all the times I was forced to stay home alone. This giant house makes some scary ass noises when there is no one in the other rooms, especially when everything is dark and quiet, the noises seem to be amplified.

"Suh-weet!" Sora says, sliding off my computer chair and it is only then that I notice they are both in pajama pants and a flimsy t-shirt. It's not freezing out, but it's not warm enough to be parading around like that which clearly meant they knew they were going to be staying the night.

Even if my parents were here they wouldn't mind, they are all crazy about me having people over. My mom loves it when I socialize because she thinks she deprived me of a happy childhood simply because I have no siblings, which is really stupid of her in all honesty. I've lived all my life in this house and have grown up with the kids in the neighborhood; I really never missed out on anything. I've seen how Hayner gets along with his brother Seifer and believe you me; I wouldn't want to have to put up with that every day of my life. Still, my mom feels sorry because I'm usually alone after school and no matter how many times I tell her it's not her fault that she got sick and could no longer have children, she always asks me to forgive her for leaving me all the time. I don't really mind, I have Sora and Hayner next door, plus enough video games to keep me occupied until I reach the healthy age of 99. I also understand that they have to work in order to keep our house afloat, so I don't hold any grudges against them (my mother and father); I just relax and enjoy any time we spend together.

When I blink and refocus on life now, instead of the life in my head I see Sora and Hayner already playing God of War III, Sora currently swinging the Blades of Chaos around and cackling wildly as he cuts about a dozen of those dead Spartan warriors in half. I sometimes (all the time) worry about his mental health, but as I see Hayner ignoring it and just soaking up the blood lust and carnage, I decide to be a normal teenaged boy and do the same.

"This game…is too amazing for words, seriously!" Sora says, passing Hayner the control after he's killed. We have a system, one that I created ever-so-cleverly when I was younger, where when we play one player games, we only have our turn until we die then we pass the remote on to whoever is next and so on and so forth. It's worked marvelously so far, and no one has any complaints.

"I was waiting for it for an eternity in line," I respond, Hayner however takes to getting completely absorbed in the game, his eyes glued to the screen as he fights the big beastie that killed Sora. He's so engrossed in the game he doesn't even notice when we get up and head downstairs to the kitchen.

"So, what are your parents getting you that requires like an over night trip?" Sora asks while I rummage through the fridge trying to find us anything to snack on, if my mom was here she'd probably be cooking her little keester off but well she isn't and I'll have to make do and prepare my own snacks.

"I honestly have no idea, maybe it's some exotic pet or something…like a horse," I shoot a grin over my shoulder at Sora and he just laughs, rolling his eyes at me before jumping to sit on the counter. I pull out the ingredients I'll need to make a sandwich…or ten.

"First, wouldn't you know if you asked for the pet? And Second, you hate animals," Sora laughs when I glare at him because that is not true. I do not hate animals; I just am not too fond of them. Especially dogs, God how I cannot stand the things.

"Well I don't know, but my mom said I'll love it," I say and place the top bun on the third sandwich, Sora slides off the counter to help me finish making them.

"What the hell!" Sora jumps, and I screech (again), both sets of arms wrapping around one another as we cower in fear, until we both realize that it was only Hayner and we pull away a little awkwardly, blushing furiously when Hayner collapses on the floor from laughing too hard.

"P-p-priceless!" he cackles and I throw a piece of iceberg lettuce at him, aiming for his big, fat mouth but instead hitting him in the middle of the face. Close enough, really.

He just eats it, sounding completely satisfied when he's done and he watches us from the floor, clearly not bothered enough to stand up or even attempt to help.

"So, what are your parents buying you?" he asks the same thing Sora did not too long ago and I sigh before placing the sandwiches onto a plate that Sora got for me.

"If you wouldn't have been so entangled in trying to become Kratos you would have seen us leave, then you would have been a part of our conversation where we already covered this!"

"He doesn't know," Sora decides to interject when it appears that my statement only confused Hayner. I laugh at his stupidness before we all head back upstairs and continue playing video games, eating all the sandwiches and finally passing out.

I wake up only because my stomach has finished digesting those sandwiches and requires immediate attention. It's gurgling actually scared me out of my slumber and I roll over, only to come face to ass with Hayner. I quickly scramble to my feet and scowl at his butt, although it can't see the distaste on my face, I hope he feels in while he sleeps or something. Like a pin prick in his ass cheek or a nightmare about being chased by huge eyes that are only after staring at his ass. I know Hayner hates when people look at his ass, though I've never asked why because it's just weird. Anyway, I finish glaring at his cheeks and tip-toe over him, Sora is apparently M.I.A.

I know where he is though; really there is only one place to look whenever he goes missing in my house, or any house for that matter. Option A is the kitchen because Sora is an in-the-closet fatass, and Option B is in the living room because once he's done stuffing food down his gullet, he likes to watch absurd amounts of cartoons. I decide to go to the kitchen first because that's always where he goes first and I don't find him, instead I find the aftermath of him. Bowls in the sink and pancakes on the counter.

One plus to Sora loving food is that he loves cooking too, which in turn means I get fed whenever he's around. I pile pancakes onto my plate and drown them in enough brown sugar and maple syrup to put me into a diabetic coma then head out towards the living room. Lo and behold, he's sitting on the sofa watching SpongeBob which is weird because SpongeBob only plays after school which is around 4:30-5:00pm.

My eyes immediately dart around the room for a clock and Sora must see me standing there and he must know exactly what I'm looking for because he tells me the time. "It's 4:45, your mom called a while ago…they are on their way here," he says and he looks up at me, I drop down on the couch beside him and start shoveling the pancakes into my face, finishing in record time just as Hayner walks in with a plate staked up almost higher then his actual head.

"I'm excited you guys," I say happily and Sora smiles at me, and Hayner just cocks his head in my direction, meaning please, elaborate because I am still half asleep. "I get to see what they got me!"

Just as I finish my sentence I hear the door unlock, followed by my mother calling out to me and my heart is racing in my chest when I get up, Hayner and Sora coming right behind me to greet her. There are a lot more bags in the foyer then when they had first left and the strange thing is, they are all different suitcases, ones I have never seen in my life.

I hear a low whistle, and watch in horror as a mangey man, who looks like he just stepped out of Juvie, walks in behind my mother.

"Roxas, this is Axel!" My mother says happily, and my eyes lock with Axel's.

My mom did not just get me a man for a present.

* * *

**A/N:** I just got this idea, tell me if you guys think I should continue it or not.  
I mean, I've got a few ideas on how to take this, but I'd like to know if anyone would to interested in continuing to read this!

Thanks for reading, and review if you'd like (:

P.s., We all know Sharmander does not OWN these characters right? No need for a disclaimer..._right_?


	2. Lexus Spells Axel

**Chapter Two**  
Lexus Spells Axel

"Mom, _people_ can't be _presents_!"

"Roxas, I never once said I was going to _buy_ something, nor did I say it was for _you_," My mother really is quite the card, I mean first she tells me she has to pick something up a few cities over, then says I'll love it, then appears with a fucking _man_ in our foyer. She didn't have to tell me it was a present _exactly_; she implied it well enough without saying it!

"So you went to bring this…this…_man_ out of _prison_!" I find myself shouting, my blue eyes staying focused on said man who is currently fingering a very expensive vase, I fear for the thing's life when it wobbles a little as he pokes it roughly. I hope, pray really that I can in no way be related to him, not even as distant relatives or anything and my mother isn't the only family he has close by that he can stay with because he was just released from prison, if us being related were the case.

I think rationally then and realize that well…we can not be related.

First, his hair is crimson, like, cherry-on-the-sundae red and he has bright green eyes. All of the Strife's are blonde with blue eyes, including my mother. The other side of my family, the Leonhart's are all brunettes, blue eyed as well. You see where I'm getting with this?

Second, I'm sure I would have met him, or seen pictures of him. My family is very tightly knit, I know every Aunt, Uncle, and cousin I have. Be it second, third or even fucking fourth cousin. I'm sure I would have met him…and I would definitely remember a face like that! With his piercings and his ridiculous tattoos. Aren't tear drops on your face supposed to mean you killed someone in _prison_?

"Axel is not a man Roxas, he is only seventeen," My mother says defensively, and I raise an eyebrow high up on my forehead, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Oh seventeen? Well, let me just crawl into my diapers then because clearly you mean seventeen years older then me," I say sarcastically and Axel finally decides to stop touching everything and join in on the conversation that he was not invited into in the first place.

"Whoa kid, relax will yah? I ain't no geezer," He says and he eyes me up and down, it makes me feel gross or something like that because my stomach flips and I glare at him. I don't like his tone of voice, and I definitely don't like the way he watches me.

"Okay, listen, don't call me kid or tell me to relax," I seethe and my mother steps in the way of my vicious glare. I swear I was shooting infra-red beams out of my eyes, aiming my killer glare with awesome precision because I could so feel the look of death on my face and I was ready to start dishing out the pain. I mean, not only did she bring this man into our house, but she never even consulted me about it. Aren't parents supposed to do that before adoption!?

"Roxas, Axel is an orphan from a troubled teen's camp. I enrolled as a care-taker in a special program because the shelter is terribly crowded and they are in desperate need of people who were willing to house teenagers until they are of age."

"Oh, so he isn't from prison, just something like it?" I aim my harsh look over my mother's shoulder and right at Axel, who is staring right at me with a shit-eating grin.

"Mmm, feisty little bugger ain't cha?" He says, grinning widely at me and extending his neck in my direction, shaking that stupid, fat head of his. How can someone be so obnoxious is so little time?

Well, actually, his head isn't very fat, he has a very lean face but his hair is huge…that is probably the heaviest thing about him. He looks emaciated.

"Roxas, please be nice! Axel is part of the family now and I expect you to treat him like it…Oh, Sora and Hayner you're both here?" My father chooses now to walk in, and simply continues on his way, not even saying anything.

"Dad! Did you know about this?" I shout at him as he disappears into the kitchen, I can hear him opening the cupboards and I stomp my foot, because my father never answers me, no matter how many times I ask a fucking question. He'll just continue on with whatever it is he's doing, unless I ask about 50 times…in a _row_.

"I'm glad to meet you…Axel," Sora says suddenly, extending his hand and the emaciated, psycho path looks down at it, before curling his lip up in distaste. How dare he be rude to Sora? Well, I'll admit I'm rude but what the hell, I'm his cousin, I'm allowed to!

"Can't say the same kid, but whatever," and then he grabs Sora's hand and by the look on my cousin's face the handshake is excruciatingly painful.

"Why mom?" I say, wiping my hands down my face slowly, tugging the skin along with my palms. My mother huffs and takes off her jacket, opening the closet by the door and hanging it up. Silently she turns to Axel and motions for the man to give her his jacket, he does, pealing the tight leather garment from his thin frame and handing it to her

"Roxas, I told you. I enrolled in the program…plus I've always wanted to have two children," My mother smiles at Axel brightly and he simply stares at her before throwing his arms back and stretching, his shirt rides up and where there is supposed to be pale skin, all I see it tattoo ink.

"Couldn't you have adopted a _baby_?" I groan loudly, tearing my eyes away from the delinquent and squashing the curiosity that rises when I see the beginnings of tattoos along his hips. I love tattoos; I won't lie and say I hate them simply because Fat-Head over here has them. I love hearing people's stories and seeing them, but I will not be curious nor will I ask about his body art.

"I'm getting old; I don't have time for a baby. Roxas stop complaining and help Axel take his things upstairs. His room is the one across from yours, and I will not discuss this any further. He's staying here and that's final young man."

Now, my mother may be a saint with a heart of gold, and she may give me everything I want and attend to my every whim but when she says _'that's final'_, she really means it in every sense of the phrase. I've never pushed her to see how far she'll actually take that threatening tone of voice but when I look into her steely blue eyes I know that it's all over and I'm going to be stuck living in the house with this maniac whether I want to or not.

"Whatever," I say and turn to pick up a few bags, Hayner looks at me then down at the bags and side-steps around me.

"Well, I've over-stayed my welcome. Common Sora, let's bounce! See you later Mr. and Mrs. Strife, see you Roxas!" and just like that those little bastards flee, leaving me all alone with this…this…person.

"Show me to my room, baby brother," the hot breath is much too hot against my ear and I spin around, finding Axel right behind me and my mother no where to be seen. My eyes go impossibly wide as I stare up at him and I realize that he's fucking tall. I'm guessing at a rough 6 feet 2 or 3 inches here.

I'm only 5 feet and 3 measly inches.

"Let's get one thing straight, shall we?" I say with faux-sweetness and he bats his eyelashes at me, catching on to my candy-coated smile and playing along easily. Maybe he isn't as brain dead as I thought, at least not in this aspect.

"Lemme guess, you aren't?" He says and seems to not be able to contain himself, he starts howling with laughter and doubles over, tears streaming out of his eyes and I simply watch this all with a very blank expression.

Take a deep breath Roxas, everything is all right.

His laughter is very loud…

_Deeeeep_ breaths.

"Oh, I am a bloody master mind," he slowly recovers and I see Oblivion making her way out of the kitchen and towards us. I smirk evilly because if there is one thing I know about my cat, it's that she hates strangers, detests them really. Axel is in for a world of pain.

"Oh mah gawd, is a wi'le kitteh!" and I feel my stomach lurch as I watch Oblivion waltz over to Axel, letting the lanky man scoop her up into his arms and nuzzle his face into her black fur.

I watch this all, completely and utterly speechless. She's attacked everyone in my family at least a dozen times, she's clawed me to the point where I thought my guts were going to fall out and here she is, purring and swaying her tail happily while that monster pets her and kisses her tiny head.

She is such a damned bitch.

"I didn't know there was a cat in the house!" Axel says and he looks up at me, his green eyes sparkling with childish delight and I curl my lip up. I feel like hoarking on them both, but if my mother would find out…I think she'd vacuum all the spit right out of my mouth.

The mental image is interrupted by a loud sneeze and I look at Axel while he rubs his nose against his shoulder, I realize it's getting pretty red and I laugh loudly. "Are you allergic to cats?" I ask the sheer joy I get out of his discomfort is very evident in my voice.

"Yeah," he says sheepishly with a little sniffle, and a part of my brain goes _'Aww'_while the other, larger part that over powers my gay, teenaged thoughts cackles evilly, already conjuring up images of rubbing Oblivion all over everything Axel owns. Then I remember she doesn't even let me touch her, so those plans are thwarted before they even have a chance to happen. "I still love em to death! Don't care if they make me snotty," he says and pulls Oblivion away from himself, letting her hang in front of him.

Ever wonder why cats are like accordions? Don't expect an explanation because I wonder that all the time. Though, if any of you know the answer, I'd love to hear it.

"God, she's a cute little fucker," his choice of words really lets his intelligence shine through, and I decide that I won't spend any unnecessary time with him. I pick up as many bags as I can and start heading up the long, long stair case.

"Leave Oblivion alone and hurry the hell up, I'm not showing you to your room twice," I growl and he just laughs before settling the cat on his broad shoulders and picking up the remaining suitcases.

"Aye, aye Capy-tan," He laughs at his own joke, which makes me want to ram my face right into the staircase railing, it makes me want to turn around and push him down the stairs I swear to you. "Eh, why'd you name 'er oblivion? Funny name for a cat." Does he ever shut up? Seriously.

"Why'd your parents name you Axel…oh, guess you wouldn't know," I say and right away I feel kind of (really) mean for saying it. I stop in front of his door and I'm scared to look back, I'm scared to move.

"Ha, that's a good one," but instead of a box cutter to the stomach like I'm expecting, all I get is hearty, rich laughter. Axel kicks the door open and walks right past me. "To wound me kid, you're gonna have to do a lot better then a few _'ha ha, you're an orphan'_ jokes," he grins at me when I just stare at him wide-eyed.

"Uh…whatever, just stay the hell away from me, and out of my room," I hiss and toss his bags into the room. He laughs even more and I glare at him. Why is he always laughing?

"Listen Blondie, you're cute and all but don't flatter yourself in thinkin' that Imma be following you around like some love-struck puppy. Your mom was the one that wanted another son, I ain't ever ask for a baby brother."

"Good, I never asked for an older one," and with that I turn and slam his door shut and stomp right into my room.

When I reach my bed, what he said fully processes in my head and I choke.

He just called me Blondie and cute.

Oh. My. God. That is fucking disgusting!

"GROSS!" I scream loud enough for him to hear, and I hear him laughing even through the door and across the hall. I grab a pillow angrily and whip it at the door, which is opened a few moments later. I'm ready to throw another pillow, I mean, my bed is covered in at least twenty until I see my mother's blonde head peek into the room.

"Roxas, may I have a word?" She says sweetly and I let her in because I can't say no to my mother. I've never been able to, which is why I attend King Harts Private Secondary, instead of a regular private school, it's why I have an apple every day instead of none at all, it's why I try my best to make as much friends as possible even if I'm more comfortable completely alone. "Sweetie, I know it must be a lot for you to take in, and I know I must be asking a lot of you when I ask you to be kind towards Axel, but please sweetheart, do it for me?" she bats those long, pretty lashes at me and I sigh, feeling myself giving in.

"But why mom? I don't understand…" I groan and flop back onto my bed, letting myself sink right into the comforter and let it swallow me.

"You know I've always loved helping the needy, Aunt Betty" Aunt Betty is Sora's mom and my mother's favorite sister, even though she denies it. I know it. Same goes for Aunt Betty towards my mom, they just don't want to admit it because there's at least 5 other sisters and they wouldn't want to break anyone's fragile little heart "is going to do the same thing with another boy from the camp. We're always helping the community," and I suddenly don't feel so bad anymore. I sit up and stare at my mother.

"You mean…Sora is going to get a delinquent invader too!" I say happily and my mother narrows her eyes at me.

"Roxas, stop being so rude!" she's about to continue on her rant about kindness and paying-it-forward or whatever the hell she talks about, but my door bursts open and I see Axel standing there clad only in a tiny, _tiny_ white towel that is thrown loosely around his hips. I swear if I were to blow hard enough, the thing would fly right off. I see most of his tattoo, though from here I can't really make out what it is, there are some words and I can also make out a lot of fire.

"Eh, where the fuck's the bathroom in this place?" he says and looks around my room, long, spindly fingers going right to my shelf where I keep valuable, breakable things. I jump off the bed and dart towards him, slapping his grimy hand away from my things.

"Don't touch anything!" I shout and get ready to start shoving him out of my room until I realize that I can't because my mom is watching and if I jostle him around too much his towel might fall right off.

"Oh Axel honey, you have a bathroom in your room. It's the door right next to the closet," my mother says, shielding her eyes with her petite hand. I glower as Axel chuckles.

"Mrs. S, seriously…why are you covering your eyes? I ain't naked," Axel says and sends me a wink that makes my skin crawl and my heart race with utter disgust.

"Oh don't be silly dear, I don't even look at Roxas when he's only in a towel…now…go on, take a nice shower," My mom shoos him quickly and he walks away laughing, leaving his door completely open and I realize that Oblivion is resting on top of the pile of clothes he left on the floor.

If I'd ever leave clothes on the floor, she'd fucking piss on them.

"Hoo-lee fuckery. This bathroom's fucking huge!" Axel shouts excitedly and my mother looks at me, smiling a little awkwardly.

"I'm sure he's a very sweet boy, you just have to warm up to him and show him the good old Strife hospitality," my mother gets up from my bed and pats down her pockets, quickly extracting a set of keys from them and she tosses them at me.

"I had anticipated you not liking the idea of having Axel living with us, seeing as you hate change so I got you something to make up for it sweetie," she kisses my forehead and leaves me standing there, staring down at the keys in my hands.

Apparently, I am now the owner of a Lexus.

I should be happy, ecstatic really, but all I can pick up on is the fact that three out of five letters in Lexus can be used to spell Axel.

My mother's right, I don't take well to change.

* * *

**A/N:** Chapter two!  
I hope everyone's enjoying it so far.

It's my birthday tomorrow, for those of you who read my Author's notes!  
So this quick update is my gift to myself :B

Enjoy, and reviews as presents would be appreciated 8D


	3. Chocolate Cake

**Chapter Three  
**Chocolate Cake

Midnight snacks are really bad, I mean your metabolism is all slowed down at night and your body is only going to store all the fat you ingest so really, you shouldn't wake up around 2 in the morning and go downstairs looking for something to shove down your gullet. Yet, here I am tip-toeing down the stairs and heading straight for the huge, stainless steel heaven I'd like to call, the fridge.

I love sweets, guilty as charged; only I hide it a lot better then Sora, but Sora isn't just sweets...it's everything. I hide my love for sugar pretty well, I don't go completely ballistic when I'm around the stuff, nor do I drool all over everything when I see something delicious. I just swallow my drool and take mental pictures of the pastry and/or tasty morsel, so that I can totally salivate to it later on.

Now, at 2 in the morning houses are empty, pitch black and completely silent, or at least they are supposed to be. I just reach the landing when I see something by the front door, a dark shadow hovering just at the entrance and I feel a scream clawing its way up my throat. Especially when said dark shadow lunges at me and tackles me to the floor.

"Don't scream," the harsh hiss makes me choke out a sob and I see my life flash before my eyes, I have barley experienced anything, all my days spent locked up in damn school, yet here I am, dying at the hands of a robber for being a fat ass and not waiting till breakfast.

I feel the person's body pressed against mine, every single nook and cranny is completely covered and I'm very frightened and uncomfortable because I can feel a hard stomach pressing into my groin. In any other situation maybe I'd enjoy this even a little, especially if it was a dream or a bad porno. Like, maybe Cock Robbers or something stupid like that but it's not, and it's a serious scenario, I might die and here I am thinking about damned porn. I try to squirm and the robber lets me, which is weird considering I could try and hit them and call the police, they probably don't think I'm very strong.

"I'm going to uncover your mouth, don't fucking scream," and that voice, I recognize it…Oh god, Axel is on top of me, it's his hard stomach pressed against me. Oh god, I just imagined us in a porno called Cock Robbers together. Dear sweet Jesus and all that is holy, I'm going to have to scrub my brain with Javex.

Curse you teenaged hormones, curse you!

He gets off me quickly, before I have the chance to choke and die on my vomit and he helps me to my feet, which is really surprising and I'm too shocked to tell him not to touch me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whisper, my eyes straining to focus on his face in the dark, all his clothing is pitch black so that doesn't really help me see any better either. All I can see is a faint red outline around his hair where the moonlight hits as it shines through the window and bounces off his back.

"I'm going out," he says casually and turns away from me, I stare at his back with my jaw hanging open. My mother would flip if she were to wake up and find his bed empty, she'd totally freak and worry herself sick. My hands shoot out and I grab his arm, tugging him backwards. He stumbles a bit and whips around; I feel my stomach drop in fear because he looks fucking terrifying in the dark.

"No you aren't! There are rules in this house," I say a little louder, trying to show him I'm dead serious. He just scoffs and pushes me against the wall, my back smacks into it pretty hard and I'm curious as to how he can see so damn well in the dark.

"Rules are _made_ to break, and I'm just the one to break em," his breath is fanning over my face and I snap my head away because I swear I felt his lips against mine as he spoke. He pulls away from me and struts straight towards the door again, much faster then before. "Don't fret, I'll be back in bed before y'all people wake up anyhow," and just like that, he slips out the door and shuts it before the alarm even has the chance to start wailing.

I won't lie; I'm slightly amazed at how silent he is. I mean, I didn't even hear him leave his room! I'm a very light sleeper, and the house has so many creaky floor boards you can't even fart without making something squeak out in protest. Yet, he was all the way downstairs and almost out the door, and he would have made it too, if I hadn't been hungry.

This reminds me…I haven't eaten anything yet and that's what I originally set out to do. Stupid Axel, all he does is disturb me. I should shove him in a box and fedex him back to wherever he came from. Maybe get a priest to perform an exorcism and force that demon from which he came, or something like that. I trudge back towards the kitchen, I contemplate telling my mom and ratting Axel out but well, I'm not sure if that would be very smart. I mean, what if he gets angry that I told and then ends up attacking me or something, or even _worse_, what if my mom starts to worry about him and wants us to do some brotherly bonding, and moves him into my room!

Clearly that is out of the question.

I push him out of my mind, I don't care what he does with his life as long as he doesn't touch my stuff, and if he fucks up and gets kicked out, even better for me. I won't interfere in any of his things because I just don't give two shits. I'll just go and eat that piece of chocolate cake that was left over from dinner, that delicious, succulent piece of chocolate cake with fudge icing. I had called dibs on it, so I know it's in there, nicely cooled and wrapped just waiting for me, like a good little chocolatey whore. Just dying for me to shove it down my throat.

Maybe I failed to mention that I talk dirty to my sweets. Now would be a good time to clear that up.

I walk into the kitchen, flinching when my bare feet touch the frozen tiles, seriously shouldn't these things be heated or something? The stove is in here and everything; shouldn't the tiles be warm instead of cold enough to give you immediate frost bite?

I soldier it out and walk straight to the fridge, tugging open the gigantic door that probably weighs more than me, when I look for my cake though, I see nothing.

Then I spot the plate, and on the plate there is a tiny post it, along with a few chocolate crumbs.

"_Sorry Blondie, you snooze you loose. Love, Axel"_

I swear I was about to explode, the urge to start smashing everything making my arms tremble. I crumble the note in my hand and glare into the fridge, the cool air hitting my front and freezing me through the thin fabric of my pajama pants and flimsy t-shirt.

Axel did _not_ just eat _my_ chocolate cake.

He did _not_ just fucking _eat it_, when I called _dibs_.

I am going to wait up, and _kill_ him.

I sit comfortably on the last step on the front porch with a sweater pulled tight against my body, the cool night air swirling all around me and I breathe in deeply. It's a good night to kill, I think to myself and I couldn't be more right. Axel is going to pay, blood will run thick and red into our lush lawn. My mom will find me in the morning when she sees my bed empty, and Axel's too, covered in that fat bastard's blood but completely satisfied with myself because that was his _last _piece of chocolate cake. That will teach him, teach him that maybehis next life he shouldn't be a freaking crook!

Gross, I'm being _really _morbid.

But damn it, I called _dibs_!

Anyway, I don't know how long I'm waiting but finally I see Axel, shoulders hunched up against the slight breeze walking towards my house. He's sort of swaying, this thin legs going in every direction when he takes long strides but I don't forget my mission. It will be easier to kill him if he's shit faced.

"You!" I shout and I don't have to really shout loud, it's close to 5 in the morning and the sun is rising, the streets are completely silent. Axel's head shoots up and he looks at me, he looks slightly confused but keeps walking towards me.

"Why are you here?" He says when he's close enough, his eyes are bloodshot and his pupils are dilated to the extreme. I can barley see the green of his irises anymore.

"I live here," my replies are usually always sarcastic when people ask me stupid questions. I can't help myself, I mean, how am I supposed to answer them nicely when they are_ idiots_? I'm only nice to babies, and old people when they ask stupid questions. Babies don't ask questions though, and I hate kids...whatever! The point is, when people like Axel ask a stupid question, I'm rude and sarcastic. I notice there's a cut on his cheek that's dried up and I scowl at him. "What the fuck happened to you?" I ask and he just laughs, throwing his head back and exposing his long, thin neck. I notice there's a tattoo on the side of it as well.

Thoughts of tattoo's aside, I tackle him onto the lawn, pinning his hands over his head and sitting on his stomach. He grunts, and squirms crazily under me but I have him pinned and I'm not letting him go until he answers my fucking question.

"Why the hell did you eat my cake?!" I seethe and he stops squirming instantly, his eyes are laughing at me though his mouth doesn't change from the straight line he's trying so hard to keep it in.

"What cake?" he says trying to sound innocent, his voice going higher in pitch around the end and I feel my blood boil with anger. I glare at him and tighten my hold on his wrists. He scrunches his eyes shut for an instant, his face screwing up in pain then he opens his eyes and it's gone.

"You know what I'm talking about, _my_ chocolate cake, the cake_ I_ placed on that plate in the fridge for later! THE ONE _I CALLED DIBS_ ON FOR FUCK SAKES!" and now I'm shouting and he just stares at me, his eyes wide and he lets out a loud laugh, making me bounce up and down on his stomach as he continues laughing.

"Oh, the one I ate and enjoyed?" He says, licking his lips almost as if he's remembering its delicious, moist goodness. My stomach growls and makes me even angrier.

_"YES!"_

"Oh, that was a damn _good_ cake…I still remember it, the soft, moist taste, the little parts that were even chocolaty-er then the others, the fudge icing that was hand made…it was so smooth on my tongue…damn," he rolls his eyes into the back of his head, looking lost in complete bliss. I want to stab him in the neck; I want to tear him to shreds because that was supposed to be _my_ sugar induced orgasm. He suddenly sits up, how he does that, I have no idea because all he has to use are his stomach muscles.

If I didn't hate him, I'd be impressed.

I let go of his hands but he wraps his arms around me, and I look at him like he's insanely disgusting, because he is and because he's touching me.

"I can still taste it…want some?" he leans forward, so close that our noses bump into each other and I go cross eyed. I quickly scramble away and fall harshly on my ass, but that doesn't stop me. I get up and stand, pointing an angry finger at him.

"Don't touch me! You are a vile, disgusting man!" I shout and he laughs from his spot on the floor.

"Oh baby, your words make me so hot," he moans dramatically, arching his back and I curl my lip up, sending him the nastiest glare I can muster. And let me tell you, it's a pretty nasty glare.

"Don't touch me, my stuff, my food or anything else that I can put 'my' in front of or I will kill you," I spit out and turn on my heel, marching all the way inside and stop myself from slamming the door. I go to close it, put instead I'm pushed back when Axel pushes himself through and waltzes past me, making not one sound. I stare at his feet to make sure they are actually touching the floor, and they are, but they don't make any sound.

"Night, sweet cheeks," he says, making a gun with his fingers and pointing it at me before climbing the stairs two at a time. I just watch him as he disappears into his room and shuts the door.

Why, oh why did my mother have to go and take him into her care?

I mean, why didn't she just get another cat or something or that damned horse, I would have been happy with a fucking horse!

* * *

**A/N**: Updates like hotcakes!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!  
I LIVE IN THE SEA  
I DON'T LIKE MONKEYS  
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Anyway, who's wondering where Axel mandered off too? Any ideas? Lemme hear em! 


	4. Stupid, Stupid Sora

**Chapter Four  
**Stupid, Stupid Sora

Axel barely sleeps. It's nine in freaking the morning and he's already up and downstairs with my mother doing God knows what, all I know is that they are laughing it up, pots and pans clinking and clanging together while they seem to be engrossed in conversation. I cringe at the mental image of him in a frilly apron cooking breakfast; only the Lord knows what he's cooking up.

Probably crack or something, and then he'll sprinkle it on my eggs and I'll become an addict and drop out of school and then years down the road, after I've gone to rehab and painstakingly got my life back on track, I'll look my mother in the eyes and say:

I totally fucking _told_ you so.

I groan as I sit up, then I scream really loud because my window is thrown open and Sora tumbles in, full of scratches from the tree and he's lying on my floor panting. When he scrambles up off my carpet, he does a nose dive onto my bed, flying under the covers and squealing like a damned girl.

"Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, fucking Roxas!"

I stare at him, just stare with a completely blank expression as I take in his flushed cheeks and Mick Jagger smile. I didn't even know Sora's mouth could _go_ that wide.

"…Sora?" I say cautiously and he squeals, gripping my shoulders and shaking me roughly, my head is just going in every direction and when he stops, I have fucking _whiplash_. My stomach is all queasy because in the mornings, I always have the weakest stomach, I mean like, just sneeze in front of me and I'll gag, but catch me later on in the day and I'll have the gut of steel.

"My mom brought home the most…like…I can't even explain to you how utterly and amazingly fucking _delicious_ this guy is!" and then I feel the world slowly turn on me and look me right in the face, the biggest, smuggest fucking smile on its face and it's totally saying:

I fucked you over_, again_.

"He's from the same place Axel's from, apparently my mom agreed to bring him because he's Axel's best friend or something but I don't care because god damn it Roxas, he's the man of my dreams!"

In case you didn't realize this by now (what are you, _freaking slow_?), Sora happens to be the gayest, most out of the closet person in the entire world. Well, besides Elton John of course. I swear he isn't scared of homophobes, or mobs of said homophobic people. He's here and he's queer and what not.

I on the other hand…well I haven't told anyone but Sora, Naminé and Olette. I'm ashamed, I'll admit it. I see the way Sora's treated at school, the way people just make fun of him and I wouldn't be able to handle it all with a smile. I'd totally kill someone and then I'd be expelled and my mother would be like _'Oh Roxas, why?'_ and my principal would be like _'because he killed this boy'_ and then my mother would look at me all disappointed and it would break my heart and I'd be like _'he called me a faggot'_ because I'd _have_ to explain myself to her.

Then, she'd find out I'm gay and tell my father who'd tell Uncle Leon, who'd tell Aunt Betty and so on and so forth and before you know it, I'm as out as Sora and I can't handle all the attention.

"Sora…he's your step brother," I say curling my lip up in disgust but Sora rolls his eyes at me, sending me a look as if I'm the one who had to go to special Ed. instead of him for the entire course of elementary and middle school. I'm not saying anything bad about _people_ in special Ed. I'm just saying…_Sora_ went to special Ed.

"Uhm no, he's not. He's just under my mom's care for the time being, I can bang him till my eyes fall out because we aren't even related by papers," His smile is so big and pleased I feel like I'm going to throw up. Especially because I just pictured Sora thrusting so hard his eyes fall out and that is completely and utterly disgusting.

"I still think it's nasty," I say getting up, my door flies open making Sora scream like a terrified 5 year old girl and my scream isn't too manly either.

"Breakfast is ready…Oh, you," It's Axel and he's staring directly at Sora, who in turn, smiles a little sheepishly at Fat-head. Yeah, I've taken to referring to Axel as Fat-Head in my mind, I prefer it over his real name, I just hope it doesn't slip out one day.

"Why are you here?" I hiss and Axel rolls his eyes, cocking his hip out and planting his hand on it.

"Listen Squirt, you don't gotta be so hostile, yah hear? Just get your scrawny ass down here n' eat fucking breakfast. You too brownie," he says and turns, walking back to the kitchen.

"He seems nice," Sora says from the bed and I whip around to look at him, I look at the door then back at Sora a few times before slamming the door shut, locking it and racing over to my cousin, who looks very lost.

"I caught him sneaking out last night, then he came home and looked completely wasted, I don't want to tell my mom because he'll shank me in my sleep but I know he is not to be trusted," I hiss and Sora raises and eyebrow at me, before throwing his head back and laughing.

"What do you mean_ 'not to be trusted'_? Roxas, he's from a _troubled _teens camp, of course he's going to cause trouble for crying out loud! Jeeze and you call me stupid."

I really don't know what to say or think right now. Sora is fine with the fact that he's sharing a roof with a delinquent? He's completely at ease with this, and is simply going to accept the fact that these boys can totally ruin our good family name!?

"Roxas you are too much of a spazz. Just enjoy the tasty man-meat your mother has hand delivered to you!"

"Okay, I'm going to completely ignore you using the term _'Man-meat'_ and instead slap you on the side of the head," I slap him and it's fairly hard too, because, is he _stupid_? Wait no, don't answer that.

I can't believe it; he can't honestly think Axel is attractive in the least? Did he not see the man, for Christ's sake? He is obnoxious, rude and dirty.

"Axel is disgusting, so I don't know what deliciousness you're talking about," I grumble, slowly making my way towards my bathroom and Sora follows me, his mouth open in shock.

"What do you mean disgusting?! Did you see his hips and legs? Good god, I just want to run my tongue-"

"SORA!"

"Sorry, sorrrryyyy," he smiles at me with a bright and devious glint in his eyes and I know he's enjoying this far too much. "But seriously Roxas, you can't tell me you think he's completely gross? I mean…what's so bad about him?" Sora looks honestly and truly confused and I roll my eyes, turning on the tap and washing my face before answering him.

"He's dirty, he's a delinquent and he's a loud mouth, plus…he has a weird nose," I look at Sora from the corner of my eye and he's just staring at me, that's it, no facial expression, nothing. I won't ever admit to anyone that I think Axel's nose is completely adorable, so like a fifth grader, I'll just make fun of it because I like it.

It's slender, with a nice thin bridge and a tiny, cute little tip.

Why does it sound like I'm talking about his penis? Oh _god_.

"Roxas, are you alright?" Sora looks at me with concern in his eyes and I realize that I was totally making a face without even stating why. I shake my head and laugh awkwardly.

"Yeah, I just…zoned out," I say with a shrug and we walk out of the bathroom, Sora still going on with how he can't believe I find Axel unattractive.

"Look Sora, it's not that he's ugly, physically, it's just…he's an idiot, good for nothing delinquent, alright?" I say and that answer seems to satisfy him because he smirks.

"So you'd fuck him?" he says with the same smirk, expression never faltering while I on the other hand, choke on my own spit.

"SORA, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" I am horrified, completely and utterly horrified. I can not believe Sora would say something like that, well actually I can, but that was uncalled for.

"Oh right, right, you're still a virgin," he says with a snicker and I glare at him, crossing my arms hotly over my chest and tapping my foot.

"What's wrong with that?" I say defensively and he sucks his lips into his mouth, trying to hide the laughter that is so evident in his eyes.

"Nothing," he squeaks out, and I glare nastily before turning and stomping downstairs.

There I find Axel, looking over my dad's shoulder and pointing at something, they both look very concentrated and my father's even wearing his reading glasses. I notice the book in my father's hands is a Motorcycle Mechanics book. Axel taps the page a few times and rubs his chin with the other hand.

"Dunno if that would work. I gotta scope out your bike. Mind if I look?" Axel says and my father gets up, closing the book.

"No, not at all! It's right this way," my dad says leading Axel out of the dinning room and towards the door that leads to the garage. I'm very surprised my dad is even speaking to him, let alone letting Axel put his grubby mitts on his precious bike. I mean, he's never even let me sit on it.

"Axel's a mechanic?" I say out loud just as my mom comes into the kitchen and Sora hops into a seat that has a plate set in front of it. Of course he's going to eat, he _always_ eats.

"Oh Sora! I didn't realize you were over. Let me go get some extra servings," my mother smiles happily and turns, going back into the kitchen to get more food. There was enough food on the table to feed an army, but with Sora around that frankly isn't enough.

"And to answer your question dear, Axel isn't a mechanic but he studied it at the camp. He also took cooking classes! He is simply divine!" My mother swoons, smiling so happily at her new son and his many talents while she places all the extra food on the table, Sora is already attacking it with earnest. If only she knew what Axel was doing at night, he wouldn't be so damn divine then!

The urge to tell her suddenly surges through me, but I think better of it. Axel might attack me with a monkey wrench, whatever the fuck that is.

"Oh yeah, he's simply a God send," I say rolling my eyes as I pile my plate with pancakes, whipped cream, brown sugar, raspberries and syrup. Raspberries, those delicious, hairy little berries, I swear I can eat them for the rest of my life and never get sick of them, especially when they are drenched in sugar.

Which reminds me…

"MOM! Axel totally ate my chocolate cake, which I called dibs on, might I add," I grouch and she just sighs as she takes a seat, serving herself her own breakfast. Sora is already half way through all the food on the table.

"Roxas, its only cake sweetheart. I'll get Axel to bake you some more," she says as if cake means nothing to her, as if cake grows on god damned trees! I'll have you know, mother, cake that delicious only comes around once in your life.

Wait…did she just say _Axel_ baked it?

"WHAT!" I scream, almost choking on a raspberry and my mother looks up startled, her fork poised mid-air and Sora stops and looks at me with his cheeks filled close to explosion.

"Axel made the cake for dinner as a thank you to me and your father. If you hadn't locked yourself in your room, you could have helped us," I don't think my mother realizes just how badly she's ruined my life right about now.

The best cake I have ever had, came from the hands of that…that _creature_!

"It was as simple as that!" I hear my father laughing as he and Axel make their way into the dinning room, my father is grinning at Axel as if he's just won the Nobel peace prize and he was congratulating him and Axel is just smirking, looking like whatever he fixed, he could fix in his sleep.

"It's quite a bike, I'll give you that," Axel replies while wiping his grease covered hands on a rag. They both stop and see us all eating; my father greets us before excusing himself and leaving. Axel on the other hand, plops himself down right beside me.

He smells like motor oil and I want to jab my fork in his temple.

"Y'all enjoying yourselves?" he asks and I bite down on my fork to keep from telling him to go and fuck himself with an egg beater and a screw driver at the same time, because I hate him.

I hate him for making delicious cake.

I hate him for just sliding so easily into my family.

I hate him because he has a cute nose, which currently has a little smudge of motor oil on it.

Sora leans across the table, napkin poised and wipes it with a smile, my mother apparently thinks it the cutest thing ever, and she almost goes into convulsions when Axel scrunches his nose. I swear, everyone is treating him like a damned puppy or something instead of treating him like the delinquent he really is!

Am I the only one who see's what he is!? Am I the only one who cares!?

"You missed a spot," Sora says in this totally flirtatious way and I'm sort of ashamed of my mother for not noticing. Instead she smiles brightly at them, while Axel smirks crookedly at Sora.

"Thanks kid," he says and gets up, stretching. Again, that strip of tattooed flesh shows and I quickly try and tear my eyes away before curiosity makes me weak and forces me to glimpse over.

"Well, bon appetite and all that other shit. I'm goin' upstairs," and just like that Axel's gone and I can breathe again. This is where I kick Sora from under the table and almost make him stab himself in the throat with his fork.

Did Sora just forget the look Axel gave him yesterday? He probably did, because inside Sora's head there is nothing, _nothing_ I tell you!

He looks at me like I just told him I never want to see him again and I glare at him, my own special way of saying _'we are going to talk after this'_ and he just looks down at his empty plate before serving himself more food.

Because of stupid Axel, my raspberries don't even taste that good anymore.

* * *

**A/N:** Another update? Why Sharmander, you shouldn't have!  
Tehe.

Thanks everyone for the birthday wishes (:  
I've had a great day!


	5. Smokin' In The Kitchen

**Chapter Five  
**Smokin' In The Kitchen

I wake up and all I can hear blasting through the walls of my house is Mötley Crüe's, Smoking in the Boy's Room. Now I'm a fan of that old time rock n' roll, I mean, the kinda music just soothes the soul, I reminisce about the days of old, with that old time rock and roll. But, Bob Seger reference aside, I don't want to be woken up at 7 in the morning because of Mick Mars and Nikki Six shredding it up. I like to sleep in, especially on freaking _Sundays_.

I roll out of my bed, kicking the sheets up and sending them flying, if my mother would see them, tossed on the floor like they are, she'd probably have a stoke. I stumble out of my room and follow the smell of delicious food, because I am completely starving. Axel, being the model fucking son of the house now, had offered to cook dinner, saying my mom needed to rest and attend to her…_woman_ things. What that means I have no clue, nor do I want to know how Axel knows about…_woman_ things. Anyway, the moral of the story is that Axel cooked dinner and I refused to eat it, even if it did look completely delicious. It was Linguine Chicken Primavera, the most delicious sauce I had ever seen slathered all over nice, white pieces of slowly cooked chicken breast. Just remembering it makes my mouth water. So, you can imagine how welcomed the thought of breakfast is. I know my mother always cooks breakfast, no matter what. I completely forget about the guitar solo that had woken me up because it is time for breakfast and nothing else. What strikes me as strange though is the fact that Mötley Crüe is playing full blast; I never really imagined her listening to this kind of music. My mother is more Frank Sinatra or Rosemary Clooney.

"'_Cause everybody knows that smokin' ain't allowed in schoooool!"_

I choke on my spit when I walk into the kitchen and see Axel standing at the stove, cigarette between his lips as he sways his hips, singing along with Vinny and cooking fucking _breakfast_. Why isn't my mother cooking? She always cooks breakfast.

This only means one thing.

I'm going to fucking _starve _today.

"Where's mom?" I grumble out, rubbing the sleep away from my eyes because I'm still sort of groggy and Axel lets out an unmanly screech, his cigarette falling onto the floor as he whips around, clutching at his chest and his cat-like eyes are round as dinner plates. He collects himself quickly and bends over, plucking the cigarette from the floor and putting it back in his mouth. Ew, gross.

"_Your_ mom? Cause mine's 6 feet under." His smile is sick, kind of malicious in the punk-eyeing-you-across-the-dance-floor kind of way, though I really wouldn't know because I've never been eyed by a punk from across a dance floor. I'm guessing it's unpleasant and slightly disturbing. The fact that he has to point out his mother's death is kind of morbid too, especially because he just spit that right out there, no remorse or sad looks, not even a warning for me, the person listening. Just a clean cut _'she's dead'_. I'd expect someone to be at least a little touchy on the subject, right? And the person listening would have to offer brief words of comfort, isn't that how it worked?

I quickly remember who I'm dealing with, so I guess that it's only obvious that Axel shows no emotion or touchiness with this subject, leaving me with nothing to say but with one clear thought. Axel has no morals or feelings.

I just send him a blank look and he laughs, his boney shoulders bouncing up and down, his long pale neck exposed when he tosses his head back; I stare at the tattoo on the side of his neck, finally getting a clear view of the damned thing. It's a roman numeral, the number 8 with what looks like a few swirls of black-purple smoke. Damn curiosity, I will never ask what it stands for, NEVER!

Axel's hair falls just past his shoulders, I want it to catch fire, but it doesn't work. It's still too short, but I hope it'll grow in no time, and then I'll see his roots and know his real hair colour and maybe next time he tosses his head back to laugh at me over the stove, that bright, red hair will catch fire. No one, not even God himself, will convince me that his hair is natural.

"Somethin' 'bout an emergency conference, being gone for a few days, your dad too," he continues, after having laughed his ass off, I am not going to look to see if it's still there…that would be like checking him out and I'd never, ever do that. I'm serious! Plus, that's physically impossible, his ass falling off...totally preposterous.

Wait, he said _both_ my parents were gone?

And just like that, my world crumbles like a fucking piece of old cat shit. I stare at Axel in utter disbelief and he just chuckles as the frying pan sizzles. "She was gonna wake yah, but I told her to let you sleep. Such'n angelic li'l face," Axel coos and when he sees the look of pure disgust on my face he starts laughing again, cigarette smoke coming out of his mouth in a big puff and making him look demonic.

"SHE LEFT ME ALONE WITH YOU AND OBLIVION!" I scream when it finally sinks in and he places a hand on his chest, holding the frying pan with his free hand giving it a hard little jostle while looking at me, the look of faux-hurt showing clearly, though his real expression is far from hurt.

He's loving this.

"Roxas, I'm shocked! And here I am making you breakfast, while Oblivion sleeps peacefully in my room, plus your mom said Aunt Whosyahmacaller is right next door," He says placing the French toast onto an empty plate, my mouth salivating at just the sight of it. I totally ignore the fact that he called Aunt Betty a Whosyahmacaller. I love French toast and for some reason his looks perfect, maybe that's because I'm damn near starvation. I glare at the toast then at him. Why does he have to use food, especially when I'm so hungry? Why does he have to be good at cooking in the first place? He was at a troubled teens camp, not a college for culinary arts!

He's probably trying to get on my good side, so I don't kill him and let him touch my things, well…I'm onto you, Axel, I'm onto you.

"Did you poison this?" I leer, sliding into a bar stool and poking at the golden piece of heaven with a sparkling fork acting repulsed, when in reality I want to just shove the whole thing in my mouth, plate and all. Axel looks at me, and then rolls his eyes taking a long drag from his cancer stick and finishing it, before he tosses it in the sink.

"I'll eat some first," And just like that, he's over me, his chest pressing to the back of my head as he leans over, I can feel his stomach muscles through his thin shirt pressing against my spine, radiating heat and making me shift uncomfortably as he grabs my fork and cuts himself a piece of MY French toast, carries it all the way up to his despicable mouth and eats it. Just like that, like it didn't even belong to me in the first place, like him pressing his nice, hard chest against my head doesn't cause any discomfort. "Mmm, seems fine," he breathes right into my ear, I can hear his tongue slowly sliding over his bottom lip and I whip around, heart speeding up like a train leaving the station, arm muscles tense and ready to punch him flat onto his back but he's already too far.

Lucky bastard he is, if he would have still been standing there. I swear to you that I would have punched him, right in the middle of his perf- I mean, right in between his nasty, ugly eyes.

I wasn't going to say anything else, so you can wipe that look right off your face.

"Roxas!" the loud shout makes me jump and I refocus slowly, seeing Axel standing in front of me with…French toast toppings! "I noticed yah like Raspberries, nasty li'l hairy things; they must be extra nasty old. So, I got some fresh ones… If you want anything else, get it your damned self, I ain't no house maid," Axel talks a lot I've noticed, I mean, a lot, and he has this funny accent.

"How did you notice I like raspberries?" I ask narrowing my eyes suspiciously as I grab a hand full of the delectable little berries (he has no right calling them nasty) and toss them unceremoniously onto my toast, going for a second handful.

Axel raises his eyebrow, looks down at my small hand that is currently filled with more raspberries, then up to my face before he lets out a loud guffaw. "Really? You're gonna ask?" he says with the same raised-brow look. I nod my head, throwing the second handful on and going straight for the powdered sugar that sits in this ridiculous little jar shaped like a sad hound dog, on the island of the kitchen (where I am currently sitting). This stuff is like crack to me, I can eat it right out of the bag.

"You know" I start, trying to chew but once again, I took more then I could swallow "cooking is for _girls_?" I manage to say with a full mouth. I wish it was bigger, my mouth I mean. That way, I could stuff more food into it and eat more with less stress on my jaw. It would be heaven if my mouth was only a few centimeters bigger. Could you imagine the possibilities?

"Yah know, you look like one?"

I want to go over there and puke the toast right into his face, all of it, just right into his face. But I won't because one, it's not even half way down my esophagus, two, it's too delicious to spit out and three because I have no gag reflex.

It's kind of weird that no where, while stating my reasons did I mention that puking on someone is disgusting.

"I hate you," I grumble out, shoveling more toast into my mouth as fast as I can because I want to go lock myself up in my room and just ignore Axel…_forever_.

The doorbell rings and for a minute, my heart is pounding thinking that it's my mother and Axel had just lied to me about her conference. I jump out of my seat and race to the door, Axel following me lazily and I want to complain about just _who in the hell invited him_ but I don't. I pull the door open and almost swallow my tongue.

I don't know who he is, and I'm sure I would have remembered his face if I'd ever seen him. I mean, it's perfect, forgetting him would be like forgetting Michael Angelo's, David or something.

This man, his features are all chiseled perfection. His nose a perfect angle away from his face, his lips the perfect distance from said nose, and his skin is just like pale silk stretched over his skull. He is damned near beautiful. I mean, if guys could be beautiful.

"Roxas!" I hear from behind me and I spin around seeing Sora sliding down the banister. How the hell did he get upstairs? "Riku is too much of a prude to use the window, so he went around."

Oh yeah, Sora doesn't use the front door of my house. Instead he usually climbs the tree right into my room and goes from there. I think it's all the pent up energy he has and he doesn't know how else to expel it, so he does stupid things like that.

Wait, Riku? Then this man must be who Sora was going on about yesterday. I turn again to face Riku, to get another eyeful of his complete greatness only to find him talking to Axel like old friends, until I remember that, well, they are.

Riku's perfection is then ruined; the collar of his shirt is slightly sagging and showing the hollow of his throat. I don't see any skin though, just ink. It's a plain white t-shirt and then I look at his arms, all I see is the continuous flow of ink. Does that mean that, from the hollow of this maniac's throat, all the way to his wrists and then some is covered in tattoo's?

I feel my stomach shrivel.

I like tattoos, but there's a limit.

And that's like…5.

"Why are you both here?" I ask, forgetting my observations on Riku and Axel. Sora just laughs, tossing his arm over my shoulders all buddy-buddy.

"We're giving them a tour of the town. Our moms want us to," Sora, if he wasn't my cousin, I would probably strangle him to death. Well, him being my cousin is only a minor set back, the larger, more serious roadblock would be prison, and the fact that I'm not some deranged murderer.

"We don't live in a town. We live in a city and it's bigger than some countries!" I hiss out, not liking the words _'give them a tour'_ and Sora just rolls his eyes, sliding his arm off my shoulders and looking like a tired parent getting ready to scold their child for something they've repeated more then twenty times.

"Roxas, I agree…this isn't a town but come on, bigger then some countries? You have a knack for exaggeration," Sora, of all people tells me I exaggerate.

"Oh come on Roxy, it'll be fun," Axel says from the doorway where he's still talking to Mr. Long, Tall and I Replaced My Skin with Tattoos.

"Good god, don't you ever call me Roxy again," I think there is foam coming out of my mouth, I can't be too sure. I'm too busy restraining myself from lunging over there and punching Axel in the trachea.

"Just go upstairs and get ready. We'll be here," Sora says and waves me away with a flick of his stupid girly wrist like I'm some meddling maid or something and he's this big, bad Lord from medieval times. The only visual I get for this situation is Sora being the master of the house, me the maid, and Axel and Riku being like…sex slaves.

Oh god that is _disgusting_!

I'll need to talk to my doctor about hormone pills or something. I'm pretty sure my hormone levels aren't normal, even for a teenaged boy. I think about sex, and sexual situations way too much with no restrictions of who to put in them, to not be perverted and it's starting to worry me.

I hurry up the stairs, running from that horrible mental image and from all of them. There is really no way in getting out of this trip around town, as Sora said. I mean, Sora would drag me out anyway, no matter what I say now or later. I could tell him I have two massive tumors growing on my feet and that I can't walk, he would still grab my wrist and pull me out the door, telling me to reign in my imagination. I have no idea why everyone is so obsessed with me going out and having friends. What is the big deal anyway?

I get dressed really slowly, I can hear Sora shouting something from downstairs but I can't really _hear_ him, hear him. It's just this muffled, constant noise that I choose to ignore. I closed and locked my door for extra effect.

I decide to wear a pair of shoes that I have no idea where they are, so I start looking, pulling open my closet and slowly going through the basket of shoes. My mom usually cleans up my closet and keeps everything very organized so I'm not sure where she threw my shoes. Hopefully she didn't throw them in the garbage because they were a little scuffed up.

A pounding on my door tugs me out of my closet by reflex, then I go right back in and ignore the persistent banging. I find one shoe, yay for me, but the other is no where to be seen. My closet is like a never ending black hole into my wall. I don't think I've ever touched the back wall in my entire life. I decide today will be the day I do, I start walking in, only to hear my door fly open and feet stomping right towards me. Two hands grip my waist and tug me right out of the closet. Damn it, I could almost feel the wall, I'm sure of it!

I'm turned around by Axel; he's standing there staring at me like I'm a lunatic. I wonder if there is like some magic mirror on my face and he's seeing himself for the first time or something.

"Get out of the closet already and get downstairs," he says before hearing the double message in his words and he bursts out laughing, repeating the first part over and over. I glare at his chest while he laughs; it's in my direct line of vision so it's all I have to look at.

My mind has a knack for wandering, like I have a knack for exaggeration.

I start thinking about how flat his stomach and chest are, how white and clear his skin was when he walked into my room only in a towel, the way it clung to his hips and stopped mid-thigh. My mind wanders even more, going towards the tattoos on his hips and I have to mentally slap myself, dragging my libido out of those dirty thoughts while it claws at the floor of my brain, fighting tooth and nail because it wants to see the end of that thought. But I don't want to continue that thought because it's gross, it's about Axel and there is nothing remotely attractive about him.

My brain is just being a horny little bastard.

A rough shake startles me and I look up, right into Axel's face.

"Why are yah always spacin' out? S'totally weird," Axel twists his mouth to the side and I shove his hands away from me, glaring at him now that my trail of thought is on the right track and no longer creeping up his towel.

Not that it was…

Anyway, he turns and walks out of the room leaving me there to stare at him, glaring and hoping the floor will give out from under him and drop him into the basement where he will break his neck or something equally horrible.

I wait to hear the sound of splintering wood, a terrified scream followed by an agonizing groan when he hits the floor or even better, silence after impact but I don't hear anything but the creaking floorboards then the padded sounds his feet make walking on the carpeted stairs.

With a sigh of defeat, I toss my one shoe back into the closet and grab my plain white Vans and slide them on. The faster I get out of the house, drag Axel to any place my mother would deem important, like the grocery store, the hospital, the library, the faster I can drag him back to the house, toss him in the kitchen and lock myself away in my room until Monday.

Which reminds me, I still have that damned essay to write.

* * *

**A/N:** Teachers were lookin' for me all around, two hours later you know where I was found?

No, not smokin' in the boy's room. I was actually writing this 8D


	6. Chuck E Cheese's

**Chapter Six**  
Chuck E. Cheese's

Walking around with Axel and Riku is like walking around listening to a cassette labeled: _The Most Interesting Cuss Words and Insults in the English Language_. Well, cassette if you're old school, CD if your sort of modern then an MP3 player if you're done with the old crap and in with the new and the now. I am personally, in with the new and the now. I like my light-weight iPod that I can stick into any pocket because it's just so damn small and flat, not having to carry CD's around is definitely a plus.

Anyway, back to Axel and Riku. Sora seems to find them amusing; I on the other hand find their language appalling. I think I've heard Axel say _'fucking'_, _'shit'_ and _'ass grenade'_ at least twenty times in whatever story he's currently telling. Can anyone explain to me what exactly an ass grenade _is_?

Sora's the one paying attention and I have no idea how he does it or well…I do. He's an air head, got shit for brains, a total nincompoop, so he can't feel his brain cells burning away the longer he listens to their conversation and even joins in.

While he's at the front with Axel and Riku living it up, I'm brooding behind them, glaring at all their heads and trying with my strong telepathic abilities, to make them understand just how much I despise them right now. Well, the _right_ _now _part is for Sora because I hate Axel around the clock and I have a feeling I'm going to be hating Riku just as much, but Sora, I hate on and off.

Riku, who I've discovered doesn't talk much unless he's saying _"Bloody hell!"_ or _"For fucking serious"_, won't stop tugging on this disgusting earring (if you can even call that monstrosity an earring) of his, he just keeps tugging and tugging. I swear that thing is thicker than my thumb and he keeps pulling at it, smoothing his own thumb over the hook like end of it! I just want to scream at him and tell him to leave the damn thing alone because it's bloody disgusting to watch.

I don't though because you can _imagine_ what Riku would to do me. That thing hanging in his ear is probably a weapon and if I'd scream, I can totally see him tugging it out all the way and slicing my throat with it. I stay quiet, believe me it's the better thing to do and simply follow behind them, glaring with all my might, I can only hope they feel it and feel _very_ uncomfortable.

I can't believe Sora is actually talking to them; Axel doesn't seem to hold any hostile feelings towards my stupid, little cousin anymore (and I'm still curious as to why he even did in the first place?) and Riku seems to actually find the stupidities leaving his mouth amusing.

God, how I want to run them over with something. Preferably a steam roller, but if that's not arrangeable, I'll take a heard of water buffalo. Maybe with some sick ones around the end, so when Sora, Riku and Axel are lying there, all bloody, broken and bruised, the sick water buffalos will walk over them very slowly with deliberate steps and make it that much more painful. Yes, there will definitely be some sick ones in the heard.

"Rox, how do you feel about some pizza?" Sora asks glancing at me over his shoulder, tearing my trail of thought away from ways to kill them. Instead of the third wheel, I feel like the fourth wheel of some disturbing three-way relationship. I shrug my shoulders, not really caring what they do because all I really want is to go home and if eating pizza means we can go home after, I'm all for it. Sora notices and rolls his eyes, slowing his gait and coming to walk beside me. "What's wrong with you?" he has the nerve to ask me, and with a serious face too.

Can you _believe_ this guy? I certainly can't.

"I was dragged out of my house to follow you idiots around, that's what wrong with me." I understand that I am possibly the grumpiest person on earth right now, but believe me I'm not always this grouchy when I'm out of the house! I can actually be fun or else I wouldn't have friends…Let's not mention how I was forced into those friendships, or how I'd rather be cooped up inside my room alone most of the time.

"But Roxas, if I didn't drag you out of the house you would have stayed in there until Monday and then you'd only leave your room 'cause you have school," Sora, of course he'd point that out, he's always been there to pull me out of the clouds and let me now that I really am this crabby (that's actually a gross way of describing yourself) hermit who is grouchy _every day_, and who really isn't any fun.

Who am I _kidding_? Trying to delude myself into believe that I'm fun and adventurous. I haven't been to a party since I was freaking 12 years old, and that was _Sora's_ birthday party.

But there is a very good reason behind that! I'm _traumatized_, I really am. I'd offer medical papers to prove it; I just haven't seen a shrink yet. This story dates back to Sora's 12th birthday, obviously, and I had gone, very against my will mind you. I was clinging to the door frame like a cat being dragged into water (I've never liked leaving my house) but my mother insisted that I had to go, it was polite and he was family and blahblahblah. So I went and ended up having a girl with the most complex braces I've ever seen in my life try and make a pass at me. Not only did she have…_something_…in that contraption attached to her face (it could have been road kill for all I know) but she was just over all gross.

I think that was the moment in my life when I realized that I'd never be able to touch a girl without hurling.

She leaned towards me and the braces or whatever it was strapped to her head bashed against my teeth, splitting my bottom lip and making me bleed. I tried to get away and she went to grab me, successfully gripping a handful of my 12 year-old crotch and a part of my soul _died_. I screamed bloody murder before I flailed running and screaming that I had been raped.

I think it's safe to say that I crashed that party with quite success, and it's also safe to say that my hatred towards parties and the like is justified.

"Hello? Earth to Roxas?" Sora waves his palm in front of my face and I smack his hand away, sending him a withering glare and again I just shrug my shoulders but I'm not sure why I'm shrugging. Did he ask me a question that I forgot? "Why are you shrugging?" he asks and there is genuine confusing creasing his face and making him look even stupider, if that's even possible. I groan and smear my palm down my face and when I open my eyes again Sora is watching me with a touch of sadness in his big, blue eyes.

"Roxas…I wish you'd live a little. You're going to get old fast like this," Sora sounds really concerned for my well being and I guess I am being a stick in the mud (more like a fucking forest in a mudslide) but I just don't want to be ambling around the city with two guys who could get us into trouble, two guys that I can't for the life of me, even start to remotely enjoy being in the company of. I don't even want to talk to them, how am I supposed to enjoy myself and have a good time if I'm hanging around people I really dislike? It's damn well near _impossible_.

"Sora…if it were just me and you I wouldn't mind," I say stressing the _just _me and him part, _a lot_. Sora rolls his eyes at me and quickens his step, I'm not surprised. I'd probably ditch me too at this point if I were Sora because Sora just loves loud, obnoxious people and I am so far from that, I'm even surprised those words are in my vocabulary.

"We're heading to Chuck E. Cheese's!" Sora wails suddenly and turns towards me, grinning like a devil that just sealed a deal on a very juicy soul. I widen my eyes as Axel howls, pumping his fist in the air and looking like a maniac who just escaped the confines of his cell. Riku looks equally pleased…and _insane_. People are turning to stare at them, especially Axel and Riku because…Can you imagine them in a place like _Chuck E. Cheese_? I definitely can't but I can imagine how a mother would feel to find her toddler being shoved into the ball pit by Axel, with his tattoos, piercings and red Doc Martins. I stare at all of them with a look that says _'you are way too old for trips to Chuck E. Cheese' _and start shaking my head.

"Oh no, I'm not going there with _you_ three," I say, holding my hands up and backing away but I'm too slow. Sora clasps his hand around my wrist and tugs me towards wherever they are going.

"We have to go back to the parking lot and get your car, we'll have to drive," Sora says thoughtfully and I'm just being tugged along, like a toddler's teddy bear and probably looking as pleased as one of those old ragged things. Axel and Riku are both skipping gaily, which is quite extraordinary considering their heavy boots.

I know why they're so excited and it really doesn't have to do with greasy pizza and arcade games. It has to do with my LS 600hL. They almost destroyed it the first time around, I swear…just thinking about it makes me want to cry. They were touching buttons, rolling the windows up and down, moving their seats around; turning on the radio and blasting only the good lord knows what…The poor car…I don't know how it withstood all that. I kept expecting to hear it scream _'Get your stinking hands _off _me!'_ but of course, like a good, well trained Lexus, it didn't. Or well maybe that's because cars don't talk, and can't really be trained. Still, I fear for the life of my car, which I've only driven today but already it's love. The car practically drives itself and for a lazy sap like me, that's all it takes.

We get to where my baby is parked much, much too soon and I stare as the two delinquents race towards the car, Riku screaming but Axel can scream louder. Much, _much_ louder.

That only means one thing.

He gets _shot gun_.

I want to gouge my eyes out using my keys but I don't. Instead, I calmly walk over and unlock the doors watching as they all pile in at once, not even doing that carefully. I swear the car rocked over to one side before crashing back and letting me climb in. I slide the key into the ignition and with a flick of my wrist, the car is humming to life, nice and gentle like the purring of a newborn kitten.

I think I've got this strange, subconscious obsession with cats.

"Alright, freeze!" I shout just as Axel's hand was going straight towards the radio dials and Riku's was heading straight for the window button. They both look at me sheepishly and I feel like a school teacher with a whipping stick.

Naughty, _naughty _boys. I'm going to teach them a lesson…with my whipping stick…whip Axel right across his tight…Oh god not again. Seriously brain, do you _have_ to do this?

My brain: _Yes Roxas, I do._

But why?

My Brain (again): _Because, I'm a horny little fuck_.

"Roxas, are you alright?" It's Sora this time not my brain, which I'm thankful for. Talking to my brain is slightly crazy and creepy. I shake my head and clear my throat a little awkwardly, praying to God I'm not blushing but judging by the heat I can feel on my cheeks…I am.

"Yeah…yeah sorry. Anyway! You two" I point at them, Riku first, then Axel, glaring menacingly, "Don't fucking touch anything, I swear to God I will snap your necks like a wishbone," I bark out angrily and their hands shrivel back against their bodies, Riku looking at me with big, teal eyes which stand out so much more because they're outlined in thick black, while Axel just sits there with his arms up and wrists bent against his chest, looking like a praying mantis.

"S'a little harsh, no?" Axel says, and I can hear the laughter in his voice, almost like he's only being obedient because he wants to humor me not because he's scared for his life. Oh but he should be, he _totally_ fucking should be.

Not only is he messing with my hormones, giving me horrid thoughts and making me want to rip my brain out through my nose with a coat hanger, but he's touching _MY_ damn stuff. I mean, it's _my_ stuff, he can't touch it. And no way in hell have I forgotten about the fucking cake he ate.

"_S'not_ harsh at all," I say, mimicking the way he never says the _'it'_ in _'it's'_. He catches on and raises his sorry excuse for eyebrows high on his forehead as I pull out of the lot. Riku's already forgotten my warning and rolls down the window, sticking his head out like some brain dead dog rescued from the pound and wouldn't you know it, he's howling at innocent pedestrians, Sora's giggling crazily and I glare at him using the rearview mirror but he's too busy checking Riku out to notice.

In a way, I guess Riku _is_ a brain dead dog rescued from the pound, only a brain dead dog, I could handle. You see how much I hate him already? I mean, I've hated dogs since I was 5 because my aunt's dog, Pluto (fucking ugly ass thing he was) humped my head then bit me when I pushed him away. I still have the scar on my nose because of it, it's a really small scar but it's there and I know it is and I shall forever know it.

"Them be fightin' words Blondie," Axel pulls me out of my internal monologue about my hatred for dogs and I snap my head so fast in his direction I almost give myself whiplash.

"Well totally fucking bring it," I hiss and narrow my eyes at him before I look straight and focus on the road. "Just…not while I'm driving," I add lamely because seeing how stupid Axel is, he'd probably try to fight me now and then I'd swerve off the road, crash into the high way and cause a 50 car pile up. Not to mention we'd all _die_.

"Oh, it's on," Axel says and crosses his arms over his chest; Riku retracts his head and stares at us.

"Fucking for serious?" there is it again, that stupid phrase he's said at least half a million times, "There's gonna be a fight?" I can see the excitement in his eyes when I cast a quick glance back and I feel like smashing my face into the nice, smooth steering wheel. Over and over and fucking _over_!

"Stay out of this fuckstick," Axel says while he twists in his seat and flicks Riku's forehead, making the teenager swat out and smack him. This starts an all out war and they both start smacking, clawing and even trying to punch each other.

"Sora, can you stop them!" I shout, trying to maintain control of the car and failing because my eyes are being drawn to Axel's lower body which is lifted in the seat. Okay, so maybe I should admit that I think he's got a nice ass…but I won't go farther than that. I mean, you can totally hate someone and want them dead but if they have a nice ass, they just have a nice ass. There is nothing I can do about it.

Except stare whenever I get the chance and seeing as I've just come to terms with this, now is the only chance I've gotten all day to stare without feeling like a hypocrite. I still hate him; I just don't hate his toned ass. Really, you should get a fucking look at this thing, its ass perfection; I bet you can bounce a quarter off that baby…Argh okay, that's enough.

Back to _hating_ Axel.

The time for staring at his ass isn't right now so I better keep my damn eyes in check. Ripping them away from his round behind, I shoot a look at Sora and he's grinning, watching them and enjoying every second of it, almost like he's getting some twisted kick from this (or that could just be my sick brain, making up things that aren't there…but with Sora you can never be too sure). Axel manages to land a hit and Riku growls loudly, grabbing a handful of Axel's fiery, red hair and tugging really, really hard. Axel howls with pain and his hands shoot out, grabbing Riku's cheeks and I just can't believe Sora isn't doing anything.

"Sora!" I cry desperately and he just laughs loudly.

"No way, this is way too entertaining," and I decide that I have to stop this because we're about to go onto the highway and I'm terrified as it is to drive there, along side fucking Semis and trucks carrying pigs or cows (Those trucks are massive, I'm telling you), having them rough housing isn't going to help at all. My left hand shoots out and my right hand stays on the steering wheel, gripping it tightly as I land my left hand right on Axel's ass. Fuck, that wasn't on purpose, I swear! He makes this sort of strangled squeak sound and I move my hand up until I feel his belt and I curl my fingers around it, with one harsh tug he's back in his seat, I can hear Riku's cheeks flop back against his teeth but his hand is still in Axel's hair.

"LET HIS HAIR GO _NOW_!" I scream and Riku jumps away, smacking into the seat and staring at me like a child who's been caught trying to sneak a cookie out of the cookie jar.

"You better all stay the fuck still or I swear to god I am pulling over and we are _NOT_, do you hear me? We are _NOT_ going to Chuck E. Cheese's!" I'm panting heavily out of my nose and I notice I'm still gripping Axel's belt because he shuffles a little on the seat, the metal studs rubbing against my fingers and palm. I let go and smack my hand loudly onto the steering wheel.

"Aw come on Rox!" Sora whines, and I've never really noticed but he has this really fucking whinny voice. Honestly, it was like made for whining or maybe I'm just saying that because I feel rabid.

"NO! Honestly, do you all want to crash and fucking die! Are you all stupid?" I am totally seething and they know it because no one answers. They all shut up instantly, hands folded neatly in their laps and Riku even rolls up the window. "Good, now if everyone can stay like this, there will be no problems," I feel like a mother of three, three dumb ass brats. I know for sure now that I never want children. I'd probably be one of those parents you see on the news being charged with murder or something because they strangled their kid. So, for the safety of humanity, I will never ever have a child. Adopted or other wise.

The rest of the ride is passed in silence except for the occasional whisper and snicker from Riku and Sora in the backseat. I watch them from the rearview mirror and they haven't the slightest clue. Even though I think it's completely disgusting that Sora wants to shag his adopted brother…it's sort of cute the way they interact. They seem to get along really well, which is the complete opposite of Axel and me but maybe that's because Sora doesn't despise Riku and conjure up ways to kill him in his sleep. I think Sora may actually like Riku but with my cousin you can never really tell. He likes _everyone_ and gets along with them too, especially men but I'm not going to judge him. I've got an uncontrollable libido; I am in no position to be pointing fingers.

I can see the big grey head of Chuck E. Cheese and in a way, it's a relief. At least they'll all be out of my car for a good 3 hours, minimum, and my frazzled nerves will be able to rest. I find a parking spot, in between two family vans (which isn't a good sign. Those things can each hold up to 6 kids and the parking lot is filled with them) and they all climb out, once their feet hit pavement, whatever stillness they had in the car vanishes and right away Axel and Riku are attacking each other, Riku jumping onto Axel's back and mounting him. Sora laughs so hard I think he'll piss himself. Axel doesn't look too pleased though and he bucks around like a bull with its balls tied.

I groan and head towards the entrance, I can already see a few mother's glancing at us, hurrying their children along, probably whispering _'don't stare sweetheart'_ and God, I am so embarrassed to be out in the street with these people.

"Chuck E. Cheese, Chuck E. Cheese, Chuck E. Cheese, Chuck E. Cheese!" Sora chants, pumping his fist into the air like baton guy would do in the front of a parade while he marches behind me. Riku slides off Axel's back and mimics the action, Axel following and soon I have a marching band of idiots behind me.

This day cannot get any worse, I swear.

Sora, being the saintly man he is, offers to pay for everyone's admission and the guy who's at the entrance just stares at us when we take turns sticking our hands out to get them stamped. He appears to be looking for a child but when he finds none, comes to the conclusion that we're a bunch of mentally challenged teenagers coming to have fun the only way we know how. Seeing all of us here is probably like seeing Hulk Hogan shopping at Lulu fucking Lemon.

We're lead to a table by a different person, this girl just watches us, and I can almost hear her asking the question she so desperately wants to ask: _Why are you all here._ I also notice the way she checks out Riku and Axel which isn't very subtle might I add. I plop down onto the chair and sigh loudly, Sora bouncing in his seat almost bursting with excitement.

"So, what can I get you boys?" The waitress who led us to our table asks and they all shout at the same time like overly excited children. She laughs happily and tells them all to slow down and speak one at a time, God, she's treating them like _kids_. I feel like screaming _'don't encourage them, idiot!'_, instead I smack my face and turn to her, cutting them all off.

"One extra large cheese pizza and four cokes," I say and she just nods, her smile dampening a little at the edges and drooping like I just crashed the party she had going on. Sora looks at me, probably thinking _'only _one_ extra large pizza?'_ but he doesn't say anything because I glare at him.

"Oh my god, they have DDR here!" Sora squeals and Riku swivels around in his chair. His hair flowing behind him and I stare in utter shock. The movement was so fluid; it was almost like those shampoo commercials.

"I am the fucking king of that!" Riku and Sora both shout at the same time and they look across the table and stare at each other. This isn't just any stare though; this is like…the stare two army generals from separate countries give each other before a huge war breaks out. Sora narrows his eyes first.

"Oh, really?" he says and Riku juts his chin out, giving Sora this look that says _'uhm yes, I'm fucking perfect'_ and Sora juts his chin out in turn. Only he looks a little silly because Sora just doesn't have the face to pull off arrogance or anything of the sort. Riku on the other hand…his face was practically made to carry that look.

"I'm the king of Space Invaders," Axel says lamely with a lopsided smile as he plays with the napkin ring and the salt and pepper packets, again a part of my brain, deep, deep down inside goes '_Aww'_ and I quickly shut it up.

"Stay out of this," Riku says and goes back to his intense staring battle with Sora. They both stand from the table, never breaking eye contact.

"I bet you won't even be able to keep up," Sora says like he's totally sure of himself and I sort of believe him. No one on earth could ever beat Sora at Dance Dance Revolution. His feet are like cracked out when he plays that, they go faster than anything I've ever seen in my entire life. It's really weird too because Sora is usually so clumsy.

"You won't be saying that when you kiss my shiny boots in worship," Riku sounds completely sure of himself too. Axel decides to speak up even if he was told to shut his mouth.

"Sora, maybe you're bitin' off more than you can chew," Axel smirks and Riku scoffs as if he totally knew that from the very beginning but Sora crosses his arms over his chest defiantly and I'm actually a little curious now.

"There's a lot of talk and not enough DDR," Sora begins walking away towards the Dance Dance revolution machines and Riku's eyes widen before he hurries after him. Once Riku sort of catches up, they take off in a sprint towards the game and I can hear them cackling from the table as they shove kids out of the way and send them flying everywhere. I fear for the lives of children today, I really do.

"So, s'just us now, eh Blondie?" Axel says making me turn and realize with absolute horror that yes, I'm left totally alone with this maniac.

"My name is Roxas," I growl and he just laughs, shaking his head at me like I'm stupid. Why are people always looking at me like I'm stupid?

"I know that," Axel says and stretches "Whachu say about a game of air hockey after the pizza gets here? Settle the score from in the car," I love air hockey and I've never been able to say no and if this means I won't have to physically fight Axel for making fun of his funny way of talking, well then, I'm all for it.

"You're totally on," I say and I can't help the smirk that spreads across my lips. Axel chuckles, leaning back against the seats and casting a skeptical glance at me.

"I'm pretty damn good," he says and I raise an eyebrow, in a challenging, disbelieving kind of way.

"Yeah? So am I."

"How 'bout we make this interestin'? Axel says and sits straight, folding his hands on the table in front of him and leaning forward. I sit in the same way, intrigued at what he's willing to bet on. I mean, I could totally use winning a bet to keep him out of my room, or to keep him from eating my cake _ever _again.

"If you win…Whatcha want?"

"I want you to never, _ever_ touch my stuff _again_," I say without missing a beat and Axel chuckles, shaking his head.

"Fine, fine, but if I win…I want a kiss."

_WHAT!? _

_

* * *

_**A/N: **I know most of y'all have been dying for some AkuRoku action so...It's not here 8D  
Buahahaha!

Maybe next time ;D

-is stoned to death-


	7. Life Fucking Sucks, Don't it?

**Chapter Seven**  
Life Fucking Sucks, Don't It?

The waitress comes with our pizza but sort of hesitates to come closer to the table. Would you like to know why? Well, I'm taking a guess that it's because I'm currently reaching across it, trying to swat Axel across the face and screaming at him, asking him how he dares request something like that, something that…_vile_! But do you know what he's doing? Take a_ wild _guess…

He's just laughing, _laughing_! As if this is the funniest thing he's ever seen and heard in his entire, stupid, little life that probably only consisted of sex and drugs which lead him to that stupid camp where he probably still had sex with_ everything_, so he wouldn't know a joke if it hit him right in the wind pipe because all he's done his entire life is fuck! Which is probably why he finds this funny, because he knows nothing about funny stuff! I hear the girl clear her throat and I pull away, looking up at her with murderous eyes. She interrupted while my brain is in serial killer mode...and we all know that to become a certified serial killer you have to kill at least four people, and there are so many people in Chuck E. Cheese...

"Your pizza and drinks," she says cautiously and places them on the table. Axel grins at her, giving her a two finger salute before reaching over and grabbing himself a slice. The pizza is steaming, I can almost hear the heat coming off of it, yet he bites it no problem, chews and swallows. The anger is momentarily replaced with awe because…that should be scalding his esophagus and it's not, and he takes another bite. He looks away from devouring his pizza for a second and blinks owlishly at me, as if asking why I'm watching him instead of eating. Does he not know he's a freak?

"Doesn't that burn?" I ask before I can stop myself and he takes a long swallow of his coke before ripping a napkin out of the ring and wiping his mouth, then he shrugs and finishes his slice. I swear he just took like 4 bites...where did it all go?

"Naw, now eat your slice. We've got a game to play," his smirk is so big it looks like someone tried to saw his face in half, and in my head I wish it could have been me. I grab a slice and whimper before dropping it, making that noise everyone makes when they burn themselves with food. You know, that sound where you suck air into your mouth while loosely puckering your lips...but I digress. This pizza is fucking burning hot. I stare at it, as if my eyes would be able to cool it with the icy glare I'm sending it but somehow, I know this isn't going to work. Call it intuition or just knowing that eyes can't blow out air. So I give up on the pizza for now, giving it time to cool off naturally without freaky eye breezes and the like.

I pull away from the table and turn my glare on Axel before sticking my hand out.

"You will not touch my stuff," I say and he takes my hand, giving it a nice hard shake, his smirk still there.

"And you will give me a kiss," he says and I feel bile rising up in my throat but I can't do anything because we shook on it.

I don't have to worry too much though; I know I'm going to win. No one has ever beaten me at air hockey before, and many have tried. I've beaten Pence, Hayner, Seifer, Olette, Naminé, Sora and countless strangers that were brave enough to take me on. I'm the air hockey champion 'round these parts, so really, no sweat. I sort of freaked out because…gross, he wants _me_ to kiss_ him_.

" S'gonna be a good kiss too," he says with a wink and ambles over to the air hockey table, I glare at him and his stupid ass. The way it sways side to side, his tight jeans cupping it in all the right ways…NO, stupid ass, stop distracting me! Seeing as I was drooling over his ass, I have to hurry to catch up with my much shorter legs. He puts the coins the dude at the entrance gave us, into the machine and it lights up, I can feel the air blowing out of the tiny holes and I grab my paddle thing…or whatever the hell it is. Does anyone even know what it's called? Anyway, Axel grabs his and the puck is on his side. He smirks widely and drops it onto the table.

"We just need one match," he says and I grin, nodding my head and watch as he smacks the puck so hard I barley see it. But I feel the breeze as it flies past my hand.

The machine goes insane, lighting up and dinging. I watch as it gives Axel his first point and my throat constricts and I think I just might wet myself in fear. He looks at me, smirking a smirk the devil would envy and I shake my head, and send him a glare.

"Stop eye raping me," I hiss and grab the puck which is now on my side because he scored…God, I need to relax. It's only _one_point; I can catch up in no time. I mean, Hayner got two points and I still kicked his ass. No _sweat_.

I hit the puck hard, expecting an easy point but it never comes, instead Axel leans over, quickly smacking it away from his little opening and whacking it right into mine. The machine wails, giving Axel his second point and I feel my eye twitching. I bend over and grab the puck again placing it down on the table and Axel sends me this smug look, making my hands burn and I glare at him so hard I'm surprised I don't shoot lasers or something out of them.

I whack the puck so hard it echoes throughout Chuck E. Cheese and it flies right past Axel's little paddle thing, his opening eating it right up. I smirk as I see my point being added to the score board and Axel's eyes widen.

"Ah, alright lil shit, that's how yah wanna play," He says and grabs the puck, dropping it onto the table and sending me a little glare before he hits it, I hit it right back and it almost goes in, but he's too quick and he blocks it. I feel my heart pounding as I watch the puck come flying towards me but I smack it away, laughing a little crazily. I can hear Axel puff as he hits it again and I stop laughing just in time to save myself from letting Axel get another point.

_Tick, clack, tick, clack, tick, clack, tick, clack, clack_

I use the table to give myself a little boost and I hit puck even harder, I can hear it smack off Axel's paddle and he sends it flying right back. I realize, from my peripheral vision, that we're attracting quite a crowd. Axel cussing and me laughing loudly every time I block his shot. The puck comes barreling towards me and it almost makes it in, I stop it, my breath getting caught in my throat as it teeters on the edge of going in or out. I maneuver my paddle and finally get the puck out of my area. I can feel sweat collecting on my brow. That was a fucking _close_ one.

"Bloody fuckin' hell," I hear Axel grumble and I snicker hitting the puck back at him. The machine dings, lighting up like the fourth of July and I hoot, pumping my fist in the air and by the time I stop the machine is wailing because Axel totally scored. I swallow thickly and now my knees are shaking because no one has ever gotten past two points, and he has three.

"Mmm, that was a good one," he says with this stupid little grin, biting the corner of his lip and I growl as I smack the puck onto the table, gripping my paddle so hard the tips of my fingers get cold.

"Yeah? How about this one?" I shout and smack the puck, watching it hit the side of the air hockey table and Axel's paddle trying to judge which way it's gonna come from but he never stood a chance, and the puck goes sailing right past his paddle and I score. I do a little excited dance but don't move my paddle from the table and Axel puts the puck back down, I notice the way he places it with just a little too much force and I laugh, cocking a hip out as he eyes the table, trying to come up with a good hit.

"You really want that fucking kiss?" I ask, cackling and shaking my head "It's a shame you won't be getting it," Axel lifts his head and connects his eyes with mine, he raises one short eyebrow and laughs, nice and loud.

"Don't be so sure of yourself Blondie," I hear plastic hitting plastic and when I register what it was, the machine is celebrating Axel's fourth point. I'm in trouble now because all Axel needs is three more points and he wins the fucking game. I grab the puck and don't even hesitate, I smack it and he smacks it back. This continues for quite some time, I'm not really sure how long because I'm too busy making sure he doesn't score again. I finally get fed up and smack it so hard it flies straight into the opening.

Alright, now we're tied. This I can handle a little better. Axel looks like he just swallowed a cactus and he grabs the puck, I think I even hear it crack with how hard he grabs it.

_Tick, clack, tick, clack, tick, clack, tick, clack, clack_

I think I'm sweating and my ear lobe is really fucking itchy, it's distracting me but I don't want to move my hand to scratch it because then Axel's going to score…but if I don't scratch it, I'm going to go insane. I take chance and claw savagely at my ear, relishing in the sweet relief I get but then I hear that stupid clack sound and realize that Axel just scored his fifth point.

"Two more, Blondie," Axel sings in this annoying voice and I glare, almost whipping the puck across the table and Axel just whips it right back. Again, we continue like this for quite some time and now I'm sure there's a rather large crowd around us but I can't pay them too much attention or else Axel will-

FOR _FUCK_ SAKES!

"Oh, 6 points, would you look at that," Axel says with a huge grin and I howl loudly, smacking the puck with way too much force and it sails across the table, Axel's eyes widen but it's too late for him to stop it and I score. I smirk at him and he narrows his eyes, placing the puck on the table without breaking eye contact.

_Tick, clack, tick, clack, tick, clack, tick, clack, clack_

When the puck comes back to me, I hit it really hard and it flies right past Axel and into his opening, giving me another point. I feel like squealing because this means I'm pretty much safe. I won't have to kiss this monster and he'll never touch my stuff ever again! I think today is actually turning around, and to think I was regretting leaving the house. If I would have known that…

"_Winner, Winner_!" the robotic voice tears through my ears and I see Axel putting his paddle down, grinning like he just won the lottery and I feel my stomach flip nervously and my heart leaps right into my throat. I drop my paddle and look at the score board.

**7 to 6**

Axel just beat me at Air Hockey. _Axel_ just fucking _beat _me at Air Hockey and now I'm going to have to kiss him and I think I'm going to fucking pass out because he's walking over to me. I blink hugely at him when he's towering right over me and I feel his hand land on the small of my back, pulling me right flush against him and I mean _flush_. I can feel his..._you know_, pressing right above my..._you know_! The blush on my face is so hot it's probably going to burn my skin right off and Axel lowers his head, his nose brushing against mine and I feel his warm breath fanning over my face.

"I won," he says huskily and I feel like my legs are about to give out, before I have the chance to collapse though, Axel presses his lips against mine for a few seconds before pushing his tongue into my mouth and my eyes are so wide I feel them slipping out of their sockets. His tongue moves inside my mouth, pressing against my palette and I'm trying hard not to close my eyes, trying to ignore the pleasurable sensations I'm actually feeling…Fucking brain, will you stop being so damn active for one second and let my senses actually concentrate!?

My brain however never agrees with me. Instead it starts pumping hormones as if someone just struck oil!

Axel pulls away and eyes me hungrily. "Yah have to kiss back," he says and I swallow thickly, my eyes darting around and I notice a few people sending us dirty looks, some guiding their children away and I push against Axel's shoulders. When my hands got up there, I'll never really know.

"T-theres people looking," I say weakly (What the hell is wrong with me! Brain...I demand you to shout at him!) and he just laughs, I feel his shoulders shrug and before I can say anything his lips are against mine again.

This actually isn't…wait…No, this is bad, this is horrible, I _hate_ it. I hate it, I hate it, it's so _gross_.

My eyes slip closed when his tongue again dives right into my mouth and I stop resisting for a second, only _a second_ I swear, and I move my tongue against his (God damn you brain, are you happy _now_!?). This causes him to growl and press against my lower back harder, bringing me even closer and I brace myself against his shoulders as he tilts his head and deepens the kiss. His lips are actually really soft and plush, I would have thought they'd be chapped or something. He probably wears lip balm…Hahaha, what a sissy.

Wait…Why am I still kissing him!? What the hell is wrong with me and my stupid brain? God damn it I have to stop this…and with_ some_ dignity left. I screw my eyes shut and cock my arm back, curling my hand into a fist and bringing it right against Axel's jaw. He stumbles back and our lips disconnect with an audible _pop_. I feel his spit on my lips and I resist the urge to lick it away. I glare at him while I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand and he glares right back, rubbing his probably aching jaw. We both open our mouths to begin cussing each other out, him for me punching his face, and me for him taking advantage of me!

"HOLY SHIT!" the scream is probably heard all the way in China and I tear my eyes away from Axel, flying around and locking eyes with Sora, who's jaw is just about to hit the floor. "ROXAS!?" he shouts and blinks crazily, Riku's standing beside him with a slice of pizza looking comically nonchalant yet there's an amused glint in his eyes and I feel like I'm going to faint.

I really, really wish I would.

Oh shit, oh shit…Once my mom finds out I hit Axel, she's going to furious and I'm going to get a 'That's final young man!' and she's going to take away my Lexus and I'll have to walk to school or something.

Or even worse…I'll be forced to drive Axel to school!

NOOOOOOOO_OOOOOOOOOOOO_!

I'm being tugged towards the table by a very…well, I don't exactly know what Sora's deal is but when he pushes me into the seat, he's grinning like a fucking maniac. Why is he grinning? Did he not just see Axel raping me!? Humph, It's good to know that if anything should ever happen to me, Sora would protect me for sure.

"Well?" He says and Axel slides easily into the chair opposite of me. I try and ignore the weight of his stare and I look at Sora as if I don't know what he's talking about. Riku slides in beside Axel and they high five each other, though Riku snickers something about kinky and feisty and liking it rough. I feel like smashing my face into the table until I break my nose, instead of doing that though, I pick up a slice of finally edible pizza and busy my mouth with eating it. My lips are tingling for some reason and I have this…taste on my tongue.

I know it's Axel's taste, so I really don't want it in there any more than it already is. Save me pizza, cleanse my mouth of that foul taste!

"Fine. If Roxas isn't going to tell me, Axel?" Sora turns and faces the pair of delinquents and Axel just shrugs, sending me a huge smile before answering Sora, much to my chagrin. I do however notice, while glaring quite heatedly at Axel's fat head, that there is quite a beautiful bruise blossoming on his very pale skin. It's wonderful.

"I won Air hockey," Axel says easily, and I can hear the smugness just oozing out of every freaking syllable. God damn it, I wish I would have stayed home...or socked him so good, he fell into a coma.

"ROXAS LOST AT AIR HOCKEY!" Sora yells and people turn around sending our table annoyed stares and I try my best to disappear right into the tacky material of my seat. I don't though, no matter how hard I try. "I have to tell Hayner, he isn't going to believe this!" He cackles pulling out his cell phone and I can't stand it anymore, I smack my head into the table and let out a loud, long groan.

"But wait…what does that have to do with the way you guys were eating each other's faces and why he punched you?" Sora is such an idiot. I think I hate him again right now. He's such a damn idiot.

"A little bet, is all," Axel says and Riku bursts out laughing, and I look up only to get sprayed with fucking spit-coke. I watch the brown liquid dribble down Riku's chin as he sputters and chokes, Axel claps him on the back a few times and he finally seems to regain himself. I am beyond angry right now. I have sticky soda dripping off my face, while Axel came away from our exchange almost completely unscathed and seems perfectly content, not even a little angry while I sit here and ponder on ways of becoming the next anti-Christ.

How can he not be angry!?

I _JUST_ FUCKING _PUNCHED_ HIM…IN THE _FACE_!

"You shoulda never made a bet when it comes to air hockey," Riku says and wipes his chin with the back of his hand, still chuckling here and there. I glare at him, my eyes screaming how badly I want to wring his neck until it looks like play dough when it's rolled really, really thin. Instead of using my hands to inflict bodily harm though, I slide my palm down my face and wipe away the coke.

"So who won DDR?" Axel asks and for a minute it seems like he's trying to save me from any more embarrassment, though I know that isn't true because he's a total asshole, there is no way he'd do anything to save _my_ hide.

"I did," Sora says with a huge grin and Riku rolls his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Only 'cause I let you," he says and Sora laughs loudly, throwing his head back and smacking an open palmed hand on the table.

"As if! You were working up a fucking sweat!"

You can imagine how this continues. They argue until finally deciding to have a round two. They dart off towards the DDR machines like bats out of hell and I find myself left with Axel for the second time today.

"Good riddance eh?" Axel says laughingly and I glare at him with the heat of a thousand suns and he leans back, looking surprised that I could actually send him such a heated look.

"Shut up! Just shut your stupid mouth," I growl and pull away from the table, stomping all the way towards the door and shoving my way out, ignoring the way the stupid entrance guy shouts, telling me that if I leave I can't get back in but I just send him the finger and storm all the way towards the car.

I don't even like Chuck E. Cheese's pizza, I hate arcade games, I hate Sora and the fact that he gets along with Riku, I hate Axel, I hate the fact that my brain keeps playing back the kiss, I hate the fact that I actually lost at Air hockey…I fucking just hate everything, damn it.

I climb into the car and turn it on, planning on listening to some totally killer tunes and just forgetting everything that happened today. I just can't wait to get home and sleep away everything, it's going to be a total relief, I shit you not.

It feels like hours later when I hear a rapping against the passenger side window. I sit up and open my eyes, rubbing away the sleep and coming face to face with Sora through the window. I scream really loud, flying back and trying not to puke my heart out. I hear them all laughing and notice that the sky is actually a deep indigo colour and I unlock the doors, letting all these animals into my once quiet car. Sora stuffs all these prizes into the back seats then tries to shove himself in. Riku does the same thing and by the time the doors are closed you can barely see them because of the large amounts of stuffed animals and other junk. Is that an inflatable cactus? What freaking use could one of those even have?

I turn and see Axel climbing in with just one tiny prize. It's a weird little keychain of a key that looks kind of like a mystical sword, though I know it's a key, you can just tell. It's really nice and I just can't rip my eyes away from it. I like the way it jingles and has a tiny little chain separate from everything else with a Mickey Mouse head attached to it. Axel holds it up and smiles at me. It sort of catches me off guard because up until now he's never actually smiled at me. It's always just been a stupid grin or an obnoxious smirk. The dark purple bruise is really visible and I kind of feel bad for leaving such a big mark…then I remember how his tongue was tasting around where my tonsils would be if I didn't have them removed when I was twelve and I don't feel so bad anymore.

His smile lights up his entire face and his eyes seem to glow. I look at the keychain, then at his face then back to the keychain a few times before he rolls his eyes. "Take it, I can tell you want it," he says and jangles it in front of me. I snatch it away and try to keep the smile off my face.

It's actually really cool looking…and I just like it way too much not to take it. I won't say thank you though, he doesn't deserve my thank you's…stupid jerk.

"Why'd you leave so early?" Sora says from behind his mountain of prizes and I just shrug while I pull out of the parking space. I can see a bunch of other parents leaving, guiding their tired children towards their cars and getting ready to head home. There is school tomorrow…which brings up a question.

"Where are you and Riku going to school?" I ask Axel and he seems shocked that I actually asked him a question without snapping or shouting at him. He shrugs and leans back in the seat. I realize that everyone is actually a million times calmer…I wonder what they put in the Chuck E. Cheese pizza…probably sedatives or something.

"When your mama and pops get back I guess we'll find out," Axel says and Riku answers for himself from behind his own pile of toys and junk.

"I'm going to King," Sora squeals happily and Riku laughs.

And I feel like driving the car into a lake.

If Riku is going to King then that means that Axel is obviously going to attend too. My mother wouldn't want to separate all of us…

Oh god, my life just got a whole lot worse.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, well, well!  
So we meet again, Mr. Bond!  
-pets cat vigorously-

LOL SORRY!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this...Roxas really hates his life xD  
What an emo!


	8. The Comeback Cake

**Chapter Eight  
**The Comeback Cake

I tend to stare at my computer screen for long intervals of time when I have to write and have nothing. The cursor is just winking at me, like a hooker on some street corner asking if I want a good time. I decline (politely of course), telling the cursor I have to finish writing this essay or else I'll be castrated by my English teacher and that maybe later we could probably discuss a few rates, maybe work something out. I know it doesn't believe me though because it just stays there, a thick black line, winking and winking.

"I said I don't want a fun time! Go away!" I hiss and narrow my eyes. I know it's not going to leave until I start writing, chasing away the hooker with letters and spaces but I have nothing to write. I'm completely stuck. See, I knew I should have finished this on Thursday night, if Hayner and Sora wouldn't have interrupted me, I wouldn't be lying on my bed on Sunday at 10pm thinking of just how to end this god damned essay.

I hear my room door fly open, the knob hitting the wall so viciously I'm sure it's going to leave a mark or something in the paint and I jump up, clutching at my chest and fighting off going into cardiac arrest, only to find Axel and Oblivion walking right into my room like they own it. Great, just the two people (can I say people if one is a demonic cat?) I needed to see together.

Axel's looking around as if he's here to buy something, like my room's a bloody mall or something and Oblivion is curled up in his arms, her big yellow eyes gazing around my room with little to no interest until she spots my laptop. She looks like she just realized how badly her face needs to be smashed into it. Anyone else notice how cats just head butt everything? It's just so weird.

I raise an eyebrow at him, trying to make it seem like I'm totally cool and covering up the fact that I almost shit out my guts from fear. He doesn't even glance at me though as he slowly walks over to my shelf, my hearts slowly starting to pick up the pace like a locomotive because I know what he's going to do. I just know it…I can already see his bone-white fingers spreading over all my little figurines, spreading his icky Axel-germs.

He grabs Olaf, my Plumpee stuffed animal (given to me by Naminé) and I fly off my bed, stumbling when my socked feet slide but I regain my equilibrium and run directly at him. I screech and dig my heels into the ground, effectively skidding to a halt a few inches away from him because he's holding Oblivion out towards me like a weapon and she hisses loudly, dipping her ears back and her nails are slipping out, the tell-tale signs that she wants to slap-chop me into a pizza topping. I open my mouth to say something, but the stupid redhead just shakes his head as Oblivion swats at me, Axel laughs and smirks from behind her.

"Oh no Roxas, none of that" he sways her side to side, her stretched body swinging like a pendulum and I growl and try to get around her, which is very hard because cats can bend in really weird fucking ways. I need to rescue my Plumpee though; Olaf is on the floor, completely forgotten by Axel's feet. I eye him, trying to figure out how to dive right towards him without Axel tossing Oblivion at me and me ending up blind because of cat claws to the eyes.

"Why are you touching my stuff!?" I scream and glare at him so viciously I think he can see how much I want to kill him; he probably even feels it in his britches or whatever.

"I'm bored," he whines and tucks oblivion under his arm, sort of looking a knight putting away his sword. Before I respond, telling him if he's bored he can go jump off the roof of the house, he stops me by planting his foot right on Olaf, squeezing him down into the floor. I stare at him in utter disbelief, I mean, how dare he come into my room and just…do stuff like that!

I shake my head a few times, mouth open and eyes wide, my arms are even waving around and Axel's just looking at me like he doesn't understand how him stepping on my stuff is a problem. Well, it's a very big problem! If I don't like him touching my stuff with his hands, I like him touching my stuff with his feet even less!

"Piss off! Go with Riku or something!" I say and squat down to yank Olaf out from under Axel's foot. The stupid idiot however is a lot stronger than I give him credit for and when I tug on Olaf, that's all I do. Tug. I give a particularly harsh yank and I go flying because I have no balance at all. I end up smashing my tailbone right into the wooden floor with a loud thunk. I glare up at Axel as pain shoots up my spine and makes me scrunch up my face, he drops Oblivion and she of course lands on her feet and waits patiently for her new, stupid master. Her big yellow eyes are on me though, watching as if to make sure I don't try and skin Axel alive or something.

Axel squats in front of me, how he accomplishes this with his skin tight, looks-like-they-are-painted-on pants, I will never know but what I do know is that I definitely have to avert my eyes away from his crotch which is directly in my line of vision. He reaches out to help me and I smack his hand away, hissing and making him laugh loudly. "Wassa matter kitty?" He says with a smirk on his face and I narrow my eyes, because one, he just called me kitty and two; he's trying to touch me. "Come on, cats love me," does he actually think that's going to work? I mean, really? I send him an extremely unamused look and cross my arms over my chest. My tailbone really, really hurts.

He rolls his eyes and his hand shoots forward, gripping my bicep and he yanks up, bringing me to my feet as he stands. I rip my arm away from him and he just laughs, as I wipe my ass, getting dust or whatever off of it, in the process discretely rubbing my aching rump.

"Aw come on Roxas, entertain me!" Axel is almost as annoying as Sora. No scratch that, I think he's even more annoying. I cross my arms over my chest and send him a very nasty look.

"Why the hell would I do that?" I say and Axel gets this horrible glint in his eyes, like he's gotten this brilliant idea that will make him millions at the expense of others misery. Like, selling tears to catholic's claiming they are the tears of Jesus Christ himself.

"If you do, I'll bake you a cake," My heart stops beating and my stomach growls so loud I think even deaf people felt the vibrations in China and I blink a few times, mulling this over in my head.

To entertain or to not entertain…Cake or no cake…

Entertaining Axel could mean a million things. Ranging from coloring books to freaking going to a damn rave, so I have no idea what I could possibly do to keep his goldfish attention span content for more than 5 seconds, plus, I'll have to put up with him for however long he's being entertained...I really want that fucking cake though, I mean, I really do.

I've wanted it since Axel ate the last delicious slice…But now, I can have some…or wait…Time to milk this for all it's worth. "I want a whole cake just for me," I narrow my eyes, crossing my arms again and Axel smiles brightly, clapping his hands and nodding his head vigorously.

"I won't eat one bite. You can even lick the bowl," He says and I feel my face breaking out into a smile.

For the cake. For the damn delicious cake batter.

That damned delicious slice of heaven. God damn it I want it down my throat right now…

_FUCKING BRAIN!_

"Alright fine," I say, shaking the thought of shoving anything down my throat and realize I've been making one too many deals with Axel lately. I've been bending to his damn whim way too much and I'll put a stop to it, once I have a nice amount of that cake sitting in my gut. "But first, the cake."

Is it sad that Axel knows my own kitchen better than me? Actually, no it's not. I'm not a prissy boy who spends all his time making baked goods, like Axel, that powder puff over there. He's actually humming to himself while he tosses all the ingredients he'll need to make MY cake into the bowl. I'm just watching his ass—I mean…him, watching _him_ as he makes it from scratch.

"How did you get into baking?" I ask staring as he starts whisking all the contents together, he shrugs his shoulders but I can tell that this is a subject he doesn't want to talk about. You can tell it makes him uncomfortable just from the way his face muscles tighten and his jaw clenches. Well, that's too bad I want to pursue this subject.

"Where'd you learn the recipe?" I press and Axel stops mixing for a second, he stares into the bowl and I wonder just what the hell he's looking at, I wonder what he's thinking about because he looks like he's going to smash the bowl on the floor and start screaming bloody murder. There's even a vein pulsing at his temple and I want to question it until he starts up again, only faster, harder and much more aggressive.

Of course my brain has to automatically derail my thoughts from nice clean things to something completely sexual. I'm so used to this though, all I have to do is set it back on track and right now that should be easy. I mean, why is Axel so touchy about his baking?

"So…?"He sets the bowl down and turns his back on me, his hands gripping the counter's edge and he just stands there for a while, his shoulders rising and falling and I make a move to stand but he starts moving again, grabbing a pan and pouring the cake mix into it. It's a nice, rich, chocolaty colour and my mouth starts to water, my nostrils flaring as the smell of it assaults my senses. Axel walks over to me and drops the bowl in front of me with the rubber spatula rattling inside of it.

"Hurry up with that," he says and turns to put the cake in the preheated oven. I decide that I don't really care what Axel's problem is because right now I have cake mix in front of me, just dying to be consumed and I'm going to attend to it first. I start wiping the sides using my fingers, and when my tongue meets with the chocolate it's like an explosion.

My pupils dilate and my skin tingles.

This cake is probably so much better than sex, and I'm not just saying that like all those other people. I mean it, seriously. I think if a Nymphomaniac were to taste this batter, then be given the choice of either having sex with every one they've ever fantasized about or eating the cake…They'd totally take the freaking cake.

It's just that damned good.

I grab the rubber spatula that Axel left in the bowl and start licking that, using it to scrape the mix off the sides. I lick it slowly, from the base of the rubber to the tip and I just relish in the amazing taste of it. I'm interrupted though by the feeling of eyes, the sensation making my skin form little goose bumps all over. I raise my eyes and spot Axel just watching me, not even blinking and my brain decides to help me realize why he's watching me so intensely.

I was just giving the rubber spatula a blow job…And a pretty damn good one too.

I clear my throat a little awkwardly and put the rubber spatula back into the bowl, it's pretty clean now so I push it away and stand up. "Alright, what do you want to do?" I ask and Axel's still standing there, he licks his lips and walks over way too fast for me to even register what's going on and by the time I realize he was coming at me, I'm trapped between his body and the counter, his arms caging me in.

"I wouldn't mind watching you keep that up…only, I got a few other places you can lick," Axel's eyes are so green it's sort of frightening at close range and I'm trying hard not to go cross-eyed and…WAIT WHAT!?

"EXCUSE ME!" I shout, my cheeks already burning and I go to shove Axel away from me, but he just laughs, dipping his head and licking the corner of my mouth really slowly, pressing his tongue flat against my skin. I freeze up, staring at him to the best of my abilities as he pulls away slowly, licking his lips with his red tongue, my skin feels like it's buzzing.

"There was batter on your cheek," he says innocently and I shove him away violently.

"GOD DAMN IT, COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST TOLD ME!?" I shout and I hear Oblivion meow, I turn and see her ambling into the kitchen, like she came to Axel's fucking rescue or something. Damn cat is such a traitor. I mean, I brought her in when she was only a few weeks old, fed her by hand and this is how she repays me for saving her little runt life?

"Where's the fun in that?" Axel grins as I rub my cheek raw with the back of my hand. Ugh, I cannot believe he licked me, he freaking licked me…like who even _does_ that?

"Ugh whatever. Come on, I have an idea," I say walking out of the kitchen and I hear Axel squeak with happiness and hurry after me. I swear he was dropped down a flight of stairs, head first, as a child and it's shinning through a lot as the years progress.

I walk over to the closet in the hall way and tell Axel to go into the living room, he goes obediently with Oblivion at his heels and I roll my eyes as I reach into the closet and tug out the board game Life. I've only played this with Sora and that was because the power was out and we had nothing better to do. I'm taking it out now because I don't want Axel in my room touching my play station remotes, and I don't really care if he touches Life.

He groans loudly when he sees me walk into the living room, bulky board game in my hands and I smile at him. "What's wrong?" I ask, laying my fake-stupidity down thick and Axel sends me a glare filled with poison.

"I don't play board games," He says and pouts like a five-year-old. I roll my eyes and kneel at the coffee table, opening the large box and pulling out the things we'll need to play. I start building the city, sticking the little houses into their slots and finally Axel caves and starts helping me. We get everything set up quickly and Axel of course chooses the red car, I grab the blue one and take out a little blue man for me, handing Axel a pink one.

"Hey, ain't this a lady?" He says and I smile at him, chuckling when he stares at me with the most bewildered expression I've ever seen. I can't stop the way my smile widens as I stick my man into his car seat. "Why'd I get a girl!" Axel squawks and I don't answer, just laugh harder. Axel starts laughing too, shaking his head and calling me a little shit. I of course tell him to fuck off and he throws the yellow car at me, I whip the green one and we just throw the cars back and forth, one getting caught in his massive hair and I bellow with laugher as he tries to pry it out.

"A'right that's enough, lets get this show on he road," he grins when I catch my breath and set my car on the board, makeing sure it's pointed towards 'Start College'. Axel, of course, as you probably guessed goes directly to 'Start Career'. Pfft, a delinquent even in board games. I grab the cards quickly, shuffling them and letting Axel pull out three. I know this isn't how it's done, but it's how I do it dammit.

He gets athlete and will be getting $60,000 every pay day. Pfft, whatever, I'm awesome at this game. No sweat.

"I go first 'cause I'm awesome," I say and reach towards the spinner, flicking it and it starts flying, until it finally stops and I am told to move 5 spaces. Apparently my little blue feller gets to spend a semester in London. Bloody sweet.

Axel gets 10 on his first spin, passing two pay days and winning 10,000 dollars for some damned lottery. I try not to let it bug me because I've gone to college, I'm going to get a good career and make more than Axel's tranny and I will be stinkin' rich and own the game for sure.

An hour and a half into the game and I'm sinking in debt, Axel's gone back to college and become a fucking doctor, he's bought all the good stocks while I'm stuck at being a teacher, paying him for landing on his numbers. He's got a pile of money on his side, Life cards out the who-ha and his little tranny is married with two kids, while my guy is married (Axel gave me _another _man) with two sets of twins and two single kids who all attended a school I really couldn't afford. I feel like strangling Axel because he just landed on a square where he gets paid $10,000 per child because they are supposedly gifted. I fist the money over and Axel smiles sheepishly at me.

We're nearing the end and he keeps getting richer and richer, finally he drives into Millionaire Estates and I park my car in the dingy trailer park for old people or as the people of Life call it, Country Side Acres. At least I get $10,000 from each kid, which will help me with my debts.

In the end Axel's got $9,200,450 while I've got $10,000 to my imaginary name. I glare at him over the board game and he just grins, putting away all the little pieces without a word. "I thought you didn't play board games?" I hiss out bitterly and he laughs at me, like I'm some clown.

"I don't, I got sick of winning at the camp so I don't play no more," He gets up, the bones in his knees cracking and when he walks by, he ruffles my hair. I shoot up after him because I just remembered my cake, which is why I'm not pummeling him into the floor for touching my hair. I slide into the kitchen, stomach grumbling and salivary gland salivating, as he pulls that master piece out of the oven, which has a timer and stops automatically without you having to come in and tug it out, in case you're wondering.

He slides it gracefully onto a plate and cuts it before leaving it in favor of getting the delicious icing that he had apparently made for the other cake which had somehow gotten past me "When did that icing get there?" I ask tearing my eyes away from the cake to look at the bowl in Axel's hands. I stare at it, feeling my drool slowly making its way out of the corners of my lips and I lick it away as Axel starts spreading it on the cake.

"I made it for the other cake but there was too much, so your mamma put it in this bowl and hid it from you 'cause she knew you'd eat it."

"Oh she was right," I grin as Axel finishes and this cake looks better than the last, and it's mine, _all mine_!

"Well you're fed, I'm gunna go out," Axel leaves the kitchen and I turn on my heels, chasing after him because, what does he mean he's gonna go out? He can't. My mother and father aren't here and there are rules in this house. Never leave without permission is a big one.

"You can't!" I say from the bottom of the steps, he's already at the top heading towards his room and he looks down at me with a smirk curling his lips.

"Why? Yah gunna miss me?" he coos and cocks his hip out, waiting to see if my answer would be yes. As if.

"No! My mom's not here, you can't leave," I say stubbornly and Axel just rolls his eyes, walking into his room and coming out with a black coat a few minutes later. I'm still at the foot of the stairs, staring up then right at him as he walks past me.

"She ain't here which is exactly why I'm leavin', T.T.F.N!" and just like that he's out the door and disappearing into the night. I stare at the time and it's nearing midnight, my heart clenches and I really don't know why.

I don't miss him at all and I'm definitely not worried about him, so why do I feel like I am and like I do miss his stupid face?

It's probably just because I hate being alone, especially in the house at night and without Axel's noise this house is like a morgue. I fight off the shiver and decide that I don't care what Axel's doing or where he's going. No, I do not. He's been here for only one weekend and I've hated him all the way through and I'll keep on hating him. No amount of weekends together will change that. He can break rules and leave at night, better yet, he can never come back and I'll be happy because I'm going to eat that fucking cake…_then _finish that fucking essay.

* * *

**A/N: **HEY YOU GUYS, I HAVE SOMETHING REALLY IMPORT-- *blows up into smithereens*


	9. Monday Blues

**Chapter Nine  
**Monday Blues

Monday morning makes me want to jump out the window and into a shark infested pool, but alas, I cannot. Not because I totally wouldn't, but because jumping out my window would result in nothing but a broken arm or ankle if I were lucky. The entire side of my house where _my_ room is, is lined with thick, soft leaved bushes, so jumping would do no good. I groan and get up slowly, my eyelids still too heavy with sleep, practically crazy-glued together as I shuffle out of bed and towards my wardrobe. Finding my uniform isn't hard, I mean, how can I not see the burgundy blazer on the hanger? It's fucking burgundy, no way I could miss it. I tug on my uniform, not tucking my shirt into my pants because really, I'm much too lazy. If it wasn't for my mother's compulsive habit to iron _everything_ I'd look like a complete, wrinkly, slob. My tie is never on correctly (pretty much like the rest of my uniform) so I don't fix it, nor do I bother brushing my hair. I'm telling you, my head is No man's Land.

I'm ready in a matter of minutes and I shuffle my way into the bathroom to wash my face, I probably look a lot like an eighty year old man but I'm tired damn it. I hear my window slide open but before I panic I wait and listen. The sounds of Sora tumbling in, smashing into my dresser and dropping everything, dance into the bathroom, so I find no reason to panic but something tells me I'm going to have a reason to be angry. I guess you can call it intuition, or years of experience, whichever works.

I dry my face and walk out, my eyes finally opening to their normal size and a little wider when I see Sora still on the floor trying to piece together whatever he's broken. I can't see what it is, but there is a lot of little pieces strewn everywhere and the smell of…He dropped my fucking cologne.

I really have the patience of a saint to be dealing with all these turd heads, I'm telling you.

"What are you doing?" I groan and he flies around, eyes bugging out of his head as if he's been caught committing some heinous act. I cross my arms over my chest and eye him coolly, trying to breathe out of my nose but choking on the strong scent currently filling my room. I liked that damn cologne damn it, it smelled really nice and was good for special occasions. Now, I'll have nothing to smell like…_nothing_!

Sora splutters and tries to discretely shove the broken pieces of glass under the dresser, chuckling in this obviously guilty way. I roll my eyes and walk over to him, careful to avoid any spots that may have broken glass and I tug him to his feet. "Sorry! I didn't mean to! Please, don't kill me! I have a wife and kids!" he shouts out, already fake-sobbing onto my shoulder and I shove him away, thoroughly repulsed by his stupidity. I swear, I'm extra grouchy on Monday mornings.

"Can you at least vacuum the mess?" I say eyeing the floor, seeing the shinny pieces of glass winking at me, promising to chop the bottoms of my feet up. Sora groans and stomps his feet but marches out and into the hallway to get the vacuum from the closet. I can hear him grumbling something about flimsy bottles and bitchy cousins but I choose to ignore it, I also ignore the fact that I don't hear the closet door open.

I hear my window sliding for the second time and I look towards it. I see a head of silver tumble in and I scream, jumping away towards my door and eyeing for something to use as a weapon. Riku looks up, his black makeup making him look like a raccoon as he lands on his knee like he was trained for breaking and entering. You know, I wouldn't even be surprised. He's much quieter than Sora and much more graceful with his landing, which makes me fear for the lives of people in this neighborhood. What with Axel's inhuman silence and Riku's apparent silent talent as well. They'd probably be able to kill us all in our sleep and we'd never even realize it until it's too late and we're all dead.

Riku rolls towards my bed and jumps over it, landing on the other side and hiding. I hear him chuckling and my fear is replaced with hate. Strong, _strong_ hate. "The names Sykes, Riku Sykes," he pops his head from the other side of the mattress and points a hand-gun at me while laughing maniacally. All I can really do is stare at him while he laughs, his silver bangs hanging over his eyes and half covering his nose. I can't believe I thought he was beautiful. I can't believe my brain sneaks images of Axel into my dreams...I mean...uhm.

They are all so stupid. Yeah. That's what I was getting at...

"ROXAS!" The scream reaches me but it's too late for me to react or even move. The door flies back and nails me right in the face with it's wooden edge. Pain shoots through nose and into my forehead and I howl, stumbling backwards into my shelf and throwing everything onto the floor. It's Sora, the one responsible for my aching nose and the anger I'm feeling is enough to push me over the edge and make me seriously consider murdering him. Damn the consequences or the fact that he's my cousin. I just want to kill him right now. I turn to look at him as he races into my room and jumps onto my bed squealing. I hear running and before I can say anything the door is smashed into my face again, over my hand, making me hit my already hurting nose. Now I know for sure it's going to start bleeding, I can feel it already, trickling its way all the way from up inbetween my eyes.

"SORA!" this time, the screamer is Axel and he's panting wildly, a towel around his skinny hips and the sight of him, wet and warm does not help my nose bleed. In fact, it increases the bloods steady pace. I pinch the bridge of my nose with enough force to crack it and I stare at Axel as he stares at Sora's rump high in the air. The dumb brunette has his head shoved under my pillows, as if that hides his fat ass.

"Yah lil fucker!" Axel hollers but he's laughing, his mouth curled up at the ends as he walks towards Sora and slaps his ass. I'm just standing there watching this all with wide eyes, warm blood pouring from my nose onto my lips. I blame that for the strong lurch my stomach just gave. What else could it be? It has nothing to do with Axel touching Sora...nothing at all. I hate him, remember?

"What the hell?" I say, trying to sound as disgusted as I can but all I end up sounding is outraged. Talking aparently wasn't a good idea because all that does is make the blood slip into my mouth. I hate the taste of blood.

No one pays attention to me. Riku's too busy shooting Axel and Sora, and they're too busy being idiots, giving each other stupid googly eyes or whatever. I growl obscene things under my breath and storm out of my room. Once upon a time it had been my sanctuary; it had been a place of peace and tranquility. Just look at it…it looks like a desecrated Buddhist temple after a pack of soldiers ransacked it. Now on top of everything there's spilled cologne in there…I won't be able to sleep for weeks without choking on the overpowering smell! It's like the dame perfume section in a super mall or something.

Yeah, that is exactly why I'm angry…not because Axel seems to get along with Sora better, or because they are so obviously flirting. I mean, I don't even care. Why should I?

I stomp all the way downstairs only to find my mom in the kitchen, humming and looking like she's never been gone. My dad's at the table, reading his newspaper with his black, boring coffee, casual as always. They dumbfound me, they really do. I mean, how can they act like nothing's changed? Like our lives haven't been blown to smithereens by the dumbass we let into our house? He's ruining everything!

"Good morning Roxas," my father says from around the rim of his mug, not even looking up. I don't answer in favor of getting some ice for my nose. I walk past my mom as she chirps a happy morning to me. I feel like turning and throwing the ice pack at her head. It's all her fault. If she would have just gotten me a stupid horse. I'd be able to ride it around and maybe enter a race or something.

I stop my brain before it mentions anything at all about riding Axel.

Finally, the blood gushing from my face registers in my mother's mind when she turns to look at me because I didn't say good morning. She gasps in horror and hurries over to me with a wet napkin, cooing comforting words as if I'm going to start bawling my eyes out at the sight of blood. Puh-_lease_ mother, that was so pre-school.

I glare at her as she wipes the blood gently away but she doesn't notice because she's paying close attention to what she's doing. When she's done, she puts the ice pack I grabbed back on my face and leads me to a chair. This wouldn't be happening if Riku and Axel weren't here. I'd probably be eating my breakfast, watching Sora wolf down everything else in sight and then we'd leave to school. Normal, pain free. But no, instead I'm sitting here with a throbbing nose as the three stooges destroy the entire upstairs of my house...or even worse...while they all get it on upstairs in my bed!

I'm about to jump out of the chair when I hear someone stomping down the stairs. I recognize them as Axel's, though I'm not sure how.

"Peeeeee yeeeew! Anyone else smell Roxas' room? S'like there's a herd of pre-pubescent boys in there sprayin' em selves before prom night." I snap my head towards Axel as he slinks into the kitchen, dropping himself onto a chair. My eyes automatically trail up and down his torso, soaking in the sight of him in the uniform. My libido is already hooting and hollering, sending my head down below wonderful images of me tugging on his tie, pulling him close and just fucking eating his face. But no, I hate him because he's stupid.

"Whatever, I don't care. I'm going to school," I stand up but my mom stops me with a gentle hand on my shoulder. It's gentle but I know if I move, there is going to be an eagle talon grip on my ear lobe, so I stay still and twist my neck to look at her.

"Aren't you taking Sora, Riku and Axel?" She looks at me with those big blue eyes; using them to their full potential because she totally knows I can't say no to her. It's a rhetorical question, I know it is because she knows I'm going to say yes. But I think it's about time I start to learn to say no. I mean, I'll make friends, eat apples and whatever nonsense she wants but I will not endure Axel anymore. I just can't. I don't know why…I just can't be around him, it's starting to make me feel sicker and sicker as the days go by. My stomach hasn't been settled since he came. It's constantly twisting and turning. He probably gave me a damn ulcer or something.

"Axel, sweetheart…How'd you get that bruise on your jaw?" My mother looks worried as she walks over to him letting her hand drop from my shoulder, completely forgetting me for a second in favor of looking at that jerk. I glare at them while he sends me a happy look and then I see that the bruise she's looking at is the one I gave him. No wonder he looks so damed happy.

I am so fucking grounded.

"I hit my face against the sink," Axel grins in a way that's supposed to be sheepish, but really he just looks like a wolf in sheep's clothing. My mom however is sweet and naïve and suspects nothing. She just shakes her head and tells him to be careful because sinks are dangerous things. Axel nods, agreeing full heartedly and that's when it finally sinks in that he just covered for me. My eyes widen and he catches the look and smiles at me, winking before getting up to serve himself some juice, brushing right past me on his way into the kitchen. I have no way of knowing if that was intentional or not.

Sora and Riku run into the kitchen, Riku chasing Sora like a Zombie or _something_, asking him for brains. Sora's giggling like crazy, shouting that he'd never give brains to a zombie and Riku smirks and stops chasing him. "Okay, I'm human then."

"Oh really?" Sora's going into flirt mode now, I can see it from a mile away.

I'm just glad both my parents have no idea what Riku really means. I am _really _glad or else they would be horrified and quite possibly scarred for the rest of their lives. I know I am.

"Riku sweetheart, why on earth would you want brains if you aren't a zombie?" my mother tilts her head sideways cutely and Riku looks at her, his face blank but I can see the way his jaw muscles are pulled tight. He's trying so hard not to burst out laughing.

Axel walks in, stopping right beside me just as she says that and isn't as collected as Riku. He fails miserably at concealing his laughter and sprays orange juice everywhere, laughing so loud he ends up choking on his own laugh. He starts coughing and I smirk, reaching over and smacking him hard on the back a few times. He splutters, looking at me and I smirk before giving him one last hard pat.

"Oh Mrs. S," Axel straightens up and just shakes his head before cracking his neck and heading towards the door, leaving my mother in her own confusion. "Well common! S'time for school and whatever," I'm surprised Axel is the first one to initiate the movement for school going.

I eye the cup of half finished orange juice, feeling my throat rather dry. My libido tells me to just grab the cup and drink. Heck, Axel's tongue was all over the insides of my mouth, why am I acting so delicate now? It's obvious that I liked the taste of him before, mix it with a little orange juice and you've got yourself a love concoction. But the piece of my brain that controls me buds in and corrects my libido. Reminding us that we didn't enjoy the kiss because it was Axel, we didn't enjoy it and most certainly did not like his taste.

I just decide that I'll have breakfast at school, my libido is not happy with that but what can you do. Sora grabs a few slices of bacon off the table, a few already shoved in his mouth and Riku reaches for an orange. I hurry to leave before my mom can compare me to Riku and tell me: _'See Roxas? He eats his fruit without having to be told'_.

"Axel your school bag is in the hallway closet, Roxas you know where the bags are! Have fun boys!" my mom waves us out of the kitchen and my dad grunts his good bye, lifting his mug but not his eyes. I wave and head towards the closet noticing that I'm still holding the ice pack. I look around and end up tossing it _into_ the closet and tugging out both Axel's and my school bag. I leave his on the floor and toss mine over my shoulder. Sora, I notice, has had his school bag on and so has Riku. How I missed this I don't know.

Once we're all standing by the Lexus and they're waiting for me to open the doors, the reality of what's happening finally hits me hard.

Axel is coming to my school.

Axel is going to be in one or more of my classes…

"NOOOO_OOOO_!"

* * *

**A/N:** Oh boy, if you're all wondering  
Yes, I am alive.

There'll probably be long waits on updates for a while.  
Sorry everyone, or well, those of you who care x]


	10. There Are No Cheetahs In The Jungle

**Chapter Ten  
**There Are No Cheetahs In The Jungle

"I'm sure you're over reacting. You tend to do that…a lot," Naminé is a real sweet girl but sometimes I just want to deck her in the face. How dare she say I tend to over react? I have never over reacted in my life!

"No, you don't understand Nami! He's…a…a _monster_!" I whine, my forehead smacking into my desk and Hayner laughs loudly from beside me. I know he's going to agree with Naminé because whenever she's around, that's all he does. I hate when people have crushes on people. They just act _so_ stupid.

"A brother who bakes you cake doesn't sound so bad to me," I lift my face away from my desk and send Hayner a nasty glare, he doesn't flinch though because he's used to it. I remember the good ol' days when a glare was a glare and people reacted as such. Those days are long gone though; no one seems to care about my glares anymore. "I'll trade with you. You can take Seifer and I'll take Axel."

I roll my eyes because that is such a Hayner thing to say. Of course he'd want to get rid of Seifer, anyone in their right mind would. But that isn't a good trade because getting rid of Axel to replace him with someone who's not only just as obnoxious but violent too doesn't seem like a good decision. And I know a thing or two about how to make a good trade. I used to play with Pokemon cards all the time. Totally had the best deck, but anyway, this isn't about Pokemon, it's about Axel and I hate him.

"What makes him a monster?" Naminé says, eyeing me skeptically because I can tell she doesn't believe when I say Axel is a monster. But he is! He is a family/life ruining monster.

A group of girls enter the class room chatting away about the two new students enrolled at King Harts. I groan because I know exactly who they're talking about. I think everyone in the school has seen them by now and if they haven't, if they are the few selected lucky ones, I doubt it'll be long before they see them. King Harts doesn't get a lot of new kids, especially with the tuition prices and picky admin (I'll have to ask how Axel _and_ Riku got in). Besides, I don't know how you could miss them, small school population or not. What with the way they look compared to everyone else in the building, plus their both tall and extremely loud. It won't be long before everyone at King Harts knows I'm some what related to both the freaks. It won't be long before my name will be associated with his name and my life will forever be ruined, even more so than it already is. It'll be tainted!

"You'll see," I groan and the teacher taps his desk with his pen. He's a tall, broad shouldered blonde man imported from Britain or something and he teaches us English. In all honesty, I think he's just here to make us all feel incredibly stupid, with the way he carries himself and his stupid morning exercises to get our brains working.

"Good Morning class," he says snootily, eyeing everyone from over the glasses perched on the tip of his nose. I don't know why he wears them like that. He isn't _very_ old or anything, yet he wears his glasses like a grandfather would. Maybe it's just so he can have an excuse to look down at us. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not very fond of him.

"Good Morning Professor," Oh, I should also mention he's a professor with a damn doctorate and everything. He made sure to tell us as soon as the semester began, and some people even call him Dr. L. Jack, plus it's written on his golden nameplates in his office. I found out what the L stands for after extensive research…Actually I just looked in the teacher directory on the school website. It stands for Luxord, Dr. Luxord Jack. Oh shit, he's talking to me.

"Roxas, how nice of you to finally join us here on earth," I grimace at his tone because he makes it seem like he's talking to a mentally challenged hedge hog or something, and I smile a little awkwardly. I hear Hayner snickering beside me and feel like smacking him but I don't. "If the introduction of the new student bores you so much, perhaps I'll add him to your group and you two can get acquainted that way." This is when I finally see Axel standing at the front of the class, hands shoved in his blazer pockets, the black slacks sagging, exposing his boxers to half the world and his tie isn't even done up at all. I wonder why no one's told him to correct his uniform, then I figure they probably have but Axel has no respect for authority. "It's settled then. Axel you may take a seat with Roxas group."

I hear my neck snap, that's how hard I whip my head up to stare wide-eyed at the professor. My jaw unhinges and I stare at him, blinking rapidly and trying to think of something to say. Anything to turn back the hands of time and stop him from sending Axel over but my reaction time is too damn slow. By the time I muster enough energy to speak, Axel's already comfortably seated at my side, between me and the wall.

"Well, if it ain't Foxy-Roxy. I didn't think I'd be seein' you in my classes," Axel grins widely at me, Naminé shifts slightly and turns to face us, catching Fat-head in the middle of his shit eating grin. I look at her, trying to warn her with my eyes, to tell her to turn around before it's too late but Axel's already reaching over, extending his hand to her.

"And who might you be?" His grin goes from shit-eating to debonair in a matter of milliseconds and again I feel my stomach lurching and anger flaring up in my veins. I don't know why though. I'm guessing it's because he's flirting with Naminé and she's my friend so…yeah, that's it.

"I'm Naminé Dirge, you must be Axel. Roxas has told me quite a lot about you," She smiles sweetly but I don't miss the little glint in her blue eyes and I stare at her in utter shock. Axel chuckles quietly, which is quite the surprise. I'd expect him to be loud and have absolutely no regard for classroom etiquette.

"All good, I hope," Axel sends me a look from the corner of his eye, his smirk lifting even higher at the corners and I huff, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Well keep hoping. I've told her you're a disgusting, loud mouthed pervert." This gets a good laugh out of him and the professor looks over at us, "Macbeth" open in his hand and I realize everyone else has the damn book on their desk. Even Axel.

"Mr. Black, would be so kind as to share with the class your joke?" Axel looks up and I feel a small swell of satisfaction. No one's ever gotten away with laughing while Luxord's in the middle of one of his Macbeth rants.

"Why don't elephants like to play poker in the jungle?" Axel says, not even stuttering and staring right at the professor. I wasn't expecting him to _actually have_ a joke. Oh god, this is going to be great. Luxord never laughs, especially at a student's joke. I turn to look at the professor and he actually has a small smirk on his lips.

"I don't have the slightest idea," The way Luxord says _'idea'_ makes me laugh. He kind of says it like _'idear'_ it's pretty funny.

"There are too many cheetahs," Axel chuckles at his own joke and the class all erupts in giggles, Luxord even adds a few laughs and shakes his head.

That is it! Seriously, what is it with people? Why does everyone Axel speak to end up charmed by him? I just don't get it. I mean, there is absolutely nothing about him that should make people like him. The universe is out of order; the world must be coming to an end because this just doesn't make sense. I must have been sucked into an alternate dimension where idiots are geniuses and normal, nice boys are freaks or something.

"Cheetahs don't even live in the jungle," I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest as the professor tries to calm the still laughing class down enough to continue with the lesson. It would probably be more successful if he stopped smiling himself. Like come on, the joke wasn't that funny, and it isn't even realistic. Hah, cheetahs in the jungle.

"Lighten up will yah," Axel mumbles back, opening the book and skimming the pages, stopping whenever there's a picture to look at. I glare at him from the corner of my eye and slam my own book on the desk, causing Luxord to send me a nasty look.

My life's likeability has officially reached an all time low.

Lunch time isn't any better. Actually, I think lunch time is probably when I want to spontaneously combust the most out of the entire day. So far Axel has been in two out of three classes, and now he's sitting with me at my lunch table. Olette is staring at him, still trying to digest the fact that he's my adopted brother. Riku's sitting there eating his…parfait. Yeah, I know, I wasn't expecting that either. Hayner is busily trying to woo Naminé and Pence; well he's just staring at Riku and Axel too.

"So, Roxas' mom adopted you, Axel?" Olette asks finally, making the mentioned fat-head look at her and shake his head.

"S'not exactly adoption. More like baby sittin'," Axel says with a smirk as he tears a piece of crust off his pizza and shoves it in his mouth. I'm wedged between him and the window and I'm praying for it to break so I can tumble out and run. I don't know where yet, but I'm sure I'd figure it out in time.

"Oh. She got you from a troubled teen's camp, you too, right Riku? What's that like?" Olette is the type of person to ask a lot of questions. I don't know whether it's because she's nosey or simply because she likes to know about a person before talking to them.

"S'alright. It ain't no Marriott Hotel if that's what you're thinkin'," I look around the cafeteria, tuning out the absolutely boring conversation. I don't know, but I'm not feeling to hot. Maybe it's because my life's been ruined, or maybe it was the sandwich I ordered from the cafeteria. Either way, I need to get out of here before I puke on someone. I grab all my trash and stand up, cutting off Riku's story about God knows what and I start to leave the table.

"Roxas, where are you going?" Hayner calls and I look at him, shrugging, before continuing on my way. He can stay sitting there listening to Fat-head and his sidekick. I can't stay near Axel a minute longer.

Tossing the wrappers and my juice box in the garbage, I head for the entrance doors. It's nice out, April weather is always good. Even the rain, though it hasn't rained in a while here. I'm hoping it will soon though.

My mind's gotten off track; the reason I left the table was to think…and to get away from Axel, but primarily to think but not about the weather. Axel just bugs me so much, every time I look at him, my stomach twists in knots. Clearly, my digestive system agrees with his repulsiveness. The only thing that seems to like Axel is my damned brain and I blame that on my hormones. Teenaged boys will find anything humpable.

I find a nice spot to sit, under a big tree and watch the track team practice. I never tried out for any sports, and I've never joined any clubs but that's probably because I'm a hermit. Bah, who needs extra curricular activity anyway? Definitely not me.

"There you are," The voice belongs to the one person I do not want to see. I see Axel's long legs before I actually see him and I look up as he blocks the sun with his fat-head, like a big spiky eclipse. I don't answer him, instead I glare. "Okay kid, I've been puttin' up with your glares 'cause your mom warned me about yah, but now s'gettin' ridiculous. What exactly is your problem with me?" Axel furrows his short eyebrows together, looking curious or upset, for some reason I can't tell. My glare sort of lessens because it's the first time I've seen a frown on his face. My brain dully notes he looks much better when he's serious.

Ugh, this is not the time for that, _brain._

"I just don't like you," I grumble and he plops down in front of me, cutting off my view of the track team and sitting in my direct line of sight. My stomach flips again, dropping with a splash of gastric juices and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Why is he staring at me so intently, like I hold the answers to life's greatest question?

"Why?" Is all he asks and I go to say because I just don't, but decide against it. I really should give him a decent answer. But then again…I don't know why I should. I look away and stare at something off in the distance, there isn't much to stare at, but I try and make it seem like there is. "I haven't done anything to you…or well, nothing to make yah hate me. I mean, if I said something…let me know, alright?" Axel's voice sounds like he's concerned and I manage to look at him from the corner of my eye. He's staring right at me.

"Is this 'cause of the cake? Shit, I woulda never eaten it if this was gonna be the problem." He stays quiet for a while and I think. It's not because of the cake, I mean, I already didn't like him by that point, him eating the cake only made me like him even less. "Is it 'cause your cat likes me?"

I have to roll my eyes at that one. I could care less who Oblivion likes, though her getting along with Axel when she hates everyone did tick me off in the beginning. I don't really care anymore, he can have that little backstabber.

"Is it 'cause your mom likes me?" I turn to look at him for this one. I mean, how could he think I'd hate him because my mom likes him? But thinking better of it, I can see why he'd think that. We single children are very possessive of our parents, but no. That's not the reason why I hate him.

To be honest, I'm not even sure why.

"Is it 'cause I'm from a lower class than you?" That's it. I'm putting a stop to these questions.

"No Axel, it's none of those things, alright?" I groan and smack my forehead, slowly trying to rub away the headache that I know is coming. I can feel it like thunder rumbling in the distance, slowly making it's way over until it's a full fledged electrical storm, forcing me into the fetal position because it hurts so bad.

"Then what? I don't know what your problem is kid and s'driving me crazy!" This is where I just stare at him. Face to face for the first time. All the other times we've been face to face, I've never really been this close, or actually this calm to examine him properly or he's never stayed so still. From close up, you can see that his eyes are two different shades of green, mixing and forming this bright colour that simply looks so fake. From up close, I come to the realization that they aren't contacts. You can always tell with that sort of thing, can't you? His skin is smooth with just a tiny pockmark on the bridge of his nose. I can sort of understand why Sora found him so attractive. I mean I can grudgingly admit…he _isn't_ ugly.

He's an idiot though…and a delinquent.

I realize that's why I don't like him. It's not because he has the love of Oblivion, or because he ate my cake, or even because my mom thinks he's a gift from God. It's simply because he's a criminal, someone you can't trust and that right there serves as enough for me to dislike him. Plus, he's so loud and in your face and he's _never_ serious. I doubt there's been a moment in his life where he actually cared about something. I just don't like people like that.

"You're a bad person," As soon as I've said it, I know I worded it wrong and Axel's going to take it the wrong way. Judging by the way he scrunches his tiny nose, and twists up his lips, he's taken it the wrong way.

"What?"

"Look…You're covered in tattoos, you're loud, you smoke, you disappear in the middle of the night, and come back drugged and drunk…You came from a troubled teen's camp. You're a criminal and I just don't like people like that." I chew the inside of my cheek as he looks at me, his face doesn't really give anything away but I can tell he's really thinking about what I said. Finally, he gets up and I think I've finally driven him away. Part of me is jumping for joy, but I can't ignore the small piece of me that feels kind of bad.

"I'm not a bad person Roxas, I just made a few mistakes. Lemme show yah I'm a pretty cool guy, whaddya say kiddo?" He's smiling at me again, that same smile he gave me in the car and I feel my stomach go crazy in my torso. It's jumping around and tripping over itself. I don't know what is going on inside of me. It's kind of freaking me out.

"I don't know…" I feel like any minute now I'm going to chew a hole right through my cheek. I look away from Axel as he extends his hand down towards me, offering to help me stand up. I don't know if I should really give him a chance…but if we'd get along my mom would be _so_ happy.

For my mom, I place my hand in Axel's and let him haul me to my feet. When I look at him, he's simply beaming. I swear there's like rays of sunshine coming out of every orifice.

"I'll show yah I ain't so bad," he says with a happy little grin and starts lazily walking back towards the cafeteria. I catch up and grip his elbow.

"You get exactly one chance Axel," I narrow my eyes at him and he puts his hand over his heart, grinning all the while. I feel like I just made his life or something.

"One chance is all I need Roxy-baby!" I feel my eye twitch and he laughs loudly. "Sorry, but that don't count as a strike or nothing."

He's just so dumb I have to laugh.

I really hope I'm not going to regret this later. My brain seems pretty content though…so I guess I'll just have to trust it.

* * *

**A/N: **GASP! Roxas is actually giving Axel a chance?  
Yes, he is.  
Woo hoo hoo 8D

Now's your chance Axel!  
Swoon him, SWOON HIM I SAY!


	11. He Has No Feelings, Right?

**Chapter Eleven**  
He Has No Feelings, Right?

I'm woken up by a loud crash and my door flying open. I scream, gripping my blankets and pulling them up over my head. I have to admit, I always knew this would be the way I'd go. Death by crazed burglars or something, seeing as I'm always alone. I hold my breath because…well I don't know why but I'm hoping it will hide me from the predator that's barged into my room. I know I'm a coward, but there is no way in hell a 112 pound, 5'3 male is going to take on some psycho delinquent.

I can hear the heavy breathing of the person, and their clumsy footsteps. I start shaking in fear under the covers the closer they get, until finally, they topple onto me. The scream dies in my throat once I smell the familiar scent of burnt cupcakes and whiskey. That combination could only belong to one person. I rip the blanket off my head and glare in the dark at the head of Axel where he's collapsed at the foot of my bed. I stretch my leg and kick him, causing him to flop backwards. "Owwwwwwwwwwww" he howls drunkenly and I glare even more viciously. "Why arrreee yew sho mean?" he slurs and sits up, rubbing his lower back and searching for my face in the dark.

"Why are you in my room?" I spit out, I'm trying to figure out if this is a good enough reason for Axel to lose his only chance at redemption. I don't know if it is, so I figure I'll give him a little more time to fuck up and give me a justifiable reason to go back to hating him with every fiber of my being and not giving him the time of day. Not like I've really been doing anything these past weeks, Axel's been the one trying to gain my affection by all sorts of different ways. I've never eaten so many different pastries in my entire life. I think he honestly believes my hatred for him will die out with the more sweets he shoves down my gullet. I won't lie, they have all been more delicious than the last, but that doesn't prove anything to me. He's still a delinquent and in my eyes, that makes him a bad person and I've yet to be proven other wise.

"I jus came hooome, and I…I…I forget," he giggles before hauling himself to his feet, swaying a little before plopping onto my bed and crawling towards me. My stomach drops and my heart starts pounding crazily the closer he gets. I scoot away until my back hits the head board of my bed, but he doesn't stop until he's sitting right in front of me, cross legged and swaying slightly. "I wan…wanned to talk," He says slowly and I raise an eyebrow at him. I doubt he sees it though. "You…You re-remember when yah ash…Ah-ss-asked me 'bout my bakin'?" Now my interest is peaked and I reconsider tossing his drunk ass right out of my room.

"Yeah, I remember," I say slowly and watch as his face contorts into a look of drunken pain. The moon light filtering through my blinds serves as enough illumination for me to see his features clearly, though he looks much paler under the white light. I can see a bruise blossoming on his cheek bone and again, I'm not surprised. Whenever my parents leave for a few days, he comes back all bruised. I think he picks fights when he knows they won't be back for a while. Where he picks these fights I don't know, but I'm guessing it's at some bar somewhere downtown.

"My sister…she…she loved sweets," Axel looks down at my comforter and I don't know what to say. Apparently he has a sister, which brings up only one question. If he has a sister, why is he here at my house? He obviously has family…then I remember he told me his mother is dead, so I stop my assumptions and continue listening to Axel's drunk slurs. "S-she wanted me to…to stop hanging out with…the gang b-but…ahh, I'm hungry," Axel suddenly shoots up and off my bed, he sort of hobbles around my room until he stops by the door and turns to look at me. I'm just sitting on my bed, staring at him as he stumbles around my room in the dark. "Are you…comin'?" He asks and I decide I better go with him. I'm not going for fear that he's going to hurt himself or anything; I'm going because I fear for the life of my kitchen.

I watch as he walks, if you could call his crazy leg flailing walking, towards the staircase and I watch in horror. There is no way in hell he'd make it down those stairs this drunk. I run over and before he has the chance to toss himself over the first step, I catch him. "Hold on…You're gonna fall," I mumble because I don't want him to hear me actually caring about his dumb ass life. My brain teases me as I try and convince myself I only care because I don't want to have to call my mom and tell her Axel died because he fell down the stairs drunk. He smirks at me, his eyes a little hazy and unfocused when I wrap my arm around his narrow waist and toss his arm over my shoulders. Imagine if you will, the awkwardness of someone my size carrying someone Axel's size down the stairs. I thank heaven and everything else that he's scrawny, and not some big burly man who is not only tall but wide.

We reach the bottom landing with a little difficulty. At the last step, Axel's legs decide they are too drunk to actually bend at the knee, so he's stuck trying to step down without bending his legs. I have to forcefully shove my hand behind his joint and bend them for him. Finally though, we're heading towards the kitchen and I deem the floor flat and safe enough for him to walk on his own. I make it to the kitchen a lot faster because I'm not drunk and smashing into the walls on my way. I decide it would be better and safer for me to make his food. I personally don't care if he eats or not, I just don't want him starting a fire or leaving a mess.

"Kairi…she wasso sweet. Youdda loved 'er," I hear Axel throw himself onto a kitchen stool and settle down. Clearly he had the same idea of me cooking for him. I notice that he's talking about his sister a lot in past tense so I turn away from the fridge and stare at Axel. He's sitting there watching me, his eye make up smeared all the way down to his jaw line, and the bruise looks a lot worse than it did in the dark.

"Why do you keep talking about her in past tense?" I ask and feel like an inconsiderate idiot the minute the words leave my mouth. There are only few reasons people talk about others in past tense. But considering the way he spoke of his mother, I don't have to feel like a jerk. Axel has no feelings…Right? I'm proven other wise when Axel's face contorts again and he looks away. I tell myself those aren't pathetic little sniffles that I'm hearing but my brain isn't to keen on letting me believe that.

"She's dead," Again, he has no tact for saying these sorts of things and I feel my heart clench at the news. I never met his sister, but still. I'm a softie and hearing about death is always just so…uncomfortable. I remember the way he looked when he told me his mother was dead, and it comes nothing close to the pain evident on his face now. There are a few stray tears clinging to his cheeks and more gathering in his eyes and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. I did not expect to see him cry. He's not supposed to have feelings!

"Oh…I'm sorry," I say and decide now would be a good time to leave. Fuck the kitchen and the mess there's going to be in the morning from his drunken cooking. At least I won't be down here in this awkward situation, having to talk about this horrible subject. I start making my way towards the exit but he stops me with a call of my name.

"Can yah help me upstairs?" I notice he's stumbled off the stool and is following me out the archway. I turn and with a huff, I'm entangled with Axel and leading him towards the stair case. He stops though and I'm there tugging him weakly. I hear him sniffle from somewhere overhead. With one more tug, I get him moving again. We make it up with a little less difficulty and I'm willing to bet his drunkenness is slowly ebbing away. I leave him right in front of his door and turn to go to my room, glad this awkward exchange is over. Once I'm in bed, I'll be able to pretend it never happened. Axel won't remember it tomorrow morning, so I can just go on as if I never found out he had a sister. "They killed her…so I'm not a bad person," as I make my way into my room that's all I can hear him mumble but I can't be sure if it's the booze talking or Axel until he calls my name again. I stop and turn to look at him.

The series of events that happen next are too quick for me to really say what order they happened in but all I know is that I some how end up pressed against Axel's chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me and his cold nose pressing against my neck. My stomach starts twisting and turning, and I can feel the intensity of the blush that's just started to form on my face. I don't know whether to shove him away or hug him. I mean, he's drunk right now…and I hate regular Axel, so I should hate drunk Axel even more…but then again, he just told me his sister is dead and he's crying so there's gotta be some middle ground to this situation. I can make an exception around the hatred and give him a little comfort. I mean, I'm not heartless.

I wrap my arms around his middle and hug him back a little awkwardly. I can feel his hot breath creating condensation on my neck and I squirm a bit, trying to get comfortable but he's got me in such a tight grip. I try and ignore my stupid brain because already it's being an idiot. There is no way in hell that I could actually be enjoying this damn hug. Like, Axel's drunk and I'm just here to comfort him a little because I'm not some spawn of Satan who can leave people crying without giving them some condolence. My mother did not raise me that way. I'll admit, she did make me sort of a sis but that's beside the point. "Thanks Rox…" Axel mumbles against my neck and it sends a cold shiver down my spine as he pulls away, his nose is all red and it's more than obvious that he's been crying. Something about that sight makes me feel like I should hate him a little less.

Finally, he stumbles away and into his room and I'm left standing alone in the hallway. To be honest with you and myself, I feel like maybe there's more behind Axel being a delinquent then I first may have thought. Then I feel like smacking myself over the head because he's just a drunk idiot spewing nonsense. I mean, his sister could be dead and I feel sorry for that, but he's still a drunk and he still went out and got into a fight. Clearly the death of his sister didn't affect his life style that much.

Feeling like an idiot for almost believing Axel could be a decent human being, I go back to bed and try to sleep.

I've gotten used to waking up to the sound of loud, blaring music but to wake up to a quiet house when it's just Axel and me sort of unnerves me. I get up cautiously, looking toward my door and waiting for the loud guitar riffs and 20 minute drum solos but they never come. Tentatively I get out of bed and tip toe my way into the hall. There is no sound whatsoever through out the entire house and I'm starting to feel really scared. Axel has never slept in, not even once since coming here and it's been a few weeks since then. I'm usually the last person to wake up and hearing the house this silent in the morning is weird. I make my way downstairs and I can't help the unmanly scream that finds its way out of me and into the open.

"Ah, don't scream!" Axel covers his ears and presses his head into the cool counter top. I look at him curiously, the fear that everyone died in some post-apocalyptic disaster growing smaller and smaller. Axel is awake so that's a good sign, but the house is still unnaturally silent.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I cock my hip out and lean against the door frame, Axel's rolling his face all along the counter and it sort of grosses me out. He lifts his face and I have never seen someone look as hung over as he does right now. The bags under his eyes would probably weigh in as two separate luggages in an airport and his hair looks like it's home to more than 1,000 species of rare wild life.

"Whenever I drink Whiskey…" he doesn't finish, instead he bolts out of the kitchen and down the hall to the first floor bathroom. I know too well what he's off to do, so I walk into the kitchen to get farther away from the sounds of him throwing up and closer to food. Serves him right for going out and drinking all night. Seeing as Axel is sick, he probably won't be cooking me breakfast. Damn him, forgetting about my hunger. I mean, isn't he supposed to be winning my affection over? He's not going to do that by throwing up his lungs in the bathroom. I decide to make myself something though I'm not at all happy about it. I'm not very good at cooking, and if you ask my mother she will shudder in fear at the very mention of something made solely by me. It is then, as I'm standing in front of the fridge searching for food and cursing Axel's name that the heavenly smell of something reaches my nose.

I find an omelet set out on the counter by the stools, a glass of orange juice set right beside it. I bite my lip, feeling two kinds of awful before I decide that he got drunk so it's his fault he's in pain right now. I sit and by the time I start eating, Axel is ambling back into the kitchen, holding his head and plugging his nose. "You'd never believe how hard makin' that fuckin' omelet was," he groans, throwing himself into a stool beside me. All I can do is nod my head and shove more omelet in my face. "I didn't do anything to lose my chance, right?" he asks slowly after I'm half way through eating and I shake my head.

"No, you still got it." This omelet is fucking heavenly. I mean, I have never eaten anything this good before…but then again, I say that about everything this bastard cooks so I'm not surprised. I've over come the jealousy and hatred I felt before towards Axel for his cooking. I figure, as long as he cooks for me, why should I be angry? I'm getting great food with no effort, so I can at least put aside the fact that I hate him and just eat his food. It's not like it's a part of him or anything.

When the omelet is finally out of my sight and in my stomach, images from last night finally flood my mind and I remember Axel bawling his eyes out and telling me about his sister. I remember standing in the hallway and hugging him to make him feel better and I look at him from the corner of my eye, wondering if he can remember any of that. I don't know if I should bring it up or not, so I just get up and go to wash the dishes.

"Roxas…about last night," Axel starts and I freeze just as I start soaping up my plate "I really did mean that thank you," I hear the bar stool scoot across the floor and in a few minutes I know I'm left alone in the kitchen. If I'm honest with myself, Axel's quiet behavior is worrisome and a small part of me wants to go see if he's alright, but then the larger part of me shrugs its shoulders and says _'Eh, who cares? He's a delinquent, he has no feelings,'_ and just like that I brush it off.

I shouldn't care because for all I know this could all just be a trick to get me to fall at his feet like everyone else. For all I know, he probably doesn't even have a sister who died and I hugged him for no reason. With that thought in mind, I finish the dishes and head back upstairs. If it isn't a trick, I know I'm going to feel really bad for thinking this way, but I'm more than certain it's just Axel trying to win me over.

If that's the case though, I'm going to hate him even more when the truth comes out to the light.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey ladies and gents!  
I know it's been a while since the last update of Brotherly Love, but I was going through some stuff and almost canceled and scraped this story.  
But hey...here it is alive and well, and we finally find out a little more about Axel.  
Not much because he's drunk, but still a little tid bit to get you going!  
XD

Anyway, there's gonna be a poll on my page so I'd appreciate some feedback.  
It'll probably be about what story you all want to see updated more regularly, so that I could maybe try and focus on that one.  
Yup, that's it.  
And if anyone who reads Brotherly Love, also reads The Resolution...I'm sorry to say, but that story will def. be scraped.  
I'm just not feelin' it.

Till next time loves!

-Your friendly neighborhood Sharmander.


	12. You Want To Know The Truth?

**Chapter Twelve**  
"You want to know the truth?"

"Maybe you should just go in and check on him," Sora says before shoving half a sandwich in his mouth, his big blue eyes are all beady and pleading but I don't want to succumb to Axel's will and walk right into a trap. I still don't really believe his entire story about his dead sister, and how she was supposedly murdered by some gang or whatever. Sora however, begs to differ. He almost bawled his eyes out when I told him what had happened and what the delinquent had told me. I don't know what to do, and apparently Sora thinks I should go into Axel's room to see if the redheaded psycho path is alright, seeing as he hasn't come out since this morning. I chew on my bottom lip, staring at the door, torn between hating or caring about Axel. I don't know exactly what to do. I mean, if I go in there and check on him and this is all just some pathetic attempt to get me to like him, he'll feel like he's actually getting his way, but if he is actually in pain, or hurt somehow and I don't go to check on him…How could I possibly live with myself? He's a delinquent, how could he possibly be in emotional turmoil? Those kinds of people don't care about anything, which is exactly why I hate him. But the thing is, if he actually did have a sister and he did love her the way it seems he did, then…he must have cared for something. My brain is starting to hurt.

"I don't know Sora…" I stare at the door, not quite sure what to do and my cousin stands up, and marches right towards me. I feel the tight grip on my arm and at first I don't really register it, until Sora is tugging me out of the chair and shoving me into the hallway. I turn to look at him, and he looks serious, his eyebrows pulled low over his eyes and his mouth in a tight line. I swallow, not being able to remember a time when he looked like this.

"Stop being such a shit head, honestly. I'm getting sick of this stupid hatred! What has Axel ever done to you to make you hate him like this? You're being ridiculous Roxas and if you don't stop this right now, I'll…I'll…Well I don't know what I'll do but I promise it will be awful and unpleasing." I feel like laughing but I know now is definitely not the right time, seeing as Sora is on the verge of doing something horrible to me. With a sigh, I start walking towards Axel's room. I stand in front of the door for a good 15 minutes before I finally knock. The response from the other side is muffled and quiet, so I push open the door and walk right in. The room isn't as messy as I thought it would be. I mean, Axel is a criminal, why would he worry about keeping his room clean anyway? Clearly, my assumption had been wrong. I'm noticing that a lot of my assumptions are wrong lately. I'm just hoping all the ones about Axel are right, or else I'll feel like a huge freaking idiot…

"Roxas?" The voice is Axel's and he sounds like he's been sleeping, probably trying to get rid of his horrible hang over that's still lurking over his head like a black cloud.

"Hey…uhm…I just came to see if you're not dead," I say trying to sound nonchalant, and I grip my opposite arm, squeezing it and just standing awkwardly in Axel's room. He's laying on the bed, face pressed into the pillows, but tilted so that he can look at me, and the blankets thrown over him. I see his bare shoulder as he shifts to sit up and my throat dries. Remember when I admitted to myself that he's attractive? Yeah, I wish I hadn't done that. That was like giving my brain permission to visualize dirty things every chance it gets. Not like it didn't do that anyway. Fucking brain. He sits up fully, the blanket pooling around his waist and exposing his flat chest, again glimpses of tattoos showing and standing out against his pale skin. I swallow thickly, feeling a dark blush coming on. Damn it, why am I so hormonal? I hate being a stupid teenage boy.

"Oh, well, look who cares," Axel smirks one eyebrow arching while his eyes trail up and down my frame. I shift uncomfortably, already regretting coming in here and even showing that I have at least a fraction of a heart. I hate Sora for pushing me into this damn situation, and I hate Axel even more. Though, I'm starting to have trouble keeping that hatred going.

"Yeah well…it's just cause I don't want you dying. My mom would never believe me if I told her I didn't do it," I shoot back, turning and glaring at his wall. I notice the walls are just as bare as they always had been. In fact, the room isn't changed at all. There are just a few clothes on the desk and the floor, but everything else is as it's always been. Oblivion is peacefully sleeping on a pile of his clothes and I just remember her existence now. Honestly, nothing is vandalized or broken, and there isn't any cigarette burns on the fabric or anything like I thought there would be. Axel actually respected this space and that's surprising, considering the type of person he is. But then again, do I even know the type of person he is?

God damn it, I liked it much better when I didn't have to wonder about Axel. I liked it when I knew I hated him because he was a damn delinquent. I liked it when I thought he was just a heartless criminal instead of some teenaged boy ripped away from his home and grieving over his dead sister. I liked it better when I had never seen him cry. I mean, once you see someone cry, it's hard to think of them as emotionless. They obviously have some sort of feelings, right? Especially if they had the same pain filled look in their eyes as Axel had that night. He just looked so damn hurt and vulnerable. You have to see someone cry like that to question if your hate for them is truly justified. See what I mean? Learning about Axel has completely fucked me over. It was so much easier before, when I didn't know anything about his personality or his pains. I liked it when I just thought of him as a nuisance.

"Oh, I see. Well, I'm in good health, ain't no problems here. So…you can get goin'," Axel sounds disappointed that I hadn't come in here because I cared. Well, at least that's what I told him. I don't think I'd ever admit actually wanting to check on him. I mean, he'd think I'm falling for him and that is definitely not happening. Even if he's not a delinquent, and a terrible person, he's still my adoptive brother right? I couldn't have feelings for him beyond brotherly love. If I did, that would be just wrong…wouldn't it? Well, I definitely can't ask Sora, because he wants to shag Riku, so obviously this whole adopted thing doesn't bother him in the least.

"Uh…you hungry?" I ask feebly because I really don't know what else to say. Axel looks thrown off and I bite my bottom lip. I have never felt this awkward around him before. All I've ever felt around Axel is angry or annoyed, but now after last night it's kind of hard to be as angry with him as before. I'm such a fucking softie for people in pain. I can't even keep up my hatred for him. I'm so pathetic. My teachers were right when they said I couldn't stick with something all the way through.

"Actually, I am…but, I ain't want nothing cooked by you," He grins widely at me and I glare at him. In all honestly, I could agree with Axel. He's nauseous and hung over, I doubt he'd even want to see something cooked by me, but still. How dare he say that about my food when I'm offering to actually cook for him. I glare harder and turn, leaving the room and slamming the door. I stomp all the way back downstairs, only because I know he has a killer headache and when I reach where Sora is, I find him eating more. He looks at me, his cheeks filled to the point of almost bursting and his eyes ask the question his mouth is too busy to.

"He's a dick," I mumble as I drop into a bar stool. I don't really feel that offended but I guess I'm just used to walking away from Axel angrily. I'm actually scared that I don't feel like killing him. I haven't felt like doing anything hurtful to him since last night and that's terrifying, considering he kept me up half the night with his puking. Sora swallows everything in his mouth and stares at me in shock.

"What happened?" He asks, rushing over to me and looking intensely into my face. I know that I can't lie to Sora, because he can totally tell when I am and if he found out, I'm sure he'd beat me. I shrug my shoulders, trying to avoid eye contact and I can feel the anger radiating off Sora. He slams his open palms on the table, making a loud enough noise to make me jump.

"What the hell Roxas? Honestly, I want to know what the heck your deal is with him! I've talked to Axel and he's a cool person, why do you insist to treat him like he's some serial killer or something? Don't you realize that since he came you've been such a wet blanket? You don't sit with us as lunch, you barely talk…it's driving everyone crazy!" he grips my shoulders tightly and starts shaking me, I feel like a damn bobble head, "Tell me what your problem with him is! What, do you like secretly have a crush on him or something?" here his angry face slowly melts away into what I could call a knowing grin, but he doesn't know anything at all. I pull away from him and jump off the stool, looking at him like he's insane. How dare he say I have a crush on Axel!

"I do not like Axel! How could I? He's a criminal," I cross my arms over my chest and Sora sighs loudly, sounding like a tired mother.

"I'm getting really sick of your judgemental attitude towards him. Have you even found out why he got into the troubled teens camp? Usually teenagers who turn to crime have suffered a lot at home…or well, that's what the internet said," he smiles at me and I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling.

"Sora, you need to stay away from computers," it's really all I can say because if I continue with this Axel conversation Sora is just going to get fed up with me. Plus, it's sort of creeping me out that Sora is sounding so sure of himself and is actually making sense. It just isn't right.

"Yeah, I usually just end up googling porn or something," He smiles at me and I back away from him in horror. My eyes wide and completely showing how grossed out it am.

"EW SORA!"

For some reason, I am having a lot of trouble falling asleep. I guess it's because I'm starting to miss my parents. I know that when they leave, it's usually for a lot of days at a time, considering what they do for a living but still. I never quite get used to not having them around all the time. I know I said before that I don't hold anything against them, because I don't but still. I miss not hearing my mom singing in the morning, or seeing my dad all motor oil streaked and drinking black coffee at the table. When they come back, I'm going to cling to them like plastic wrap.

I'm torn out of my thoughts by a loud thump and a curse. I sit up quickly, my eyes glued to my door as a dark shadow walks past. I've taken to sleeping with my door open at night to see when Axel sneaks out, and this is one of those times. I'm usually snoring by the time he leaves, but tonight I'm wide awake. I jump out of bed and rush into the hallway, running all the way down the stairs to find Axel standing at the door just about to escape.

"And where do you think you're going?" I say loudly, seeing as there is no one in the house but us, I don't have to whisper and worry about waking up my parents. Axel screams and jumps around, I can see the faint outline of his hand clutching at his chest and the wide eyed look on his face. I feel proud of myself for scaring him a second time.

"I'm goin' out," That's Axel's usual response, but tonight I'm not going to settle for that. I need to know where he goes. This could actually serve as something to fuel my hatred. I mean, he could be sneaking out for doing something horrible. Like stealing. I know for sure he leaves here every night to drink, but what else he does is still a mystery.

"Where?" I ask and he seems taken off guard by my question. I usually just try to stop him, but tonight I'm not going to. Tonight I'm going to find out the truth.

"Out…" he turns, about to open the door and I lunge forward. No way is he getting away. I need to know where he's going damn it!

"Where?" I ask again, louder and with a little more demand. Axel turns slowly, looking at where my hand is gripping his elbow. I feel a shiver of fear run down my spine, because like to admit it or not, I'm scared of Axel. I mean, he's never been aggressive towards me or anything but still. There has always been that hidden fear in the back of my mind that he'll beat the shit out of me. Considering how rude I've been to him, I'm surprised he hasn't yet.

"You want to know the truth?" Axel's voice suddenly drops into a solemn tone, and I feel my heart clench. I don't know if I can handle another crying session. I don't know if my hatred could live any longer if I see him cry again.

* * *

**A/N:** FINALLY CHAPTER TWELVE IS HERE!  
I know a few of you guys have waited for this for a long time, and I'm really sorry for making you all wait.  
But thank you for your patience and your caring words!  
A special thanks to everyone, you've all helped me so much through this tough time.  
This chapter is for all of you (:

-Love, Sharmander


	13. I Have a What on Who?

**Chapter Thirteen**  
I Have a What on Who?

"So, what you're saying is you go to your sister's grave every night?" I can't believe Axel. He has the nerve to lie right in my face about something so serious. I stare at him and he just stares right back at me, not blinking at all, like some sort of eyelid-less alien. I have to blink because my eyes feel like they are on fire. I rub at them and he looks away after a while, his shoulders drooping. He looks like a wet puppy, quite a drastic change from the way he looked when he walked into my foyer and began his reign of terror.

"It sounds sketchy, I know…but she was buried not too far from here…like an hour away," he chews on his lip viciously, like the thing was made out of cake or something equally delicious and I just can't find anything to say. I know I should tell him to fuck off and tell me the truth, but I can't find it in me to tell him I don't believe a word coming out of his mouth. I look up at the ceiling and just sigh, nice and loud. Whatever happened to my cold and calloused heart? Oh yeah, I've always had a soft mushy part for sad people.

"Well, why can't I go with you?" I decide that the only way I'll believe him, is if I see this supposed grave of this supposed dead baby sister. Don't go thinking I'm heartless or anything because I don't believe him. I mean, would you believe someone if they told you their sister was murdered by some big gang, and after everything they've been through, going to a troubled teens camp and even coming to a new city, amazingly the grave is only an hour away? Yeah, it sounds just too made up for my likings. Axel looks like I just slapped him across the face with a bag of not crushed ice and he stands up.

"This is the only thing I have that's all mine…call me selfish, but I wanna keep it that way, at least for a while, I hope you uh…understand," and just like that Axel turns on his heel and almost sprints out of the house, slamming the door and leaving me sitting on the couch in the dark. I don't understand, but I won't tell him that. Instead, I'll call Sora. It's too late to be calling people you say? Bahumbug.

"Hello?" Sora sounds like he has laryngitis when he answers the phone in the middle of the night, his voice is all raspy and low and it's sort of hard to understand him at first. Luckily, I've grown up with him, so understanding him is like second nature to me. Even if this deep morning voice creeps the fuck out of me. I mean, he's Sora, this tiny bundle of gay energy, he isn't supposed to sound like Mr. T.

"Hey Sora, I gotta talk," I pace around the living room, and decide to stay up and wait for Axel. Ever since he told me about his sister, he's been all weird. He's not the same loud mouth idiot, and to be honest I sort of miss that him. He's all soggy now, like a wet piece of bread. I guess I've been acting the same since his arrival, because Sora did call me a wet blanket and it's sort of the same concept. I guess I feel bad for my friends and my cousin. I could lighten up, and I will. They don't deserve to suffer.

"Well, talk…and it better be worth you calling at 3 in the morning."

" Shut it, it's 2:30. Anyway, Axel told me where he sneaks off to every night, but the thing is…it's such a made up story, you wouldn't even believe it." Sora grunts, letting me know he's following along and I continue, "Well, supposedly he goes to his sister's grave. What are the fucking odds that it's near by huh? Like come on! He lived in a completely different city for crying out loud!" I hear Sora shuffling around on the other side before he grunts and coughs loudly a few times. I hear Riku shout something in the background along the lines of "what the fuck Sora, get off my ass" but I'm hoping I heard wrong.

"Here we go again Roxas…why is this so hard to believe? I think you just want him to be lying so you can hate him. I think you're scared to like him. " I can hear the smugness in his voice and I'm about to reply, to say something rude but I stop. Sora…actually might have a point. Before I can think about it more, he's talking again. "Didn't he just live like one city over? Riku told me Axel's story and it seems believable…" My eyes widen and I grip the phone tightly, Sora knows Axel's entire story? From beginning to end? I shout, telling him to tell me everything, and he sounds sort of caught off guard but he agrees to share his knowledge. "Well what Riku told me is that Axel's mom died of an overdose, so they were given over to his older brother and they were really poor or something, so Axel joined this gang for money and his sister asked him to leave it and he couldn't 'cause the only way you can leave that gang is by paying some crazy blood fee," I ask Sora what he means by blood fee and he makes it sound like I'm stupid, "You don't know what it is? Jesus, haven't you ever watched any gang movies? It's where they either kill you, or someone related to you. Anyway, Axel said he'd never leave 'cause they needed the money. Him and his brother were constantly fighting over it and stuff, so one day his sister went to the headquarters or whatever and turned herself in for his freedom, his brother had enough and sent Axel away to the teens camp. See, it's believable," Sora stays quiet and I guess he's expecting me to say something. I chew on my bottom lip for a few seconds, taking in this new information. Well, maybe it is a little believable. I feel my heart clench a little, my brain telling me I actually feel slightly sorry for Axel. He almost sacrificed his life to give his sister some money. I mean, joining a gang is almost like killing yourself. If she wouldn't have handed herself in, he would have eventually died or even ended up in prison. I guess he isn't as bad a person as I thought. He really did love someone. Huh, he actually cared about something. My heart sort of cracks in my chest and the feeling of being a jerk slowly consumes me. I feel really shitty.

"I guess…" Sora sighs loudly and I hear his door open through the phone, "Sora…where are you?" I can hear him breathing so I know he's still on the line but he doesn't answer me. Instead the dial tone suddenly molests my eardrum and I stare at the phone. The bastard hung up on me! The knock on the door sort of scares me, but I know it's Sora…or well I hope it's him. I make my way towards the door and tug it open, I'm greeted by Sora's palm making harsh contact with my smooth cheek and I recoil covering my face as he keeps hitting me. Literally beating me back into the house, through the foyer and into the wall.

"I. am. So. Tired. Of. You. Doubting. Axel." Each word is accentuated with a slap and I don't even get to defend myself because Riku barges in, screaming like a maniac and tackles me into the floor. The air is squished out of me as they both sit on my stomach. I stare up at Sora, my eyes bulging out of my head and Riku bounces a bit, making me grunt like an old man trying to shit out a boulder. "He has no reason to lie to you, tell 'im Riku," Sora glares at me through the darkness and I see Riku's silver hair bob.

"It's a true story. I saw Axel's older brother come to the camp, only once though…they fought or something and he never came back but yeah, Axel ain't a liar. He's a lot of things…but not a liar," Sora grins at me, pushing more weight down on my stomach and I wiggle viciously under them like a burning worm.

"Okay, okay! UNCLE!" I scream, my arms pinned down at my sides, or else I would have punched them both in the stupid face. Riku is the first to get off, Sora taking his sweet ass time. He may only be 5 feet tall but he weighs a fucking ton! Finally, I can get up and breathe. My back hurts from when Riku body slammed me. I stare at both Riku and Sora, or well I'm looking at the back of Riku's head because he's wandering off into the darkness of my house. Sora is just standing there, staring at me.

"Roxas, seriously. Just give him a chance…for real," he smiles at me and it sort of gets me thinking, when the hell did he get to know Axel? I raise an eyebrow at him and tug him into the living room, pushing him down onto the couch. "Whoa, Rox…so not into the whole incest scene," he laughs crazily when I gag, I'd slap him, but I don't have the energy. I'm still trying to fill my lungs.

"When the hell did you get to know Axel?" I ask skeptically and Sora crosses his arms over his chest, staring at me with a mean look. I wonder if that's what I look like when I squint like that and figure I probably do. Sora was born a day before me, and it was my brilliant aunt and mother's idea to name us basically the same name. They had planned this years in advance. Which ever baby was born first would be named Sora, since they both had this unhealthy obsession with that name and the second baby born would be named Roxas. Sora with an X thrown into the mix. I sometimes wonder if they had planned the whole pregnancy so that we'd be born around the same time and it grosses me out. I wonder how Dad and uncle Leon felt about this. I'm brought out of my thoughts by Sora answering my question.

"When you were being a baby and kept leaving the lunch table. We've all learned a bit about Axel, and we all like him a lot. Well…Hayner has this weird territorial thing going on because Nami likes drawing Axel but, they get along rather well. If you'd have just sat with us…"

"Okay, I get it! I'll give him a chance…for real this time," I won't admit to Sora that I've gotten to know him a little too, and that he isn't as bad as I first thought. I don't want to admit it to anyone, because then I'll look so damn stupid. I guess I'll have to eventually look like a jerky dumbass sooner or later. It's better sooner than later, in all honesty.

"Where is he anyway?" Sora looks around the living room, like he's actually going to spot the redhead hiding in a corner or something. When he doesn't find him anywhere he looks back at me.

"At his sister's grave," I try not to sound mean or anything but obviously Sora doesn't like the tone of voice I use. I roll my eyes, "What? That's where he is," my cousin doesn't say anything and Riku bursts in through the doorway.

"Boo yaka, boo yaka!" Sora bursts out laughing and I sit there, not understanding their weird joke. It's moments like this where I actually wish Axel was here. He is usually the one keeping Riku occupied, in his room or out in the backyard whenever Sora drags him over. Which is every single time he comes to my house. I bet Aunt Betty is just ecstatic that they get along, and it's probably her fault my mom is so hell bent on Axel and me being buddy buddy. If only Aunt Betty knew that her son wanted to get into her adoptive son's pants. She wouldn't be too ecstatic then. Or well, knowing my Aunt, she'd probably still be happy because she is a strong believer in true love and all that jazz, which is probably why she didn't even care about Sora being a queer bag.

My eyelids suddenly feel very heavy and I yawn, deciding I'd rather be in bed then sitting in my living room with two psycho paths. Before I get up, I hear my front door slam open and we all scream, my throat burning with the sheer force of my banshee cry. Sora flies over the coffee table and Riku dives into the living room, landing behind the armchair. He looks so brave and tough, but he's a damn mouse in lion's clothing. I'm no Mufasa either, to be honest but I stand up and go check out what just happened. My knees are knocking and my legs feel like jelly. "Roxas! Are Sora and Riku here? Please, tell me they are here!" It's my Aunt Betty and my Uncle Leon, he's probably the one who almost broke down the door. Why does everyone abuse my damn door?

"We're here mom!" Sora shouts and appears behind me, Riku slowly waltzing over and saluting Uncle Leon. He doesn't look too happy, and if we were a bad family, I'd say they are going to get beats when they get home, but alas they'd never hit their kids. I on the other hand, would happily beat the crap out of them. I'd even do it for free.

"Oh thank heavens. I thought you'd been abducted!"

"Oh please, they'd bring these two back in seconds," I mumble and my Uncle chuckles, never one to actually laugh out loud. I smile at him, before I'm interrupted by a yawn. My Aunt pats my head before turning and deciding she's satisfied with where her children are.

"Well, if you two are just over here that's fine. Just don't come home too late," they go to close the door but I stop them, gripping the knob like a vice and starting at them both with a dead serious gaze.

"Take them with you…please," my voice is on the verge of quivering with the begging and my aunt just laughs that soft jingling giggle of hers, but my uncle seems to understand because he beckons Sora and Riku out of the house.

"Leave your cousin, let's go," His voice is always so calming and sombre. It's hard to imagine him yelling viciously at anyone. I don't even think he'd need to yell though. He's build like a tank and has a deep scar on his face, from when an armed robbery got out of hand. He's a police officer, in case you're wondering. I would never want to make my uncle mad. He's a damn beast.

Finally, after a reluctant Sora and Riku were forced out of my house, it's quiet. I sigh deeply, venturing into the darkness. It's actually not that dark out anymore, the sun close to rising. I wonder when Axel's coming back, and when I realize that I'm actually a little worried about him, I have to fight the urge to smack myself. I mean, if I'm going to give him a chance, I'll have to warm up to the idea of warming up to the redheaded menace. My brain, if it had eyebrows, would have wiggled them.

I'm usually awoken by loud sounds, but not this time. This time, I'm awoken by quiet sobs coming from across the hall. God damn it, that must mean Axel is home, and he's crying. I have to force myself out of bed and across the room towards the door. If I see him cry one more time… My hand hesitates before I tug the door open and walk out. I can hear him sniffling in the quiet of the house, and I'd probably never have heard him if my mom was home. She loves singing in the morning, and I doubt he'd be crying if my parents were home anyway. I knock softly on his door and hear him shuffling around crazily, then a loud thunk and finally the door is pulled open. I don't know what it is, if it's the lighting in the hallway, the sunrise just seconds away or the fact that Axel's hair is in a pony tail but the sight of him makes my stomach twist in a way I haven't felt since I'd gotten my first crush in grade two. That pure, innocent attraction little kids develop, which gives birth to butterflies, surges through me and I don't really understand myself. I mean, I know I don't hate him, hate him but I can't have a crush on him either…can I? Suddenly it all makes sense. Every time my stomach would flip nervously in my torso, and the way I'd blush, and my brains strange obsession with imagining him naked. For fuck sakes, I have a crush on Axel. On the delinquent. On my damn adoptive brother!

"Axel…are you okay?" It's a sincere question and he shakes his head, rubbing at his eyes before collapsing, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face in my neck. I hug him back, a lot faster than last time and he just cries. He's been crying a lot recently. I tentatively sniff him but there isn't a trace of alcohol on his clothing, not even the familiar musky scent of cigarettes. It's a shock but I can't ponder it too long because he pulls away.

"The anniversary of her death is coming' up soon…it's weird but…I always get all snotty," I can't tell if he's blushing or not because the hallway is bathed in a soft orange, red glow. Regardless, I can't stop my stomach from filling with butterflies again. This is bad…really bad. I don't know what to think. It took him crying to make me realize I like him? That's more than a little creepy. I notice that my disbelief is actually really stupid. No one could cry this hard over someone who isn't real. No one would go this far just to get on someone's good side.

"Oh…well…I'm sorry. Uhm…want to talk about anything?" I feel so awkward. So. Damn. Awkward.

"Naw, I'll be okay in a few days. I'll be back to ruinin' your life and all that jazz," he winks at me, even though his eyes are rimmed with red and I force out a smile. I can't say I don't look forward to him getting back to normal. "Say Rox, how 'bout we hang out today? That'd probably help take my mind off all this," his smile is just too helpless for me to say no to him. I feel like biting my tongue, but my head is a traitor and decides to nod before I give the go ahead. "Great! Meet me downstairs in a few," he turns and disappears behind his door and I try to ignore the way his eyes lit up when I agreed.

I wonder fearfully just where he's taking me at the break of dawn, and I decided that when we get back, I'll tell Sora all about it. Maybe he'll get off my case about being nice to Axel. I'll just leave out the fact that I have a crush on him. I wish I didn't even know that.

* * *

**A/N: **This chapter went through so much changes and different versions it's not even funny.  
I'm glad it came out this way. I was having trouble sticking to the humor, my brain kept wanting to veer off into angst and I had to remind myself that "NO! This is supposed to be a funny story!"  
It might not be comic genius, but it's got a few haha moments. Who else knew it'd take Roxas 13 chapters to realize he's got the hots for his adopted brother? El oh El!

Second biggest challenege with this chapter? Typing with a rubber, bendable keyboard.  
It freaking SUCKS!

Anyway, I hope this chapter is to all your likings!


	14. Axel has Horrible, Horrible Timing

**Chapter Fourteen**  
Axel has Horrible, Horrible Timing

I didn't really plan to be outside at 5 in the morning, but I don't think a lot of teenagers are awake at this time, so my brain doesn't even work properly yet. Plus, I don't see how there is anyway I'd be able to plan for a spontaneous trip with Axel, so that's a bit comforting, especially when I stand here in shorts with nothing but keys and I.D. It's kind of chilly outside, but the sun is on a steady climb, so in a while it'll be burning my flesh, which right now, is something I can't wait for. But once it's hot, I'm sure I'll be complaining, of course.

Axel hops down the front steps and huddles in his old, beat up leather jacket. His jeans are full of tears and his bulky engineer boots are clunking around his thin ankles. I've never really paid attention to Axel's choice of wardrobe, not much after the first day I met him. At first it shocked me but really, it's just a collection of really tight t-shirts, leather and torn denim. The only shoes he owns are clunky engineer boots, red Doc Martins and that's it. I stare down at myself. I'm wearing a white high school sweater, Spirit Wear or whatever, and nylon shorts. I don't even know what my own style is considered. In fact, I don't even know if I have a style.

"Ready?" Axel asks and he looks nervous, I nod my head and we start walking. I wonder just where we are going, because I hear change jingling in Axel's pocket. I don't know if I should have brought some change for the bus, or if we could just drive there. I stop suddenly, realizing that, Hello…I own a fucking _Lexus_. There is no reason for us to be taking public transit. Ugh, I shudder to think.

"How about I drive us there?" I take my house keys out of the sweater pocket, my car keys attached right to the Key blade (that's what I took to calling it) keychain Axel gave me at Chuck.. Axel looks like he just might kiss my brain for coming up with such genius, and smiles brightly, nodding and turning towards the garage. "Where exactly are we going?" I ask, opening the garage door. My dad has this obsession with the classics, which is why we still have the manual garage door. The heavy ones you unlock and lift up over your head. The ones that are such a pain in the fucking ass. It's a long process taking the car out, parking and going to shut the door but oh well. My dad will never change his mind if you don't have a good argument. I guess that's where I get my stubborn attitude. When I get back to the car, I unlock the doors and watch Axel slide in. I follow suit, starting the car up and leaving the driveway behind.

"Just follow my directions," That's all he says and I just shrug, pulling onto the main street and waiting for some indication on where to do. "Go right, then keep going straight," he looks out the window and I turn the car. There isn't too much traffic and I thank God for that. I've never been too good in traffic, and I usually develop a tiny hint of Road Rage, but just a tiny, tiny bit. "Turn right on Lawrence and Keele," I reach a red light and stop, looking around the main intersection, watching the few people who are out at this ungodly hour, just walking around or waiting for the bus. They could be going anywhere. I realize there are a million places we could go to from here, and I really don't know if I'd be willing to go over each of them in my mind.

After what seems like forever taking directions from Axel, finally going on the highway and taking even more directions, buildings begin growing sparse and people show up few and far between. We're driving on the outskirts of the city, and along side a black iron fence. My stomach flips nervously when I notice we're driving straight towards Cemetery gates. Axel glances at me nervously from the corner of his eye, and when I immediately look at him, he sighs, dropping his head back against the seats. "After a lot of thought today…I realized that hey…you're the closest thing to family I've got…So, if I don't trust yah enough to share this, I don't deserve the chance you're giving me." Axel smiles at me softly and I have to look away before my conscience kills me. I feel horrible for not really giving him a chance, and especially for not trusting him if he trusts me enough to share this with me. I'm not an idiot; I know exactly where we are going.

I bite my bottom lip and park the car, there isn't another soul for miles. We sit in silence for a few seconds until Axel places his hand softly over mine, with a soft squeeze he makes me look up and motions for me to follow. I ignore the butterflies because now isn't their time. I lick my dry lips and unlock the doors, both of us climbing out in silence. I think about how I'd have reacted if Axel would have touched my hand like that when he first arrived. I know I would have freaked out, or as Naminé would say, I would have over reacted. Pfft.

There's a soft breeze blowing the branches and I try not to be creeped out by the eerie silence of the place. I know it's quiet because well, what else can I expect a cemetery to be? But still, it's this strangely calm feeling that the place seems to be engulfed in. The feeling of souls at rest. Axel just walks quickly, his boots crushing lush green grass under their soles, I guess he doesn't feel too great in this place and I wonder if it's where they buried his mother. I feel like I'm tainting the serene atmosphere when I walk and a twig snaps under my foot, the sound seeming to echo out and spread into every crevice. Axel just looks back and smiles at me while I try and calm my pounding heart. His eyes are glossy, and the smile just doesn't light up his face like I know it could. I hurry up, falling in step with Axel and something makes me reach out and hold his arm. I'm not scared…it's just I don't feel comfortable stepping on dead people.

Finally Axel stops, under a tree with pink blossoms growing on it and pale leaves. I stare at the tree, wondering just what kind it is, but before I have time to think anymore, Axel is talking. "This is it…Kairi's grave. She uhm, wanted to be buried next to my mum. Something she asked me a few months after we found out she was sick," I look up at him and he stares out at nothing, I ask quietly what she had and his voice becomes tight. He keeps talking though, even if it sounds like he's choking. "…She had pancreatic cancer, which was a big reason I stayed in the gang, I bought her whatever medicine I could…not like I'm looking for excuses to justify everythin' I did," I look down at the grass, my heart finishes breaking when I see the name plates side by side on the ground.

_Athina Black, loving mother and caring sister._

_Kairi Black, Beloved Sister. _

Axel sniffles from somewhere off to the side and I look over at him as he wipes his nose on his sleeve much too roughly. It's slowly turning red, and his cheeks are a little flushed. I still think his nose is adorable, especially all irritated. What he told me registers and I feel even worse, if that's possible. On top of everything, Kairi was sick? How much sadness could one person stand? I feel my eyes getting teary, the urge to cry for Axel getting really strong. I fight it tooth and nail though, because I just can't cry. I don't know, it feels odd.

The sun is shinning through the leaves, casting little rays of warmth to fall on separate parts of my body and the breeze is still swirling around quietly. I'm just really thinking all this because I have nothing to say and I don't want to concentrate on the horrible feeling settling in my stomach. I was wrong to doubt Axel. I feel terrible as I turn and pull him over to me by the sleeve. He comes over with little resistance and stays at my side, staring blankly down at the golden plates, his tears rolling down his cheeks. I fight the urge to wrap my arms around him and stroke his hair, much like my mom used to do to me when I was younger and crying. Something tells me no one had ever done that for Axel. "She was the one that taught me to bake. It was because she wanted to calm me down after Reno and I fought…and we fought a lot. He was our older brother. It was so…weird…I met him the same day as my mother's funeral. We hadn't even known he existed." I listen quietly, not working up the guts to tell Axel that I know a whole lot about his life that he didn't tell me but instead I swallow it and say nothing. I decide that since he's sharing so much with me, I might as well share something with him. Something deep and personal. I take in a deep breath, summoning the courage.

"I feel like I should share something secret with you," I say quietly after a few minutes of silence go by unnoticed by Axel. His head snaps up and he looks at me in shock, almost like he doesn't believe it was me who just spoke. I smile, the blush working its way across my cheeks. "Yeah, it's something I've only told Sora and a few others…" I swallow, looking away and Axel stays quiet. "Uh…I'm gay," I shut my eyes and wait for something. I don't know what I expect Axel to say, but I'm scared. This is probably the weirdest way to come out to anyone, after they share their sad life story. My life has actually no sadness in it. The worst thing that ever happened to me was Axel's adoption, and now, I don't even see it as something bad. My skeleton is shaking in my skin, causing my entire being to tremble. After too much time and not enough words are present, I turn and peel my eyelids back. Axel is just grinning at me.

"Yeah, I sorta knew it…but thanks Blondie, for trustin' me 'nough to say it out loud," Axel's smile is so wide, I think his cheeks are going to be sore for days, and I have so much blood rushing into mine, I just might collapse. I blink dumbly before asking how he knew. He winks, pointing an imaginary pistol at his temple. "T'was so obvious…that and Sora told me," He laughs loudly when I gasp, my eyes widening. He wipes the last stray tears off his cheeks as his wide, glowing smile dims into a soft one. I try and ignore the way he's looking at me. It's like I'm all he sees. Like I'm just the best person ever. "Thank you Roxas…this means so much to me. Yanno, sharin' this uh…pain, with someone. Not havin' to deal with it all alone." I nod and look down, feeling soft and gooey on the inside. It's a strange feeling, and I'll admit it's something I haven't felt in what seems like forever. I'm torn between liking the feeling and hating it with every thing I've got.

"I'm gonna have to kill Sora though," I laugh because I just can't help it. I have all this strange excitement bundled up inside of me and Axel laughs loudly, throwing an arm across my shoulders. I don't shake it off; instead I move a little closer, standing at his side with my arms crossed over my chest.

"Let's go back home so you can't get to it then, huh?" Axel turns, making me walk with him and we leave. It takes me a while to think about something good to say, and when I do, it's still stupid.

"So uhm…this is some intense brotherly bonding huh?" I don't know why I say it, and deep inside, a small part of me hopes Axel doesn't see me as a brother, but as someone attractive…or something, but that's too embarrassing to even think about. So instead, I follow my instinct to venture away from anything that might count as a risky subject or something even close to emotional. The last thing I need is even more awkward tension in our relationship.

"Oh yeah…brotherly heh," I ignore the weird tone of voice his little laugh is, and I don't even work up the guts to look at him. The entire ride back home is silent, even if the ride is a little long.

I unlock the front door and I'm greeted by the sounds of my mother's heels upstairs. Axel's eyes go round and he looks at me, I look at him and shrug. "Mom?" I call out and my father appears from the living room, a trucker hat sitting on his blonde hair, squishing his spikes out the sides. My dad only wears that hat when he's going to barbeque, and we only have barbeque when there's a family reunion. I look at him and watch as my mom appears at the top of the stairs with flip flops and a t-shirt, her blonde hair ties back. Now I'm sure of it, there is going to be some sort of party. "Roxas, Axel! I'm glad you guys are home, I was worried until Sora told us you had left together early this morning." My mom smiles, hurrying down the stairs and I make a mental note to beat Sora. He just seems to be telling the entire world my business.

"So uhm…what's up?" I ask her after she's done hugging Axel and me. She smiles excitedly but is interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Betty!"

"Sara!" My Aunt Betty is so loud when addressing my mother, whose name is Sara. Sara Strife. I watch in horror as Sora's entire family spills into my house. Sora, Riku, Aunt Betty, Uncle Leon and their fucking dog, Tramp. It's a great name no? Yeah, Sora named him. My Uncle Leon greets my mother, and then makes his way towards where my father is and they start their low, mysterious mumbles that no one in the family understands.

Want to know something strange about my family? Uncle Leon is my father's half brother. Both the same mom but different dads. This is why Sora and I share so much similar genes I guess. Aunt Betty and my mom are sisters, and Uncle Leon and my dad are half brothers. To be honest, I do not look forward to having a family reunion, and I know exactly that this is what is going on. Soon, Uncle Zack is going to barge in, along with his annoying daughter Xion and Aunt Aerith who is pregnant…again, then Aunt Larxene is bound to come too, brining along whoever is her boyfriend, and that's just naming the first few annoyances. Sometimes these gatherings are fun, but this is the first one with Axel and Riku, so I'm beyond nervous. Speaking of which, the redhead is standing just behind me, staring at my mother as she explains to him just who is coming to the house, telling him how many family members there are in the family and who is who with short little descriptions. It's a long fucking list, and by the look on his face, he's thinking the same thing.

"Roxas!" Sora bounds over to me, slapping my arm and smiling. To think, just a few hours ago he was here, beating me into Axel-acceptance. This reminds me that I have to kill him for telling the redhead my homosexual secret, and that I have to tell him that I saw Kairi's grave. I decide I should tell Sora soon, because it's a lot easier to talk in secret when the house is empty. You can say good bye to privacy once everyone is piled in here. There will be drunk people everywhere, barging into every room, singing and just being loud and obnoxious. I grip his wrist and tug him away from the tiny crowd in the foyer. The adults all decide to go buy everything for the barbeque a.k.a. booze, and with quick goodbye's they are backing out of the drive way. Riku and Axel wander off, probably going to Axel's room and it's now or never.

"First, before I tell you, I have something for you," I smack Sora, really hard upside the head and he shouts, rubbing the spot that must be really sore. I know it's a hard hit because my hand really fucking stings. I ignore the pain and I glare at him when he pouts at me, his big blue eyes asking me why, _why did I hit him! _Little bastard probably doesn't even know what he did was wrong. "You told Axel I'm gay! What the hell Sora? I thought I told you to take that to the grave!" He straightens up and the pout gives way to a huge smile.

"Oh yeah! I was trying to get the attraction moving. I thought, if Axel knew you take it, he'd be much quicker to give it, and with confidence!" Oh god, Sora is lucky I'm not very abusive or else I would have beaten him into the tiles.

"Ugh, you're an idiot! Whatever…this isn't that I dragged you in here for," I rub my temple a few times, Sora looks happy to no longer be getting in shit, so I just decide to forget it. He told Axel, but nothing bad really happened. Axel was still grateful that I even told him, so it all worked out.

"You won't believe what happened," I tug him deeper into the kitchen, tossing him onto a bar stool in the corner. His eyes are round and beady, happily staring at me, expecting the gossip of the year. He's such a nosey person.

"You guys fucked didn't you? He gave you some naughty triple x action huh?" Sora is much too excited for this and I'm just thrown off by the question. I shake my head, stopping my hand from lifting and striking him in the face, nice and hard. "I knew telling him what a good idea!" He pelvic thrusts while sitting on the stool, looking like a dog itching its asshole on the carpet. It's really gross and inappropriate.

"What? No! Oh my god, do you have to be so disgusting?" I glare at him and he just laughs, kicking his legs happily and gripping onto the stool. He looks at me again, and this time I know he isn't going to interrupt.

"He took me to his sister's grave," I start and Sora's eyes go wide, his mouth falling open and his hands cover it. I nod my head and continue. "I felt so damn bad…He started to cry…Did you know she had cancer?" I almost let it slip how I wanted to hug him, and I remember this is Sora I'm talking to and if I tell him, half the damn school is going to know I have the hots for my brother from a troubled teens camp. He looks like he's about to cry, yet secretly enjoying the fact that I feel bad for being a jerk and I scratch the back of my head nervously.

"I should have listened when you said he was a good guy," I can't describe how bad I feel, so instead I decide just not to tell Sora and go through the trouble of finding all the words. I don't really like talking about how shitty I feel. I figure he can probably see the guilt on my face anyway. He nods his head, brown hair bobbing and falling into his eyes.

"I told you Roxas, and Riku told you he isn't a liar," I pace, the fact that I have a crush on him burning my tongue but I just can't tell Sora. My cousin clears his throat, and I look at him, he looks smug.

"You know, if you still don't believe Axel's story…", I glare so viciously, I think Sora feels a whip because he winces and stops before finishing his thought. I'm about to yell at him for saying something so stupid, when I hear a clunk. I turn around quickly and come face to face with Axel. The redhead blinks dumbly, and I notice the clunk was a plastic plate with a few snacks, which are now scattered on the floor.

"You…don't _believe_ me? What…you think I'm lying about my sister?" I curse everything on earth that Axel guessed exactly what we were talking about and that he had to walk in right now, of all times, catching Sora in the middle of his idiocy. He looks repulsed, like he's about to punch me in the face and I try and explain that no, that's not it. "You think I'd go so far to get you to like me? I even showed you her grave, I shared that with you Roxas, the only thing I care about…What the fuck is _wrong _with you? Are you really that…self-centered?" Axel clenches his jaw, looking like he ate something sour but is trying not to make a face. Sora is just sitting there, completely shocked.

"N-no, Axel it's not…" before I can say anything, before I can even explain myself he tells me to shut the fuck up and leaves the kitchen, crushing the plate under his boot and stomping all the way upstairs. I stand there, staring at the emptiness he left behind, at the pieces of broken plate. Darn, it was from the Rainforest Café too. I turn slowly to face Sora and he looks like a beat puppy.

"Shit, Rox, Sorry man…" I'm about to yell at him, but decide it's not his fault. It's no one's fault but my own.

* * *

**A/N: **I wrote this entire chapter out on linned paper, something I haven't done since Grade 8, because when inspirtation hit, I couldn't come on the computer. It's actually just what I wanted, and it brings the climax of Brotherly Love upon you all rather nicely. I'm proud, to say the least. I still hate this rubber Keyboard though _

It's good to know (as selfish as it sounds) that there are others out there who are tortured with bendable keyboards.  
May we all unite in our sorrow.

Anyway, I hope this update was fast enough and that it makes up for such long waits in the past.


	15. Family Reunions Are Always The Pits

**Chapter Fifteen**  
Family Reunions Are Always The Pits

I pick up the pieces of cracked plate. I've never even been able to break porcelain ones, even if I tried. Axel crushed a thick plastic one under his boot. I tend to always avoid thinking about the problems at hand, which is why I'm concentrating on the plates and their breakability, instead of on the fact that Axel just stormed out of the kitchen hating my guts. I'd go out after him, but I'm just too fucking scared. All this time I've had him liking me, or at least enjoying tormenting me. I've never actually had Axel angry at me, and by the look on Sora's face, I know it shouldn't feel too good.

"Roxas…why don't you go talk to him? I'll clean this up," That's when you know it's serious. Sora is voluntarily offering to clean up a mess, a mess he himself didn't even make. I look up from the pieces of plate and realize I haven't been cleaning up, just staring down at it in complete confusion. I get up slowly, the joints in my knees cracking and I fight the urge to run the other way. I've never been good with confrontation.

I walk shakily out of the kitchen and it's like I have heightened senses. I can hear Sora's stool scoot back, dragging slowly across the floor, his feet padding softly on the tiles. I can feel the slight breeze coming from the air vent near my feet, I can hear it too. Everything else in the house is silent. If I listen hard enough, I can hear the even rumble of Riku's voice coming from upstairs; Axel's voice isn't heard at all. My legs feel like lead while I climb up the stairs and when I finally reach the top landing, I hear the front door open.

Fuck, Fuck, _FUCK_!

"ROXAS!" I hear Xion's shrill cry slice through the air and my ear drums take evasive action. They duck for fucking cover in my brain. I hear the girl's shoes fly off and smack into the wall, and the crying of Aerith's youngest baby. My uncle Zack's voice is still outside, a long with a lot of others. I know my parents are probably back, and with a whole gang of others. "Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, _Roxas_!" Xion grips the sleeve of my sweater and tugs on it, trying to rip it right from the seams. I look down at her, her big eyes shinning and full of adoration. Last family reunion, she told me she wanted to be just like me. She even cried for the remainder of the night because Aunt Aerith said she couldn't bleach her hair yet. Stupid little ten year olds.

"Hello Xion," My voice is drained of all life. I can't possibly feel anywhere close to ready to deal with my extended family. I haven't even spoken to Axel yet. It'll be impossible to talk to him now. I just know my mom is going to be introducing him to everyone, my entire huge ass family is going to want to get him alone to talk and my chance will never come up. At least not tonight. I don't know if I can last till tomorrow. I have to tell him today that I believe him. I have to explain myself.

"Roxas!" Another cry of my name, another little girl barrelling towards me. Honestly, why do I have so many fucking cousins? This one is named Belle but she is at least a little less annoying. A little less annoying than Xion still means really fucking annoying. Ever since she learned to read at the age of three, she's never left me alone. She always has a new book to tell me about, new princes and princesses and new creepy mysteries. But, she isn't creepily obsessed with me and she can take a hint.

"Hello Belle," I try and sound at least a little glad to see them, but they can tell cousin Roxas just isn't in the fucking mood. Or at least Belle can, she says her goodbye and runs off to go break something, or find Oblivion and get her eyes clawed out. Xion is still gripping onto my sleeve and I tug, trying to make her let go.

"Roxas, oh my gosh, Auntie Betty and Auntie Sara told me you have a baby brother and Sora does too! Is he tiny? Does he have blonde hair too? My mommy said he's a special member of our family…is he asleeping? Can we go wake him up?" My nerves are already shot; I do not need Xion beside me talking just yet. To think, she didn't start speaking until she was 7 years old. No one knew the reason for her silence, the doctor told us she was perfectly normal, and there were no signs of Autism or anything. She wasn't speaking because she had nothing to say. Well, clearly that's all changed now. She won't shut the fuck up. And just my luck, the first thing she ever said was my fucking name.

"Roxas my boy!" It's my Uncle Zack, waddling into the house with a cooler the size of a fucking horse. He smiles at me, a little strained and I smile back, turning and walking down the stairs. There is no point in even trying to talk to Axel. Soon enough calls of my name will fill this entire house, and interruptions will come flying left right and center. I have to help unpack the van, or vans, anyway. I walk past my Aunt Aerith, she has baby Eric tied to her hip in some weird hippie scarf and she's carrying what I'm assuming is her world famous potato salad. Why does every family have someone who claims to make world famous potatoes?

"Roxas, Hello darling," I love my aunt to death but really, did she have to say my name too? I'm going to change my name and I'm going to make sure it's something hard to pronounce that way people will avoid calling me at all costs. "Your father is just outside waiting for the rest of us," She smiles because she knows just how much I hate crowds and family reunions. It's really just a huge excuse for the adults of our family to get hammered together and the kids to burn some damn energy. What does this leave for us teenagers, caught in the middle of it all? _Nothing._

When I get outside, I almost shit myself. Almost everyone is here, so there is quite the crowd on my lawn. I see Uncle Leon talking happily to Uncle Maurice while my Aunt Mary (another sister of my mother's) talks to my cousin Peter. He does not look happy at all. In fact, he looks like he'd rather be anywhere else right now. Think happy thoughts, Pete, happy thoughts. It's what he always told me anyway, doesn't seem to be working for him though. I notice that Peter sort of looks like an elf or something; his ears are kind of on the pointy side too. He probably looks like all hell broke loose because he just drove like 5 hours with his little sister Belle. I don't blame him for wanting to die. That little girl is a beast when she starts talking about a good book.

"Roxas, would you mind helping me over here?" I look and spot my Aunt Alice tugging helplessly on something in her trunk. I hate going into her car because it seems that if you drop something in there, it vanishes. I've lost too many good things in that car. Sadly, I'm forced by family bond to go help her and I walk over, just as my Uncle John steps out of the driver seat. I notice there is three heads in the car instead of the usual two of my cousins, Demyx and Lewis. Both of them have such weird hair, it seems to always want to stand straight up, only Demyx intentionally does it while Lewis is just a mess. I wonder who the other person is and I guess it's probably Demyx's girlfriend or something.

"I just can't seem to get this unstuck," My aunt tugs a few times just for good measure and I walk over, gripping the soft fabric of whatever it is that's caught. I tug hard, expecting it to come lose but it doesn't. Her trunk is filled with so many different things. A lot of boxes with tea sets, left unopened and I don't know why she has them. I look sideways towards my aunt, just in case. You see, the thing about Aunt Alice is that she's a lunatic. Surprised? I'm not. Almost everyone in my family is crazy. Anyway, you just can't trust Aunt Alice. She loves playing pranks on people, but doesn't love it when you fuck with her mind. Go figure.

"What exactly is…stuck?" I pull again and watch in horror as my Uncle John sticks his hand in the truck and loosens whatever it is I'm pulling. The thing is, I was still pulling really hard on it, so the new looseness sends me sprawling onto my ass. "Ow," I whine as they crack up, laughing like they just saw the funniest shit on earth. I pout, feeling myself slowly hating today more and more.

"Aw, there there sweetie. Go say hi to your cousins in the car," My aunt's blue eyes shine happily with her mischief done and her and my uncle walk away, going towards the rest of them. I'm guessing they want me to close the trunk, seeing as they left it nice and open. I slam it shut, mostly because my ass really hurts and I hate when they pull stupid jokes like that. They don't ever learn that it's just not funny.

"Hey Roxy!" It's my cousin Demyx. I'm really getting tired of saying cousin, aunt and uncle…I mean, really tired. Lewis is quietly leaning against the car and he's probably my favourite cousin, as far as annoyance goes. I love all my cousins, but he just bugs the least. He doesn't speak to anyone, all he does is read quietly and text. He's usually got a new gadget to play with every family reunion, so he doesn't say anything else besides _'hey, how's it going?' _and boy, am I ever grateful for that. I just don't know how he could trust those expensive things around people like our family.

"Hey Demyx, Lewis," he just waves at me, his eyes not coming off the screen and I shrug it off. I wouldn't want him to be as talkative as the rest. Not now, not ever. Demyx is just bubbling with excitement, it looks like he's about to blow his top, so I bite and ask him what's up.

"Where's Sora? I have something I need to tell him," He practically begs me to tell him where my brunette cousin is and I shrug, explaining that he's in the kitchen cleaning up some mess. The mystery person finally steps out and it's not a girl, to my surprise. In fact it's a boy, almost Demyx's height and with that strange emo hair kids are rocking these days. He's dressed in black from head to toe and I feel sorry for him. He must have never been around all my aunts before today, which means he is going to be bombarded with questions regarding his mental state and happiness, while offered brownies _'cause he's just so thin'_. They'll all try and get him to love life before the day is done. I would know, I've been there before! "Okay! Oh, uhm…Roxas this is Zexion, Zexion, my little ray of sunshine cousin, Roxas!" Demyx winks at me because he knows I despise when he calls me sunshine, and before I can beat him in front of his guest, they are gone. Zexion being tugged towards the house. Little does he know about the face full of Sora he's about to receive.

Lewis, spotting everyone heading inside, pushes off of the car and starts walking, slowly towards the doors. I look around and realize that I didn't even help a bit. Everyone's cars are locked up and there is not a soul outside. I spot an old, beat up Mercedes and I know my grandparents are here. All three of them. There is both my mom's mother, Grandma Anita and then my dad's parents. Grandpa Jim and Grandma Meg. Now, Jim isn't my actual grandfather, he is my grandma's second husband and Uncle Leon's dad. No one knows where my dad's dad actually is. Phoebus Strife was never seen again. Over the years, it's stopped being a topic at our reunions. I follow Lewis inside, and I know he's going straight to the living room, to sit on the armchair until it's time to go home. I leave him, feeling beyond jealous that no one bothers him. I consider it for a second, to go over there and attack him but I don't. At least someone in the family deserves peace.

"Is that Roxas?" Both my grandmothers dive at me, hugs, kisses and pinches galore. I smile, trying to slowly ease away from them and head towards the stairs. I know Sora will be in my room, probably with Demyx but that's okay. "Oh darling, look at how you've grown!" I don't want to tell Grandma Meg that I look exactly the same as I did last reunion, so I just smile and nod. My grandfather, I call him that because he basically is, waves at me and asks me how I've been, if I've played any sports or if I've watched any good movies. I answer, glad that he's a little sane. Once our small talk is done, he excuses himself and wanders off into the kitchen. He's probably going to stuff his face with whatever he can find. He may be the most normal out of the adults, but he eats like a fucking beast. It must be were Sora gets it. Grandma Anita spots the children and thankfully they prefer childish joy more than my teenage anger.

Soon the coast is clear and I sneak away, heading upstairs as everyone else heads out back. We're usually left alone in the house, just as long as we're all together and getting a long. All the adults dump their kids inside and go pretend their 16 again in my backyard. I look out the hallway window only to see Belle and Xion are arguing about whose summer dress is nicer. They are pointing at their dresses and shouting, I hear words like _'ugly'_ and _'stupid!'_. Xion's is a deep purple, almost black with a star pattern, while Belle's is a bright yellow, with a matching head band. I see Uncle Leon wrestling my dad for a 24 pack of beers, arguing that his cooler is better. I don't have a wrist watch but I'm pretty sure it's no where near noon, so drinking shouldn't even start yet, then I feel like a total idiot. This is my family, drinking is considered late if it doesn't start in the AM. Thankfully, that's only a party rule.

I walk into my room to find Sora holding hands with Demyx and squealing while Zexion just watches this all blankly. Sora spots me and looks at Demyx "Can I tell Roxas?" Both my cousins look at me, Sora dying to share the latest gossip and Demyx a little skeptical about sharing it with me. I raise an eyebrow high on my forehead and cross my arms over my chest. This is my room, secrets told here should be told to me. Plus, I was hoping I'd be able to talk to Sora outside and have him help me with the Axel dilemma. I just can't wait for everyone to leave to try and make this right! "Oh please Demy! I swear, Roxas has his own juicy little secret," Sora's eye sparkle and Demyx caves, giving him the go-ahead to tell me. Why do the two nosiest cousins get along so well? Oh yeah, because they are nosey! "Okay so, you met Zexy?" Sora doesn't see the way the emo kid's eye twitches, but I do, "He's Demyx's hubby!" Sora squeals like a girl after she's seen something feminine and drops back on my bed, kicking his feet happily. Demyx jumps on the bed too, laughing crazily. I just stare at them both like they are stupid. Zexion shares the same look.

"Okay. Well, congrats Demyx, for finally figuring out what everyone else already knew," I'm mean, I know but it's a habit now. I've always made fun of Demyx because his gayness is just as plain as the nose on his face. He's too dumb to realize that it could be taken offensively and instead he just thanks me. Before I have any chance in hell, Sora shoots off into my story, and by that I mean everything that's happened between Axel and me. He tells him about Riku too, and then when my cousin is all caught up he looks at me.

"Oh, you're a jerk," I wonder if I'll get in trouble if I throw him out the window and onto the hardwood patio. I probably would, but I think it'd be worth it. I heave a heavy sigh and rub the bridge of my nose. Today is just not a family reunion day.

"Yeah real nice. Now Sora, Help me!" I pout at my cousin and he just stares at me. I can tell the wheels in his head are turning and I know it might take a while. Demyx, even though I didn't even ask him for help, starts thinking about what to say also. He rubs his chin thoughtfully before giving up and asking Zexion to come up with a clever plan. "I can't leave it like this…not all day! I can't just sit and wait for tomorrow to tell him," I tug my facial skin, something I tend to do as an exaggerated show of my stress. Naminé would just laugh and say I'm over-reacting. Oh no, not this time. This time, it's as serious as it looks!

"Okay, just walk across the hall and tell him," I waited so long just to hear Sora say _that_? I reach for the thing closest to me, a black ninja figurine and I whip it at Sora's fat head. He doesn't duck, instead letting the hard, plastic toy smack into his head and leave a big red spot. He rubs it, picking up the ninja and throwing it back at me, completely missing by like 10 miles. "Well? There isn't much else to do Rox. You just gotta march on over there, take him by those sweet hips and just…" I throw another figurine at him, shutting him up before he gets a damn hard on for Axel. I feel a tiny stab of jealousy and I don't even know why.

"Well if the man is upset, I doubt grabbing him by his hips will help any," Zexion's voice catches me off guard; it's sort of deep but really calm. It has no emotion in it, like, none at _all_. I wonder if he's catatonic, maybe.

"Zexy's got a point," Again the teen's eye twitches and I don't know if that's healthy. I mean I'm no doctor or anything. "I think going over there and singing your love to him will patch up everything. No one can say no to music!" Demyx looks smug with his genius plan and Sora seems to think this is a great idea because he jumps off the bed, diving straight towards my closet where I keep my acoustic guitar hidden from the public eye. Yes, I play the guitar but only because my mother insisted I have some sort of hobby. Plus, it was always better to play guitar in band at school than be stuck with something like the clarinet. Anyway, I don't think singing to Axel would really prove anything. I mean, I don't want him to know I fucking like him; I just want him to know I believe him and that I'm sorry.

"Great! Demyx write the melody, Rox and I will work on the lyrics!" I grab, read rip, my guitar out of Sora's hand and glare poison at him. He stops and just stares at me. I've been sighing way too much lately, I decide and put my guitar down gently.

"I just want him to know I believe him, and that I'm sorry. I don't want to fucking serenade him," Demyx looks like he can't understand why I wouldn't want to play music and tilts his head to the side. Sora looks crestfallen that he won't get to write a stupid poem about love and sex and things.

"But…what better way to apologize than admitting your feelings towards him? I mean, he'll have to believe you if you say you love him!" Sometimes I wonder about my cousins, both of them. I wonder what goes on in those big, empty heads of theirs. I wonder if they even have any sense in them, and I decide they probably don't and never did.

"A better way to apologize would be by simply telling him. Explaining it was all a misunderstanding," Zexion seems to be normal, and I don't feel so alone in my battle with the idiots. I turn to him with a thankful look on my face and he just looks like he understands. I guess he does, seeing as he's dating that brain dead thing known as Demyx.

"I still think singing it would be better. Everyone knows singing leads to sex and what else could be better?" Sora goes off on his rant about bliss and I block it all out. Zexion looks horrified, especially when Demyx joins in; agreeing that singing your love to anyone will get into their pants. Judging by the blush on his face, that's how Demyx got him into bed. I'm just so grossed out by them right now, I can't even explain myself. Am I the only one left in this family who's a virgin? Well besides Xion, Belle and Eric but they don't even count.

We spend what feels like hours arguing over how I should apologize and when I hear my mom shout at us from downstairs, I jump and look at the clock. It's 1:30pm already, so much time has passed and I've yet to say anything to Axel since like 8 this morning. I smack my face, sending everyone in my room a look of pure distress. Demyx shrugs, getting up and leading Zexion downstairs. Sora stands up, a few sheets of paper falling off his lap and onto the floor. We took to writing our ideas down, and tried to decide which the best were. So far, no one agrees on a way for me to say sorry. "This is where mom's gonna introduce him to everyone. Intros always happen at lunch before dinner. So, maybe you should try and talk to him before then, that way there aren't two awkward meals to deal with," with that being his amazing advice, he heads downstairs, not being able to resist food for even a little longer. I walk out of my room slowly at the same time Axel opens his door. We stand there staring at each other, and I decide to say something.

"Axel…" it's all that I can get past my lips and he just glares at me, slamming his room door and heading downstairs before me. His room door opens and Riku pokes his head out, looking startled awake.

"That didn't sound too good," Riku grumbles, rubbing his eye and I wonder if he was sleeping this whole time. I also wonder if he knows all his black eyeliner smeared on his hand. He walks out into the hallway and I shut my door softly, feeling ten kinds of awful. The silver haired teen puts his hand on my shoulder and sends me this tiny smile. "This might not make you feel good, but you really hurt him. I think that at least means something, you know? It wouldn't hurt if he doesn't care." Finally, I hear someone say something I can use. Riku has a point. If Axel didn't care, he wouldn't be hurt and if he does care, even a little about me, I can fix this. I smile at him, and stop myself from hugging him.

"You're right…" My mom shouts at us again, telling us to hurry up before my Aunt Larxene is sent upstairs to come and get us. I grab Riku and tug him towards the stairs urgently. He has no idea who Aunt Larxene is, which is probably why he isn't shitting himself and I decide to save him from having to find out. It's the least I can do for him.

When we get downstairs, everyone is there and I mean, _everyone_. All the people I mentioned before and now Aunt Larxene is here with her boyfriend and she's fucking pregnant! I blink crazily looking at her and she just smirks at me, rubbing at her tiny, belly. If she wasn't so damn skinny, her pregnancy would barely be noticeable. The man beside her is blonde, and I internally groan. Why is almost everyone in my family blonde? He has a neatly cut goatee and he looks greasy. Not in the dirty sense, but in the _'I'm a huge sleaze ball' _sense and I'm not at all surprised someone like that would be the person to knock my aunt up. The other people here are my Aunt Rikku and her husband Vincent. He thankfully isn't blonde and even better, he's not annoying. He's quiet and calm, quite a horrible contrast to my Aunt Rikku, who is eccentric and just so in your face. When Riku and I get there, Demyx is just sitting down with Zexion, so that means we missed their introduction. Zexion is blushing and my Aunt Alice is smiling at him. Oh boy, he has no idea what that smile means.

Axel is standing at the head of the table with my mom and dad, and when Riku gets to his side of the table, Aunt Betty stands up and pulls him beside her, Sora and Uncle Leon. "Well everyone, when we said new addition to the family, you all thought either Betty was pregnant or that I had finally adopted a baby…" my mom's soft smile and friendly voice make it only obvious that she'd give speeches for a living and I take a seat, the only one left, right beside Axel's empty seat.

"But that isn't exactly the case. We all know I'm terrible with babies, so I'd never get pregnant again!" My Aunt Betty makes everyone laugh out loud, even I have to chuckle because I've seen baby pictures. In more than half of them she was tangled up in some baby-care task, Sora turning red from crying as my Aunt simply looked so confused. With a blush she continues, "So Sara and I decided we'd help the community and teens in need of a good family. We decided we'd take someone old enough to take care of themselves," Again everyone laughs and laughs and I just look down at my plate as they all welcome Riku and Axel into our family. Riku looks like he just might actually cry; his eyeliner looking a little smudged but that's probably because he was asleep, and Axel looks like this is all breaking his heart. I bet my mom and dad don't realize what good parents they are.

"So with all that said, Welcome to the Strife's and Leonhart's!" My mom sits down just as Sora yells _'Let's eat!' _and everyone digs in, the only sound is of forks clinking and drinks being served. A few people chat, talking about their work and the little kids, sitting separately at a little table my mom has especially for them, talk about I don't even know what.

I look sideways at Axel nervously, and he isn't even looking at me. His eyes are just glued to his plate while he eats. I notice my Aunt Larxene watching me from across the table, her plate stacked more than I've ever seen but I'm guessing that's because she's eating for two. "What's eating yah kid?" My aunt has never had a very good way of approaching sad people so I just shrug and mumble a _'nothing'_, she shrugs but the smirk on her face unnerves me.

"We've got a soggy camper!" Larxene suddenly yells above everyone else. Why does everyone refer to me as soggy? It's a little fucking offensive. Anyway, my entire family is facing me know, forks frozen mid air while Sora, Demyx and Zexion look horrified that I was put on the spot. "Roxas is feeling sad," Larxene makes a stupid little pouty face, and her boyfriend laughs, drinking up my family's strange suburban ways. I worry about the silverware for a split second.

"WAIT!" Sora shouts and everyone looks over at him, I even have to stare as he swallows hard, looking like he should have actually thought this through before screaming.

"What is it darling?" Aunt Betty asks softly and Larxene just loves this. Small beads of sweat collect on Sora's brow and I'm guessing it's because Axel's eyes are burning right into him. I know what it feels like to have those jade orbs staring at nothing else but you and I feel sorry for Sora.

"I uhm…I…sneezed in Roxas' eye, which is why he's upset…Demyx was there, right?" Sora takes the spotlight off himself and Demyx squeaks when we look at him. I have to love my cousins, even if they are sometimes stupid and beyond annoying. Demyx picks up his fork, looking down at his plate.

"Oh yeah, a real big sneeze…all gross and uh…mucus-y," My mom scrunches her nose and my dad just takes a sip of beer before looking at me. Demyx shovels food into his mouth to stop himself and everyone else from asking questions.

"Well…thank you all for that. I'd like to finish eating now," My dad picks up his fork and takes off where he stopped, and once again everyone is in their own little conversations and Sora looks at me from his seat. I smile at him, making a mental note to thank him. Sadly, Aunt Larxene sees my grateful look, so right away she knows the whole sneezed-in-his-face thing was a lie. Her eyes have a malevolent glint and I fear for my life. When Larxene wants to break balls, she really goes out of her way to do so.

Once lunch is done, my entire family heads outside. I can't get away now, especially once Uncle Zack latches onto my arm. He drags me outside and Sora is standing there holding a beer and looking lost. Riku is just chugging his beer like he's been waiting for a drink since he moved in. "Today is when you become a man, Roxas my friend," Uncle Zack is one of those people that loves getting others drunk then watching them fall flat on their face. He grins at me, walking us over to the cooler and pulling out a beer, popping it open with his teeth before handing it over to me. My dad spots us and walks over.

"Zack, aren't I supposed to give my son his first drink?" Uncle Zack just laughs, winking at my dad who just laughs with him. I would have expected my dad to slap the bottle from my hand, instead he clinks his against mine and downs the rest of his beer. "Drink up son, or you'll fall behind," with a wink both men are gone and I'm left with the beer. I think, _what the hell_, I might as well have one drink. Maybe it will give me some courage to talk to Axel.

While I just have two beers, everyone around me is shit faced by sunset. I stand there, the amber liquid getting warm and flat. I'm not really a good drinker; my head is feeling kind of light and fluffy. You could call me a light weight, I won't get offended. I mean, it's the truth. Sora stumbles over to me, you can imagine, if I'm a light weight, Sora is a feather. He laughs happily, slinging an arm around my shoulders, his hot, beer scented breath washing over the side of my face and neck. I try and not be grossed out. "Hey Rox, how about I go talk to Axel? He headed upstairs a few minutes ago…" Sora smiles at me and I blink, a little slow from the two beers.

"Uh…" I don't know what to say but apparently Sora doesn't care because he pulls away and tells me to stay put, he'll be back in a few minutes, and everything will be fixed. I stand there, and just stare at the beer in my hand. I spill whatever is left into the grass and toss the bottle in a garbage bag near by. I don't really want to be drunk if Sora is gonna drag Axel downstairs to talk to me, being tipsy is enough. Riku is sitting alone, so I figure I might as well speak to him. He is officially part of my family, after all. Plus, he isn't that bad when Sora isn't around. "Hey there," I say, plopping down beside him and he just polishes off the cooler he has in his hand.

"Not speaking to Axel yet huh?" He's reaching into the cooler to pull out another drink, and I wonder just how much he's had to drink. I know my father is drunk, because he is dancing. Yeah, he's actually dancing…around a bon fire with all my uncles. My mom is singing, playing the bongos along with Aunt Betty and Alice and I wonder briefly what the hell is going on over there, but Riku drags me back to our conversation. "Does Sora like me?" Riku is staring off into nothing, the backyard slowly getting darker and darker.

"Of course he does," I say quickly, because Sora likes everyone. Something tells me that isn't what Riku is asking though. "Uhm…like as in?" I say after he just drinks a long swallow and keeps staring. I feel a little awkward and I shift, Riku turns to face me so now his empty stare is directed at me. I've never realized how simply gorgeous his eyes are. Surrounded by all that black eyeliner, it's hard to tell at times, but right now under the porch light, they glow. I wonder what Axel's eyes would look like, if it was him sitting here alone with me...just the two of us…_together_. Oh God, fucking god damnit. Not even when I'm tipsy does my brain take a break.

"As in like _like_? I can't even tell. He flirts with everyone, so when he flirts with me…I just don't know what the fuck to do. Roxas…I think I love him, and this ain't just drunk talk," He looks at me pathetically, his eyes getting a little teary and I curse whoever invented alcohol. Why do all drunks cry? No matter how they start off they always end up bawling their eyes out. "He's listened to me like no one else, Yanno? I mean…I've always been this tough guy no one thinks feels anything. All my life, my entire family hated me, thought I was cold and callous but I wasn't. I loved them all, my mother, father and brothers. But they never wanted anything to do with me. Then I come here and Sora _likes_ me, he actually likes _me_. I don't have to break things or scream for him to just look at me," I feel my eyes getting misty, Riku is actually crying and I can barely keep myself from letting the tears go. I wrap my arms around him and hug him. I don't feel anything I feel when I hug Axel but I do feel warmth spread inside when he pulls away and looks at me, tears slowing down and a happy smile on his face. I feel like shoving my hands in my pockets, because I just hugged him but he doesn't seem to mind or find it weird. "Thank you Roxas, so much. This is the best family I've ever had."

"Well…I'm glad you think that. You aren't so bad yourself. And well, about Sora…that's only something you'll find out if you ask him yourself," I say softly, touching his arm to give him a little more comfort, just to keep those few last tears I see so clearly in his eyes at bay. He sniffles and looks back towards where the adults are, still singing only all my aunts are trying to belly dance while Zack tries to sing Arabian hymns, but ends up singing "Arabian Nights". Demyx has my dad's guitar and is strumming along, with Zexion just leaning on his shoulder. I guess the emo kid has a weak spot for musicians.

"Why don't we go get our men back?" Riku smiles brightly at me and my stomach flips nervously. He slams his empty bottle on the table after he finishes it and stands on wobbly legs. I stand up too, deciding now is the best time to say anything to Axel. Riku is going to take Sora and talk, all the adults are busy doing God knows what and all the kids are in the living room asleep. There will be no interruptions. With determination, and a lot of my support, Riku and I make it into the house and up the stairs. Axel's room door is closed and I wonder now, just why Sora has taken so long to talk to him.

"Should we knock?" I ask and Riku rolls his eyes, looking at me like I just said something unthinkable.

"I think the element of surprise is much better!" and with that he kicks the door open, I laugh until I see what's going on inside the room, on Axel's bed.

Sora is on top of Axel, his lips latched onto the redhead's and Axel's hands are gripping my cousin's shirt. _Sora_…is _on_ _top_ of _Axel_. They are _kissing!_My mouth goes dry and my heart drops into my stomach. Riku stands there, looking like he just got tasered. Apparently they didn't hear the door slam open because they are still going at it.

"So much for talking to him, huh Sora?" I say, my voice holding no emotion but I can feel the way my throat clenches around the words. I want to cry and this time it's for me, its for my pain. I want to cry because this hurts. I feel betrayed, and it just really fucking sucks.

Sora jumps off Axel, landing on the floor and looking around crazily until he finally spots Riku and me. He doesn't seem to know what to say. Axel sits up, his hair completely messed up and all frizzy. His eyes land directly on me and they stay there, just staring as I try and keep myself from crying. It hurts my throat to swallow it all. I don't even think he sees Riku. I think for a second he forgets why he's angry at me, he looks like he's about to explain himself but I turn away. Soon enough he'll remember that he hates me and he'll be right back with Sora. He'll go right back to hating me and I don't even stand a chance. He'll never accept my apology. He doesn't even care.

I notice I'm crying when I reach the front porch. The tears are streaming down my cheeks, stuffing up my nose and I let out a loud sob, covering my face. I haven't cried this hard since…well I don't remember when the last time was. I feel awful, like there is something being torn right from my chest and I can safely say I have never felt this way before. I don't know why it hurts so much, or why I'm so jealous. I like Axel yeah, but should it feel like this to see him with someone else? I don't know the answer to anything, all I know is that my heart feels crushed and I can't hold my tears in.

Maybe I should have told Sora I liked Axel, maybe I should have told _Axel._

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**A/N: **For those of you who thought the last chapter was the cliffy from hell, have a gander at this one.  
I think my readers deserve a longer chapter, since some of you have complained that they are a little short.  
I hope this is an okay length and I hope it makes up for the fact that it ends here!  
8D

DON'T HATE SORA JUST YET!

-has rocks thrown at her-


	16. Let By Gones be By Gones

**Chapter Sixteen**  
Let By Gones be By Gones

The screams come from up stairs and I have to pull my soggy face out of my hands and look back. I sniffle a few times, sucking up the watery goop that leaks out of your nose every time you cry. It makes my nose all stuffy and it's hard to breathe, just another reason to hate crying. After the air is clear of my pathetic whimpering, I listen to the quiet night, or would be. There's no one in the house because I can still hear them singing out back, something along the lines of 'kumbayah'. I am almost sure that I was the last person to run out of there. I stretch my neck, eyes straining to look into the house and find the source of the sound. Then I look in and it hits me like a slap in the Adam's apple. It's Riku, and he is fucking pissed. I mean, beyond angry. I can't see him, but I can definitely hear him. If I thought he swore a lot before, it's nothing compared to this. I'm not sure if he's kicking the room door, or even the wall but I can hear the steady thump of his boot. I worry if there's going to be a hole somewhere in the dry wall. I scramble to my feet and just as I'm about to make a mad dash into the house, I freeze.

Fuck, I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back up there and see them. Sora and Axel. I don't want to see Axel's face as he protects Sora from Riku's rage, or even the other way around. I just don't want Sora and Axel doing anything together. I'm still not even sure what to think, I don't even know if I'm really angry and not just hurt. I can't really think past the tightness in my chest. I know my cousin won't stop until we talk and clear things up, so maybe I can hold off my burning rage until after conversation. With Axel, I'm not too sure. I might not even be angry with him, but I'm still hurt. I take a deep breath, moving my feet that were seemingly glued to the porch, and go back into the house. A quick glance at the kids, who are all tucked comfortably in the first story guest room, tells me they are still asleep. So I hurry, because it won't stay that way for long. If there's one thing I've learned from years of baby sitting, it's that they aren't heavy sleepers. Plus, Eric is a newborn, anything wakes those things up. I can tell something bad is going to happen.

Riku's voice has escalated and I'm pretty sure he's punching the wall. I'm half way up the stairs when I hear Axel. Finally, his voice is audible and my stupid knees get all jelly like making it that much harder to finish climbing the steps. I curse his effects on me. Even after I cried because of him, he still makes me feel all mushy. "Riku, shut the fuck up!" I personally would have liked to hear something more pleasant coming from Axel's mouth, my brain happily revving up it's active imagination and mental images of Axel in a towel somehow end up in the mix and I groan. This is not the time brain. "The fuck is wrong with you?" Axel's growling and it frightens me, again I think about how nice his voice could sound.

I stand a few feet away, just far enough to hear them but not get in the way and watch as the first punch makes impact. I gasp, not having expected a fist to slice through the tense atmosphere. I hear Sora, somewhere behind Axel in his room, shout out. Axel's face, fuck his whole head, jerks sideways, his mouth looking off a few angles. He stumbles and almost smacks into the door way. The sound of bone hitting bone is absolutely horrifying. Riku retracts his fist and looks ready to throw another one, he doesn't even look like Riku. His features are all distorted with anger. I watch Axel shake his head before curling his fingers into tight fists. I'm sure being in a gang toughened Axel's face because he doesn't seem at all bothered by that huge blooming bruise on his cheek bone. Instead he takes a step towards his best friend, eyes ablaze like hell fire. I feel a small piece of me squeak, and I realize that yes, that small piece is called my mouth. Axel looks at me quickly before lunging at Riku. The hit makes a nasty sound and I'm sure there's blood.

In fact, there is a lot of blood, steadily oozing out of the gash under Riku's eyebrow. I wonder if that's going to need stitches, but I don't have enough time to worry because they are grabbing at each other, throwing fists, most actually hitting. Riku ends up on the floor and Axel lifts his engineer boot, looking like he's going to crush his skull. Thankfully Riku grabs his ankle and throws him down. Axel somehow ends up on top of him and looks like he's ready to kill him. Riku stares back, not even a little scared. "Do it, hit me. It won't change the fact that I trusted you. I told you how I felt," The words sound painful to say, almost as if saying it hurts more than the punches. I watch, transfixed as Axel lowers his fist. I guess that just because the redhead didn't take the chance, Riku isn't going to let it slip. Axel's head snaps up with an upper cut and he's tossed off Riku like a rag doll. My brain, which is usually stupid and useless, gives me a good idea, finally. Go for help. I run towards the hallway window, throwing it open like a savage and sticking my head out. I see all the adults downstairs, everyone enjoying themselves, oblivious to the blood shed happening upstairs.

"Dad! Uncle Leon, Help!" I feel my vocal chords strain but they hear me. My father looks up and I wave my arms frantically. Soon I see him run towards the house, Uncle Leon close behind. I turn and decide I might as well by some time. "Stop it! Both of you!" I shout but my voice goes by unheard. They keep hitting each other and I pray my father gets upstairs quickly. Thankfully they do, Uncle Leon peeling Riku off Axel, even if the platinum haired teen is kicking and screaming still. Calling Axel every insult in the book, some in a different language and it throws me off guard. Riku can speak another language? Axel actually doesn't look surprised at the change in dialect, instead he just gives Riku the middle finger, my dad holding him by the shoulder.

"I guess you boys have had enough to drink. Leon, take your boy home," My father says and my uncle nods, leading Riku out. I hear Riku break down somewhere at the bottom steps, his sobs finally breaking free and I can hear him crying up until they leave and close the front door, blocking the sounds from outside. My dad turns and looks at Axel and I can tell this is one of those moments, where the father reprimands the son and it's a time for just them. I slowly back away, leaving them alone and slip into Axel's room.

I find Sora sitting on the floor, knees pulled up to his chest and his eyes all red and puffy as he watches the door with sad eyes and a deep frown. I walk over to him and drop at his side. Neither of us speaks and I'm fine with that. I look down at the carpet, realizing that my chest still hurts and my stomach still feels sick. Finally, Sora speaks "I'm sorry Roxas…it was my fault," Sora's voice quivers and the water works start before I have the chance to say anything. He buries his face in his knees, sobbing, his shoulders jerking and it breaks my heart. "I had a feeling you liked him…I just…I wasn't sure…I'm a bad drunk…I'm a bad cousin," in-betweens sobs and sniffles he speaks, and I just listen. "I made the first move," it stings my insides to hear that, but I hold off my burning eyes and throw an arm over his shoulders. "You can hate me."

"Sora, I'd never hate you. It's not your fault…everything is fine," I say softly and smile when he looks up at me, surprised. His blue eyes are glossy, shinning with the light coming from the hallway, the path of his tears is still damp when I sweep them away with my thumb. He throws his arms around me, knocking me to the floor and squeezing me tightly. I wheeze, before prying him off of me. "I still don't like hugs," I grin at my cousin and he laughs happily, slowly his features going back to normal, back into that giddy Sora. "But Sora…you do realize the fight you started between them right? I thought you liked Riku," my throat is sort of dry, because I know since we're talking about this, the topic of me liking Axel is going to come up. I'm going to tell him though, Sora, not Axel. I'll tell Sora how I feel about Axel. "I thought you knew that uh...that I like Axel."

"What? No I didn't know! I would have never done anything had I have known Roxas! I feel horrible about this whole mess. I would never want them to fight, Axel is the only thing Riku's got left," Sora starts to cry again and I shake my head, standing up and helping him to his feet.

"No way, Riku's got this entire family but he needs you most. You need to talk to him and maybe he'll listen to you if you tell him it wasn't Axel's fault," My brain is working on over drive, trying to think of any possible solution "Then, hopefully their friendship is strong enough to get past it."

"Like ours?" Sora smiles at me and I roll my eyes walking out of Axel's room. He's probably going to be coming back soon enough. Sora follows me out and we walk downstairs to find most of the adults there. Uncle Zack in dragging his cooler out and Aunt Aerith has Eric tied to her hip. Xion is too groggy to be annoying, so she just stands there rubbing at her eyes.

"Well, we're setting off. We've gotta drop off a few people before going home," I notice there are only a few relatives left, my grandparents having headed home right after dinner, all three of them, leaving the "youngsters" behind. I lead Sora outside and we stand on my lawn to wave goodbye as everyone leaves. I watch my dad climb into his Land Rover, Aunt Alice and her family climbing in, or better said stumbling. My dad waiting patiently for Uncle John to squeeze in. Zexion is just sitting in the front, probably the only other sober one in that car. Uncle Zack is already revving up his engine, when my mom rushes out of the house and looks at my father just before he gets in the car. "Cloud, the money…it's gone!" My father shoots out of the car and races towards my mother. Zack turns off the car and steps out, looking over at my frantic parents. Her blue eyes are huge and filled with worry as I stare at them. Sora looks at me in confusion and I just shrug. "Our money…in the safe…it's gone. They took everything," My father looks just about ready to explode and I want to groan. How much more bad things are going to happen tonight?

"Cloud, where's Larxene and her new beau? I didn't see them leave," My uncle asks as he walks over and my dad just pinches the bridge of his nose. The tell tale sign that he is really angry. Sora turns to me and whispers.

"Do you think it was Aunt Larxene?" I watch the adults talk, almost as if we aren't there and I turn to answer Sora quietly. "Most likely. Her new man was a total scum bucket," I shrug before deciding that this is an adult problem, and yes, I do feel bad that my parents are missing quite the amount of money but I'm sure they'll handle it. I have my own teenaged issues to address, like the whole Axel thing. I begin walking inside and my mother stops me just at the threshold.

"Sweetie, lock the door. We'll be home later," My mother blows a kiss at me and rushes to slip into her own car. I wave them all away, finally the house will be quiet. I hope everything will work out, if anything I'll just ease drop when my parents think they are quiet in their bedroom. I have over heard so many conversations, some I wish I could forget, others come in handy. I know the money Aunt Larxene probably took is their savings, the just-in-case jar my mother calls it, even if it's not a jar at all. My mother likes to keep me in the dark about their financial things, everything I know, I've learned because the thin walls of the house.

"I wonder why they took it," Sora says thoughtfully as we make our way into the kitchen. I feel a scream just about ready to escape when we run into Axel. He's standing by the counter, a smudge of flour on his cheek and a bowl filled with batter resting against his hip. I swallow hard and Sora is suddenly not beside me. "I'll see you later Rox," I hear Sora shout from the entrance and I look back, ready to grab him by his brown hair but he's too far. God damn it, he left me all alone.

"Baking…huh," I say and curse my idiocy as Axel just turns back to the stove. My stomach is twisting sickly in my torso and my hands are freezing. I don't know what to do, so I stand there awkwardly. There is no one in the house but Axel and me. I hear the spoon hitting against the bowl as he turns it almost viciously and I can't take it anymore. "You know…I believe you. I didn't before but…it was only because…"

"Yah didn't believe me before 'cause I'm a bad person, right?" Axel says without turning around and I bite my tongue, thankful that the pain keeps me from saying anything else. "Obviously I'd be able to make up sucha horrible lie. Yanno, don't have any morals so I don't care if lyin' 'bout death is low."

"Axel, just stop and let me finish," I squeak out, trying with all my might not to chicken out. My face isn't anywhere as tough as Riku's and I'm sure one of Axel's punches will rearrange every feature I have. I swallow nervously and fiddle with the hem of my shirt, trying to figure out a good way to word what I have to say. "I didn't believe you before, I will admit," I have to talk quickly before Axel goes off again, making me feel even worse. "But I do now…how could I not? You showed me…her grave. I saw it with my own eyes, I saw how much it hurt you. I didn't want to believe you because…well I didn't want to realize I was wrong and…figure out how much I really like you." I finish in a quiet mumble and I don't really know if Axel heard me at all. I hope he did because I don't think I'd be able to repeat what I just said. My stomach feel like it's gushing out liquid nitrogen, freezing me from the inside out. My legs are trembling and when Axel turns around to face me, I feel like I'm going to collapse.

"You like me?" Axel's voice has no trace of anger, nothing but curiosity and I nod my head. I don't have enough strength to pull my eyes away from the floor. The tile is much friendlier than Axel's angry jade eyes. The tips of his socks come into my line of vision and I look up at him. I blink, because the sudden closeness isn't what I was expecting. His face is just as perfect as it's always been, but I've been too stupid to actually notice it. That pockmark is still on the bridge of his nose, and I blush realizing how little space there is between us. No wonder Sora kissed him, if he didn't hate me I'd do the same thing. His lips have a light sheen of spit on them, and he's just gazing down at me. I don't want to, but I look right into his eyes.

"Why'd you kiss Sora?" I have to ask, I don't know how I'd live with myself if I didn't. He doesn't move away like I expected him to, instead I feel a warm hand clamp onto my hip and my knees almost give out on me.

"I thought it was you…like you had come in to talk to me…I realized it wasn't after but…I was just angry," his voice lowers and I don't know where to look anymore. The closeness is driving me insane and I don't know what to do.

"You…don't like him?"

"No, not like that."

I just close my eyes and let what happens happen. Luckily, that is Axel leaning down and pressing his lips against mine. I'm glad he actually did it and I didn't have to reach up awkwardly and bring him down to my level. I still have to go on the tips of my toes, but it's not that bad. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on for dear life as he wraps his arms around my waist. I don't want to let go, I mean, it hurt so much to see him with Sora, finding out it was a mistake is just too good a feeling to let pass by. His tongue touches my bottom lip and I let him slide it into my mouth, my taste buds picking up the faint flavour of cookie dough and maybe a really soft hint of vodka, almost completely gone, and underneath it all is just him. His taste. Something I haven't forgotten since that damn Chuck. E. Cheese trip. The bloody part that is scabbing over, rubs against my lip and I try and ignore it. It isn't a bad feeling, it's just I don't like blood or scabs.

"I've been wantin' to do that for so long," Axel says hotly against my lips, not really pulling away but stopping the kiss. I nod my head, wanting to just keep making out. I had just forgotten his scab. Axel smirks, kissing me softly one more time before pulling away and leaving me there on my tippy toes. "I gotta put these cookies in," he says and goes back to the pan with all the little cookies, just waiting to be placed into the oven. I watch them as he slides them in, and I blink when he shuts the oven door and turns to look at me. "You believe my story about what happened with Sora, right?" Axel raises a thin eyebrow and I feel like groaning, looking at him and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yes, Axel. Sora told me he was the one to kiss you anyway," I shrug and he nods his head.

"It's true yah know, if only Riku'd believed me," I can tell the fight with Axel hurt, and not just because of the swelling and split lip he has going on. It hurt him because it was his best friend, and Riku was really angry. I don't know how I'd feel if Hayner called me even half the things Axel was called tonight. The redhead just leans against the counter and looks up at the ceiling. "He's got the hots for Sora and I know he does. I just couldn't pull away, I kept rememberin' your kiss and how it felt. God I'm such an idiot."

I blush, before trying to figure out a way to get Riku and Axel on good terms again. "I'm sure Sora's gonna talk to Riku, don't worry," I smile when Axel looks at me. "And if he doesn't, well, we'll figure something out. You just gotta try and not hit him."

"He threw the first punch," Axel shoots back and I roll my eyes. Out of no where, I feel a soft push on my ankle, a familiar yet strange warmth and when I look down I see Oblivion's dark coat, glistening in the kitchen light. Axel smiles brightly down at the cat, kneeling over to pet her fondly. "She came out 'cause she knows all the drama's over n' done with," He makes a pouty face at her and the cat just places her soft paw against his lips.

If that was me, I'd have no eyes. "I hope you get hives," I grumble and Axel straightens up, looking at me with wide eyes.

"I knew you hated me 'cause Oblivion loves me more!" His smile becomes smug, he himself looking like a lazy cat. I glare angrily and cross my arms, fighting to keep the smile off my face.

"What! No! I hate you 'cause you're a dumbass," I chuckle as he just shakes his head, getting to his feet. I hear him mumbling something about never pleased blondes, but it's okay. It feels good to be on Axel's good side again.

* * *

**A/N: **Couldn't make this chapter any longer without merging two together D:  
So, y'all gun hafta wait 8D

Anyway, I hope this was enjoyable.  
Thanks you guys!


	17. Fuck You Sora

**Chapter Seventeen**  
Fuck You Sora

For once in my life, I wake up before everyone else. I'm even amazed with myself as I kick the sheets off my legs and let the chilly house air molest whatever bare skin I have. Like creepy cold ghost hands, the air covers my legs, making me shiver. It's actually kind of creepy. The house is silent as I make my way downstairs (after putting socks on of course, and pants), the creaking wood being way too loud and I wonder just how the fuck Axel sneaks out so easily. I wonder how the hell he gets down these stairs every night with out a sound. I mean, they fucking _creeeeak_! Says something about practice makes perfect, I guess. Finally, I'm at the bottom of the stairs and only a few feet away from the kitchen, from wondrous food, from my sanctuary. I'm planning on eating every single cookie Axel baked last night. Every single one. There will be no survivors, or even proof that the cookies existed. Oh yeah, they are going to taste so fucking good. Dipping them in milk, making them nice and wet…fuck, again with the talking dirty to my sweets.

"Good morning sweetie," I have to cover my mouth so I don't scream. Why does everyone in this house find it necessary to be deathly silent, then scare the fuck out of me? My eyes go wide when I look into the kitchen and see my mother sitting down. My mother is actually sitting down, doing nothing in the dinning room! And here I thought my mother never took a seat before dinner. This is quite the feat. Especially since she's drinking coffee, something she never does. My mom is more about tea. I walk over and take a seat beside her, noticing she looks tired and ragged. "I wasn't going to make breakfast until your father woke up, but I could make you something now," she goes to get up, but I stop her with a gentle tug on her wrist. I can't even imagine making her cook when she looks this upset.

"No, I'll wait," My stomach grumbles angrily, having been so set on those cookies, as if to say 'No, I will not wait!". I smile at my mom, ignoring my hunger (what a good son I am) and just stare at her. Another vicious growl is issued from my innards, my stomach resorting to the dirty cramping up trick. I have to fight off a wince, my stomach is a whiney little bitch. My mom sits reluctantly, her own smile not reaching her eyes. Something isn't right and I can see it. It's probably the fact that all her savings have gone missing, and it was probably her sister who stole it. "What's wrong mom?"

"Oh honey, your father and I had been saving up for such a long time…" her eyes well up with tears and it breaks my heart. My mother is one person you'd never want to have to see cry. Ever. Her big blue eyes always get so glossy, and her tiny nose gets all red, making her look so damn adorable and pathetic. Sort of like a crippled kitten or something. It's a sight even the devil would try and avoid seeing. It could crush his demonic heart. "Now Larxene is half way across the world blowing it all away," I blink stupidly, not really understanding her. Aunt Larxene is wasting my mom's money? She actually did steal it? "I just hope she buys something nice for the baby." I want to face palm myself nice and hard. Over and over. It's moments like these that make me glad I didn't inherit my mother's niceness, and instead I got my father's cold, seemingly heartless demeanour. But us Strife's are full of love, contrary to popular belief.

"What do you mean _'_hope she buys something nice for the _damn baby'_? Mom, she stole your money! To _hell _with the baby!" My mother's eyes go round and she looks repulsed by my language, probably thinking that she did not raise me this way. Little does she know she's been leaving me alone with an Ex-gang member for weeks. Obviously fowl language is contagious. She goes to say something but I cut her off. "Can't you call the cops, throw them in jail!" I go to stand up and grab the phone but my mother stops me, shaking her head. If it was up to me, I would totally call the cops on that blonde bitch, but my mother is a fucking priest or something.

"Roxas, I would never call the police on my own family. That was not how I was raised," she folds her tiny hands in her lap, just looking down and I wish I was older, I wish I had a good job just so I'd give her back everything she lost to that bitch. Aunt Larxene doesn't deserve a sister like my mom. I feel rage slowly building up inside of me, not only because the money is gone but because how could you hurt your family like this? How could anyone hurt my mom? I watch my mother as she shrugs her shoulders, looking up at me with a watery smile. "It's okay, really. We have more in the bank, which is why your father isn't as upset…But it's just…she was my youngest sister," my mother's dainty little sniffles turn into tears and I'm again in the position of hugging a crying person "I didn't think my family would ever steal from me." I've been hugging a lot of people, especially crying ones. I guess it's the only way you'd willingly get me to hug someone. "I _trusted_ her."

"How do you know Aunt Larxene took it?" I ask quietly, patting her back and just taking in her smell. My mom has this soft, welcoming aroma that just makes me want to cling to her. Like fresh baked cookies (insert furious stomach grumble) and other delicious pastries. But I guess everyone thinks their mom smells amazing. It must just be a mom thing. I pull away and she stands up, dabbing the corner of her eye, careful not to smudge her perfect make up. She flattens the front of her pencil skirt, looking self-conscious.

"She called me from the airport, where she told me just how much she's hated all of us. I don't know what happened, I'd always tried my hardest to be nice to her," My mom with a tug at the bottom of her blouse, turns and goes towards the door leading out of the dinning room. We can hear someone walking around upstairs, so my mom must be going to start breakfast. Judging by the loud stomping, it's my father. Axel doesn't make a sound. I would offer to cook, to ease my mom's duties of having to make food while depressed but well, we _all_ know how that would turn out.

"Mom, don't listen to her. You are one of the greatest people ever," I smile brightly at her and she laughs, brushing her blonde hair back and rolling up her sleeves.

"Thank you sweetie, that means a lot." I love when my mom is happy, I really do. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside, like I just did the greatest thing in the world.

I watch my father walk into the dinning room, still groggy with sleep and probably with just a bit of a hang over. After coming home late last night, my mother and him drank…_a lot_. My mom looks fresh and perfect as usual, while my father could use a shave and maybe some cucumber slices on his eyes, and a good hair brushing, I mean a _reeeeaaaally_ good hair brushing. "What are you staring at Roxas?" My father's voice catches me off guard and I squeak, realizing I'm still staring at him. The smell of coffee slowly wafts out from the kitchen. My mom comes into the dinning room to greet my dad, having heard him be a sour puss. They kiss and my empty stomach takes a break from destroying me with hunger cramps to send bile up into my throat. Gross, parental PDA. My mom rolls her eyes as she goes to get my dad's coffee, having seen my ew-this-is-wrong face.

"Sorry dad, but you look awful," I say with a chuckle, returning to our previous conversation and forcing my gastric juices back down. He looks offended and about to go off into a rant about appearance when Axel appears out of fucking no where. Honest to God, he just appears in a puff of smoke or something. I don't know how else he'd be so fucking silent! It's nothing short of terrifying, considering humans shouldn't be able to do that. I must look scared because Axel raises an eyebrow at me, my mom walking over to him and giving him a peck on the cheek before placing my father's coffee mug in front of him. Maybe that's why my dad looks like he was hit by a freight train, he hasn't had his caffeine yet. I just realized that I've never been awake before my father. This is a historical day. Axel doesn't look the least put off by my dad's state, then I remember Axel is a fucking rooster. Waking up at the crack of bloody dawn. I have to ask, "Axel, why the hell do you wake up so early?" Everyone looks at me like I'm crazy.

"I like watching the sun rise. If the sun is just low enough, it rises red." He smiles in a goofy way before looking at my mom with a smile. "Need some help in the kitchen?" Axel asks my mother, stretching lazily and I have to avoid staring at the pale strip of flesh that shows teasingly when his t-shirt rides up. I am wrestling my brain for control of my eyes. I might break a fucking sweat. I feel a blush trying with all it's might to emerge but I keep it down. It would be a hundred different kinds of embarrassing if that happened. Just the thought of my father seeing me blush from staring at Axel's skin. Could you imagine how that would go down?

'_Roxas, why are you staring at Axel's stomach? You look a little flushed…OH MY GOD YOU'RE GAY AND IN LOVE WITH YOUR ADOPTED BROTHER!' _then Hell's fury would be upon me, my father attempting to strangle the gay right out of me, while my mother cracks the coffee pot over Axel's head

because he took her baby's innocence. The _pervert. _

They'd then have to flee the country, after hiding our bodies…

"Roxas?" My eyes dart to whoever called my name, and I realize that my father is reading the newspaper, not lunging across the table to wring the gay out of me, and my mother is actually holding the coffee pot but not smashing it over Axel's skull, effectively cracking it open and making his brains gush out.

Fuck, why do I have such a tendency to veer off into such morbid things?

"Roxas, honey…are you okay?" My mother's cool palm is pressing against my forehead, and I move away from it, looking at her like she's crazy. She moves the coffee pot away, like I could hurt it or something.

"Yes, I'm fine and I most definitely do not have a fever."

"Well you do look a little flushed," Those blue eyes squinting while my mom bends at the waist, have to be the most terrifying thing I have seen to date. I feel sweat spontaneously start dripping out of my pores and collecting on my forehead, my mouth opens and closes a few times. Dry. Fuck, she knows, she totally knows I have the hots for Axel. Shit, why am I saying _'have the hots' _that is such a Sora thing to say, or an Axel thing to say…Who cares, the point is that my mother knows and soon my father will know, etcetera, etcetera! I want to think of something to say, but my brain is too busy making my eyes slowly slip away from my mother's face and towards Axel, who is all the way in the kitchen, bent over the counter trying to reach something. His round, firm ass is basically all I can see, sticking up and my cheeks feel like they are getting darker. It's not like I had anything else to look at, right? No. Not right, she'll never buy that. Shit, I'm in hot water now.

"S'alittle hot in here no? Probably why Rox is all red, he is pretty pale," Axel decides to jump in (again appearing from fucking _nowhere_), of course saying something stupid. I glare at him, but my mom nods her head, agreeing with him about my paleness. I go to argue with all of them, but Axel's dumb face is talking. "Roxas, why don't you come help me in the kitchen? Your mum needs a break," Axel grips my wrist and before my mother or I have anything to say, Axel drags me into the kitchen and our door, which is usually left open swings shut, leaving my parents in the dinning room and out of sight.

"Axel, you do know my food is best compared to Rat Poison, _right_?" I stare at the redhead as he bustles around the kitchen, grabbing ingredients to what I think is cheese omelettes and bacon. Excellent, Axel makes the best omelettes. My stomach agrees with a vicious grumble, shaking my entire frame, I shit you not.

"Just whisk the eggs," Axel passes me a few eggs and takes off whisking his own few eggs. I grumble curses under my breath but do it anyway. I hate raw egg, it is probably the nastiest substance on this planet. Not only does its appearance repulse me, the texture of them is just something that makes me wanna die when I touch it. And please, do not get me started on the smell of raw egg. I grab my whisker (at least that's what I think it's called) and start mixing the eggs until they all turn into a soft yellow. It takes me a while because I really don't want egg splashing on me. It _smells_. When I'm finally done, I turn to show Axel only to see that he's finished making both my parent's omelettes and is in the process of frying the bacon while toasting the toast.

"Uhm…here," I hand the bowl over pathetically, feeling two kinds of useless and Axel takes it from me, giving me a soft kiss and making me completely forget about how awful whisking eggs is. He pulls away much too soon and piles all the bacon onto the plate, just as the toaster dings. Do I have knees?

"Thanks Blondie," Axel winks at me, getting everything set up. He's a rather fast cook. Wait, wait what? Did he just fucking call me _Blondie_? Does he _want _to die? I raise my hand, pointing my index finger at his face and so ready to send him to hell but he starts talking again. "I'll make our omelettes now, just take this to your parents." Axel sends me a smirk when I glare at him for calling me Blondie. I grab the plates angrily and stomp out to find my parents, sitting right beside each other. My father is holding my mom's hand, affectionately cooing at her and rubbing the soft skin of her palm. They look hilarious. My dad's hair sticking up everywhere, his tired unshaven face and my mom, slick hair and fresh. I feel like I'm interrupting, so I clear my throat and leave their plates on the table.

"I'm gonna eat in the kitchen, you guys enjoy," My mom smiles gratefully at me, looking at the omelettes like she hasn't eaten in weeks and my father grins.

"You didn't make these, I hope." I walk out of the dinning room, having to endure the sounds of both my parent's laughing at me as the door swings shut. I wish I could slam that fucking thing. Axel is leaning against the counter when I walk in.

"Hey," Axel says softly and I walk over to him, not because I want to or anything, but because he's beckoning me over with his hands, opening his arms and making such a tempting face. Okay, so _maybe_ I sort of want to be curled up in his arms…but…ah whatever. Who am I lying to? I really want him to hold me. He wraps his arms around me and I rest my chin on his sternum, looking up at him and glare even if I want to smile. I don't remember ever feeling this goopey in my life.

"Don't think I forgot you calling me Blondie," I pout and Axel just laughs, before dipping his head and kissing me, sucking the air right out of my lungs. I close my eyes, sighing and melting into the kiss. I guess I could forgive him for the name calling, I mean, I do sometimes refer to him as Fat head in my internal monologues.

We both hear the chairs in the dinning room scoot back and we fly apart, my heart hammering in my chest as my parents both walk in with empty plates and content faces. Axel sends me a look with a huge grin on his face and I have to chuckle, because holy shit that was fucking close. "I really hope you boys didn't do anything to our omelettes," My dad looks at us suspiciously and Axel laughs loudly, shaking his head before promising my father that he'd never defile the greatness that is food. I have to agree with Axel on that one and my parents know I'm sincere.

"ROXAS!" The side door slams open, the sound of the knob hitting the wall echoes through out the house. My father flinches, my mother putting her hand over her heart. Sora runs in, skidding to a halt right in front of me, bending over and resting his hands on his knees before he even looks up. When he does, I have to wonder just how he got so tired if the distance between our houses is literally 10 steps. "Roxas…listen…to…me…" Sora is still panting and I wonder if Aunt Betty should take him to the doctor, maybe get him checked for asthma. "You gotta help me…Riku hates me!" He obviously doesn't see my parents standing right there because he keeps talking. "He's mad 'cause I kissed Axel, and he doesn't wanna believe me when I say Axel is _your_ man meat, not mine, and that I want him…Oh, hey Aunt Sara…Uncle Cloud." I hear the egg in Axel's hand crack when he closes his fist around it, turning on his heel to face my idiot cousin.

I'll take that Hell's Fury right about now, because my mother just dropped her plate, mucking up my father's favourite pair of socks and my father doesn't even flinch. This is how I know shit is going down. Those are his favourite socks covered in egg pieces, icky, stinky egg pieces, and he doesn't even care.

Fuck, fuck, fucketty, _FUUUUCK! _I'm so not going to get an omelette now.

* * *

**A/N: **So, uhm, Sora is just a little bundle of fuck ups ain't he?

Also the term man-meat sickens how many other people? -raises hand-  
Yeah, it's just not right.

Hope y'all liked/loved (circle correct answer) this!


	18. I've Never Had to Tell Anyone

**Chapter Eighteen**  
"I've Never Had to Tell Anyone I Like Dick"

"Did I say man meat? I meant uhm…adopted brother. Yeah…he hates me because he thinks I want Axel to be my brother, but uh I want Riku to be my brother…" Sora's hands are what give him away when he lies. His fingers twitch, and he constantly tries to crack his knuckles. I feel like smacking his hands and making him stop, I mean it's bad enough his poker face makes him look constipated. The constant click and clack of his bones is beyond annoying and really gross. I don't think my parents believe a word Sora just said, judging by my father's high raised eyebrow and my mother's pursed lips. To be honest, I wouldn't believe it either. He makes it sound like we're five years old, with such petty arguments.

My parents turn to where Axel is standing, egg yolk dripping from between his fingers and he looks up, again that sorry excuse for a sheepish smile on his face, as he drops whatever is left of the dead baby chick into the disposal. It whirs loudly, the bits of shell being demolished and we all just stand there in silence. I wonder what my parents are thinking, because they keep looking from Sora, to Axel, to me. I'm licking my lips furiously, my brain pulsing as it jumps around trying to think of something to say. Oh sure, my brain is quick when it comes to sexual fantasies but when it comes to thinking up ways to save my ass, it does nothing. No one is saying anything, and slowly my mother's face is smoothing back to normal and I have to wonder, are they fucking buying it? I feel like laughing crazily and freaking dancing, until my dad rakes a hand through his tangled blonde mess and sighs. "Sora, I think it's best you go home. You can speak to Roxas later," My father is still standing, but my mom has dropped herself onto a bar stool, her blue eyes glued to me, where I stand right beside Axel. I can't tell if there is disappointment in her eyes or what. I feel like this isn't the best spot to be right now. Her eyes make it seem like she knows what we were doing minutes before, like she knows about all the lip locking her sons have been doing. Oh god, that sounds so wrong. I don't even know if I should feel guilty or not. It's not like we're _actually _brothers anyway.

"Uhm…for what it's worth, I encouraged him…" Sora shrugs, sending me the most pitying look, filled with a million and one apologies. It kills me how he doesn't even try to stick around and help me or at least come up with something better to say. He just leaves, a lot more silently than he came. I hear Axel swallow, the silence in the house engulfing everything and coating it with eeriness, once the side door clicks shut. I shift from foot to foot, cursing my pyjamas for their lack of pockets. Axel finally washes his hands and gets rid of the yolk before drying his them on his pants, both of us fidgety. I think he's just looking for something to do, anything not to have to stand here just staring at my parents, like I am.

"What Sora just said, could you please explain it to us, Roxas?" My mother's voice is tight, sounding like she's about to ground me for the rest of my life. My knees start to shake, my empty stomach now twisting up in fear, totally forgetting how damn hungry I am. My mother has never been upset with me, or at least not enough to actually show it. Personally, I've never done anything bad, well until now. I don't know if I'll be able to handle my mother being angry at me.

"I don't know what he's talking about," I say much too quickly and my father just shakes his head because he knows I'm lying. He moves to stand behind my mother and rub the tension out of her petite shoulders, she looks like she could use a lot more that a cheap massage. They are both looking at us and Axel leans against the counter, probably not at all phased by the fact that we are in deep, deep shit. He's been in worse trouble so many times, I don't even think this qualifies in his book as something to worry over. I take a chance to glance up at Axel's face, just to be sure I'm right and he doesn't care. I'm surprised to find worry _and_ fear in his eyes. He's supposed to be this big, bad delinquent, why is he afraid? If he's scared what does that leave for me? This only means one thing. I can be officially scared for my life now. Even more so than before.

"Do not lie to me Roxas," My mother stands up, placing her hands on the counter and staring at me. The bar stool shoots back, making my father take a few steps away from her, his hands falling back to his sides. He furrows his eyebrows, but I think he senses that right now is not the time to say anything. Why? Because she looks angry, the tips of her fingers pressing into the marble top and I have to look away, avoiding her eyes and trying to disappear into the floor. I would love it if it would split in half, open up and just swallow me whole. I notice my mother has totally excluded my father, no longer saying 'us' but 'me'. My dad doesn't even look like this is news to him, he's just staring at me with a blank expression. Well, knowing my dad that blank expression could mean a million things. "Have you been _involved_…with Axel?" My mother's voice quivers and she makes her way over to me. I'm so afraid but I don't know of what. I have never been scared of my parents before.

"M-mom, it's not like _that_!"

"Then what _is_ it like Roxas?" She's slowly growing louder and louder, my father clears his throat, taking a tentative step but my mother turns and points a thin finger at him. "Cloud, stay out of this!" Now she's yelling, and my dad's eyelids peel back, looking like he was just told he's pregnant with quintuplets. I can see the struggle on his face, because when my mother says something, it's law, but I can tell he wants to say something, he doesn't just want to butt out.

"Sara, calm down, let Roxas explain."

My mother again tells my father to shut up, and I feel tears slowly building up in my eyes. I have heard my parents argue a grand total of 3 times, and I don't even remember what exactly happened. They were small and pointless, I know that much. What hurts me, is to think that this slowly escalating argument is my fault. "Cloud, what is there to explain? Roxas has been doing _God knows what, _while we're out of the house, with Axel! I brought him here so he could have a family, not so that he could have sex with my son!" My mother whirls around and glares angrily at Axel, an expression I have never seen on her face in my life. "I am so tired of people taking advantage of my kindness! First my sister robs me, now this? I find out my only son is gay, and sleeping with a teenager I was supposed to help! What the _fuck _is wrong with you people?" Oh God, she's swearing…my mother is cussing…we're all dead.

"Sara, please."

"Don't you fucking '_Sara please' _me!" She goes right towards Axel, and I don't know if she's going to smack him or not. I freeze, because she is so close to us I can smell that delicious scent she carries with her, and it makes my eyes water even more. That smell was so comforting, now I'm actually scared that I can smell it, because she is close enough and having her this close in this condition is not good. Axel stares down at her, looking completely calm and unafraid even if he was shitting bricks a few seconds ago. I make note to have Axel teach Sora poker face lessons. "Why Axel? I brought you into my home, I clothed you, I gave you a family and have been nothing but good to you…so _why_?" my mother sounds broken, and it's something I have never wanted to hear.

"Mrs. Strife, I'm real grateful for everythin' you've done for me, s'just I can't help how I feel for Roxas…" Axel shoots a nervous glance at me and I bite my lip. My heart is racing, there is no going back now. It takes a second for me to realize Axel just told my mother he has feelings for me. I am both furious and touched that he would say that. Furious because it will probably get us murdered by my parents, and touched because even if my mom is looking at him like she wants to tear his skin off, he still said it.

Her blue, teary eyes turn to me now and I know I'm fucked. "Roxas. Roxas, why? I _trusted_ you, both of you, yet you kept this hidden from me. I would have listened, you _know_ that!"

"Mom, we didn't do anything!" I shout, the tears leaking without giving me enough time to stop them. My father keeps inching over closer to us, looking like he's getting ready to pounce at any moment in case he needs to stop a disaster. "We've never had sex or anything Mom. I'm being honest!" Her blue eyes narrow, arms crossing over her chest and this is worse than anything those gay bashers at my school could have done. Sticks, stones or words could never hurt as much as the look of distrust my mother is giving me.

"Mrs. Strife, please, it wasn't Roxas' fault…"

"So what you're saying to me Axel, is that you made Roxas gay and you forced him to do things with you? Are you telling me I should call the police, Axel? Is _everything_ you two did _your _fault?" Her voice is like a whip, slicing through the air and striking me so hard I almost piss myself. Axel's eyes go wide and he shakes his head furiously. He probably never even wants to hear the word _police._

"Mom, Axel didn't make me gay or force me to do anything! Everything I did was because I wanted to, because I like him, because I'm just a faggot!" The words are faster than I am, and it's too late to take them back once they're said. I know that, but I still wish I could suck them back in and erase it from my mother's memory. The slap is what shatters the silence that had grown icy cold, but now my cheek is burning and my mother is covering her mouth, her eyes pouring water like Niagara Falls, leaving dark streaks of mascara down her cheeks. I have never been hit before, especially by my parents so I wonder if it's supposed to hurt this much. I wonder if a slap is really supposed to feel like a stab in the chest.

I stare into my mother's blue eyes with my own wide ones, my fingers gingerly feeling my cheek, which is probably really red. I feel two years old again, and I'm taken back to a time when I fell and scraped my knee. I don't remember if it hurt or not, but all I know is that I cried, and I cried a whole fucking lot. I was alone in the driveway, trying to ride my new bike while my father got my helmet. I do remember though, how scared I was, to be sitting alone and bleeding on the cement. My mother ran to me, bandaged up my knee and kissed my cheek in that way only mother's could do. She looked into my eyes then, and promised it would get better. I stared into her blue depths and believed her. Now, the only similarity to that is how hurt I feel, how afraid and alone I feel standing in the kitchen in front of my mom.

"Sara, my god!" My father rushes over and pulls my mom away from me, but it isn't like she's trying to keep fighting. She's sobbing loudly, and it's only slightly muffled when my dad turns her and presses her face into his chest. I feel two warm, rough hands tug on my wrists and I find myself held just like my mom, only I'm pressed against Axel's chest. My father looks over at us, and I can see an apology in his eyes. It hurts a lot, so I'm not surprised that I start sobbing like my mother, trying to merge my face into Axel's ribcage and suppress the painful cries I'm issuing from my throat. "Axel, take Roxas upstairs please, I'll calm her down…then hopefully we'll all talk about this later," I feel Axel tug me gently and I just move along with him, not having enough energy to even put up the slightest resistance. All I can think is that my mother just hit me, she was angry enough to want to hurt me. I hurt her enough to make her that way. I broke her trust in me. I'm no better than Aunt Larxene.

I stumble up all the steps, Axel having to basically carry me most of the way because I can barely see. My vision blurry from the tears that just don't want to stop. I've been crying way too much lately. I'm just glad I was raised to understand that it's okay to cry. I don't know how I'd vent if I wasn't allowed to cry. Real men don't cry, my fucking asshole. Finally, Axel gently pushes me onto a bed and I land with a grunt, wiping my eyes and staring up at him as he stands in front of me. His eyes are filled with sadness and it breaks my heart. It seems like all I'm good for is making people upset. "Roxas, you alright?" Axel sits beside me, but I can tell he is keeping his distance. I don't know what it is (I don't know a lot of things) but I have this urge to have him close. I don't want to feel alone, so I scoot over and nuzzle into his side. He's shocked, I can tell, but he still wraps his arm around my shoulders and holds me close. The position slowly gets uncomfortable and we wiggle around, until we're both laying comfortably across the bed.

"It hurts," I say after a few minutes of silence and Axel hums, his fingers now slowly running through my hair. I know we shouldn't be laying in the same bed, but I can't find the will to pull away, or the want.

"I'll bet, that was a fuckin' hard slap," I pull away enough to stare at Axel's face and send him a look telling him just how stupid I think he is. He raises both his eyebrows and I roll my eyes.

"I wasn't talking about the slap idiot. I meant that it hurts that my mom is so upset about this…I thought she'd take it better. I mean, Sora's mom, Aunt Betty…she didn't even care, fuck, Uncle Leon didn't even care! Why does my mom have to freak out?" I feel the tears coming back and I sniffle, shoving my face in Axel's arm pit. It smells really good, and the soft material of his t-shirt feels nice on my face, not to mention the body heat, slowly radiating off him. His finger tips gently move from my hair and start stroking my spine, up and down, it's almost enough to make me sleep, almost soothing enough to make me forget how much I hurt.

"I can't tell yah Blondie, nor can I say I understand. I've never had to tell anyone I like dick," I smack Axel's chest, not strong enough to tear myself away from his warmth and good smell. I think I have a thing for smells. Anyway, he huffs and rubs the attacked area of his chest before chuckling. "Yeah, yeah, callin' you Blondie," I can hear the eye roll in his voice. "Rox, c'mere," he tugs me out of my haven and pulls me on top of him, I lay there feeling slightly nervous and I keep shooting glances at the door. "Don't worry, we'll hear anyone comin' up the stairs." With that he kisses me, his soft lips pressing against my dry ones and I feel a little self conscious. I decide I don't care when he grips my hips, his long fingers curling into the fabric of my pyjamas. I tilt my head, remembering reading somewhere that movement during kissing is good, but that's really common sense. I mean, staying still during kisses is so Kindergarten. I realize kissing Axel helps the ache in my chest, it helps me feel less horrible for making my mom cry. I mean, if my mom knew just how much I like him, and just how great he makes me feel, I'm sure she wouldn't be so upset. At least, I hope so. I run my fingers through Axel's long hair, feeling it's smooth texture, or at least until the ends where it gets a little rough and frayed. I don't mind though, I enjoy how is slides between my fingers. He must enjoy it too, because he hums happily, smiling big enough to break off our kiss.

"Are you okay?" I ask, feeling selfish because I'm not the only one who got in shit today. Axel got in trouble and I'm sure he must feel horrible. It probably doesn't feel too good to hurt someone whose given you so much for free. Axel's green eyes are a few shades darker when he looks up towards the ceiling.

"I think so…I just don't want your mom hatin' me. That lady's a saint, and I love 'er to death," Axel smiles at me when I look at him surprised. He shrugs "Y'all have grown on me."

"I've grown on you the most, right?"

"You know it," Axel kisses me, and I'm about to press against him harder when a knock at the door has me flying high into the air, Axel flailing as he drops off the bed in a tangle of bed sheets. I'm the first to get up and sit on the bed, Axel climbing up just as my father walks in, shutting the door behind him. He looks tired, almost like he's spend months over seas and I worry about my parents marriage. I don't want to be a divorce kid. They always suffer so much and Lord knows I'm not cut out for pain and suffering.

"I calmed your mother down, but she's taking a nap, she's barely slept. So…I'm going to talk to you boys now," My dad sits on the bed once we both scoot over. I know he doesn't miss the closeness, or the contact between both our thighs. Axel's fingers are laced in front of him, his head hung and my hands are just spread on my thighs, warm palms down, my eyes concentrating on the way my pyjama pattern alters when the fabric creases. "I'm going to be honest here, I already knew." Here my head snaps up and my eyes lock right with my father's. I've never really paid close attention, but it's kind of freaky how much I look like him. Wait, he knew? Knew about _what_?

"What do you mean _you knew?_" I ask, eyes round and he chuckles. I can't believe I'm going to talk to my dad about my gayness. This is mortifying.

"Roxas, I just knew you were…uhm…" he scratches the back of his head nervously, his free hand moving in a circular motion from the wrist, and I don't know what he's doing.

"Gay?" Axel supplies helpfully and my dad snaps his fingers, nodding.

"Yes, yes. I always had a feeling. Intuition you could call it, but I don't know if men have that…also, Sora told me," My dad smiles brightly when I face palm myself, my nose stinging but I don't really care right now because what the fucking hell? I honestly should never have trusted Sora, look just what he's done! He spread the news like it was fucking butter on toast. I cannot believe this! Actually, I can. He has the brain of a goldfish, and when there is good news (which to him, my being gay was great news) he just has to spread the word.

"Are you serious?" I ask when my palm is pulled away from my face and my dad nods his head, before sighing loudly and throwing himself back onto the pillows.

"Roxas you should have told your mother, it hurt her that you kept her in the dark about it."

"Well clearly I was right in not telling her. You saw her reaction dad," I look over at him, but his eyes are closed and he looks pretty relaxed. I wonder just how my mom is doing, a few doors down in her own room.

"She's just upset that she won't have any grand children, plus she thought you told her everything…Roxas, Axel as uncomfortable as this may be, I need you both to answer honestly. Did you two…do anything?" My face immediately turns bright red, I can feel my blush's intensity and Axel chokes on his spit, breaking out into a wild coughing fit. I smack his back roughly a few times and when he's calm he looks at my dad. My dad wipes his hand down his face and I jump in before he jumps to conclusions.

"No dad, we never ever did anything!"

"Except kiss," Axel cuts in and I glare at him, but my dad just laughs. It's amazing how cool he's being about this entire mess. It's amazing that someone as serious as my father appeared to be, isn't in fact serious at all.

"Well that's good to know. It will calm your mother down a lot more. Plus, once Aunt Betty talks to her, she'll see how great having a gay son is," my dad ruffles my hair before standing up and I swallow thickly, my heart ready to burst because…my dad thinks I'm great?

"You…you think I'm great?" I ask softly and my dad turns just before stepping out of the room, he looks at me like I'm an idiot, and I'm surprised that I'm getting used to people staring at me like that. I now know what Sora must have felt like all his life.

"Of course I do Roxas…you know that I…uh, you know I…"

"Love you?" Axel chirps in and my dad laughs, before nodding.

"Yeah, that. And Axel, you're still considered family, so don't go thinking anything crazy. Just, I guess your more of a Son-in-Law than a son, huh?" My dad's smile is bright, almost as bright at the blush I can see radiating off my cheeks. Axel laughs, throwing his arm over my shoulder and nuzzling his nose into my cheek.

"Guess so Daddy-o," they both laugh stupidly, before my dad goes off to do whatever he does when he isn't working. I'm guessing he'll be in the garage until my mother wakes up and it's time for our family chat.

I look at Axel nervously and his smile is enough to calm my frayed nerves. For now.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, it's AkuRoku day and since I don't have a one shot full of Lemony goodness, I'll give you guys the next chapter of Brotherly Love.  
I just love Cloud way too much to make him a homophobic dad, so I made him chill as fuck 8D  
I hope you guys liked this (:

I might try and work on a one-shot, so if anyone has any ideas of something they'd like to see in a short story _HIT ME UP GUYS_!

Love, Sharmander!


	19. Front Doors Are For Pansies

**Chapter Nineteen**  
Front Doors Are For Pansies

Monday mornings suck and I'm sure I've said this before. But I'm serious, they suck and they are even worse when your mother wants you dead in a ditch. Let's just say our family meeting didn't go over too well last night, and I was sent to bed without dinner while my parents argued for the greater part of the evening. Axel, of course snuck into my room to comfort me, but I don't know. His hugs are great and all, but they just aren't my mom's hugs. My dad can assure me she isn't mad about my sexuality all he wants, but I just know it's more than part of the reason she's so upset. I mean, on top of being robbed by her sister, her only son is a queer. I just wish she wouldn't hate me for being me, yanno?

Ugh, Axel's damn lingo is sticking with me. I kick my bed sheets off my legs, much like I do every morning and I stand up, stretching before deciding that for today's uniform I'm going to just wear my button shirt and pants. It's getting way too hot to wear those damn blazers or even the cardigans. First things first though, my shower.

I should be used to Sora climbing into my room unannounced, I shouldn't even scream after walking out of the bathroom and finding him sitting on my bed but I still do. I cover my mouth with both hands and Sora just laughs before turning around to let me get dressed. He wouldn't do that if I hadn't asked him to over a million times. He says we have the same everything, so it's nothing he hasn't seen before. Well, pfft I beg to differ. "So Rox, what happened?" he asks and I don't really want to talk about it while naked but I know I have to eventually. I'm going to have to all day, especially with Sora's big, fat mouth. He's definitely going to blab to Olette and Naminé, and they are both such Mother Gooses.

"My mom flipped shit…" I'm about to tell Sora my dad is cool with me liking men, when I remember he was the little shit who told. I glare at the back of his big head and finish buttoning my shirt before throwing myself at the bed and tackling him to the floor. It's a struggle to get on top of him, because he's a slippery bastard but I finally get him. I sit on his stomach, pinning his arms down to his sides with my knees and start slapping his cheeks until they turn bright pink. He's squirming crazily, but the little fucker needs to learn a lesson. "Why. Did. You. Tell. My. Dad!" I slap him every time I say a word, and he shouts, begging me for mercy but I am a heartless bitch. "Who else did you tell? Tell me!"

"No one else, I swear!"

"Whoa, what did I just walk in on?" I hear my room door hit the wall and I look back. It's long enough for Sora to buck me off him and I tumble to the floor, landing right at Axel's sock clad feet. This is the first time I've ever seen him bootless and I have to stare at his tiny feet. They are _reaaally_ small and I can't believe I've never even noticed it before. I mean, I'm shorter than him but my feet are definitely bigger. I start laughing and he steps on his foot, trying to cover his shame but I can totally still see them and they are still so small!

"Holy shit, your feet are tiny!" I'm really cracking up, and when I hear Sora start laughing I know he just had to look. I feel sort of bad for putting Axel on the spot with his little steppers, but I can't help it. If you'd just see them…

"Fuck you both. I just came in here to see if y'all are ready for school, not to have my feet stared at," Axel crosses his arms over his chest and I stand up, going to dust off my pants but remembering that hey, I'm not freaking wearing any. I blink furiously a few times and I get to slowly watch the realization dawn on Axel, a devilish smirk taking over his lips as his eyes trail up and down my pale appendages. "Nice legs, sugar."

"Get out!" I scream, tugging the hem of my shirt down whilst trying to cover myself and push Axel towards the door. Sora doesn't do anything to help me; instead he grips the back of my shirt and tugs it over my head, trapping me in my own clothes. Have you ever tried taking a button shirt off without unbuttoning it first? Yeah, it fucking sucks, especially when a button gets caught in your nostril. My flailing must be what gets the shirt back on normally and when I can see again Axel and Sora run out of the room. I'm so mad I slam the door, they're lucky they left or I would have slammed their faces. Fucking stupid Sora, and stupid Axel, always being _so stupid_.

I'm finally dressed and ready to face the world when I hear my window slide open. I really don't know why I have a damn front door anymore. "Roxas…hey," Riku makes his way in silently and I wonder if he's been teaching Sora a few tricks, then I remember he hates Sora, so no, he wouldn't be teaching him anything. "Sora's mom forced me over here," the frown on his face lets me see he's really displeased with this whole thing. It's probably because he doesn't want to be anywhere near Axel, and it's bad enough he lives with Sora. I know it might be mean to say, but I like Riku better when he's upset. He's much more calm and quiet, and less of a fucking lunatic.

"I do have a front door," I groan and tug open my room door, Riku trailing behind me like a lost puppy. Really, I want all this madness to end so that Riku can follow Sora or Axel around. Don't get me wrong, yeah we did sorta do that weird bonding thing, but he's still Riku which means he's still obnoxious. At least he isn't so bad now but that's because he feels all emo and betrayed. I guess I don't hate him enough to want him to stay sad.

"Front doors are for pansies."

Of course Axel would choose this one day to wait for me in the foyer and not in the kitchen like he's supposed to, like he's done all along. I walk down with Riku and let me tell you how fucking awkward this situation is. I feel it prickling my skin and I just can't tear my eyes away from them, half worried that they'll start scrapping it out again, and half worried the room is going to combust with the intensity of their stares. Sora skips out of the kitchen happily, completely oblivious to the death glares he's about to run right into. I want to tell him to turn back, to hide and save himself, but it's too late.

"There is nothing like cold pancakes," It's now that I see the floppy pancake in his hand and he takes a huge bite. Gross, he's eating it plain…and with his _hand_. "Roxas, your mom and dad left early this morning, left a note on the pancakes…_which_ I ate." He smiles cheekily at me before shoving the rest in his mouth. Holy shit, it was still basically a whole pancake. He chews all excited and filled with joy, while I just wait for it, for the moment he realizes that Riku is standing right beside me, staring at him as he stands right beside Axel. I hear a gulp and watch his eyes go rounder, and rounder as the huge blob of pancake goes down his esophagus. Yeah, he finally saw him. "Riku," he squeaks and I don't know where I can hide to escape all this awkward tension. Maybe in that vase…"Hi," Sora is such a doofus.

I wonder if this is what neutral countries feel like during war. I'm not really on anyone's side here, because I think they are all idiots. Axel is an idiot for making a move on his best friend's crush, Sora is an idiot for just being a skank and Riku is an idiot for being such a brute and starting the whole fist fight. Really, this is more than a little uncomfortable and the silence is stretching to the point where it's almost painful. I shift uneasily and cast a glance Axel's way. He's just staring at Riku, looking like he's torn between apologizing and telling Riku to go fuck himself. "So, are we going to school?" I blurt out, anything really to stop this horrible, awkward silence. They all look at me suddenly, shouts of _'shotgun'_ echoing through-out the house.

"I'm his boyfriend, so I get shotgun," Axel says when it appears that they all screamed at the same time. I almost snap my neck when I whip my head around to look at Axel and he grins at me. Oh no, no, no Sir.

"Whoa, who said you were my boyfriend?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest but before he answers, Sora butts in all matter o' factly.

"I'm his cousin, so, I get shotgun by default. Bros before hoes and what not," See what I mean when I call them all idiots? They are all honest to God mentally challenged or something. I shake my head and go to grab my keys, hoping that if I leave them alone to argue this; they'll strangely patch up their differences. I honestly doubt it though. I walk into the dinning room, where the keys are hanging and they all follow me. They are like brain dead puppies, you tell them to stay but as soon as you turn, they're at your heels. "Axel's your boyfriend?" Sora and Riku ask at the same time and I groan before I snatch my keys from the hanger and turn to look at them.

"No…I mean…yes…or well…not entirely...Shut up, it's none of your business." I pout, stomping out of the house and choosing to ignore anymore questions. I don't even know what Axel and I are. I mean, we both admitted to liking each other, but he didn't ask me out or anything. I don't even know if I'd want to date him…I mean, I guess I could. This is too hard for my brain; I'll thrust it all on Naminé and Olette and pray they can figure something out.

We reach the car and I unlock my door, but notice none of them are moving. I fear that they're all thinking of sprinting to the car and attacking each other for the passenger seat. They aren't saying anything, just standing there, staring and I know I have to come to a decision for them, before they ruin my car. Really, is this what being a parent is like? If so, count me out.

"I personally don't want to sit next to any of you, but seeing as you're all too brain dead to figure this out…Riku gets shot-gun. Come now, let's go," I climb into the car quickly because I just know Sora and Axel have something to say. I see this as the best possible solution though. Riku sits beside me, and Sora and Axel sit together in the back. They had no problem sucking face, so I'm sure they can manage a little car ride. What? I'm still a little sore about that. I can forgive, but I've got the memory of a damn elephant.

"This is fuckin' bogus," Axel grunts as he folds his legs up, and I notice they are way too long for him to sit in the back comfortably. I feel a twist of guilt when he looks up at me through the rearview mirror, his big, green eyes all pleady and puppy like. Fuck, no, I can't let him sugar me into letting him come sit up front with me. I remember the last car ride and that was fucking brutal. Hopefully this seating arrangement will work out, at least until we get to school.

I guess I spoke too soon because as soon as we hit the main street, it starts. "So Axel, which family member are you going for next? Demyx or how about Peter?" I look at Riku when I stop at a red light, my eyes telling him to _'shut the fuck up!_' but he doesn't even acknowledge my stare. I look up into the rearview to see Axel's face, hoping he'll acknowledge me but he's seething. Boy, he doesn't look happy at _all_.

"Shut your fuckin' mouth Riku," Axel growls and I really want to step on the gas and get to school before it gets any worse, but this damn light won't change. I'm sure my mom would understand if I got a ticket. I mean, I'm trying to avoid a fight so it's a just cause, right? But…my mom isn't too fond of me right now, so she'd probably snap if I got a ticket, no matter what my reasoning is. I look at them, making sure they are still seated but the look on their faces tells me it won't stay that way for much longer, Sora is just sitting still for once, completely silent. When the light turns green, I floor it.

I figure it's worth the ticket.

I have to slam my foot on the breaks when Riku pounces out of his seat and flings himself back after Axel calls him a few colourful names, the car skidding right into the middle of the school parking lot. Sora squeals, opening the door and throwing himself out, the car isn't even fully stopped yet. The car screeches and I lurch forward as they fight in the back seat. I watch Sora get up, still confused as to what just happened and he just stares at me from the outside. The ride had been silent for the most part, aside from snide comments here and there and a few indirects from both parties. "Axel, Riku, stop it!" I shout, unbuckling my seatbelt and turning to try and tug Riku off of Axel. I just hope we don't get side-slammed by anyone.

Why do I always find myself ass in the air and sweating when I'm in the car with both of them? Of course, my brain has to turn that thought into something horribly corrupt and not at all what I meant. Shaking that thought out of my head, I struggle to pull Riku away but he isn't budging, instead he's trying to hit Axel's already bruised and semi-swollen face. They are both still marked up from their last fight, so why are they trying to go at it again? God damn it, I really wish I would have gotten a horse or something. Life would have been so much easier if both Sora and I had gotten pets instead of delinquent siblings. I wouldn't have to be playing the role of fucking referee, that's for damn sure.

The car door opens and I watch in horror as they roll out onto the asphalt, fighting right in the damn parking lot for everyone to see. There's a small crowd forming and I wiggle my way into the back seat and out of the car right behind them. I really don't want to witness another bloody battle, the first one was enough to last me a life time. I jump in, as crazy and reckless as that is and try to pry them apart. Nothing is working and I feel like giving up when BAM! Pain shoots all along the side of my face and I collapse, my head pounding when I fall flat on my ass, dazed and not quite sure where this horrible ache came from.

"Holy shit, Roxas!" Axel shouts, dropping to his knees beside me and Riku does the same, both of them extending their hands towards me while I try to blink the world back into focus. Did I just get punched in the fucking face? I think I fucking did, well at least they aren't fighting anymore. I lift my hand to touch the aching part of my head and when I poke it, I feel like crying. It hurts so fucking much! I don't understand how they could take so many hits to the face and be all cool about it, if one feels this bad.

"You fucking hit him, idiot!" Riku shoves Axel away and cups my face, making me look at him. "Are you okay?" He asks softly because I think he knows that anything louder will make my brain hemorrhage right about now. I've never been punched in the face, to be honest…or at least never hit this damn hard. He holds up three fingers and asks me how much, but I narrow my eyes at him. If they hadn't been fighting this wouldn't have happened!

"Get away from me, you jerk!" I push him away and try to stand up, the pain in my head doesn't make it easy but I have to do this by myself. Riku looks like a baby seal about to be clubbed and I glare at him even harder. Axel laughs before moving to my side and I push him away too. "If you two idiots hadn't been fighting for no fucking reason, I wouldn't have a damn concussion right now!" I point at them angrily and Sora hurries over to where we are. The crowd is whispering amongst themselves and I hate it. I hate stupid gossip and I just know that by third period, there is going to be rumors left, right and center. That just makes me even angrier. I've never been the subject of a rumor and now my name is going to be tossed around the school like some cheap whore. Oh, I am so mad right now. "I thought you two could be civil, you know…like _normal people_, but I guess I was wrong. I don't want to be around either of you while you're both acting like complete Neanderthals. Fix your damn friendship or stay the hell away from me and walk home!" I storm over to Sora, grabbing his wrist before dragging him towards the car which was left in the middle of the parking lot. I throw my cousin into the seat and slam his door and the back door, before climbing in and driving off to find a parking space far away from the stupid twosome.

"Roxas…are you alright?" Sora asks softly and I look at him before sighing loudly and tossing my head back. I need ice or something; there is no way in hell I'm going to be able to sit through Luxord's lesson with my brain liquefied. "You're bleeding…" Sora reaches over and wipes a bit of blood off my face and it stings. I ignore the pain long enough to park the car and he gets a bandage from I don't know where. Lucky for me, it's one of his Mickey Mouse band-aids. Just what I want, a stupid rat bringing attention to my injured face.

"I'm so mad right now So…but really…I don't know why I would have expected anything less. They're still two hooligans in the end," For some reason I feel cheated. Like I was told a lie and I was stupid enough to believe it. I was just beginning to see that Axel could be a decent person but now, I'm not so sure. I mean, if he can't even talk over his issues with his best friend with out fisting him in the face, what would happen if we were to fight? I grip the steering wheel hard, but I'm not really sure why all this really bothers me so much. Maybe it's the fact that I got fucking punched for no reason!

"That's not true. They are both good people Roxas, they're just…you know…tough guys who don't talk about feelings," Sora smiles at me when I look over at him, my head still pounding but I just have to laugh when he reaches over and smoothes the bandage over the cut. "Maybe you yelled some sense into them…we'll have to wait and see. But right now, we've got class and if I'm late one more time I swear my balls will be mounted on Mr. Flower's wall."

Ew, gross.

Axel walks into English late, as he usually does but the teacher doesn't even stop his lecture to chastise him. I think Luxord's given up, or maybe it's the look on Axel's face that just screams he should be left alone. I scoot closer to the wall when he sits down and angrily stare down at my work sheets. I feel him looking at me, but I won't make eye contact. Not until him and Riku are friends again, not while all this stupid fighting is going on. I really hate when people fight, which is why the whole thing with my mom has got me down in the dumps. A note smacks my head, the hurt side, and if I had a rifle, let me tell you…

'_Don't be mad at me…):'_ I crumple the paper and shove it in my bag, ignoring it until another one rolls onto my desk. _'We're friends again (:'_ Axel's handwriting is fucking horrible. I mean, it looks like he wrote all this while holding the pen in between his teeth and when I glance over at him I see him chewing viciously on the little plastic lid. As soon as I'm done hating his penmanship, I re-read the note. They're friends again? I scoot a little closer to him and he brightens, a huge smile on his face.

"You're not lying are you?" I whisper and Naminé turns to stare at me, sending me a disapproving look. I'd tell her to mind her own business if I didn't love her so much. I smile sheepishly instead and wait for her to turn around to jab Axel in the side for his response.

"No, honest. S'all gravy, plus…I talked him into forgivin' Sora," I beam at him, happy enough to give him a hug but I hold back, mostly because Luxord is staring at me like he'd slit my throat if I even thought about doing anything. I blink stupidly as he walks over to my side of the classroom.

"My Roxas, aren't we talkative today?" I shrink into the seat when he tells me to read out loud. I hate reading to this stupid class, but I guess it's okay. At least when I leave here and go home with all the maniacs there won't be anymore brawling inside my wonderful little car.

Just as I start reading, the P.A system crackles and the secretary's voice comes out of the little speaker. Both Axel and I are being summoned and I feel a tiny twist of fear in my stomach when she tells us to bring all our things with us. What if the principal saw the fighting out in the parking lot this morning? I don't think I'd be able to handle being suspended. My mother would kill me for sure. Luxord looks angry that I have to leave in the middle of my torture and I grin before getting up, picking up my school bag and leaving the class with Axel right behind me. "I wonder what's up," I say walking along side the redhead and he just shrugs.

"I didn't do nothin', that's my story and I'm stickin' to it."

Lucky for us, the office is on the same floor as the English room, so the walk there is short and we're being led into the principal's office in no time. I swallow nervously when Principal Ansem stares at me, something about him has always creeped me out. Axel looks like he's just seen a ghost and I make note to ask what's got him so spooked as soon as we leave.

"Your father is on the phone," the man's face is taut with seriousness and I feel my heart plummet into my gastric juices. I can't really find my voice, my voice box constricted with fear. My father has never once called me while I was at school. His motto is that nothing is important enough to interrupt my education, especially if it can be said to me at home. Axel speaks before I do.

"What happened?" He goes to get up but the principal shakes his head, grabbing the receiver and passing it to me. I feel those green eyes on me as I shakily hold it to my ear. My voice sounds crackly when I manage to squeeze out a sound and I look towards Axel, hoping beyond hope that everything is okay and maybe just maybe, staring at his face will make it better if it's not.

"Roxas…there's been an accident. I want you and Axel to leave school and come to the hospital," my father's voice sounds hoarse and I can't really believe what I'm hearing. The first thing that comes to mind is my mother, because she is the only person my father would deem important enough to call me while in school. My grip tightens and I have to force myself to speak around the lump in my throat.

"Is…is everything okay?"

"No…it's not…I'll tell you when you both when you get here."

* * *

**A/N:** I have to thank The Scissor Sisters for serenading me through this chapter. They are just the best band to get me out of a soggy mood and into a chipper, happy writing mood. I did have to pause a lot though, due to my insane dancing. Ehem...moving on...

OH NO, UN ACCIDENTE!  
Sorry if this qualifies as a cliffy, but y'all know I'm quite infamous for those ;D  
I'm really amazed that we're hitting chapter nineteen in this little story and I'm so glad everyone's stuck around and kept reading.  
I know, I know I might sound like a broken record and you're all like "STFU SHARMANDER!" but hey, I love you fellas.

Anywheys, hope you all enjoyed this long awaited update!

-Como una flor, tanto amor, Sharmander.


	20. 1000 Ways to Die

**Chapter Twenty  
**1000 Ways to Die

Have you ever woken up thinking everything that happened before falling asleep was just a horrible dream, only to awake and find out that no, you aren't in your room, wrapped, warm in your blankets but actually sitting in the middle of the place you were before. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and take in the hospital scene. Axel is pacing in front of me, his dress pants sagging and his uniform sleeves rolled up, all wrinkled. My father is probably at the nurse's station, asking about my mother...again. I stretch, Axel catching the motion and moving to where I am, not even giving me a few minutes to mentally prepare myself for his assault of annoyance.

"Finally awake huh?" he laughs but it's not a real laugh. Nothing like the loud, annoying, wake-people-from-a-coma guffaw he usually lets out. It's dry and humorless, like it should be. This isn't really a situation where laughter is the best medicine. I mean, laughing isn't going to get my mother out of her coma (or maybe Axel's could) and back at home. She was hit by a speeding van, slammed her car right into the barriers on the highway, totally crushing in the driver's side. Our car is totaled, my father having to speak to the police about insurance and what not and I just know he's dreading it. My dad has this authority complex he never likes to talk about, I only know about it because my mother told me. Apparently, the Evel Knievel that hit my mother left the scene, not even bothering to check if she was alive or what. To think that he's out there right now, living like nothing happened makes a thick knot tie itself in my throat.

"Yeah…where's my dad?" I stand up, my stomach grumbling and reminding me that the little snack I had at lunch is long gone and my growing-boy body needs nutrition. My father appears like magic, probably the hundredth coffee cup in hand. He looks completely destroyed, like he was the one who was run over by a speeding van.

"Right here," My father yawns, taking a sip from his paper cup before looking at me through the steam. I stare right back, realizing that one day I'm going to look just like that. It's something my mother always tells me, randomly in the mornings but I've never seen it until now. My father would be scratching at his blonde hair viciously, and she'd laugh before saying 'one day, you'll be just like that.' Holy shit would she ever laugh.

I wonder, a fleeting thought really, if I'll ever hear her laugh again.

"Any word?" I ask, reaching out for my dad's cup and he passes it over easily, throwing himself back onto one of the sofas in the lounging area. We were moved from the E.R and brought to the fifth floor, where the critical operations take place and where the family members wait for the patients to recover. Right now, it's probably nearing one in the morning and we're the only people here.

My dad rubs at his eyes with his thumb and index finger, shaking his head silently. Axel throws his head back and starts pacing again, his steps a little harder than before. I notice there's a T.V in the corner as I watch Axel stomp around in front of it and I get up to turn it on. A little ol' Idiot Box would do us all some good. I skim the channels quickly, because squatting in front of this television is a real pain in the thighs. There is nothing on, but I move away and don't turn it off. Instead, I sit beside my dad and he slowly pulls his hand away from his face and watches T.V. Axel moves out of the way and comes to plop beside me, and we all squish ourselves onto one couch.

"No remote?" Axel asks after a few minutes, clearly watching the News we already watched at 6, isn't really that interesting. My father shakes his head and suddenly, I feel two pairs of eyes staring right at me. I groan getting up and stomping towards the T.V.

"Fine, but I get to chose what we watch first." I grin and get to work finding something I want to watch. My father and Axel don't say anything, instead just agreeing and going with whatever system I come up with for equal viewing time. I pull away, finding some show about death and turning to sit back in between my father and Axel.

"This show is about?" Axel asks, watching as a girl celebrating her bachelorette party sticks her head out of the sun roof of her limo. I just know this is gonna be good, considering she's probably about to face some horrible, hilarious death.

"It's 1000 Ways to Die. You've never seen this before?" I shrug my shoulders when my dad snorts, but stays quiet. What do they know about good television anyway? "It's all these really funny, or just plain stupid ways that people die…" Just as I finish saying that, a pigeon flies into the girl's mouth breaking her neck and killing her. She drops into the limo and all her friends squeal in terror. I just laugh quietly because that is just so stupid. I guess that's what happens when you're a big mouth.

"You actually watch this?" Axel whispers after the commercials and my dad's snores fill the room. I turn my face and stare at him, his hair a frizzy bird's nest and I just smirk. To think, I hated him not too long ago and now, I actually have come to terms with the idea of having a crush on him. It's not so bad, and I grudgingly admit Sora was right.

"I don't see why it's a bad thing."

"You're twisted," Axel just chuckles, shaking his head but keeps watching when the show comes back on. I don't say anything and watch it too, considering I really love this show.

As it finishes, the doctor walks in, his eyes going straight to the television before falling back onto us. My dad is still asleep and I'm slowly getting there, but Axel is up and pacing again only to stop and walk over. The man is a fucking night hawk, I'm telling you. The doctor sits quietly on the armchair and signals for me to wake up my father. I poke at his neck with freezing fingers and finally he jumps into wakefulness, his eyes round and crazily darting around the room until he realizes where he is. He casts a look at me before sitting up a little straighter. "The doctor is here," I say softly and he nods his head, rubbing the sleep off his face.

"She's stable, which is a great thing," The doctor smiles brightly at us and I don't know what to do. It sounds like there is going to be a 'but' in there somewhere in his speech and I don't think I'll handle that too well. Axel comes to sit back in his old spot, his thighs brushing against mine. The doctor seems to be studying his face, wondering if he's actually a part of our family. I know he won't ask, but I find it kind of funny. The clear confusion in his face, but it's gone in a few seconds and he's back to talking. "But she hasn't woken up yet, we'll give her a few days, she should wake up by then. Right now though, you can't go visit…first thing tomorrow morning, I promise." The doctor stands and my father does too, shaking his hand and thanking him for saving his wife's life. I don't tell my dad that it's what the man does, you know, saves people's lives for a living and instead I keep quiet, letting the new information sink in. My dad comes back and plops down like a boneless blob, sighing tiredly before looking at me. He looks like Mufasa after the stampede.

"She's gonna be okay," Axel says slowly, like he's testing the words to see if they are real, making sure that saying it out loud isn't going to sound like some horrible lie. The huge smile breaks out across my face and my dad just lets a small smile be seen. A sense of relief washes over me, kicking out the anxiety and dread I'd been feeling for the greater part of the day. My mom is stable and the doctor didn't look the least bit worried. That's good, right?

"Yeah, she is…" My father's voice sounds airy and when I look at him, he's curling against the armrest and I feel the heaviness of sleep for the first time in a few hours. I groan, having to curl up instead of stretching out like I really feel I need to do. Axel just offers his shoulder as a pillow and I take it. There isn't much else to lean my head up against, and boney or not, he's the most comfortable thing here.

I fall asleep watching his face, his warm smile helping me believe the doctor's words.

When I wake up, it's because my father is shaking me and I almost fall off the couch. I'm a little disoriented when I stand, but Axel helps me walk out of the waiting room. My legs are still in lala land, it seems. The hospital halls that were almost deserted last night are filled with noise and light today, people walking up and down, patients being rolled around on beds and families just lining the walls and waiting. Axel's gentle grip on my arm loosens until he's not touching me anymore and I'm left to walk on my own. I follow my dad as his long legs lead us somewhere and I'm guessing it's to go see my mother.

They are both silent when we arrive at the nursing station, a plump, little lady smiling when she sees my father. Something tells me he's already been here a few times but before I ponder about just how many times he's bothered the women, my eyes are dragged towards the white board behind all the nurses. My mother's name is written right there, letting me know what room she's in but clearly my father already knows. He takes us there and that tight knot comes back as I stand before the door.

"The doctor warned us this morning before I came to see her…Roxas, she doesn't look that good but she's awake…sort of," My father tries to smile at me but I just shake my head, pushing the door open and making my way in before they can stop me. No one else follows me in and I guess they've both already seen her.

The tears that start leaking out of my eyes surprise me, the way my knees almost give out comes as a shock too. I wobble over to her bedside, or as close as I can get. There are too many machines blocking me from standing right at her side, too many wires and cables connected to her and keeping her alive. I watch her eyelids flutter, as if they'll open and bright blue will stare at me but it doesn't happen and she's still again. I can't tear my eyes away from her bruised and swollen face. I know that if she'd see herself like this, she'd have a heart attack. I grab her hand, the one that doesn't have the I.V needle and I hold it, feeling myself cry even harder. In a way, I'm glad she didn't wake up. I don't know how she'd react if she did. We still aren't on the best of terms, but I wish it wasn't like that. I wish she didn't hate me. It hurts to think that she'd probably not want me to touch her, but I can't let go.

I hear the door open again and my dad walks in by himself, my brain wondering just where Axel is before my dad talks. "It's alright Roxas…the doctor said she's gonna be just fine," I shake my head, my grief isn't about that. I know she's going to be fine; it's just the fact that I could have lost her without her accepting me that's making me cry. I tell my dad this, or at least I hope he understands. My voice is all choked and watery, barely sounding human and my dad just nods, wrapping me up in his arms and hugging me close. This is probably one of the very few times he's hugged me, and it's almost as good as my mom's hugs. My father is a little harder and doesn't smell as nice as she usually does, but he's warm and makes me feel safe. "She doesn't hate you Roxas, don't say that…"

"She does…and this is probably my fault," I choke painfully, letting go of her hands to wrap my arms around my dad. My face is pressed against him hard enough for my nose to hurt, but I don't pull away until my dad practically peels me off him.

"Sh, don't be an idiot. This isn't anyone's fault. Let's just be grateful she's alright."

I turn and look at my mom, the tears making it a challenge but I blink them away, clearing her image over and over again. Her blonde hair is not nearly as neat as she usually has it and I just want to brush out all the knots. Like I used to do when I was little, she'd give me her comb and sit on the bed, letting me braid it (or atleast try to). "Do you think she'll ever forgive me?" I croak out, my throat hurting as it works around the lump that just seems to be getting bigger and bigger.

"Forgive you for what?"

"For…for being this way," I need to stop crying. I mean, I'm probably just making myself look like such a sissy. I feel my dad put his hand on my shoulder and give it a tight squeeze before talking.

"I already told you Roxas. She loves you, all she needs is a little time to get used to it, you did spring it on her kind of suddenly. She still loves Sora, after all…" I turn to face my dad, a small smile worming its way onto my features and I have trouble arguing with what he just said. It's true, my mom adores Sora and it's no secret that he's a flaming queer. It would only make sense for her to still love me…even a little, after finding this out.

"Don't worry…once she wakes up, we'll sort all of this out," My father smiles before moving to my mother's bedside, grabbing her hand and kissing it gently. I wonder just how much seeing her like this is hurting him, considering she's the love of his life after all. I watch them both sadly, before turning and making my way to leave. I think he needs some time alone with her, plus, I don't want to leave Axel sitting out in the hall all alone and awkward. "Roxas, Aunt Betty, Uncle Leon and a few others should be dropping by soon. Take Axel and go keep a look out, please?" I give him a curt nod and step out of the room, shutting the door and going off to find Axel.

When I find him, its in the last place I look. He's sitting in the waiting room, at a tiny table with a little girl. I don't know what they are doing until I approach and see him drawing with her. Ridiculous crayon doodles. The child's pictures are sadly a lot better than Axel's. When he sees me, he just smiles, struggling to get up off the tiny seat. The little girl pouts, and glares at me, probably upset that I've come to take away her drawing partner. "Dad said we have to go wait for Aunt Betty and Uncle Leon," I try and avoid staring directly at the little girl. Her evil stare is a little hard to ignore though.

"Alright," Axel waves good-bye to his little friend and follows me out of the waiting area. He's quiet for the most part, which really unsettles me. I mean, the only times Axel has been quiet have been times when he's emotionally disturbed or angry with me. I don't say anything though, and we board the elevator that will take us down stairs. "Roxas…what's gonna happen between us?" his voice catches me off guard and I jump, my heart picking up in pace and my tongue seems to have gained a lot of weight.

"W-what do you mean?"

"You like me, I like you…now what?"

"Axel…I…" The elevator opens just as I go to speak, both of us having to get out before it takes us back upstairs. I'm about to talk again when a shrill scream of my name makes me pivot and I watch as Xion comes running straight at me. Axel groans, before making his way over to our Aunt and Uncle. Something tells me he's not happy at all.

"ROXAS! IS AUNTIE OKAY?"

God. Fucking. Damn it.

* * *

**A/N: **This probably isn't as long as y'all were probably hoping for but I had to get this out. This chapter has given me HELL! H-E-DOUBLE L, HELL!  
I just needed to get it out of the way. Hopefully, we've got a few good things coming up!  
-nudgenudge winkwink-

Thanks everyone for the patience. I love you all.

BTW, 1000 Ways to Die is a kick ass show.

-Sharmander


	21. Backstreet Boys and Pillow Fights

**Chapter Twenty-One**  
Backstreet Boys and Pillow Fights

Nothing says awkward like Xion. I don't know why I always get stuck watching her, I mean, I've made my distaste towards children blatantly obvious. Axel hasn't spoken a word to me, and if I stare at him long enough, I catch him right before he stares at me. I see his head slowly move, eyes trailing towards me and when he sees me watching back, he jerks away. I rest my chin in my palm and listen to Xion sing, trying to distract myself from staring at Axel. This is why she's making this situation so much more awkward than it has to be. With her headphones on, it seems like she's possessed by some annoyance demon. My aunt Aerith told me music would _'keep her occupied'_ which in her terms must mean, _'keep her still, but ten times louder'_. There is just no in between with this kid.

"Quit playing games with my heart…with my heart!" Xion is horribly off key, and I know this because long ago, there were dark times. Dark, dark times I never speak of, the only trace of them ever existing is a collection of Backstreet Boys CDs in the basement. Which will never see the light of day ever again, might I add. "Before you tear us apart...my heart!"

I cringe as the little girl keeps singing, some people staring in our direction and I can't help but send them a pitying look. I can't do anything about her and I wish they just knew that. It's either we all listen to her sing, or I take the headphones off and unleash the hyperactive ten year old on the fifth floor. They have no clue what she's capable of, no fucking clue. Next thing you know, she's running into rooms tripping on life support cables and killing half the unit. Then they'd really hate me, so I decide I can deal with a few dirty looks, it's better than a mob.

Speaking of dirty looks, Axel is now completely avoiding looking at me and I wonder just what his problem is. I know I was trying not to look at him, but I can't help it. His question is still floating around in my head. _'Roxas…what's gonna happen between us?'_ I can't push it away, and I especially can't ignore the way it left my chest feeling. My heart is still thumping and every time I see Axel shift from my peripheral vision, it leaps and I think I'm having a mini heart attack. I keep thinking what I'm going to answer, to be honest I don't even have a clue what I was going to say before. Most of me wants to be with Axel, but there is still this tiny part telling me it's a bad idea. I can mostly ignore the little voice, so right there I decide if Axel is going to ask me out, I am going to say yes. That voice inside is screaming, I can practically feel it calling me a sicko. He's still my brother somehow right? Ah, I just don't know anything anymore.

"Quit playin' games with my heart! Na na na na na! Na na na na na baby! Na na na na na..."

I doubt my relationship status is going to change any time soon though, Xion serenading us and him looking like he can't even take the thought of sitting on the same strip of chairs as me. My stomach clenches and I have to worry, I mean, what if I finally pushed Axel away? I haven't been the most welcoming, nor have I been charming at all, so why would he even like me in the first place? I think I've finally gotten my wish of him never speaking to me again; the only problem is I don't want that anymore.

"Roxas…why is your face all bruised?" Xion's voice gathers my scattered brains and brings my attention down to her. I stare at her heart shaped face, her big, blue eyes blinking and beady. I remember then, that I had been punched in the face not too long ago. I lift my fingers and gingerly rub them over the sore spot. I can see Axel, sitting a little straighter, acting like he isn't really straining to hear. I lick my dry lips and shrug at the little girl. Judging by the way she tugs the headphones off and rests them around her neck, she isn't going to be dodged so easily. This is why I hate the fact that two smart people procreated. Xion is a major pain in the ass, I mean, aren't most ten year old girls too worried about Barbies to be analyzing people?

"I hit my face against a wall," I shrug again and feel self conscious as she stares at me with those bright eyes, almost like she can see right into my soul. I don't know why I have to explain myself to her anyway, what does she even know about having to tear two psycho delinquents apart? Nothing! This is so stupid that I even have to answer her. I cross my arms and send her a pointed look while she seems to not believe me. I hear Axel cough, covering his mouth probably to muffle a laugh. I decide I'm too old to be questioned by my little cousin and I tune them out, shutting my eyes and trying to not feel Xion's eyes on my skin.

The loud voice of Sora however, makes me open my eyes. I stare as he and Riku walk into the waiting room, my Uncle Leon and Aunt Betty a few paces behind, of course I remember now that my father told me they'd be coming. Sora waves at me ecstatically and I roll my eyes, not at all ready for his hyper active self so early on a bloody Tuesday. "Roxas! How are you? Is Aunt Sara okay?" Sora looks like he might burst into tears if I don't answer him, but I ignore him in favor of watching where Riku chooses to sit. I'm relieved to see him move and sit beside Axel, the redhead lifting his eyes to look at the other boy and thankfully doesn't lunge at his throat. I'm glad everything seems back to normal with them, I mean, that gives me one less thing to worry over. "Roxas?"

"Oh...yeah, I'm fine…my mom's okay. She's in the room with my dad, uncle Zack and Aunt Aerith," Both my uncle Leon and Aunt Betty nod and excuse themselves after I direct them to her room, leaving Sora and Riku out here in the waiting room with Axel, Xion and me. I suppose I have to take care of them too. See, I'm always left as a baby sitter.

"What happened?" Sora sits beside me and I stretch out, trying my best not to look at Axel. I fail miserably, as you probably already figured I would, and I watch him as he talks quietly to Riku. He looks over at me and I flush, turning my back to him and moving to face Sora. My cousin just stares at me, before shrugging off my weird behavior and waits for me to answer.

"She was hit by a van; the police are still looking for the driver though. I guess all that matters is that she's okay," I shrug my shoulders and Sora puts his hand gently over mine, which is fisted in the material of my school shirt. I find it unbelievably gross that I'm still in my uniform since early yesterday morning; it's been like 24 hours that I've been wearing this. I could really use a shower.

"Are you holding up okay? The guys and me were really worried," Sora frowns softly before continuing, "We were texting you to find out what happened, but you wouldn't answer your cell…how's your face?" he can't hide the grin that spreads across his mouth when he spots the Mickey mouse bandage still in place and I lift my fingers to smooth it down though it's still practically glued to my skin. My face is still a little sore from the hit, but it's nowhere near as bad as yesterday. I mean, yesterday my brain felt like scrambled eggs.

I reach into my back pocket, Sora just reminding me of my cell phone and the screen shows me I have around 18 new messages and one missed call. My eyes widen and Sora peeks over, laughing when he sees why I made such a weird face. "Yeah, told you we were worried," most of the messages are from Sora, Naminé and Olette. Hayner just sent me two, asking if I was skipping and if I was, I was a dick head. Pence is the one who called, but didn't bother leaving me a voicemail. He knows I never check those things. I feel touched really, that my friends would worry so much and I smile at Sora.

"Sorry, I was caught up in my mom's stuff…I'm fine, honest…" Sora just takes notice of Xion and he smiles at her, the little girl has never been too fond of him, so it's not a surprise when she puts her headphones back on and moves a few seats away taking up her horrible squawking again. Sora scrunches his nose in distaste before looking back at me and I shrug. "She just doesn't like you," I laugh when he rolls his eyes. I don't think he likes her either.

"How are you and Axel?" He wiggles his eyebrows and I swat at him, my hand slapping against his arm and making him cry out. He rubs the offended spot and pouts at me while I cross my arms over my chest. Serves him right for being such a pervert, if he thinks I don't know what those eyebrows mean, he's got another thing coming.

"He isn't talking to me…I don't think he likes me anymore," It's with a heavy heart that I admit this and I think Sora notices because he looks shocked, his mouth forming a little 'O' as he tries to see the two boys behind us from over my shoulder, he pats my shoulder and smiles softly as if to comfort me. "How about you and Riku?" Sora's face turns bright red and my eyes widen as he slowly tries to meet my gaze after looking away.

"Uh…well…" Sora is actually embarrassed. This is something I'll remember forever because it's only a handful of times that I've ever seen him flustered and I have really small hands. He tugs on his shirt collar and coughs into his fist, mumbling something against his hand and I raise an eyebrow at him, really thrown off by his weird behavior. I'm getting a weird sense of déjà vu, because the hand full of times that I've seen him flustered all had something in common…I just can't seem to remember…

"Well? What happened? Did you guys talk it out?" When Sora does this creepy, nervous chuckle, I feel sort of sick. My lips pull back from my teeth and I think Sora thinks I'm going to throw up because he lifts his legs away from me. That little chuckle has to be the worst thing you could possibly hear coming from Sora. It's only shown up the same number of times he's ever been flustered, and he's only ever been flustered well…when he has to tell me about…certain things. Ugh, why did I even have to remember!

"Sorta…" he bursts out laughing when I gag loudly, slapping his arm again and causing Riku and Axel to look towards us, Sora laughing so hard he's almost choking and I'm trying to stop my brain from processing this information. If it's not too late to forget he ever said anything, I'd like to make sure it's wiped from my memory but sadly I can't. I heard it, and his laughing is just the seal that makes it official. Gross, Sora and Riku…had sex. Oh my god.

"With Uncle Leon and Aunt Betty in the house?" I hiss, dragging him across his seat and towards me by his collar, he laughs before trying to pry my fingers out of his shirt. I can tell he's trying really hard with no success, so I let go and he fixes the material before looking at me again, his cheeks still a little red.

"Of course not dummy! It was one of their date nights, so my dad dragged my mom out of the house to get her mind off Aunt Sara's accident. Your dad had told her she couldn't visit until today anyway," Sora shrugs but there's this stupid, little grin on his face that makes him look like a gremlin. "It was better than how I'd imagined it," his eyes glaze over and I gag again, smacking him out of his corrupt day dream.

"I'm going to completely ignore this entire conversation for the rest of my life," I cast a quick look over my shoulder to see if Axel and Riku had been listening but they haven't, instead they are too busy talking. I figure even if they had tried to listen, Xion's obnoxious singing would have drowned out mine and Sora's conversation anyway.

"Oh come on Roxas, you can't tell me you haven't pictured doing Axel at least once," Sora has enough sense to whisper this to me, but it doesn't make it any less disturbing or any less appalling. I stare at my cousin like he just sprouted another head and all he does is smile cheekily at me, looking almost certain of this. I may have pictured Axel naked a few times (a lot) but not once, never ever, have I pictured us having sex. My cheeks feel hot and my stomach twists just thinking about, thinking about it. "My little prude cousin," Sora laughs at me as I just sigh; I'm giving up fighting against his virgin jokes.

After enduring torture from Sora and Xion for almost the entire day, my aunts and uncles finally spill out into the hallway, my father escorting them towards the waiting room where Aerith comes to pick up a slumbering Xion. I don't know exactly what time it is, but I know it's late and I watch as Riku and Axel walk towards the crowd coming back from a walk they decided to take like 3 hours ago, Riku yawning tiredly but of course Axel doesn't.

"Alright, we're going home," My uncle Zack announces, grabbing his little girl from a struggling Aerith and promising my dad to visit tomorrow and whenever he can, Aerith kisses my dad's cheek, telling him to call her should he need anything at all. Finally, they're gone and Aunt Betty smiles at me, beckoning me over.

"Axel and you are coming with us, we're taking you boys home," My dad smiles when he sees me about to complain, cutting off anything I have to say with a wave of his hand.

"Roxas, I'm going to be staying here with your mother, don't worry. Axel and you however, have school to attend and showers to take. You can drop by after school tomorrow and I'll call you later tonight," My father is begging me not to argue with him, his tired face making my heart twist up painfully and I just can't keep quiet. I don't want to leave him here alone.

"But dad, you're gonna be all alone," I frown and he just shakes his head, ruffling my hair before placing a hand on Axel's shoulder, the redhead is almost taller than my dad.

"I'm with your mother Roxas, besides, you've already missed enough school. Go on now, get a good night's rest," my father winks at us as my Aunt and Uncle lead us downstairs towards the car. Leaving him in that waiting room just tears up my insides and I find it hard to swallow all the tears. I feel Axel looking at me and I think I'd be okay if he'd just hug me. I look up hoping that he'll comfort me, but instead he looks away, shoving his hands in his pockets and I frown, feeling even worse than before.

Sora and Riku are walking behind us, giggles and low murmurs filling the air and I can't resist taking a peek. They're holding hands and are huddled close, Riku mumbling something into Sora's ear and making my cousin laugh and giggle like a little girl. I ignore the pang in my chest and quicken my steps, falling along side my Aunt Betty, the petite woman putting her arm around my shoulders and finally someone hugs me. I'm not the most fond of physical affection, but there are just time when you need it more than anything else. We stay like this until we reach the car, Riku and Sora quickly climbing into the very last seats, leaving Axel and me to sit together in the middle.

I hate the world so much right now.

The drive home is quiet, finally Sora isn't talking but I'm worried why. I'm not brave enough to chance a look back, too afraid of what I'll see. I mean, hopefully Sora wouldn't be so gross as to make out with Riku in his parent's car, but sometimes you just can't tell with my cousin. I think it's safer to just mind my own business and keep watching the back of my aunt's seat. Axel hasn't shifted, his foot the only thing in constant motion, tapping out some unknown beat. I wonder what he's thinking about, but that could be anything. I suddenly remember how pale he had been inside Ansem's office and I lean over, clearing my throat before speaking. "Axel…why'd you look so scared at Ansem's?" I feel stupid for such a pathetic conversation topic, but when the redhead turns and looks at me, I realize I'm desperate enough to try anything.

"He looks just like Xemnas…" the way the redhead says the name makes my skin crawl, every single syllable is dripping with hatred, almost as if saying the word leave a putrid taste in his mouth. I blink, almost too afraid to ask who that is, but luckily he figures I wouldn't know, so he tells me. "Xemnas used to be my boss…yah know…when I was in the gang," His whispers are almost hard to hear, but judging by Aunt Betty's soft snores we don't have to worry about her. Uncle Leon is too concentrated on driving, but it's better safe than sorry I guess.

"Oh," it's all I can say, and as I expected my pathetic little conversation dies just as we pull into our drive way. Uncle Leon turns and smiles at me, pressing the button to unlock my door.

"Now Roxas, don't hesitate to come over or call if you need anything, we're just next door," I nod my head and thank my uncle, sliding out of the car and Axel following close behind. We stay outside long enough to watch my uncle drive the short distance into his own garage and then we head inside. The silence of the house is familiar, so walking in isn't as bad as I had thought it would be. I'm used to the place being so silent, only now I know that my parent's should be home and that they aren't working. I guess that's what makes it a little depressing to be in here, never once had I thought about the sad emptiness my house has without them in it.

"Hey Roxas…hey, don't get all slobbery," Axel wipes his thumb across my cheek and I realize I let the water works go. I quickly rub the rest off and clear my throat deciding it's time to get ready for bed or something as I kick off my shoes, Axel following my lead and we both move towards the stairs. "Meet me in the living room after, okay?" I look at him like he's crazy but all he does is smile. I guess it wouldn't do any harm to humor him, so reluctantly I agree and we both head into our rooms to shower and get ready.

My stomach is constantly flipping, my mind drawing blanks every time I try and imagine just what Axel wants to do. I feel nervousness inside of me at the thought of maybe having to speak about my feelings. I don't want to have to admit them out loud, but I'll do it if I have too. Filled with anxiety I step into the shower and the rest is a rushed progress. I can't wait to just get downstairs and see what Axel wants.

Fucking Charades? This is what he called me down here for, what I bit my nails over! A fucking game of charades? I groan as I drop onto the couch, Axel laughing as he stands in front of me and shoves the coffee table out of the way. I can't believe I actually agreed to this. I feel stupid for even worrying in the first place, Axel's probably given up on me anyway. If only I would have been a little nicer…

"Okay so, Imma stop talkin' now," His smile is so big and bright, I have trouble focusing on his crazy hand gestures. When I do concentrate even a little, I still can't make out what the hell he wants me to figure out. I furrow my eyebrows as he acts it out, nothing even coming to mind.

"Uh…sounds like…?" I blink a few times when Axel flails his arms around, trying hard not to laugh when he acts out like he's riding a horse…I think.

Okay, this is just ridiculous. Axel has to be the worst charades player on the planet, and if I laugh any harder my stomach is going to cramp up forever. I can't stop though, because I just can't seem to get any guesses as to just what he's supposed to be. I wipe a few stray tears from my cheeks and watch him as he stomps, groans and acts it out again. "I swear you're just makin' me do this to laugh," he glares at me and I shake my head, laughter bubbling in the pit of my stomach as I watch him do it all over again.

"N-no, I swear…" He rolls his eyes and does more weird motions with his arms, his green eyes staring at me the entire time and I'm fighting tooth and nail to stop myself from laughing. "Why would you want to play charades if you suck at it?" I can't hold it in anymore, I laugh so hard I topple off the couch and Axel grabs a throw pillow to beat me with. I never expected him to be the pillow fight type, but when the soft cushion smacks into my face, it's instinct to reach for the other and swing back.

Now, before you go thinking, _"How much GAYER can this get?"_ I should tell you that my pillow fights in the past have been nothing short of gory. Hayner went home with a black eye once, and Sora…well, let's just say he shoves bricks in his, or at least it feels that way. Axel sees me start to get up and smacks me back down with his pillow before darting out of the living room. Oh, it is so on.

"It was The Little Mermaid, by the way!" he shouts as he disappears from my view and I jump to my feet.

He's a slippery bastard, resorting to hiding. I stand in the foyer, looking around but I can't even hear anything. My heart is thumping crazily and I realize trying to find Axel is going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack. His footsteps are phantom-like, so I can't rely on hearing to find him. I don't even know where to start! Just as I'm about to go into the kitchen, he runs out of the closet and whacks me on the back of the head with his pillow, making me stumble forward a few paces. I turn just as he's running at me and lift my pillow, swinging it and smacking him right on the side. He laughs before going for another hit, but I block him. This turns into an all out pillow war, I swear there's a few feathers floating around and each hit echoes through out the house. I hit him so hard he falls flat on his ass, looking up at me with round, shocked eyes.

"Holy shit Blondie, you packin' rocks in that thing?" he laughs and I hug my pillow close, smiling at him over the top of it. He gets up, but we're both too tired to keep beating each other senseless with cushions. "Alright, it's a draw?" He sticks his hand out for me to shake but I just stare at it.

"A draw! I clearly kicked your ass," I smile at him, shaking his hand and he just rolls his eyes before smirking. I'm about to ask what's so funny when he smacks me upside the head with his pillow, grabbing mine and ripping it out of my arms. I shout, trying to grab them but he throws them both too far, but not far enough! I can run to them, but by the time that idea is set in my mind, he's winding his arms around my waist and keeping me firmly in place. I struggle a bit, laughing but when I feel his warm breath tickle the back of my ear, I freeze. Holy shit…

"How're you feeling?" he whispers quietly and I stare down at his hands, long, spindly fingers intertwined and resting on my belly. My heart just gave up by now, not even beating anymore or maybe beating too fast for me to feel. I can't tell, my entire body is tingling and my brain…well it's just being a pervert.

The picture of my parents reminds me why we played charades in the first place and I swallow, searching for an answer to Axel's question. How _am_ I feeling? I don't even know. I'm a little worried about my mother, hoping she'll get better soon and I'm not worried about my father, I just hope he's alright. I chew on my bottom lip, squirming a little until I turn and face him, my own arms resting awkwardly at my sides. I don't know what to do with them, until I spot a few feathers in Axel's hair. I lift my hand shakily to take them out, plucking them from the sea of red gently "I'm…okay…thanks to you," I smile a little sheepishly and Axel's eyes widen before he laughs.

"Never thought I'd hear those words comin' outta your mouth," His grin is wide and happy, as so close, making me almost blush. He's right here, in front of me, only a few inches away and I can kiss him. He stops smiling down at me and just stares quietly, his head dipping a little lower and I can almost feel his mouth against mine. My entire body is buzzing with anticipation, my fingers curling into his hair.

"ROXAS!" My front door slams open, causing both Axel and I to fly apart and I turn to stare at Sora and Riku as they walk in with a pizza. Sora stares at me curiously, while I place curse upon curse on both of their fucking asses. "We come bearing gifts and such, mom told me to come over, cheer you right up!" he smiles like moment-ruiner he is and I nod my head, making my way towards the kitchen on stiff legs.

God damn it, why are people always barging into my house, screaming my name?

* * *

**A/N:** QUIT PLAYIN' GAMES WITH MY HEART!

Anyway, you guys can look forward to some Roxas/Axel bonding time!  
I have some ridiculous ideas in mind to embarrass the SOCKS off Roxas 8D  
So, y'all look forward to that ;D

Also...when will Axel pop the big Q! Well, I dunno 8D  
Buahahahahaa

- Peace out, Sharmander!


	22. Fucking Finally!

**Chapter Twenty-Two  
**Fucking Finally

It's lunch time and the cafeteria is buzzing with noise, as it usually is. I haven't been sitting at my lunch table for a while, so coming back here is strange yet familiar (not to mention annoying as hell). The strange stench of the place is definitely not as pleasing as being outside, but of course with the cooler weather rolling in, I just can't escape to the fields anymore. So I'm forced back inside the cafeteria, surrounded by loud mouthed students, my friends are all fine with this but I've never enjoyed lunch time at King. Hayner is staring at me curiously, and I drop my sandwich onto my tray. "What?"

"I don't know…I just haven't seen you much in a month and suddenly you're back, you tell me." Judging by Hayner's tone, I know already he's upset and my stomach twists up painfully. I should have expected this, I mean, I went from ignoring my friends because of Axel, to sitting at the lunch table again like nothing ever happened. Naminé grips his arm gently, her mouth a tight line across her ashen face.

"Hayner, don't start," Naminé's voice is quiet, almost swept up by the bustling cafeteria but I can still hear the slight undertone of a command. Hayner stares at her for a long while, his jaw muscles working around something but I can't tell if he wants to scream at her, or what. Finally he turns back to look at me, this unfamiliar hardness in his eyes.

"So, tell me Roxas…you decide your friends are good enough for you again or something?"

"Hayner…" Naminé tries to cut in, but I don't let her.

"Hayner, it's not like that."

"Then what's it like Roxas? I haven't spoken to you, my supposed best friend in weeks! I've sent texts, asking you to come over but you never answer. What, just because you have some older brother from juvie you're too good for me or something?" Hayner's standing up, looking at me angrily and I just can't stand this. I told you, I'm not good when people are upset with me, I can never say or do the right things. I feel a hard lump forming in my throat, choking me and blocking out any attempts at talking. "You don't have enough time for your real friends anymore?" Axel finally decides to step in, looking at Hayner from his spot beside me.

"Chill out dude, there's been a lot of shit happenin' at home," Axel's tone is calm, like for once in his life he isn't itching for a fight and actually hoping to avoid confrontation. I wish I could hold his hand or something, because I feel like I'm going to pass out. Though I doubt Axel would hold my hand, he's been acting all weird again. Hayner is staring at us like he wants us both dead, and he glares viciously at Axel.

"I'm his _best friend_; you think I wouldn't know when something's bothering him? Just because shit's happening doesn't mean he can't talk to me. Step the fuck out of this," I can tell Axel's short temper is already flaring up and it won't be too long before he jumps out of his seat and across the table, aiming for Hayner's jugular. I have to stop their little spat before it gets out of control and I cut off Axel, just as he's about to retaliate.

"Hayner…let's talk outside," I suggest, standing up and trying to smile at him. He scoffs in my face, pushing away from the table and turning his back on me. He starts to walk away but stops, looking at me from over his shoulder. The cold look he gives hurts, in fact it almost hurts as much as my mother's slap. I just can't seem to keep anyone I love happy anymore.

"I'm done trying to talk to you Roxas. Fuck you, and your fucking brother." With that, he leaves the cafeteria and it feels like a sink hole's opened up in my chest. I drop back onto the bench and everyone is looking at me. Naminé, Olette, Pence, Sora, Riku and Axel, all of them just staring, waiting to see if I'm going to burst into tears or something. Yeah, it hurts that Hayner is so angry with me, but I'm hoping he'll cool down eventually…He's always been a hot head. Or maybe I'm trying to convince myself, to make sure I really don't start to cry in front of everyone.

"I.M fucking S," Sora says before taking a sip of his orange juice and Riku looks at him, his expression asking what we're all thinking '_what the fuck'_. Sora laughs, rolling his eyes like we're all stupid. "Irritable Male Syndrome. It's supposed to happen to older men, but seems like Hayner's an early bloomer…"

"Shut up Sora," Naminé rubs the bridge of her nose like she's completely fed up with all our stupidity and I don't blame her. She's probably the only fractionally sane one in the group, well besides Olette, so having to deal with all our shit must finally be getting to her. "Roxas, go talk to him. If you just sit there, you'll let this whole thing get ten times worse," Naminé looks angry with me for even thinking that staying here is a good idea. I get up slowly, a little nervous because I don't know what's going to happen when I find Hayner. I look down towards Axel and he just shrugs at me, like he's all out of his witty ideas and goes back to picking at his cardboard and tomato paste. Olette stares at me with a soft smile, encouraging me to leave. No one else seems to object with Naminé, so I'm forced to go after an angry Hayner. It's like searching for the Minotaur in King Minos' labyrinth.

I walk through the halls, thinking if I were Hayner, where would I go. The most logical place, would be the exercise room in the gym. Ever since we started high school, Hayner would hide there whenever he had a test he didn't study for, or a bully he was hiding from. Slowly, I make my way to the gym on jelly legs and a stomach that feels like it's filled with red ants. At the doors, I'm tempted to turn and run but I don't. I can't risk losing Hayner's friendship because I'm an ignorant bastard. I mean, I have been really stupid to my friends lately. I should have never let Axel come between any of us.

As I suspected, Hayner is here, sitting on a bench just staring at his black shoes. When he hears the door open, he looks up and spots me, suddenly he doesn't look blank, but furious. "Why the hell did you follow me?" He growls and stands up, looking like he's about to plow right through me and leave the gym. I stand my ground in front of the door, straightening up as if I've come face to face with a giant grizzly or something. I'm not good with confrontation, I always get so scared and my palms sweat a ton.

"We have to talk…I have to tell you why I haven't been speaking to you," I watch as Hayner crosses his arms over his chest, a blonde eyebrow raising high on his forehead as he leans back against a wall, looking as disinterested as possible. "Please…hear me out," I beg him, almost ready to drop to my knees if need be just to have him listen. I know he doesn't hate me enough to actually leave, and I know he'd never punch me, so I'm not as scared. Especially when he makes no move to leave. "I'm selfish, I know, but I've just been so caught up with what's happening in my life that I've been ignoring my friends, you know better than anyone I have a one track mind. And yeah, you're sorta right in thinking that it's because of Axel but it's not me thinking I'm too good for you guys," I swallow thickly when Hayner rolls his eyes, pushing off from his spot against the wall. The usually bright, hazel eyes almost look black in the dim light and it scares me.

"Then what? Tell me Roxas, cause I'd really love to fucking hear it," Hearing Hayner shout at me is horrible, and I realize just how bad Axel must have felt when Riku attacked him. I remember thinking how I'd ever cope with Hayner being that angry with me, and of course I just had to jinx it. I shift nervously, more than afraid to tell Hayner that I've been avoiding eating lunch with them for weeks because of Axel and the way he'd fill my stomach with butterflies. That I haven't gone over to his house because subconsciously, I wanted to stay with the stupid redhead even if I tried to convince myself otherwise. Yeah, I tried to justify it with thinking I was there, solely to make sure he wouldn't break into my room, but now I know it was all just an excuse to stay home and be with him.

"It's because…because…I uhm…" I cough the rest into my hand, disguising the words until they're almost indistinguishable and Hayner scrunches his eyebrows together, looking mildly confused, but still super pissed.

"You _what?_"

"I have…a crush…on uh…someone," Hayner's anger slowly melts away and he smiles at me, walking over quickly to smack my arm hard. I fight off a wince to appear manly.

"You fucking dog! You could have told me you were ditching me to hang out with a chick! What's she like? Do I know her?" His eyes are beady and happy and something in me crumbles into dust. How will he react when he finds out it's not a she, but a he, and that the he is really Axel? Oh god, I'm just not good with these situations. If my mother would have gotten me a fucking horse, none of this would be happening right now. I think about that every single day of my life.

"Well…you see…it's not uhm…a _she_," His face burns bright red in an instant, his pale cheeks almost glowing and he clears his throat awkwardly, shifting his weight to his other foot. The atmosphere in the room has suddenly gotten really tense and I feel all my muscles stiff, making it hard to move if I'd wanna dash out of here quickly.

"Oh…Ohh…_Oooohhh_," Suddenly, he's smiling again and slapping my arm even harder, like the fact that I just told him I'm gay makes me stronger or something. If anything, it should make me seem weaker, shouldn't it? "Do I know him?" Oh fuck…

"Yeah…it's…Axel," I turn away from him and stare at the door intensely, almost expecting Hayner to suddenly projectile vomit onto the back of my head or something. Instead, I hear loud, obnoxious laughter and I turn back to face him, bewildered to find him clutching at his middle, laughing for all he's worth.

"Are you serious? That's fucking hilarious! You've got the hots for your adoptive brother? That's sick and twisted!" He's really loving this, I can tell by the tears streaming down his cheeks and the veins popping out of his neck from the sheer force of his gut splitting laughter. I stand there, letting him yuck it up and finally he stops, wiping his cheeks and resting a hand on my shoulder, a few chuckles still escaping him. "Rox, seriously, if that's the reason you've been avoiding me…you're an idiot."

"Hey! I was just…nervous," I bite my bottom lip and Hayner rolls his eyes, tossing his arm around my shoulders and leading me out into the gym. I follow along easily, not really knowing why I wouldn't.

"I'm friends with Sora aren't I? And he's like what…the gayest kid in school? Roxas really, I'm hurt that you'd think so low of me," He frowns sadly and it breaks my heart, really, why was I so scared in the first place? He's my best friend and he's never shown me anything but. I grin a little stupidly, so happy that all this blew over so easily. If only all my problems were solved like this.

"I guess you're right…Sorry I ignored you," The frown disappears and he claps me on the back, moving a little faster because there's only like 3 minutes until class starts again. I quicken my pace too, not only to keep up with Hayner but because if I'm late, my teacher is going to murder me.

"No harm done. Just don't do it again, or I'll send a pack of girls after you."

"Hayner please…don't start with the gay jokes."

Sora is going to be ecstatic that he's no longer the only one. I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too. _Mmm_, cake.

The final bell of the day rings and I waltz out of class easily, spotting Hayner's fat head leaning on the row of lockers beside Naminé. The girl is pulling stuff out of her locker and stuffing it viciously into her bag, the look on her face makes me walk over cautiously. Hayner spots me and grins, looking more than glad that he's no longer all alone with a raging Naminé. "What's up?" I ask, lifting the strap of my school bag and Hayner shrugs.

"What's up? I'll tell you what's up Roxas…" Naminé starts, zipping up her bag and turning to stare at me with those big eyes that are more often than not peering right into my soul. She has a thing with eye contact, like she's looking right into your thoughts and seeing everything you've ever hidden from everyone. Every embarrassing memory, every sad one and all the others in between, all your secrets are hers for the taking. At least, that's how I feel when she stares at me like that. "Some bitch stole my art idea!" For Naminé to insult another human being she has to be really angry. I blink a few times, searching my brain for something to help console her. Hayner seems to be at a loss for words as well.

"Just do it anyway, but do it a million times better," I shrug and Naminé's eyes glow with malice, a cruel smirk spreading across her face as she throws herself at me and hugs me tight. I watch Hayner with wide eyes and he laughs, shrugging.

"GREAT IDEA!" She pulls away, laughing maniacally and rubbing her palms together like she's hatching the evilest idea ever. She turns to look at us, saying something about having to leave that very instant to get started. She kisses Hayner and darts off, but I don't really watch her run away, I'm too shocked to pay attention to her.

"I feel like I'm missing something…" And I really do, because last I checked Hayner had a crush on Naminé but he'd never confessed and they'd never even spoken about feelings. Hayner grins a little bashfully before shrugging.

"Well, while you were too busy dealing with your drama, I decided to ask Naminé out on a date…she said yes and well…a few dates later and we're now an item," Hayner laughs at the look of pure shock on my face and I feel terrible, absolutely horrible.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for moral support," I groan painfully but he just rolls his eyes.

"Roxas…I'm a straight man, I don't need moral support," with a wink he starts leading me out of the school and I follow him, puffing indignantly. "So what's been going on that you left us all to the side?" Hayner looks at me from the corner of his eye and I sigh deeply. Just because we're on good terms again, obviously means nothing. He's still going to hold this against me, I see.

"Well, I had to sort out the whole…Acceptance of my feelings…you know…than my mom found out," Hayner makes a hissing sound, sucking air in through his teeth and looking at me with pity. "Yeah, she didn't take to it well, so I was trying to do something about that, but then she got t-boned by a fucking van and is now in the hospital," I feel the weight of everything on my shoulders and it hurts. I'm too weak to be carrying all this around.

"I'm sorry man…but you know you can always come to me, I mean…I'm like 2 minutes away. I'm your fucking neighbor."

"Yeah, but I didn't really think it through. One track mind," I tap my temple with my index finger and Hayner laughs in understanding.

"For sure. You've never been good with handling tough situations," I punch his arm and before I say anything else, I see Sora and Riku walking towards us, the silver haired psycho speaking animatedly to Olette, who is busting her gut laughing. I remember when I was worried about Axel and Riku attending the same school as me, but so far it's been alright. Mostly because I have no classes with both of them to torture me and no one's started any nasty rumors, so it's all been smooth sailing. Thinking back, I was probably over-reacting just a little bit, but I'll never admit that to Naminé.

"Hey, ready to drive us home, chauffeur?" Sora bats his eyelashes at me and I resist the urge to rip them out. I have another strong urge to dart off towards my car and leave them here, forcing them to walk home. Hayner doesn't even offer to take them, instead he pats me on the back and says good bye leaving me here alone with these dumbasses. Olette waves and goes behind Hayner, who's always given her a ride home since the beginning of school.

"Okay let's go…" I turn but stop, realizing there is an awful lack of red. Sora seems to realize this at the same time and he looks around as if he'd spot Axel somewhere in the school yard. The redhead clearly isn't anywhere to be seen and I ask Riku where he is, seeing as they have the same last class.

"He left…said he had business to take care of. Let's go home, I'm hungry," Riku finishes off in a whining tone and I shrug my shoulders, deciding if Axel really wanted a ride home he would have hurried his ass up. Still, I can't help but wonder what business he have to take care of.

I step into the house, dropping my bag by the side door and again the silence is almost painful. There is absolutely no one here and I'm reminded of a time before Axel, when I'd spend days in here just like this, completely engulfed in silence. It's hard to picture those times because I haven't been alone in a while, Axel's been here with his loud music and it would have killed me to admit it a few weeks back but I'm glad I have his company. This house is just way too creepy when it's empty. I had never really gotten used to being alone and I think my mother knew that, which was probably the main reason she took Axel into her care.

Just as I'm about to go upstairs, a knock on the door has me backing up and moving to see just who summons me. I pull the door back and see Axel…wearing a bicycle helmet. You can not imagine how ridiculous he looks, the black helmet crushing his puffy red hair down and around his face, the buckle secured under his chin. Before I ask though, he's attacking me and shoving a helmet on my head, buckling it in place and pulling me out the door. I have just enough time to close it before I'm dragged off to the side of the house. "Axel, what the hell?"

All words, protests, curses and everything else dies in my throat when he shows me just what he brought me here for. I blink once, twice, three times and when the double seated bicycle doesn't disappear, I know I'm not hallucinating. I turn to stare at the redhead with round, horror filled eyes but he's just grinning madly, looking about to burst with excitement. "I saw it on our way to school this mornin', an' thought…what better way to keep your mind off your ma, than going for a ride!"

"Axel…uhm…what?" I can't really picture the both of us on this thing, in fact it's impossible but he seems to not think so. He laughs before jumping up onto the seat and waiting for me to follow his lead. I do, but it's not without complaints and words of doubt. Axel laughs before pushing off and beginning to peddle. I'm confused as fuck, trying to keep up with the redhead's speed but it's not working. My peddles seem to slip right from under my feet and the back of the bike wiggles a bit, more than just a bit unsteady.

The redhead obviously doesn't care because we're on the side walk, speeding along and I'm trying but I can't. They make it seem so damn easy on T.V, but in reality, riding one of these things is like trying to solve a Rubiks cube with your feet. My knuckles are turning white from the force I'm using to grip onto the handles, my heart hammering in my chest while I try and keep us from falling. I know the tight grip isn't going to save me from breaking every bone in my body should we fall to our death, but it helps me feel a little safe.

Axel's laughing and I have no idea why until I remember the steep ass hill at the end of our street. I taste my heart beating at the back of my throat and I scream loudly as we plummet, the wind filling my open mouth and choking me. My fingers automatically reach for the brakes that all bikes have on the handles but I feel nothing, I grope around blindly trying to find the device that could very well save my life. To my horror, I realize that they aren't there. "Axel...I don't have brakes…I don't have brakes, Axel…I HAVE NO FUCKING BRAKES!" My body goes rigid like a corpse in the later stages of rigor mortis and my scream dies off into choppy, insane laughter, Axel laughing just as crazily. The houses all blurr past us as we zoom by like a bat out of hell, the hair sticking out of the helmet whipping around my face viciously and my mouth is really dry but I can't stop smiling.

When the side walk evens out again, I finally get the hang of peddling, our speed picking up slightly from our joined effort. I laugh in sweet relief, tossing my head back and peddling with a little more confidence. Axel looks back at me with a huge, shinning smile. "Havin' fun?" He asks and I find myself nodding, and to my surprise it isn't a lie. I'm actually enjoying this insane bike ride from hell.

We ride the bike all the way to the hospital and when I step off, my legs feel wobbly and the ground doesn't feel sturdy. I take a few shaky steps before collapsing, bracing myself for impact but it never comes. I open my eyes to find Axel holding me up, laughing softly and shaking his head. He tugs me up on my feet and unbuckles my helmet, tossing it in the little basket at the front of the bike along with his.

I smile at him, and he just smiles back. I don't want to ruin the moment, but I can't help but wonder just what his problem was today, and yesterday. It really throws me off because he goes from talking to me, to ignoring me and leaving me to think just what the hell happened. I decide that before he pulls another one of those stunts, I'm going to confront him about it. I grab his arm when he goes to walk away and he stares down at me confused. "What's wrong?"

"What? Nothin'," He blinks stupidly and I roll my eyes, reminding myself that when talking to Axel it's just like when dealing with Sora, you have to talk _reaaaaaaaal_ slow and no skipping the minor details. I'm starting to think that he's selectively stupid though, because he catches on to other things well enough.

"Don't _'nothin''_ me. You go from ignoring me, to acting like you weren't ignoring me, to ignoring me again. What the hell?" I cross my arms over my chest and he sighs, shrugging his shoulders.

"You confuse me, is all," He shrugs again and I raise an eyebrow. I think it's safe to say that he's the one that confuses me.

"_I_ confuse _you_? I'm not the one ignoring you for no reason."

"Roxas…it's just…you told me you like me, but then…you don't seem like you do. I want a relationship, but I don't know if you do and…fuck, I just ain't no good with this kinda stuff," He scratches the back of his head viciously and I grin a little stupidly. "I wasn't ignorin' you…I was just givin' you space."

"Axel…are you stupid?"

"…What?"

I laugh, moving to stand a little closer and I look up at him, ignoring the fact that we're standing right outside of the hospital. There aren't many people around anyway. I laugh before I continue speaking, "We've made out a bunch of times, I confronted my mother and I just rode a tandem bicycle with you…if that doesn't show you that I like you, will this?" I have to summon all the courage I have inside of me (which isn't a lot) to stand on my tippy toes and grab his head, pulling his face towards mine and planting a nice kiss on his soft lips. He stays still for a few seconds before jumping into action, wrapping his arms around my waist and kisses me back. It's a short kiss, but it fulfilled its purpose. I pull away and smile at Axel, hoping that he'll understand that I still like him.

"So…this means what?"

I roll my eyes, pulling away from him and starting to make my way into the hospital. He rushes behind me like I knew he would and I laugh when he stares at me expectantly. "It can mean whatever you want," I press the button for the elevator and Axel smirks, a predatory gleam in his eyes when the elevator doors ding open. Before anyone else has the chance to climb in with us, Axel is shoving me into the elevator and pressing the button to close the door. I'm pressed against the wall, flattened like a pancake against Axel's body and he's breathing against my lips, "it means you're mine Blondie," I'm about to complain, to tell him that just because I like him doesn't mean he can call me Blondie but he doesn't let me. He's quick to shove his tongue in my mouth and all the air in my lungs is gone in a matter of seconds. I turn into goop in his arms, just letting him kiss me and my heart implodes, my brain screaming _'FUCKING FINALLY!'_

* * *

**A/N:** It's about time I updated Brotherly Love...sheesh.

But holy shit you guys, there's only 4 months until Brotherly Love turns a year old!  
Seems like just yesterday I was plotting this out in my notebook, not even writing out the first chapter and now look...chapter twenty two, 485 reviews and x amount of words...-wipes tear-  
Thanks everyone for your awesomeness

Love, Sharmander.


	23. Peacan vs Puhcon

**Chapter Twenty-Three  
**Pea-can vs. Puh-con

"I'm glad you're not a horse…" I yawn sleepily and squeeze Axel a little tighter, getting that much more comfortable and ready for sleep. He grunts before suddenly sitting up, leaving his cigarette in the ash tray by the bed. He's taken to smoking in the house in my parents' absence, regardless what I say and my father's taken the hospital as his new home regardless what I saw too. My mom is suddenly not looking so close to waking, one of the things we all feared so much.

It's quiet during the day, but even worse at night. Which leads me to believe it's justifiable to sleep with Axel during the night; it's not putting a strain on our fledgling relationship or anything. He doesn't seem to mind, but only if I don't complain about his smoking. I figure I can stand the smell; it reminds me of Axel anyway. Plus, it's not going to stain the walls and curtains yellow in just a few weeks, I'm guessing that takes a few years. The musky, almost bitter smell is comforting during the night, when I'm awake and thinking of my mom. It's been two weeks, and she still hasn't opened her eyes. We've had a few finger twitches or her arm moves a bit, but really, is that enough to give me any hope?

Every time I say this to Axel he does the same little frown, a tiny line forming between his stumpy little eyebrows. Then he leans forward and kisses my nose, promising it'll look up. Easy for him to say, he's freaking almost seven feet tall, everything is always looking up for him. "What?" I blink at the sound of his voice, remembering I had spoken and I must have spaced out. I smile a little crazily when Axel looks down at me, raising his eyebrow, clearly expecting an answer and I just roll my eyes like he should know what I'm talking about. Can't he just accept the fact that I'm glad he's not a horse?

"I'm just glad you're not a horse," I stretch out on the bed, my calves touching cooler sheets and goosebumps rise all over my skin. It makes me want to scoot over and steal all the warmth I know Axel is emanating. I consider this, but I'm interrupted by Axel speaking before I can make a decision.

"If I were a horse…would yah ride me all day long?" Axel is smirking when I sit up and send him a disgusted look, he only laughs when he sees this and I cross my arms over my chest. He's taken to saying corny sexual innuendos ever since we've made our relationship official. This is just one of those many times, and I don't know why but I fight the laughter from my lips. He leans over and nuzzles the tip of his cold nose into my cheek, the only part of him aside from his feet that is always freezing.

"You're a pig," the smile breaks through when I speak and Axel chuckles before tackling me into the sheets, making me land on my back with a soft _'umph'_ sound. He smiles brightly looking down at me and I grin, wrapping my arms around his neck. I'm glad he's here, and I'm not afraid to admit this to myself anymore. Thank god, that would be a little ridiculous. I'm glad he's here because if he weren't, I'd be this big clump of depression, spending my time in a huddled mess on my bed. Instead, I'm here, all ruffled and flushed underneath Axel, smiling and looking up. As selfish as it is to not have my mom as my main thought, I can't help but concentrate on Axel. The heavy, nagging feeling is still in my chest, but it feels a little lighter with Axel smiling at me like that.

"Yeah, but I'm your pig," I nod my head, my neck feeling boneless when Axel leans down and easily slips his tongue into my mouth, because I was about to laugh. My laughter dies right away and my eyes just shut. It's while I'm responding to the amazing kiss that I hear something fall downstairs in the kitchen, it sounds like an empty can rolling along the tiles. My eyes shoot open and I shove Axel off of me roughly, almost snapping my neck to look at the door. Axel rubs his chest and looks at me, a tiny pout on his kiss bruised lips. "The fuck was that for?"

"Be quiet!" I hiss and shush him by throwing my hand over his mouth, another sound comes from the kitchen and this time I'm sure there is someone down there. Axel hears it too, his ears even seem to perk up when he looks over at the door. My heart is already pounding in my chest, my skin buzzing with fear. I curl the fingers on my free hand into the bed sheets, already starting to lift them up to my nose. I don't know why people think sheets will protect them, but even if I know they won't, it makes me feel safe.

"There's someone in here…" Axel says quietly from behind my hand after we stay listening for more sounds, which continue to reach our ears and my skin prickles in a sickening way, my stomach almost folding into itself. Axel's eyes are hard as he stands up, his sock clad feet thumping on the bed side carpet. I slide off the bed after him, hurrying to grab onto his elbow, not wanting to be left alone up here and definitely not wanting him to go down there all by himself. Slowly he opens the door, his feet not making a sound and I finally look down to see from up close if he hovers. I can't really see, but I have to bite back a tiny spell of giggles that almost takes over at the sight of his small feet.

My humor quickly shrivels as we approach the stair case; a light is definitely shinning from the kitchen into the downstairs hallway. Axel licks his lips before taking the first step downstairs. I tug him back up, realizing just now that we've come completely unarmed. "Axel…we don't have anything to protect us," I'm really just hissing all this in a harsh whisper, my hand actions looking like I'm taking a sledgehammer to something. Axel shrugs before kissing my nose and smiling.

"You're forgetting I was paid money to hurt people," the smile on his face is a little rueful and hearing him say that so bluntly just shuts me up completely. Every now and then he'll say things like this, and it keeps me quiet. I don't really feel comfortable whenever he talks about the gang, but I figure I'm the only one he can vent to whenever the memories arise. I follow him without any resistance down the stairs, mindful to watch out for the creaky steps. We reach the downstairs landing and the sounds are louder, clearer from down here. There is someone, maybe more rustling around in the drawers and cupboards. I feel the muscles in Axel's arm tighten as his hands curl into large fists. What he lacks in feet, he makes up for it in hand size. Jesus H. Christ.

We slip into the dinning room and the swinging door that is always left open is shut, which means someone removed the little, wooden wedge that always keeps it open. I feel like I'm going to heave from the crippling fear that washes over me at the sight of the door. I was hoping it'd be open, but I guess not. I can hear my breathing, which sounds like a 300 pound, asthmatic kid after a 100 meter dash, just before Axel pushes the door open and barges into the kitchen, the bright light blinding me momentarily. A shrill scream makes me wince and cover my ears, Sora dropping a can of Cashews and Riku stuffing a few peanuts into his mouth, calmly. I glare so violently, I'm almost certain they feel the hate waves. They always,_ always_ interrupt. You'd think I'd finally learn and lock my window, it's just I always forget. I'll have to remember to tie a little red ribbon on my finger, so I don't forget the window. Hopefully I won't forget about the ribbon.

"Dear Christ guys, you scared us!" Sora laughs, bending over to pick up the dropped nuts container. He acts completely casual, as if this were _his_ kitchen and he moves swiftly towards a bar stool where he takes a seat. Riku keeps eating peanuts, offering some over to us but Axel declines. If I was angry before, I'm damn near rabid. I blink, my eyes burning from the bright kitchen light.

"Sora, what the fuck are you doing in my kitchen?" I spit the words out angrily and Axel chuckles softly, his hand slipping around my waist and caressing my hip. It's supposed to calm me down but it doesn't. I look towards the clock on the wall and see that it's 1:00am. Just an hour after Wednesday, so I'm wondering exactly what the fuck they are both doing here, instead of being at home _sleeping_.

"Well you see Roxas, Riku and I were fooling around, you k_noooo_w," Sora wiggles his eyebrows at me suggestively, and I send him a repulsed look. This doesn't deter him however and he just continues like it never happened, "and our safe word was Pecan, but you see Roxas…he pronounces it like Puh-con and really…what the fuck is a puh-con?" Sora looks at me like I'm supposed to back him up; he even spreads his hands out looking genuinely baffled, before dumping a few cashews into his mouth. Axel starts cracking up and Riku bristles, slamming his peanut can onto the counter. "Anyway, we got hungry and my mom hadn't bought any nuts. I knew you'd have some," Axel snorts.

"You knew very damn well what I meant, regardless of pronunciation. You shoulda stopped!" Riku still seems to be caught up in what Sora said before. My brain quickly sides with Riku, and I figure that if I cared enough to answer, I'd back him up. I don't care though and instead I want them both out so that I can go back to bed, into Axel's warm sheets and snuggled against his side. I cross my arms, and listen to Sora and Riku argue and when I get tired, which is incredibly fast, I look sluggishly up towards Axel, a yawn making me fight to hold my jaw shut tight. Have you ever tried to keep your mouth closed during a yawn? It's fucking near impossible without making yourself look crazy. Go ahead, try it yourself and you'll see. Axel laughs a little at my face before sending a quick look towards Sora and Riku, who are both watching us, waiting for a verdict.

The redhead smirks before slipping his other arm around my waist and turning me to face him, before dipping down and latching his teeth to my neck. A harsh shiver wracks through my frame and I grip onto his sleeves, biting my lip to keep from moaning at the sheer amazingness of the feeling. My libido completely forgets about the other people in the kitchen, already taking control and making me tilt my head out of the way.

Thankfully (sadly?) the rest of me remembers. Just as I'm about to shove Axel away, he moves and leaves me standing there with blood rushing down south. I guess he found my weak spot and doesn't even know it. Which is a good thing, Lord only knows he'd abuse the knowledge to the extreme. He smirks in the direction of Sora and Riku and I just know he's going to say something stupid as I try and get some air into my lungs.

"Well…y'all better get back to that faggoty, ticklin' shit. Rox and I have some unfinished business upstairs. Yah both know the way to the window," Axel turns quickly, gripping my wrist and pushing the door open in one fluid movement. I cast a brief glance back and Sora is staring at us, I see his shocked face every time the door swings until finally it shuts. I lick my dry lips before focusing on climbing the stairs as quickly as Axel. My stomach is a tight knot, the idea of just what Axel could have meant swims around in my head. The dirtier part of me is thinking bad, _bad_ things but the realistic part knows I'm over-reacting.

We slip into the room and Axel moves into the bed easily, sighing as his body melts into the sheets. I follow him, the mattress calling me and sleep finally making itself a known presence. Once I'm under the covers Axel pulls me close, yawning before placing a soft kiss on my nose. "Let's sleep…we gotta go see your mom tomorrow after school," Axel is snoring softly before I can answer and I decide to listen to his advice. I hear Sora and Riku giggling as they walk along in the hall, I even hear as they slide the window open and slip out. I can hear them talking all the way down until they disappear into their own yard, they're always laughing. Once they are gone, I let sleep over take me. I know when I open my eyes again, it'll be morning.

I was wrong, but that's okay. My eyes are wide open, but all I see is darkness. The sun is no where near rising and Axel is actually asleep. He can stay awake for hours, but give him the chance to sleep and he does it well, no matter how long or short his sleep may be. Lately, he hasn't been going to visit Kairi's grave anymore, and I wonder why. I haven't worked up the courage to ask him, but I also don't want to push him away. All those nights where he should have been sneaking out, he was instead huddled under the sheets with me, talking about good things Kairi had taught him and fun memories.

These past two weeks have been something, and they've gone by so fast this is the first time I even get to stop and think about it. I obviously think it's great to think now, but tomorrow morning I won't be too cheery. There is still one day of school left before it's Friday, which is supposedly a P.A day with no school. Tomorrow however, is a busy day, _with school_ and a visit to my mother. I roll over, which is away from Axel and stare at the wall. It's not yellowing, so that's good but then again it's too dark to really tell.

I wouldn't want my mother to come back and think her nice, pristine household had turned into some crack house. Of course I'm over exaggerating but that's okay. I don't want to be awake just thinking about my mother and how she's laying on a hospital cot right now, hooked up to machines while my father stays hunched over her still body. It hurts, and I'm no masochist. I don't want to lay here; just thinking, wondering what it will be like if she never wakes up.

I don't think I'd ever be able to stop hating the damned van driver. I'd hate him for the rest of my life. I clench my jaw tight, trying to stop tears. It's not fair, my mother doesn't deserve this. She'll never get to sing in the mornings, or bake or do anything she likes. I hear Axel grunt softly and soon, his arm is falling around my waist and pulling me into his chest. It's like he knows or something, which is really freaky.

God, all those pessimistic thoughts. If Axel even had the slightest clue, he'd freak out. He has this strange way of always being optimistic, I don't know how it's possible and he seems to want to pass it on to me. I guess he knows I stress too much, and from experience he knows that can lead to nothing good. I sigh and melt into him, letting his warmth just take the tenseness from my muscles. My mom is going to be okay, she just needs time to recover. She is too hell bent on living to give up so easily.

The next time I open my eyes, Axel is already awake and dressed, his side of the bed made and a cigarette lit in the ashtray. I sit up and rub the sleep from my eyes, only slightly accustomed to waking up in this room instead of mine. There is a completely different atmosphere in here. My room is bright, with its blue walls and no real curtains, just two thin baby blue pieces of tissue, my lamp giving off enough light to make it seem like day time. Axel's curtains are long, and they are layered. They aren't tied like my mother always had them; instead he's untied them and let them flow freely. It's filled with warm colours, so it's definitely cozy and his lamp has to have the weakest wattage I've ever seen. I wonder just what it must look like outside, but the blinds my mother set up behind the curtains are drawn.

"Good morning sleepy head," Axel says brushing a knot from his hair before tossing the brush back onto the dresser. He walks over and gives me a quick kiss, leaving the scent of smoke, coffee and mint behind him. I lick my own rancid mouth and scrunch my nose, not liking the taste. It's not fair that he gets to be all fresh by the time I wake up, but I never get to see him all rough with sleep. I roll out of bed, almost literally, and stumble across the hall into my room. Turning on the lamp in here is like a blast from some opening vortex and I wince, covering my eyes and avoiding staring directly into the light.

I look around, and then my eyes dart to my window. Sora isn't going to come rolling in, I know that for a fact. It's (my eyes quickly find my clock) 7:03 in the morning, he's probably still deep in the dream realm, snuggled close to Riku. I chuckle before turning and dragging myself to the bathroom, not yet awake enough to lift my feet all the way. I figure after a good shower and some breakfast, I'll be ready to drive to the school and keep my eyes open through all my lessons. My stomach definitely agrees, so I hurry and jump into the shower knowing very well that Axel is probably cooking up something delicious.

When I get out of the shower, the sun has already started to lighten the sky, so my lamp is really on for the hell of being on. I turn it off and rush to my window, looking out but Sora is probably still asleep. The window is cold, I can feel the coolness of it on my bare chest as I lean on the window sill and I move away quickly. I really hate the cold, and now with fall gearing up and winter waiting patiently in the shadows…I know there is going to be a hell of a lot of freezing temperatures. I hurry to get dressed, wanting my tender, vulnerable flesh hidden from the coldness my room is engulfed in. My uniform pants are moderately thick, and the sweater is pretty comfortable, so I figure I'll be good. I grab my jacket just in case and start making my way downstairs, surprised when I look back and still don't see Sora come barging through the window. I wonder briefly where they are but shrug it off. The longer they stay away the better.

With that good thought I make my way downstairs and just as I had suspected Axel was making delicious breakfast and now the plates are all set up on the dinning room table, the smell of something wonderful wafting out to me. My stomach grumbles violently and I make my way into the kitchen, Axel having propped the little wooden wedge back into its place. I smile when I see him, putting everything into the dish washer and then I spot the pancake plate, Axel completely forgotten for the moment. My stomach seems to be whining now, using some new found telepathic ability to beg me to grab one and shove it into my mouth. My taste buds are all standing at attention, waiting for the eruption of chocolaty goodness and syrup. I love chocolate chip pancakes. "Hungry?" Axel asks wiping his thumb softly at the corner of my mouth, and I blink myself out of the pancake daze long enough to focus in on him.

"Was I drooling?" I ask stupidly and Axel snorts before nodding. I glare at him for laughing at me and grab the pancake plate, briefly wondering just when he finished loading the washer. He follows me out into the dining room and I put the plate in the middle, hurrying to my seat and reaching for a pancake before my ass touches the cushion.

"I've really out done myself this time, mm?" Axel says before shoving another forkful of fluffy, delicious goodness into his mouth. I nod my head, but I don't really look up from the plate until I hear someone sliding down the banister, another set of foot steps running down the hallway, though it has an odd pattern to it. A few minutes after the noise, Sora and Riku appear, disheveled and a little crazy looking. My cousin has bags under his eyes, and is wearing a scarf; Riku isn't wearing eyeliner and has his hair in a messy bun. Axel raises an eyebrow before taking a sip of his milk and Sora struts into the kitchen with a limp in his walk like he's some wannabe thug, pouted lips and all. Riku…well, he doesn't look like a raccoon. It's a new sight.

Axel laughs just as he's supposed to swallow, and milk spews out of his nose onto the table. Riku quickly disappearing into the kitchen and comes back with an apple. Sora ignores Axel's giggle fit and instead, sits gently onto the seat. I have to ask now, because never in my life has Sora not thrown himself down in front of food. I can completely disregard his weird entrance, and Riku's lack of eye makeup but this…No, not this. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask, putting my fork down and staring at my cousin.

"What? Nothing…" Sora's eyes widen briefly and dart to where Riku is leaning against the wall, acting like he isn't listening but I know he is. Axel wipes away the milk, still chuckling softly before getting up to go throw away the napkins. I look away from Axel's ass and back to my cousin, I didn't even realize my eyes had drifted.

"Seems like something…stand up," Sora looks at me like he's ready to beg for his life and stays rooted to the seat. I sigh before looking down at my wrist watch, then I remember I left it on Axel's nightstand. God damn it. I look up towards Riku to ask him the time instead, ignoring the look of relief on Sora's face in the process. If he thinks I've forgotten what we're talking about, he's wrong. Just when I open my mouth to ask the time, I see it; the big, angry reddish purple oval on the skin just where Riku's pulse is. The pancake chunks in my stomach do a sick little turn in my gastric juices and for a minute I think I'll puke.

I turn back to look at Sora and he seems to have just seen what I did. Axel walks back in then and I look over at him with a grimace, he looks at me curiously. "They just finished…_you know_," it takes Axel a few moments but when he gets it, he can't stop laughing. I turn around back in my seat and stare down at the half a pancake I have left, but I just can't. I push it towards Sora and he eats it happily, adding a few more onto his plate off the pile in the middle.

"You know," Sora says with his mouth full, "I'm hoping the awkwardness of this will eventually die off," he shrugs before finishing off his breakfast and standing up with some struggle, Riku hurrying to his side to help him up but laughing all the while. Axel holds back another laughing spell as he picks up our plates and takes them back into the kitchen. I watch him walk away and smile. "You guys still going strong?" Sora asks and looks at me with a radiant smile. I shrug, a little embarrassed but I don't know why. I can't remember my last relationship to save my life.

"Sora it's been less than three weeks, nothing's that different," I fix my sweater and feel around my pockets for my keys, but I can't seem to find them. Luckily, I look up and see Axel walking over with them. I take the keys and we all move out as a unit, Axel and me grabbing our bags, before setting the alarm and locking the door.

"Hayner's got something he wants to talk about at lunch," Sora says settling into the back seat beside Riku. I watch him shift a few times before resting up against Riku's shoulder, his eyes closing tiredly. I don't miss the dreamy, dazed look on Riku's face as he stares down at my cousin. It's enough to give me a freaking cavity.

"Well, what is it?" I ask, buckling my seatbelt just as Axel finishes climbing in. I pull out, still waiting for Sora to say something but I slowly come to realize that they've both fallen asleep. Axel looks back and laughs, I just know he's going to say something.

"They really tired themselves out huh?" He can't help it and starts laughing, cupping his hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. I snort, a little grossed out but I can't help but laugh. It's just so grossly funny.

Lunch finally arrives and I make my way towards our table. I see Hayner and he waves crazily from his seat, smiling when I get close enough. Everyone else is already there, so I guess I'm the last one and they've been waiting for me. Sora yawns, and Riku looks like he just woke up. Again, the urge to laugh comes in a small, easily ignored wave and I sit down beside Axel. Hayner clears his throat and taps his plastic fork against his empty coke can. "Okay so, Halloween party on Saturday for Axel's birthday is officially a go," Hayner's smile is brighter than the sun when he looks down at us and I choke, turning my wide eyes to Axel who smiles down at me.

"It's your birthday on Saturday?" I ask but Axel shakes his head, looking down at his half eaten sandwich.

"Axel's birthday is on Halloween itself, we're having the party on Saturday…you know, no school after," Olette says this like I should have known all along and Pence agrees, both of them sharing a look of mutual common sense. Little do they know that I had no idea when Axel's birthday was. Sora, even in his half comatose state, manages to catch on and laughs loudly.

"Roxas, you didn't even know your own boyfriend's birthday?" Olette gasps in horror, while everyone just laughs. Naminé shushes them and I smile gratefully, until she opens her mouth to speak.

"You all forgot that when Axel told us his birthday, Roxas was being a little wiener," Again they all start to laugh and I huff, turning my eyes to Axel and he just smiles. Olette is making that 'tsk tsk' sound and I glare at her. The brunette just smiles before turning to ask Hayner about the party.

If Axel's birthday is on Sunday, that only leaves me 2 days to get his present and I have no idea what he could ever want for a present. He doesn't have many possessions, mostly clothes and a few pictures of Kairi but that's all. Maybe I could get him a mixer or something…Though I want to show him how much I appreciate him. It's an odd thought, but I do. I feel Sora's stare and I look up, he smiles at me like he's got a plan.

I am scared shitless.

* * *

**A/N:** I personally agree with Sora. Anyone who says Puh-Con, is talking about something completely different.

Anyway, here is the next installment to Brotherly Love.  
Some of you are asking if it's over/over soon, but well...you'll just wait and see ;D  
Don't worry though, it'll be a wondrous surprise (maybe ;D)

Take care marvelous readers 8D

-Sharmander


	24. Lovebirds, Pfft Whatever

**Chapter Twenty-Four  
**Lovebirds, Pfft Whatever

When it comes to picking up on things like awkward gestures and weird little side glances, I'd say I'm pretty good at it, which would explain how I know that something is bothering Axel. He's been staring at me on and off again ever since we left school and got in the car. I have no clue where Sora and Riku went, but they apparently didn't need a ride. Whatever, it's better for me. Their willy-nilly sex and love stuff is starting to get to me.

"Roxas, I ain't so sure about the party," Axel looks at me nervously as I drive towards the hospital, he's squirming in his seat as if he'd just said something racist and I was the type of person to get seriously offended. I wait to stop at a red light to look at him, and when my gaze meets his, he bites his bottom lip. It's weird to see him acting like this, considering when he first walked into my foyer he was all strutting his shit and touching everything. He still touches everything; I just don't get _as_ annoyed. You'd think he would have been more nervous around me when I wanted to rip his throat out. "I just ain't too keen on celebratin' while your mom is in the hospital, yah know?" Something tells me Axel would enjoy a party anytime no matter the circumstance, but he's just thinking about me at the moment. It's as touching as it is frustrating. I don't want him ruining his birthday over my feelings. I wouldn't be excited about a party even if my mother wasn't in the hospital. I sigh before turning my gaze back onto the road.

"Well, you're the one always talking about not letting it get you down 'cause she's gonna get better. Besides, I think it'd be nice to throw you a birthday party. I'm sure my dad'll understand," I smile brightly as I pull up to the hospital. We get here a lot faster in the car than the tandem bicycle that's for sure, though of course we've only done that once. Not for lack of Axel trying, but for the fact that not even God himself could convince me to mount one of those death traps again. Axel seems stuck between wanting to say something and not speaking at all as he climbs out of the car after me.

He seems to decide to stay quiet and we walk into the hospital, making our way to the elevators. The hallways and people of the hospital are starting to become a familiar sight to me; I almost know it like I know my own house. The main receptionist waves her hand at us and Axel smiles over at her. I wave weakly, pressing the button for the elevator vigorously because I for one don't enjoy the awkward space of empty time before the elevator arrives. "Well, if yah think so. I haven't had a birthday party in a while," Axel laughs as we board the elevator and I look at him in shock. Every year my mom throws me a birthday party, even though I don't enjoy parties. Hayner has the same partying spirit as my mom, thinking anytime is party time.

"I think so," I get out and make my way past the front desk, the nurse not even bothering to ask who we're coming to visit. I find my dad out in the hallway sipping on a coffee and looking down at his cell phone, probably wondering just what he's gotten himself into. We approach quietly and when he looks up, he looks startled.

"Hey boys," My dad tries to smile but it doesn't look natural. I feel a harsh stab in my chest whenever he looks at me like that, and I feel like a terrible son for leaving him here alone. He throws his arm over my shoulder and takes a sip of coffee. "How was school? Did you learn anything new? Axel…it's almost your birthday right?" My dad is talking a lot and I move away to get a better look at his face. "Are you boys planning a party?"

"Dad…what's wrong?" I frown when he looks at me before quickly looking away towards one of the walls. It's a hospital hall way, there isn't much else to look at.

"Nothing Roxas…it's just…your mother's been even more still than usual today. But I'm sure she's just tired from all the muscle treatments they do during the day," He looks towards Axel with a weary smile and the redhead sends him a small, cheerful grin. He straightens up and rubs his palms together, reaching into his pocket to pull out his wallet. "I want you boys to do something nice for Axel's birthday. I'll be here of course if nothing changes but, I'll make sure to call. Invite Sora and Riku even," My dad looks up, grabbing a few bills from the leather wallet and pulling them out. Axel's eyes widen and he looks at me, my dad laughing and shaking his head. "It's fine. I want you to have a good birthday, Axel."

"Oh well dad uhm…Hayner is throwing him a party, we were gonna ask if it was fine to go," I lick my top lip, which has gotten really dry. My dad smiles at us again and this time it's a little brighter, more fitting to his face. He still passes Axel the money, claiming it's to buy something nice for himself and maybe a few party supplies.

"Of course you guys can go. I'll be sure to call, now…you boys wanna go in to say hello?" I smile and nod my head, Axel following me as I push open the door. The room always depresses me, the white walls and plain beige and white sheets are so dull it's hard to feel hope in here. If it wasn't for my father buying her fresh flowers all the time, there would be no colour. It fills me with even more sadness to look down at my mom and see her, lying there pale and blending into the room's colour scheme when she should be standing out so beautifully. I bite back tears and reach for her hand.

"Hey mom," I hold it there for a few seconds, not really expecting much when I feel a small amount of pressure. She's squeezing my hand. I look up amazed, and quickly turn to Axel, a bright smile on my face. "Axel, she squeezed my hand! She…she's still holding it!" Axel rushes over and grins hugely, putting his warm hand over both mine and my mothers. Her grip is still weak, but definitely there. Axel laughs before rushing towards the door.

"I'm tellin' your pops," Axel slips out into the hallway and I turn to look back at my mother. Her chest rises and falls softly and that sight alone pushes away that crippling sadness, not to mention she's still holding onto my fingers. She's alive, and that's all that matters. It could have been so much worse. I could have lost her forever, I wouldn't have even been able to say goodbye. By the time Axel and my dad walk in, I'm drowning in quiet tears, staring at my mom through blurry eyes before my dad walks over and grips her other hand.

"Sara," My dad says softly, like he probably spends his entire day doing and I watch his face closely. Axel shuffles uneasily in the background and I beckon him over to me, lacing our fingers together when he gets close enough. I hate the way he always stays back when we visit my mom, almost like he's not a part of this family. Awhile back, I would have loved it and would have done everything to make sure it stayed that way, now…that's the last thing I want.

My dad's face splits into a bright smile, his eyes tearing up when he looks at me. "She…she's holding my hand," It's a magical moment, I can feel it in my core and it's one of those times where if I were a writer, I'd send the story in to Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul. Though, I think I like this moment better, with this sense of family intimacy. I soak up the happiness, that's been lacking in huge quantities lately and smile up at Axel. She's okay, and we all seem to be thinking that.

On the drive home, I pass Axel my cell phone telling him to call Hayner and give him the go-ahead for the party. I drive listening as Axel speaks to Hayner, both of them laughing while they talk about the party and other random crap, I don't really pay close attention. The phone call isn't that long, and soon Axel hangs up, confirming that the time to be at Hayner's is 8 o'clock and costumes are mandatory.

"What do you mean _'costumes a must'_?" I look over at Axel as I park the car in the garage and go over to close the door. Axel flicks on the light switch for me to see my way towards the side door and leans against the door's frame. I squint at him as I make my way over. "We have to wear costumes?" I groan and Axel laughs, opening the door and shutting off the lights when I walk past him. The horrible thought of having to wear a costume is still on my mind when I drop the keys onto the counter.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun!" Axel smiles at me, throwing his bag carelessly beside the fridge and I roll my eyes, leaving the kitchen and pulling out my own cell phone to call Sora. I need to book him for the entire day tomorrow, mostly because he needs to come help me find Axel a present and now because he needs to help me with a costume. I stop at the bottom of the stairs, listening to Axel move around in the kitchen probably going to make himself something to eat.

"Axel, make plans with Riku tomorrow…I'm gonna go with Sora somewhere," I wait to hear him stop opening cupboards and soon the kitchen is completely silent. I wait for a response and look down at my phone, it's way too late for dinner and I'm not that hungry anyway.

"Why?" The voice startles me and I almost drop my phone when I jump. I look up and see Axel leaning against the door frame, a small smirk on his lips as he watches me recover from a near-heart attack. He has a problem with leaning; I think one side of his body might be slightly heavier than the other.

"Well I want Sora to myself, and I know Riku is gonna tag along unless you make plans with him…please, I'm _begging_ you!" I pout at Axel and bat my eyelashes a few times, resorting to the dirty trick of a puppy dog pout. My mom always hates the face because I can make her do anything for me with just one look. Axel rolls his eyes, his whole hand covering my face from chin to forehead in one grab. "Please?" I mumble from behind his hand and he laughs. I wouldn't be begging this much if it wasn't a life or death situation. I need to get Axel a good present, and I need Sora's advice. Even if my cousin is an air head, he's good to hear me out and tell me when something is completely unacceptable.

"Alright, but you owe me," Axel pulls his hand away and slides it to the back of my head, pulling my face close to his. His eyes are on mine the entire time and I blush, my hands coming up to rest on his shoulders. The look he's giving me makes me squirm in my skin, a nervous flutter starting up in my stomach.

"Owe you what?" He doesn't answer me, instead he closes the gap between us and kisses me. He doesn't waste much time before, letting his warm tongue dive right in between my lips, caressing mine into movement. I close my eyes and sigh, forgetting about the call I have to make to Sora, forgetting about having to wear a damn costume, forgetting that right now my dad is all alone in that creepy hospital. I just forget about everything, my brain simply focusing on how nice it feels.

"I'll think of something," he breathes against my lips when he pulls away and moves towards the kitchen, probably going to get the house phone to call Uncle Leon's house and talk to Riku. My heart is pounding when he walks away and I wonder if he feels the same because he just looks so collected as he disappears into the dinning room while I stand here swaying slightly. With a deep breath I dial Sora's cell and wait for him to answer.

"_Yellow?" _

"Sora? Listen, what are you doing tomorrow?" I don't wait to ask him if he's okay, considering I spent all day with him at school. There's a pause on the other end as he probably considers what I just asked for a lot longer than necessary.

"_Hold on, lemme ask Riku..."_ I hear a few rustles of clothing and then a door opening before Sora's loud shout reaches my ears. _"RIKU, WHAT ARE WE DOING TOMORROW?"_ Again a pause and I hold my phone away, knowing there is still more parts to this conversation and I don't want to be left deaf anytime soon_. "OH…WITH AXEL? THAT'S NICE…OKAY, NO; I'M GOING SOMEWHERE WITH ROXAS…YEAH I'LL PICK SOME UP…Hello?"_ Sora's voice comes back at a normal tone and I bring the phone to my ear again.

"Yeah, I need your help getting a present…" I look around to make sure Axel isn't listening but I can hear him in the kitchen as I climb the steps and head towards my room. Sora seems to be going back to where he originally was also. "What do you have to pick up?"

"Oh…just condoms and lube. Listen, I got a great idea for a gift but uh…I gotta go, Riku just got naked…" Before I have a chance to answer or even tell him how gross he is, the line cuts off and the stupid beeping starts. I slap my phone closed and toss it onto my bed, glancing out the window just in time to see two people run past. It's probably Sora and Riku in one of the rooms…and with that knowledge I close the blinds and turn away, moving towards my dresser to change out of my uniform, before going back downstairs.

"Axel?" I hear the television on so I move towards the living room, and there he is, stretched out on the sofa. He looks up when I walk in and I stare at him, wondering just when the hell he got upstairs to change into pajamas. I go to sit only to find that he has Oblivion resting on his stomach, his long fingers caressing the ebony fur. She's purring contently but if I move any closer, her eyes will snap open and she'll bring the pain. I drop myself onto the love seat instead and Axel pouts at me.

"Why aren't you sittin' beside me?" he asks as Oblivion stretches, her yellow eyes opening to glance over at me as if to mock me. I glare at the little boyfriend thief before looking back at Axel.

"You're holding Oblivion…she'll gut me if I get close," I cross my arms in a way that could be seen by others as childish, but really it's just because I have nothing better to do with my arms. Axel laughs, lifting the cat off him fearlessly and moving to slip in beside me on the smaller couch. I grin when he sits close, pulling him against me as I wrap my arms around his neck. I can feel Oblivion giving me the death stare and I just know she's going to piss on my bed or something.

"There," Axel smiles before kissing the corner of my mouth, his lips moving along to my jaw and down my neck. I can feel the soft skin of his lips getting closer and closer to my weak spot and my body buzzes with anticipation, waiting for the pleasure his warm kisses bring to me. When the kiss does come, I feel faint and I curl my fingers into the fabric of his shirt just before he bites down softly, teasing the skin in between his teeth. I swallow back a moan and move to pull him away from my neck, my libido going into a damn frenzy. I don't really give a shit what my brain wants though because the last thing I need is a hickey. I grip his face and bring him back to eye level, smiling before kissing him softly.

"What do you want for a present?" I ask quietly, my nose bumping against his as I tilt my head to kiss him again. He hums thoughtfully against my mouth, but stops, his fingers weaving through my hair to pull me closer, to kiss me deeper. I feel like I might burst into flames if he keeps kissing me like this, my ability to think rationally is slowly fading into nothing so I pull away. God knows what my libido would do with free reign. It's also a good time to breathe, my lungs aching horribly as I gulp in large amounts of oxygen but trying to play it off as if my lungs weren't turning into raisins. I slip a little further from Axel, and he seems to get the point, moving to rest his head on my lap with his long ass legs hanging over the armrest.

"I don't need anythin' Rox…I got everythin' I could ever want right here…" my heart picks up in pace, beating harshly against my ribs and I try not to let the goofy grin spread across my face. Cheesy? Yes, corny? Just a little bit but I can't really describe how giddy that makes me. He closes his eyes, looking more than ready for sleep. Axel is always ready for sleep, no matter what time I've come to realize. And here I thought he was an insomniac or something, it turns out he just has a really out of whack sleep cycle. I look up and see that it's almost past 10, a perfectly acceptable bed time. I stand up, knocking his head off my lap and I grin when he looks ready to cuss me out.

"Lets go to bed, you big sap," I say and wait for him by the living room door way. Sleepily he gets up and stumbles over, stretching sleepily.

"You've turned me into some sorta sloth," Axel's eyes go into this crescent moon shape when he smiles, and it just makes him look so damn attractive. My brain, which never seems to stop with stupid thoughts, reminds me of the times I tried to deny the attraction and if it had a face, it would be soo smug. Whatever, my brain is just a pervert.

When we get upstairs, I chance a quick glance at my door. I know from experience not to go into my room after upsetting that demon I call a pet. The door to my room is slightly open meaning Oblivion slithered her way in there, so it'd be best to sleep with Axel tonight. Not like I'm complaining, I actually like sleeping in his bed more anyway.

* * *

**A/N:** As much as I don't want it to be, I think this is a filler...or well, with the acception of Roxas slowly getting even more comfortable with Axel and his mom showing a little signs of recovery. I dunno, I just know I had to submit something soon. I just need to get to writing the party chapter! Hopefully it'll be BEFORE Halloween...hopefully.

Thanks for reading y'all!


	25. Cats Are Always Late

**Chapter Twenty-Five  
**Cats Are Always Late

It's strange how emotions sneak up on you. It's like one minute you're catatonic, and the next they're flooding through you and keeping you up at night. Am I speaking from personal experience? I guess so. I don't know what it is, but something clicked in my head tonight and I haven't been able to keep my eyes shut since. Something has changed in the way I feel about Axel, like the plates shifting under the earth's surface. I definitely felt it when I looked at him as he smiled at me, just such a soft look on his face. It was something different. I can't put my finger on it, but I'm guessing it's come from all the time we've spent together these past few days. I can just see something there and I can't explain it.

Something cutesy, I've noticed is that it seems Axel has this hidden mother goose quality to him and just thinking about it makes me want to burst into spontaneous giggles right here, while I lay in the dark at 3 am. He's been so nurturing since my mom got into the accident, but the funny thing is, is that it all seems like a second nature to him. Waking up, making breakfast and just being there for shits and giggles. I guess it all comes from when he had to take care of Kairi, and even now when I think about it, I feel like a huge ass. I don't know why I ever doubted him, or even disliked him. It's probably his weird accent and facial tattoos; they just make him seem like such a brute or something. There's still some getting used to I have to do, but I find that they seem nicer and nicer every day. When I first met him, I had briefly thought he was the Toronto Strangler.

Anyway, all that's changed obviously or else I wouldn't be laying here in bed with him, listening to him mumble in his sleep about _something_. I wonder if he feels any different about me, or if it's just my crazy brain and emotions that always seem to be so damn hard to figure out. I mean, normal people must have it a little easier. I'm pretty sure it should just be one of two options, you either like someone or you don't. It definitely seems that way for Sora whenever he's had crushes in the past.

Now, back to my shifting feelings and what I originally was pondering. I can't seem to put my finger on the change, all I know is that when I look at Axel, I can feel it right in the middle of my torso. It's corny as hell, but it sorta feels like I was empty before but now I'm not. Of course I'd never tell _anyone_ this, hell I'm probably not even going to want to remember thinking such sappy things, but I gotta put all this shit out on the table. And what better time than at 3 in the morning?

There isn't much more to say about the way I feel about him, so I guess it's pretty clear. I really, _really_ like him and at this point, I don't know what the hell I would ever do without him. It's so hard to picture my life the way it used to be, every day just a repeat of the last and always so damn lonely. My mom might hate it, and she probably regrets ever bringing Axel home but I'm really glad she did. To think, I wanted to send him right back. What a mistake that would have been!

I turn onto my back and stare up at the ceiling, just for the heck of it. Axel must sense that I'm in a position for cuddling and squirms his way over, wrapping his arm around my waist and resting his head on my chest. Well, it's good to know that I wear the pants in this relationship. I mean, you can always tell who the sissy one is because they're the ones who like to cuddle. I hate cuddling when I'm too hot, I absolutely hate it. It makes me extra sweaty, plus I feel like I'm going to suffocate. Cuddling is for when it's like -20 degrees outside and if you don't cuddle for warmth you'll die. When it's too hot, I like to curl up on my side and be left like that, but Axel likes to cling to me in any position I'm in, all while he expels more heat than a furnace from Satan's bed chambers. I can already feel the sweat collecting along my hairline and I kick the sheets off my legs, trying to cool off in some way. Axel, of course, does not like this and starts to shiver. It's not even cold, I swear he's a big freaking pansy. The heat is on full blast, and I'm definitely going to fix that tomorrow morning. I have no idea when he went and touched the bloody thermostat.

"The…sheets…s'cold," He mumbles, still asleep and releases me to reach down and cover us again. I feel like groaning. It's just too damn hot in this bed, I feel like I might even have a nose bleed or something. Whatever, if I get my brain blood all over Axel and his bed, it's his problem, not mine. Right now, my problem is actually getting to sleep.

I wake up with a heavy pressure on my stomach, and I try to take a breath but I can't. I start to panic but before I throw myself off the bed in a wild frenzy, I open my eyes. "HOLY SHIT AND THE FUCKING SON OF GOD! WHAT THE HELL?" I push my something off me violently, because not only does it look like something from hell but it was staring at me when I opened my eyes. I hear the familiar loud laugh of my cousin and I get so angry. I see my cousin on the floor as he rolls onto the side of the bed where Axel should be, removing the horrible, horrible rubber mask and tossing it on the floor. He grins at me, before I sit up, trying to gauge the time and steady my heart rate that's rocketed to like 300 beats a second. Also, where the hell is Axel? I turn, about to ask my cousin, but he appears to guess what I want to know.

"He left with Riku, they went to buy party shit. I really scared yah, huh?" He's just giddy with excitement and I roll my eyes, getting up and making my way towards Axel's bathroom. I actually have never used this bathroom, but since he's not here I figure it's as good a time as any. I walk in, and it's not much different than mine. Only my bathroom is all blue, while his is just plain white. Luckily, Sora doesn't follow me and instead sits just outside the door to speak while I shower.

"Shut up Sora. That was a dirty trick," I growl, stepping under the hot water and relishing in the feel of it on my skin. I love the feeling of getting clean, it's just so amazing, nothing else could ever compare to it. I look around and spot Axel's shampoo, only to stop and stare at it. He uses something called _Mane and Tail_, with a fucking picture of a _horse _on it. I lean over to get a better look, because maybe I'm seeing things but I'm definitely not. I grab the bottle, which is fucking huge might I add, and turn it over in my hands. I'm pretty sure this is for fucking _horses_. "Sora…Axel uses horse shampoo…"

It takes my cousin a while to reply, and when he does, he sounds like he's just on the other side of the shower curtain. I jump, almost dropping the huge bottle on my toes. My heart is hammering in my chest again and I wonder just why I'm so easy to spook. I need to get some bravery injections or something. "Well…you know, horses _do_ have-"

"Sora, don't you even dare finish that thought," It's too disgusting to even briefly think about, but sadly I already did. I push all those thoughts out of my head at once and just squeeze a small portion into my hand. Well, at least it smells really good, so if anything I won't stink like an actual horse.

"I was gonna say nice, thick manes Roxas," I can hear the laughter and shit eating grin in Sora's voice; I don't even need to see his face to picture the look on it. I put the heavy bottle down, freeing my hands and lathering up my hair. So far, so good which means it's safe to continue with this shower. The bottle disappears and I realize Sora probably grabbed it to read the label himself. I rinse the suds out and reach for the second bottle, which is the conditioner. It still smells good, so again I squeeze a small portion out. It feels like silk going through my hair and I can just stay here forever, massaging this into my scalp! Ugh, it just feels so good. "Can you hurry up princess? I swear you take ages! Plus, this bottle says it's safe for humans doofus."

"Shut up, I actually wash myself. Unlike you and your 2 second showers," I swear I've never seen someone shower as quickly as Sora. It's like he just steps under the spray, flattens his anti-gravity hair, then steps out. I know there is no way he can properly clean his body, that fast. He begs to differ however. I ignore his grumbling as he leaves the bathroom and look for the soap and a clean wash cloth.

I step out of the shower after rinsing off my body and wrapping myself in a fluffy towel, only to find Sora going through all of Axel's drawers. I stand in the middle of the room watching him, waiting for the moment he'll realize I've caught him snooping. He looks up, but instead of stopping and looking ashamed like I expected him to, he giggles and lifts a pair of Axel's underwear out of the drawer. "Sora, stop it!" I shout, making my way over and stuffing the garment back in the drawer. My cousin just laughs and hurries to a different section of the room. I realize that if I don't get him out of the house soon, he's going to go through everything in Axel's room. I rush across the hall, skidding and almost flying out the open window. Sora and Riku never close it when they break in, which is funny because it's always closed. It's like when my mom comes into my room and leaves the door open. It wasn't like that when you came in, so why do you leave it like that? With a groan I shut the window, fighting off a vicious shiver. The cold air sticks to my wet body like white on rice and I have to hurry, throwing on anything I see just so I don't catch a freaking pneumonia.

When I'm finally ready, I walk out only to find Sora staring at something in the middle of Axel's room. He's just sitting there cross legged, with a tiny little piece of paper in his hands and a tiny frown on his face. I walk in, about to snatch the thing from his hands and put it away, when I notice it's a photograph. I stand beside him and look down at it, my heart clenching at the couple on the glossy picture. It's Axel, only he's definitely younger here, his hair much shorter and the tattoo's on his face are replaced by two black eyes and a swollen nose. The other person in the picture is someone I've never seen before yet I still know who she is. It's Kairi, probably the only person on earth who could have ever gotten Axel to smile the way he is in the picture. "Do you think that's his sister?" Sora asks softly, his thumb running over the image of the girl gently, as if it's a fond memory of his.

"Well, I don't know who else it could be," I mumble, plucking the photograph from my cousin's hands and asking him where he got it. All he does is point towards a tiny box sticking out from under the bed and I kneel beside it. There are two more photos in the box, and it's an inner war with myself on whether or not I should look at them. I'm just about to shove the box out of view when Sora snatches it up and places it on his lap. The next picture he takes out is of a woman with red dreadlocks tied back away from her face, a cigarette in her mouth, a baby on her hip and a tiny little boy holding onto her hand. The boy, I notice when Sora raises the photo closer to his face, is Axel. I grab the photo and stare at it, while Sora pulls the other one out. I don't know why, but I feel my eyes get sort of misty. Axel looks so lost in the picture, and so afraid. I hear Sora giggle and I look over at him, just in time for him to turn the picture he has in his hand, in my direction. The smile breaks out across my face and I grab it from my cousin to look at it closer. If I'm any good at guessing ages, I'd say Axel was around fourteen. That's not the funny part though, the thing that's funny is that it seems Kairi and him had switched clothes. The girl is just standing there in a huge leather jacket that hangs almost past her knees and Axel is squeezed into a tiny pink dress. It's disturbingly hilarious.

I wipe the smile off my face and place the pictures back in the box, then I return the box to its original spot. Sora stands up and dusts off his pants, smirking. "I guess we have to keep this between us?"

"Well, we aren't going to tell him you went snooping through his things now, are we?" I start making my way out of the room with Sora behind me, and I hear my cousin laugh as we start walking down the stairs. "What?"

"You didn't stop me. You came and snooped right along side me, cousin." I look back at Sora with wide eyes and a look of shock. I can't say anything though, because he's right. My tongue lays useless and I shut my mouth, making sure my car keys are in my jean pocket before setting the house alarm and waiting for Sora to rush out of the house before the thing starts beeping. Luckily I'm pretty good at ignoring his stupid smug looks.

"Fine, it's just between us," I glare at my cousin and he sticks his hand out for me to shake. Reluctantly I grasp his palm and give it a firm shake before moving towards the garage. Sora waits as I get the car, and goes to close the garage door for me once I get my baby out onto the driveway. My cousin is like a crack squirrel, in the sense that his movements are always so quick and squirrelly. I sit there laughing to myself as Sora pulls the door open and just stares at me curiously. "Alright so, first we're going to get me a costume," I ignore the way Sora snickers as he buckles his seat belt.

"What do you wanna be?" I shrug, and turn onto the road. I'm not really sure what I want to be for Halloween, my mom is usually the one who gets me the costume every year. If it was up to me, I wouldn't buy anything. I turn to look at Sora, and ask him instead what he plans on being.

"Riku and I are going as Batman and Robin," His grin is almost too happy to seem innocent, and I just can't picture my cousin and Riku in spandex. Well, maybe I can picture Sora in spandex, but definitely not Riku. The laugh that escapes me, makes Sora start to laugh too.

"Leave it to you guys to corrupt one of my favorite superheroes," I roll my eyes when Sora just laughs harder.

"Okay, you should be…a cat," My cousin wiggles his eyebrows when I shoot him a quick, petrified glance. He starts laughing when I shake my head furiously, my frown adding the finishing touches to my look of complete disapproval. I'm glad there isn't much traffic, though we aren't anywhere near downtown. I stop at a red light and consider just where I can go and get a costume. It has to be somewhere that has other stores close by so that I can go buy Axel's gift. I drum out a beat on my steering wheel as I think, and Sora seems to be doing the same thing. "A bundle of grapes?" Sora can't even keep a straight face while saying this, so I don't even bother to dignify it with a response. "Okay, okay…an angel? Oh my god, be an angle, please Roxas!" Sora grips onto my arm and starts shaking me, begging me to be an angel. I raise an eyebrow, trying to pay attention to the road while Sora whines in my ear.

"Sora, you're terrible at this. Just think of a good gift for Axel instead," We get to the mall a lot sooner than expected and I even find parking within the first five minutes of searching. Sora's stayed quiet, and doesn't even talk while I park the car and let him out. It's finally while we walk to the mall, and are in the middle of the lot that he speaks.

"Your virginity." I stop dead in my tracks, Sora just walking ahead and I stare at the back of his head until he stops and turns to look at me questioningly. I can't seem to stop blinking rapidly; Sora's words floating around in my head. My stomach gets queasy and I feel like I might pass out the longer I keep thinking about what he just said. I ignore the part of my brain that thinks it's actually a good idea. That part isn't even attached to the right thinking head.

"What?" It's hard to finally find the right thing to say, and after I talk I'm still not satisfied with my choice of words. Sora seems pleased however, and smiles, walking over to me like I'm looking for a car and he's a sleazy sales man that has quite the deal.

"Don't be so hasty in saying no, dearest cousin," Sora looks at me, dead serious. Whatever small hope I had inside that this was all just a sick joke of my brunette cousin, vanishes as he holds my stare. My knees feel like they've been replaced with jelly cups as soon as my brain sneaks in a tiny visual of Axel, spread out on the bed sheets…just for me. I have to rein myself in then, my brain having gotten way too much control for a second. "It'd be the perfect way to show him how much you appreciate all he's done for you! I mean, it _speaks volumes_ more than a crappy sweater and card combo."

"I actually was considering a sweater and card combo…" I mumble and look down at my feet, until I realize I have nothing to be ashamed of and I snap my head up. I glare at Sora and straighten myself, fixing my jacket before I stomp away from him. "Your idea is stupid and just…No." I hear him huffing to catch up with me, and when he finally does he takes a deep breath before speaking.

"Say what you will, I still think it's the perfect gift."

"And I still say you're a psycho," with that being said, I walk into the mall and enjoy the artificial heat that seeps into your clothes as soon as you walk in. Sora grumbles something behind me, but I know he's too busy warming up to keep arguing with me over this. After we defrost, I lead us in the direction of a clothing store I think would have something for Axel. There's a lot of black and leather at the store window.

"Weren't we looking for your costume first?" Sora crosses his arms as I quickly scan a rack of t-shirts. They all have stupid, lame phrases on the front and I for one would never be caught dead in a shirt like that. Especially one that says 'Beer Olympics', I mean…come on. "Oh hey, that ones kinda funny!" I look over at Sora, and to my complete horror he's referring to the Olympics one. I give him a tiny look of disapproval before leaving the rack and moving to a different one.

"Yeah but I figured since we're not near the costume store, I might as well check some places for Axel's gift until we get there," Sora rolls his eyes and moves to go look for something. I turn and skim through the sweaters, some are nice but they just aren't something I'd see Axel wearing. I bite my bottom lip, contemplating whether this black sweater would suit him more than that white one when Sora calls me over. He's easy to find, that bird's nest he calls hair is visible from 10 miles away.

When I get to where he is, he lifts up a leather jacket, with a sweater stitched into the inside part. I smile and grab the jacket, turning it over in my hands and looking at it. It is absolutely perfect, the tiny details making it just that much better. It's adorned with a few zippers and buckles, and the shoulders have tiny little spikes which I know Axel will like. Sora has this smug grin when I look away from the jacket and I give him a soft shove. "Stop it, lucky find."

We leave the store after I pay for the jacket and have the girl wrap it up nicely. I smile contently and Sora just walks alongside me, picking up his pace a little. He's probably anxious to get to the costume store. Every year around Halloween this store opens up, and then disappears on November first. In the beginning Sora thought it was an alien cover up, but four years later he's starting to think it's just a seasonal store. I tried telling him that four years ago, but well, _you know_ how Sora is.

Turning the corner, I can see the store. It's the only one with zombies and spider webs all over the place and blood blocking most of the window view. Sora smiles and claps his hands excited, turning to look at me with a huge, all teeth bearing grin. "We're getting you wings and a halo, and even maybe a little white tunic," His eyes are freaking sparkling.

"Uh, I haven't even agreed to the stupid angel thing. I'm not even going to agree," I huff and pass my cousin, walking right into the store and I'm greeted by Naminé in a bloody nurse costume. A little skimpy nurse costume, might I add.

"Hey Roxas, Sora!" She smiles brightly and tugs a little on the bottom of her skirt, Sora whistling like that stupid cartoon wolf. Naminé turns a bright red, before asking me what I'm thinking of getting for a costume, if that's why I've come to the store. I'm going to respond, but my cousin interjects.

"An angel costume please, Naminé!" Sora smiles when Naminé seems to realize the same thing Sora did when he pictured me in an angel costume. She claps her hands excitedly and I feel horrible for letting her celebrate this long when I know there is no way in hell that it's happening. When she finally starts to walk away, I clear my throat.

"I actually just want a mask Nami," She turns when she hears my voice and the curls in her hair seem to sag along with her expression. I feel the vicious glare Sora is giving me but I ignore it and make my way to the front register, where they have the huge wall of rubber masks and the like. My blonde friend makes her way over and slides in behind the desk and sighing deeply.

"You'd be such a cute angel. Axel would like it, I'm sure," She looks up at me through her eyelashes with a stupid grin and I ignore it, looking at the variety of masks instead. Sora definitely hears her, and he laughs loudly, slapping a hand on the counter as he agrees full heartedly with the girl.

"Tell me Naminé, wouldn't Roxas giving away his virginity be a perfect 18th gift for Axel?" Sora leans on the counter just sizing me up with his eyes and Naminé turns to stare at me, leaning against the register lazily. I'm having trouble choosing between the Yoda mask and the skeleton one. Being a skeleton would definitely be cool. I grin and turn to look at Naminé, completely aware that Sora is staring at her awaiting a response and she is still looking at me.

"I think Roxas should wait till he's ready, if that happens to be on Saturday night, so be it, now…what would you like to be Roxas?" She smiles at me and I point at the skull mask, getting even more excited when she mentions that it comes with an actual costume. I watch Sora brood by the first register while Naminé looks for my size in the wall compartments and finally she pulls out a little package. "You have pants, long sleeve shirt and gloves in here. That'll be $45.50, Rox." I walk over and take out my debit card, paying before Naminé gives me the costume in a black plastic bag. Sora pulls away from the desk and waves good-bye to our blonde friend.

It's as we're leaving that he speaks again. "Roxas, I'm not saying your virginity isn't important. I'm just saying that I think Axel would be the right one to give it to. I can just see it with you guys," I look at me cousin, but I don't really feel the need to yell at him. I actually sort of understand what he means. I smile instead, shrugging with a wink.

"Eh, you never know. Maybe if I have enough beer at the party!" We both laugh as we climb into the car and I start it up. I won't tell my cousin that I'll probably seriously consider his gift idea. I'm too horrified to even admit it to myself.

I'm finding myself lying awake more and more often. I sigh and turn over in bed, still not being able to find comfort. I guess I can't sleep because of all the thoughts racing through my head, the thoughts that have been there since I went shopping with Sora. I wonder if my virginity really would show Axel how much I appreciate him, but then virginities aren't for showing appreciation. They're for showing love, and trust and all that other jazz. But I do trust Axel, I trust him a lot more than I'd probably ever tell him. As for loving him and stuff, I'm not so sure. What does being in love even feel like?

When I turn onto my back, I almost scream when I see Axel sitting up, his head outlined in the darkness. As I blink, the features slowly appear on his face and he smiles at me. "Having trouble sleeping?" His voice sounds like he's been awake the entire time as well and I groan, before nodding my head.

"Yeah, I can't seem to fall asleep," Axel plops back down and tugs me over to him, my body curling against his side. I can sort of understand Axel's pleasure in cuddling, but that's probably because I'm really cold and Axel is really comfortable. I breathe in deeply, my fingers softly touching the skin on Axel's arms. "Tell me a story or something…"

"About what?" Axel laughs softly, his own fingers brushing through my hair. I'm surprised it's not a tangled mess right now, with all the tossing and turning I've been doing. I shift so I can stare at Axel's face, and shrug. I've been wondering for a while now, what his brother was like. All he ever does is talk about Kairi, his mother and his aunt. His brother has only come up briefly, so I wonder just what he was like.

"Tell me about your brother. You never talk about him," I feel the way Axel's body tenses for a few seconds before he sighs through his nose and looks up at the ceiling.

"I fucked up my relationship with my brother. I was tryin' to be the man of the house, goin' 'bout it the wrong way and we always butt heads 'cause of it. There was a time I thought I hated him…I was always jealous at how well he got along with Kairi," The steady rumble of Axel's voice is soothing, and I hope I'm not becoming used to having him talk me to sleep. I force my eyes to stay open because after all, I do want to hear this story. "He hated how I always got into trouble, he'd try to ground me but it wouldn't work. Finally, after Kairi's death he snapped and sent me off to the camp. He was supposed to come pick me up eventually, but I kicked him away and said I never wanted to see him again. He tried comin' back, but I told the staff I was gonna have a mental breakdown if I saw him one more time. Eventually he stopped tryin', moved away and changed his number. Thanks to that, I was put in the House-A-teen program or whatever the shits called. His name was Reno, by the way…"

A small, very selfish part of me is glad Reno moved away, otherwise Axel would have never been brought into my life. The rest of me however, feels horrible that Axel had to lose another member of his family. I frown before hugging his chest, and pecking him on the cheek. "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure he'd be surprised at how you've changed," I smile at Axel even though he can't see it and he laughs.

"Yeah, I wish I could see him again…just to say I'm sorry."

I'm about to say something, when Axel just shushes me and says it's time to sleep. Quickly he wraps me up in his arms, and shuts his eyes, ignoring anything else I have to say. I stare at him for a few minutes, feeling a certain heaviness in my chest. If I could, I would bring Axel his brother back. I think it'd be nice if they reunited.

Saturday is probably the only day when you feel no pressure or anxiety. I mean, when it's Friday you can't wait for the weekend, when it's Sunday you're cringing and on Monday you just want to jump off a bridge. However on Saturday, there is no pressure and you can just loaf your life away. Well that's usually how Saturday's are; this one however is completely different. I'm currently seated on the edge of my bed, Sora applying a thick layer of eyeliner to my eyes in order to fully cover my skin. I slip the mask on and my cousin gives me double thumbs up. He's surprisingly casual in his bright green spandex, as is Riku in his own grey ones. They actually look pretty good in their costumes, and I look pretty snazzy in mine. The person I haven't seen yet is Axel. He's been in his room since early this evening. I'm sure he's almost finished, since there's only 5 minutes left until we're officially half an hour late to Hayner's party. I've been hearing the music and loud laughter for half an hour, I just want to get there already and get this over with. If you look hard enough and into Hayner's backyard, you can make out quite a few people there too. No way in hell I'm standing outside though, not in this cold weather.

The phone starts ringing, making everyone in the room jump. Sora stares at the cordless phone like it said something appalling and Riku just lifts the mask off his face to rub at his eyes. I grab the phone on the third ring, answering while keeping an ear to the hallway, just incase Axel comes out while I'm on the phone. "Hey Roxas, how're you? I'm just calling to see if Axel's there?" I smile when I hear my dad on the phone, before telling him Axel is locked in his room. Curiously, he asks why but I can't even tell him the answer. Sora grins a little weirdly and I raise an eyebrow at him. "Anyway, I was just calling to say happy birthday. Also, your mom is doing great. She's responding much more to the doctor's treatments," I can already see the relief on my dad's face and I can feel it in my own chest.

"That's amazing news dad. I'll tell Axel," He reminds me again to tell the redhead his birthday greetings before we hang up. Sora still has the weird look on his face when I put the phone down, so I bite and ask what his problem is.

"He's probably jerkin' his yerkin'," Riku bursts out laughing, collapsing against my dresser and Sora falls back onto the carpet, laughing just as loudly as his stupid partner in crime. I step over my cousin and roll my eyes; Sora can sometimes be quite the porker. When I step out into the hallway, Sora and Riku in tow, Axel's room door opens and he emerges. All of us erupt in loud, roaring laughter and Axel crosses his arms over his chest and glares at us. I can't help but look up and start laughing again.

"What are you?" Sora manages to gasp just before Axel turns on his heel and walks away from us and towards the stairs. I follow him, laughing and lifting my mask off my face to be able to actually see where I'm going. Axel walks out, already marching towards Hayner's and I grab my house keys, setting the alarm as Riku and Sora walk out into the cold night, still giggling softly. I watch Axel's form slink over to Hayner's, and now that the initial funniness wore off, I must say he looks really good in that skin tight body suit. All I can tell you, is that he's some sort of wild cat or something.

Riku's rushed to catch up with Axel and Sora turns to wait for me because he knows I struggle slightly every time I have to cross into Hayner's yard. I'd rather climb the fence than walk all the way around, so I guess I deserve it. Sora likes to watch me struggle, since it makes him feel better about his own pathetic attempts. Clearly Riku and Axel had no problem with the wooden fence, seeing as they are already walking into the house. I snicker, watching Axel from the side, with his huge furry collar and long tail.

"Did you think about what you're giving Axel?" Sora asks as I grab the fence and try to haul myself up. "And I mean something better than a leather jacket," I stop and look at my cousin, his eyes glowing behind his tiny Robin mask. I look away, my fingers tightening on the smooth wood. Truth is, I did think about it. I thought about it a lot more than I probably should have and I definitely played too many scenarios in my head to make me normal.

"I don't know Sora…I mean, I like him, I really, _really_ do but…it's a big step," I lick my dry lips and Sora rolls his eyes before leaning against the fence. I don't like that stance; it means he plans on standing here for a while and actually talk about this. I groan and release the fence, crossing my arms over my chest. I just notice that the bones on my costume glow in the dark.

"Yeah, but I can feel that this is going to work out for the long run Roxas, can't you feel it? I mean, you guys have pretty much seen the best and the worst of each other. Not much more left," Sora has this way of knowing how to persuade me that drives me insane sometimes. I bite my bottom lip and look up at the dark sky, wondering just why Hayner likes to have his parties so late.

"Yeah but…I'm scared," I can hear the panicky undertone in my voice and Sora pulls away from the fence, grabbing onto my shoulder in the way people usually do before they comfort you about something.

"Don't be. It's amazing Roxas, I swear that shit is addicting," Sora grins deliriously at me and I wonder briefly if he knows that there are people addicted to sex.

"Yeah it is. It's called satyriasis."

My cousin rolls his eyes before letting go of my shoulder and jumping up and over the fence easily. I glare in envy, and struggle to pull myself up, while having to listen to him talking the entire time. "I personally think it's the perfect gift. He's been your bitch for months; it's time you give a little." I jump down and land beside my cousin, going to argue with him but I can't. I stop, my mouth open and ready to spew out something at my defense but I can't. I really haven't given Axel anything since he arrived at my house; I haven't given him half as much as he's given me. Sora seems to know he's won the argument and slides his arm around my shoulders. "All I'm saying is that you should loosen up Roxas. I've been right about everything I've said lately," Sora looks devious under the porch light at Hayner's house but I know he's saying nothing but the truth. He did after all tell me Axel was a good person. The door opens even before we knock and my friend smiles at us from inside, welcoming both of us in. It seems as though we're the last to arrive, and Sora looks around for Riku when Hayner shuts the door.

We spot both Axel and Riku standing near Naminé and Olette, and Hayner smiles before leading us towards our other friends. I have no idea who half the people in the house are, but you can definitely tell the difference between people Hayner invited and people his brother Seifer invited. Olette seems to be fawning over Axel's costume, the redhead looking quite proud of himself. When we get close enough to hear their conversation, I finally figure out what Axel is supposed to be. "I love your Rum Tum Tugger costume Axel, you fit the part amazingly!" Olette is clinging to Axel's arm like a screechy fan girl and Pence stands there smiling awkwardly. Something tells me my little friend isn't too proud of the fact that he knows exactly who Olette is talking about. I personally have no clue who that is, but when I hear Hayner start laughing I turn to look at him for answers.

"Dude, that's from the musical _'Cats'_!"

Riku and Sora both start to laugh hysterically, but I'm more reserved in my laughing. I've seen a few clips of the musical because Olette has this strange obsession with it, so now that I think back, I know exactly who Axel is supposed to be. It's a great costume, but it's just so funny to see him with a nose and whiskers painted on his face. That and I had originally thought he was a lion from The Lion King. I walk over to his side, snickering, but I pat his arm lovingly. He looks down at me with a tiny smirk. "You like my costume, don't cha Skull boy?" I've never noticed how cat-like he looks until now.

"Oh yes, Mr. Rum Tum Tugger," I smile teasingly at him, which only earns me an eye roll. I realize that Hayner has vanished off towards the stereo system and is now dimming the lights of the living room, everyone pairing up to dance with someone. This is probably the fourth or so, slow dance of the night. There are already a few people drunk and everything. I blame our tardiness on Axel, Sora and Riku.

Axel grins at me, and even in the dark I see his shinny white teeth. I grip his hand and he leads me away from our group of friends, which is slowly dispersing amongst the crowd. Olette with Pence, Naminé standing waiting for Hayner to decide what to play and Sora with Riku, making out against the wall.

Axel tugs me against his chest and wraps his arms around me, swaying gently to whatever Hayner is playing. You'd expect Halloween music, but no, of course not. I feel Axel's hot palms press against the small of my back and I have to fight back a shiver. It feels quite good there, which worries me because maybe I like it too much. I move my hands along his shoulders, realizing that this thin material doesn't really leave much to the imagination. It hugs every inch and curve of his body.

I can hear stupid Sora's voice in the back of my head, and I have to fight really hard not to listen to whatever his ghost voice has to say. I know I don't want to hear anything from his mouth, even if it's not physically him speaking. Axel seems to notice some sort of tenseness in me and he pulls away slightly to squint at me through the darkness. "You okay?" he asks just loud enough for me to hear over the music. I nod my head, letting the music finally fill my head and block Sora out fully.

It's not long before the lights are back on and everyone scatters like roaches. Axel and I separate, but still stand close as Sora and Riku realize the lights are on and it's no longer okay to devour each other's faces. My cousin makes his way over to us, tugging Riku along behind him. It's pretty much the same with Hayner and Pence. Olette and Naminé being the ones doing all the dragging. When we're all gathered together in the middle, I slip my hand into Axel's as Hayner wishes him a good birthday. "We'll have a toast later tonight!" My blonde friend says happily, looking really excited to get to talk loudly in front of everyone.

Axel just grins and says nothing, instead squeezing my hand gently. I squeeze back and this starts a squeezing war between us. Naminé seems to notice and smiles at me, raising a blonde eyebrow and I swallow when Sora looks over too. He wiggles his eyebrows before winking and I pray to God no one saw that look. A few minutes pass and no one mentions anything so it's safe to assume _I'm_ safe, however they are both still looking at me. Axel is too busy talking to Hayner, Riku and Pence to pay attention. I briefly wonder what Olette is doing until I look and realize that she's smirking at me too. It's suddenly really hot in here, this costume much too thick and this mask is making me sweat profusely. My hand grows really clammy and I pull it out of Axel's hand. I hate when people stare at me, it really puts me on the spot. They all don't notice how uncomfortable I am, or maybe they do but that isn't important. I slip away, mumbling something about the bathroom and if anyone hears is a mystery to me.

It's when I'm walking out of the living room and into the hallway that I realize Sora followed me. I groan and stop, waiting for him to catch up. Surprisingly there isn't that many people piled in here, in fact there isn't anyone but us and I wonder where they all are. Judging by the noise outback, in the living room and kitchen, everyone has a spot to be. I'm done questioning it though, and instead I'll just appreciate the fact. "Are you okay Roxas?" Sora asks when he stops in front of me and I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know what I'm going to do…" I bite my thumb nail and my cousin looks slightly confused. "I'm really…uh…possibly considering it?" I talk around the finger in my mouth and Sora's eyes light up as a huge smile breaks across his face. I wonder just why he's so hell bent on me being deflowered.

"Well, no one will judge you. We all think it's as good a time as any."

"What do you mean, _'we all'_?" Should have known Sora would consult as many people as possible about this.

"I told Naminé and Olette you were gonna lose your V-card tonight!"

"Oh my God, Sora! How do you even know I'll do it?" I cross my arms over my chest and stare at my cousin. He shrugs his shoulders, leaning with his back against the wall beside me, cool as a cucumber. I keep watching him from the corner of my eye and he laughs.

"I dunno, but I just figure you really want it," Even after the gasp I emit, my cousin still laughs like he said something mildly funny. I look away from him, my cheeks feeling just a little hot because deep down inside, I know I do. I just can't admit it to anyone; I had a hard enough time thinking about it all of Friday night and Saturday morning.

"Okay," It's all I say before turning and making my way back into the living room, where Axel is perched on the arm rest of a sofa, talking to a few people I've never even seen before. He looks up when I walk into the room and waves at me, again that soft smile on his face as he drops his arm back down into his lap. My heart feels all funny in my chest when I make my way over. My stomach fills with butterflies as I stand beside him and look up at him as he stares off towards a clock.

"It'll be my birthday in a few minutes. Did you get me a present?" Axel laughs softly turning to look down at me, probably not expecting the horrified look on my face. He looks slightly shocked and it takes a while to kick in, but I realize just why he looks like that. It's because I'm making a really scared face, kind of like I just saw Samara or something.

"Uh…yeah. It's at home though," My voice has a strange quiver to it, and I don't even know why. I mean, all I have for him is a leather jacket and a card. There is nothing to be nervous about, right? They are a great present and it's all I'm giving him…yeah.

"Oh, well, in that case…I can't wait to be legal," Axel grins devilishly at me, tugging me over to stand closer to him. He nudges my ear with his cold nose before licking it. I squeak, almost managing to jump away when Hayner appears at the front of the room, calling everyone's attention over to him.

"I just wanna take the time to say, Happy Birthday Axel Black, you've turned into quite the friend," Hayner smiles as everyone applauds and shouts their birthday wishes at the redhead. He grins happily; waving at everyone and thanking a few that surround him. It's all over soon and everyone goes back to partying, Hayner disappearing into the crowd before I even get to see which way he's going.

"I can't wait to go home and get your birthday present, huh Rox?" Axel doesn't take his eyes off me and I shift awkwardly, standing there twisting the hems of my skeleton costume. It's not just the cat costume that's making him look like some predator. It's the smirk on his face and the gleam in his eye. It's just those features that make me bite my lip and look away. I can't help but feel a slight excitement bubbling inside my belly, but all I'm giving him is a leather jacket, right?

* * *

**A/N: **Since I couldn't get this chapter out on Halloween, I figured I'd make it extra long!  
W00t!  
Hope you all enjoy this, and as cliché as birthday sex is...y'all know it's coming...or is it? DUN DUNNN DUNNNN  
I promise I have a (maybe) non cliché twist though!

I hope you can all ignore how late and past Halloween this is...u_u  
-disappears into the darkness but trips on a rotten pumpkin-

-Love, Sharmander


	26. A Lesson In Gift Giving

**Chapter Twenty-Six  
**A Lesson In Gift Giving

When did everyone start drinking? That is my question, because I just went to the bathroom and when I came back, everyone was sitting around the coffee table with shot glasses. Not everyone in the entire party, just to clarify. Most of the partiers are still doing what they did when I went into the bathroom, which is dance and mingle. Most of the partiers were drunk way before I even got to the party. When I say everyone, I mean my friends. Hayner already looks tipsy, swaying slightly as he sits beside Naminé and Riku is caressing the bottle of vodka in his lap. It's just slightly creepy, if I might add.

This isn't going to end well, I can just tell. How you might ask? Well, because in case you don't remember, I happen to be a light weight. Axel grins at me, and pats the spot beside him, which is empty and yet still has a shot glass set up in front of the vacant space. I have a sinking feeling that that spot was set up for me while I was pissing. I slide in between Axel and my cousin, who smiles brightly and pats my thigh. "Sometimes a few beers don't cut it," He whispers and I wrinkle my nose, not understanding. That is until I remember what I said on Friday, when we were leaving the mall. Fucking Sora and not understanding my jokes.

"Okay so, the game we're playing is 'I Have Never…' you all know how to play right?" Hayner looks around the group and no one says anything, but Pence. I worry slightly for my pudgy friend; he's never been to much parties, so I wonder what his tolerance is. Judging by the look on his face, he's just like me.

"Uh…when do we take the shot?"

Hayner sighs, looking like everyone on earth should know the rules to the 'I Have Never' drinking game. "When you've actually done what the person says they never did."

"Or if yah haven't." Axel grins devilishly, eyeing the bottle like a starved wolf, licking his snout and everything. I wonder if Axel has a slight drinking problem, but then I brush it off. I guess it becomes a problem once he starts drinking at 9am or something of the sort. And if that were to ever happen, well, we'd do something about it. Damn, I'm really vague sometimes.

"No! You only drink when…" I look away from Hayner and completely tune everyone out. Instead I listen to the music that is playing in the background and stare at the people still dancing, drinking and partying. I've never actually noticed how huge Hayner's living room is, I mean, you could house a whole family in the freaking place.

I don't know why I'm not even listening to what's happening in my group of friends. Oh yeah, because Hayner was going into a rant of some sort I think. I look back at everyone just in time to see Pence nod his head, yet still look slightly confused by the rules. I don't really know the rules of the game either, so maybe I shouldn't have stopped listening and paid attention. Well, obviously paying attention did Pence no good, so it probably wouldn't have helped me much either. I can understand why too; anything being explained between Axel and Hayner would definitely be pure nonsense.

I stare at the empty glass, which will no doubt be filled with alcohol in no time, nasty, mouth drying, throat burning alcohol. I lick my lips and think about forfeiting. Hayner, of course would never let me live it down, so I have to choose between eternal lightweight jokes or a brutal hangover. The fact that I don't know when to drink is making me rather nervous. I don't want to be taking any extra shots and getting even drunker. I decide that I can handle pain better than lame jokes and brace myself for the game to start.

"Riku, start!" I stop looking at the empty shot glass and instead look towards Riku (in total _fear_ might I add), who is uncapping the vodka like a pro. He smirks and pours everyone a shot, Axel grabbing his glass and drinking it before anyone even says anything.

"Axel, you're supposed to wait!" Hayner and Riku both shout out at the same time, but the redhead just laughs and has Riku fill his shot glass again. He didn't even make a face when he tossed it down his throat, not even a little scrunch of the eyebrows. Nothing. Zilch. Like he didn't just experience the sensation of deep throating a flame thrower. How on earth am I supposed to _not_ look soft?

Now everyone has their shots full and the bottle is just there, mocking me as it stands proudly in the middle of the table, knowing exactly what its contents are going to do to each of us. Riku clears his throat and straightens his back, looking around at everyone before crossing his arms, looking smug. "I have never…taken money from my parents."

To my surprise, every single one of my friends takes a shot, so I grab my glass and toss it back, because they couldn't have all stolen from their parents, right? It burns and I writhe in my seat, twisting in agony until all I feel is the warmth in my chest and belly. I look at Axel as he lowers the glass and I have to wonder, has he taken money from his parents or is he just drinking for the hell of it? Are we even supposed to drink if we've never done the deed?

When everyone is finished making faces, Naminé even rubs her throat tenderly, they look at me and notice my empty glass. "Roxas…you've taken money from your parents?" Sora asks, his eyes wide and questioning, but not disapproving. Everyone else seems to find it hard to believe too. Almost like I shouldn't even be in trouble for stealing from my parents, like it's a good thing! I can proudly say I've never done it, so I guess the rules of the game are you only drink when you've done the deed. I vaguely notice Riku filling up everyone's shot again, and Axel emptying his new shot making the silver haired pseudo-bartender fill it up yet another time with a growl.

"No, I haven't." I give them all a very disapproving look, and Sora laughs, explaining to me what I just figured out, before Hayner announces that it's my cousin's turn. Sora smiles brightly and picks up his shot glass.

"I have never…taken a dump," Again, everyone picks up their glasses and takes the shot. I actually have to drink this time but before I do, I watch Naminé and Olette awkwardly lift their glasses to drink. I can imagine how weird it must feel to them, telling both their boyfriends that they actually poop. For some reason girls seem to think it's like a crime against nature. I'm sure the book _'Everybody Poops'_ would come in handy. Axel nudges me and I realize I need to take my shot. Everyone is staring at me.

"Oh come on Roxas, you've taken a shit before!" Hayner pushes my glass closer to me and I roll my eyes, picking it up and tentatively putting it against my lips. I hate vodka. I throw it into the back of my throat, and I can feel the deep burning start up again, and the vile taste spreads all along my tongue. I must look like I just ate a whole lemon, and Naminé sends me an understanding look while everyone else just laughs at me. It's not that bad until I look towards Pence and notice that he's actually taking this a lot better than I am. Bastard.

Now it's my turn to ask something, but I have no idea what to say. Riku fills everyone's glasses again and when he settles I still haven't thought of what to ask them. I look around, thinking and I get my idea from a bright red strand of Axel's hair, which happens to be stuck to my costume. "I have never…dyed my hair before."

To my surprise, Sora, Riku, Pence, Naminé, Olette and Hayner all take shots. The only ones who don't, are Axel and me. We all turn to look at him except Riku, who looks like he knows something we don't. Axel seems to sense that everyone at the table is thinking the same thing, and he starts to laugh before he suddenly stands up. I have no idea where he's going, but I quickly realize he isn't going _anywhere_.

It happens so fast, I almost feel like I imagined it, like maybe my shots of vodka were really concentrated and I got really drunk off just two glasses. Axel stands in front of all of us, and this is when I learn that he isn't wearing a body suit, in fact his costume is two separate pieces. He lifts the belt and then pulls down the front of his tights to reveal his fucking pubes. I almost die, smacking my face into the table and all Sora does is laugh hysterically. My brain decides to make it worse by announcing that he probably isn't wearing underwear for fuck sakes…Like I needed that tidbit of info, brain.

"Oh my god, he _doesn't_ dye his hair!" With that being said or in this case done, Axel fixes his costume and takes his seat beside me, all the while staying completely silent. Even if what he said before is true, he takes both of our shots and smirks when I lift my face off the table. I can feel the burning blush on my cheeks, and when I get the strength to fully sit up, I don't feel so bad anymore. Olette and Naminé look like they've been tazered and both their faces are probably redder than Axel's pubic hair. Oh fuck.

The game continues as if that didn't just happen and we move onto Axel's turn. "I never…held a gun," I fidget in my seat as I wait to see just who takes a shot. It shouldn't surprise me, but it still does when both the redhead and Riku take their shots. Hayner and Pence also take a shot and Naminé looks at her boyfriend in shock.

"You've held a gun before?" She asks and I can't tell if it's skepticism in her voice or horror. Hayner just nods before explaining that his dad is a cop, hence why he's held a gun before. I totally forgot his dad was a cop, actually. Pence looks around the table, looking slightly ashamed but I think that's just the vodka tinting his cheeks.

"Does a Duck Hunt gun count?" Axel looks like he's going to burst all the blood vessels in his face with the sheer force of his laughter, and I don't know why but I start to giggle too. For some reason, it's just really funny. We all share a good laugh at Pence's expense and when we stop, Axel wipes the corner of his eye and shakes his head.

"It doesn't, but yah already took the shot, so I guess it does."

I guess it's because of my seat, but I seem to be the only one who notices Seifer and his two every present tag-alongs, standing right beside our group. I feel really nervous because Hayner's brother is a real big ass, who is always looking to start fights when he's sober, so I can only imagine the kind of drunk he is. When he crashes into our table, he grabs the bottle and takes a long swig. The whole group just stares as the tallest blonde here, rests his arm on his brother's head, annoying Hayner beyond belief, if the look on his face is any indication. His dumb friends laugh obnoxiously in the background, like a funny joke was told or something. "I have never…been with a girl," Seifer slurs, laughing as he takes another drink, again his friends howl with laughter. He nudges Hayner, before bending at the waist to look at us all at eyelevel. "Hayner's gunna need another shot fer that one…'n sos everyone else at this table."

I expected a big fight, but Hayner keeps his mouth shut and soon the drunks get bored and saunter back to the party, Seifer leaving the slobbered vodka bottle on the edge of the table. Hayner rolls his eyes before cleaning the opening of the bottle and handing it back to Riku. Naminé is probably the only one who looks miffed. "That's a stupid thing to say, considering I'm sitting right here. What? Am I a man or something?" I can tell by the pink on her cheeks, that she's either angry, tipsy or both. Judging by her unfocused eyes, she's both. Boy, and here I thought I was a light weight.

Hayner laughs softly, whatever annoyance his brother brought on, gone by the sight of a tipsy Naminé. I look away just in time to see Axel taking a shot, and I blink curiously. "Why are you taking a shot?" I ask, causing everyone to look over at the redhead as Riku starts filling everyone's glasses again. I feel sort of bad when his eyes widen and he looks taken aback by the question, like I've put him on the spot or something. Riku snorts, again, like he knows something we don't. I'm guessing Riku knows mostly everything there is to know about Axel.

"I ain't ever been with a girl before," Axel shrugs like it's nothing and Sora turns sharply in his seat, eyes buggy and round.

"For fuckin' serious?" My skin prickles when Sora says that, because I'm reminded of way back when, when I first met Riku and that was all he'd say. For fuckin' serious? _For fuckin' serious?_ After every fucking statement, after everything he said. I haven't heard him say it in a while, but now Sora brought it back. Riku laughs loudly, and Axel just nods before the game continues and Hayner starts to think of what he's never done.

By the end of the game, I can't even see straight. Everything is in doubles and I don't know what is actually there for me to use as a support, and what isn't. I bump into Sora, and he just giggles, turning slowly using the wall, to stare at me. I don't know how or when we both got this drunk, but I'm willing to bet it was sometime around the hundredth _'I have never…'_ and half way through the bottle, or maybe when I forgot the rules again and kept taking all those shots Axel kept serving, insisting I had to drink them.

Riku and Axel are casual about their drunkenness, but I can tell they are both intoxicated. Riku keeps tugging on that gross earring his has, and Axel keeps reaching back to play with his tail, both of them losing their balance every so often and almost bumping heads. Hayner and Naminé have disappeared, and Olette and Pence are staying in the guest room. The house is totally empty now, except for those who live too far to walk and are too drunk to drive. "We should get…home," Sora says slowly, pushing himself off the wall and stumbling quickly towards the door. Riku, who seems to have reflexes of a cat, catches my cousin before he tugs the door open and steadies him.

"We have to get Hayner to open the door, so he can set his alarm," The silver haired teen can actually stand for a few minutes without losing balance, unlike my cousin and I. Which is why I stay leaning safely against the wall, staring up at the long staircase, wondering just why Hayner isn't down here when we need him?

"HAYNER!" I scream it at the top of my lungs because well, that's what drunks do. My screaming seems to make Sora laugh hysterically, and I join him, laughing and screaming for Hayner to come downstairs to release us from this prison. Before I have the chance to scream again, Hayner almost rolls down the stairs and into the foyer. He looks grumpy and disheveled but who the hell told him to go and mess around with his girlfriend when there are still people in his house? I need to get out and go home, damn it. I need…to lose my virginity, I think.

When we're all roughly shoved out the door and into the cold night, I shiver and cling to Axel, who just laughs and wraps his arms around me. "Oh, now yah wanna be cute and snuggle, eh?" I grin up towards him, because I shoved him off the bed the other night for attempting to cuddle. Hey, I was really freaking sweaty because he turned up the thermostat again, so it's basically his entire fault.

Everyone decides as a unit that climbing the fence right now would not be such a good idea, so we all just turn towards the sidewalk, opting for the safest way home. Sora for some reason, is stomping through the leaves on the grass, listening to the crunching sounds and laughing like a maniac. Riku seems to be dying to do the same, and soon he joins my cousin kicking up leaves and laughing loudly into the moon light. Axel and I just pass them quietly, leaving them for Hayner to deal with.

I can still hear them screaming and laughing even after I fumble with the alarm and shut the door. I still hear them as Axel leads me up the stairs and into the room. It's when we're finally in Axel's room that I can't hear them anymore, and even if it were humanly possible to hear them, I still don't think I would.

The bed is just _right_ there, and Axel is slowly pealing off his costume. I start to shake from head to toe, but decide it's either now or never and start to take off my costume too. I toss the mask behind me, the thump it makes causes Axel to turn around, and when he sees me standing there with my pants half down and my shirt off, he stops. I guess it's because I've never changed in front of him, even if he's literally begged me to and now I'm standing here half naked for no reason. He blinks stupidly a few times, processing the situation no doubt and I finish taking off my pants, when my shoes came off I don't really remember, but I think it was somewhere along the stairs. "Roxas?" Axel's voice sounds just as confused as he looks and I blush so hard, I think even my torso starts glowing red.

I figure this is just a doing process and not so much a thinking one, so I make my way across the room and attack Axel, in almost the literal sense. I grab his face, a little roughly but mostly because I'm drunk, and I kiss him sloppily, again because I'm drunk. I could picture this being a million times different if I were sober, but then again I don't know if I'd ever have the courage to go through with this whole thing otherwise. I feel Axel's burning palms on my sides as he leads me back towards the bed, and when the back of my legs touch the mattress, I collapse onto it. Axel follows me easily, climbing over top, all while continuing to kiss me fiercely. His tongue tastes every square inch of my mouth, my own tiny pink muscle trying it's hardest to taste just as much. I tangle my fingers in his hair, arching up into him with my heart hammering like crazy. I'm good with making out; I just don't have any idea how to move to the next step.

I hesitate before moving my hands from his hair and down his body, I notice the way his kissing slows, until it totally stops when my hands reach the waistband of his tights. I freeze, my body feeling like it's on fire and my blush only increases when Axel pulls away to look directly into my face. Now the blood in my body is just confused on where to rush too and the alcohol is just making this so much harder. I take a deep breath and take the plunge, sliding my hands into Axel's tights and feeling exactly what I knew I would. My entire body is tingling, and the gasp Axel lets escape completely redirects my blood, making it all rush south with the force of a hurricane. I bite my lip, grasping Axel in my hand. He lets out a tiny whimper, hissing when I tighten my grip. "Ah…you're gonna rip it off…" his voice is a hoarse croak in my ear, and I can feel his entire body shivering on top of me. I really like this feeling. The feeling of having complete control over him, which leads me to my next thought…this, must be why they call it a joystick…

Ugh, nice one brain…that was fucking lame.

When I feel Axel's member twitch in my hand, my attention is brought back to it and I loosen my grip, moving my hand up along his entire length. I've never actually felt anyone else's, so I'm not sure if they all feel as nice as Axel's or if they fit as perfectly in my hand. All I know is that his feels just right and I don't mind doing this as much as I thought I might have. I'm really enjoying myself, Axel moaning softly in my ear, his hot panting just spurring me on. That is until he seems to realize something and tugs my hands out of his tights viciously. I stare at him with an expression so blank, only a drunk could pull it off and he sighs before standing up. "Roxas…wait…what are yah doin'?"

I sit up right away; confused as fuck as to why the hell he's asking what I'm doing when it's obvious. I had squeezed out all my courage, and he just pulls away. I don't really want to notice the harsh feeling of rejection that's slowly taking over me. It was stupid for me to assume Axel wanted to have sex with me. What if he doesn't even find me that attractive? God damn it, I'm sure he would have totally loved the leather jacket. Wait, I still have it.

"I uhm…I have a better present in my room," I jump off the bed, red as a tomato and scramble towards the door, Axel barely catching me in time. He turns me and makes me face him, which is the last thing I want to do right now. I look down at the floor, and I guess it's the alcohol but the rejection I feel hurts worse than anything ever. It's almost as bad as that time my mom slapped me in the face. My eyes tear up and I try not to sniffle like a little girl when Axel lifts my face to really make my look at him. I can't stare right into those green eyes, they make it hurt even more. I don't know how I manage, but I get out of his grip and run into my room, finding the neatly wrapped present and bringing it back with me. I take my sweet time walking across the hall, hugging the package to my chest awkwardly. I mean, I just wish I had some fucking pants or something.

When I get back into the room, Axel is sitting on the edge of the bed with a cigarette lit and his pyjamas on. I shift from foot to foot until he looks up and notices I've come back. He motions me into the room and I walk in, stiff like these aren't even my legs. When I get in front of him, he takes the present, setting the cigarette between his lips and opens the card first. It's a really lame card, with a cat wearing sunglasses but I really liked it. He smiles letting smoke out his nose before opening it to read what I wrote. I didn't write him an entire novel like most people do in birthday cards. Instead, I explained how I'd get him something better to show how much I appreciate him, but I can't find anything good enough. He looks up at me when he's done reading the card and sets it aside. I lick my lips, which are really fucking dry.

The longer I stand here, the worse my balance, so I'm relieved when Axel opens his present quickly. He puts the cigarette in the ashtray before standing up and slipping the coat on. It looks just as good on him as I had imagined, and I know I'll never forget the image of him shirtless in a leather jacket that I bought. I turn to leave and he grabs me, I don't even know why I stayed so long. I want to get the hell out of here and not suffer the rejection. "Alright, yah gave me your gift, now tell me what all that other stuff was about…"

I groan, covering my face. I was praying he wouldn't talk about it, I mean, isn't it bad enough that he totally rejected me? He tugs me onto his lap as he sits back down onto the bed and I struggle a bit, trying to get off of him but he holds me tight. He kisses the side of my neck softly, teasingly and I can hear the smile in his voice, "I have ways of makin' yah talk Blondie." Now usually I hate when he calls me Blondie, but tonight for some reason, it doesn't bug me at all. I don't care what he calls me, I just want him to let me go, so I can go curl up under my blankets and sob over being denied by my own boyfriend. "Listen Rox, I didn't stop yah 'cause I wanted to. I stopped yah 'cause you're drunk…"

"That's what they all say," I mumble into the lapel of his jacket and he tugs me away from his chest so that I can say it out loud. I look away from him and he groans, before laughing and asking me to repeat myself. "I _said,_ that's what they all say…" I slowly bring my eyes back to his face only to find him squinting at me with a little grin.

"How many people have rejected your birthday sex?" Axel can't even keep a straight face while he asks this and I let out a tiny frustrated shout. I smack him on the shoulder before crossing my arms, and setting my mouth in a deep pout.

"Not funny."

"Sorry Roxy, but seriously…what are yah doin'?"

"Well…okay it wasn't my idea…entirely. Sora said it was lame to just give you a jacket for your 18th birthday and he sort of made me feel bad about it, then he said I should uh…well…you know…give you _a different_ present and…ah…well, I tried to okay? But whatever, you have the stupid jacket, so like it," I turn my face away, not wanting to show that I am so freaking embarrassed right now. Something tells me though, that Axel knows just how I'm feeling. I don't know how or why, but I think he can sense the embarrassment.

"It's not a stupid jacket," Axel's voice is soft when he speaks, but I can't force myself to turn my head and look at him. He seems to realize I'm not going to initiate eye contact and he turns my face for me. I resist the strong urge to shut my eyes tight and stare straight at him. "Roxas, Imma tell yah this once, and yah better memorize it. Your virginity isn't a gift yah give someone for their birthday or nothin'. Yah give people sweaters and shit for that. It's somethin' yah only have once, somethin' that's gotta go to someone that's got your lovin' first." Axel smiles at me, before tenderly cupping my cheek and kissing me softly. "Besides, givin' someone your virginity as a birthday gift ain't that special. It's gotta be a gift to both of yah. So, I ain't lettin' yah make any crazy decisions like this."

My head spins when I look away from Axel's mouth and into his eyes. There are actually 4 green spheres, but it doesn't bother me. In fact, they are beautiful. I smile stupidly, and with as much control as any drunk, half asleep person can have, I hug Axel. I don't know how he does it, but Axel manages to slip me into the bed and get up to go over to his dresser. When he comes back, he hands me a t-shirt of his and I slip it on, feeling slightly better now that I'm covered. He makes his way to the other side of the bed as I slide under all the covers, still thinking about what Axel just said. I don't know if I'll remember this all clearly tomorrow, and part of me is glad, because I'm still petrified about the whole rejection thing. When Axel climbs into bed, I muster whatever courage is left in me to ask him "So…you wanted it?"

"_Fuck_ Roxas, yah have no idea."

That's the last I hear from Axel, because as soon as the lights are out, he's curled against my side, breathing deeply and sleeping soundly. I'm tired, but I don't think I can fall asleep as fast as he can. I shift until I'm facing him, his face bathed in darkness, and just a faint outline against complete blackness. I smile, because I've never enjoyed looking at someone as much as I enjoy staring at Axel. And that is completely and utterly creepy, which is why I'll never tell that to anyone.

My eyes dart around the room, but I don't know why (there isn't anyone else here) before I kiss the corner of his mouth and test out saying the words, that have been floating around in my head for a while, out loud. "I love you…"

I've gotta say, it doesn't feel that bad coming out. It doesn't feel that bad at all.

* * *

**A/N: **Man, I am just on a roll here! Enjoy this (hopefully) sufficiently long chapter!

_Brotherly Love Story Fact: Axel's accent is actually inspired by my friend calling him a redneck._

ANYWAY...I MUST WARN YOU, Y'ALL ARE GONNA HATE ME SOON.

-disappears into the night-


	27. The Bitter End

**Chapter Twenty-Seven  
**The Bitter End

I wake up slowly, all of my senses coming to me one by one. I can feel the sheets underneath me, and I can smell their crisp clean scent with a hint of cigarette smoke. I don't see anything, but I'm in no rush to open my eyes. God only knows how much light there is flooding the room, and just how badly it's going to rape my eyes once they're open. I turn over, eyes still closed, and feel my stomach move around inside of me. It's not hungry, it's pissed off. I can feel it twisting and turning, and every time I swallow I want to gag, the taste of alcohol still lingering. My tongue is scraping around the inside of my mouth like sand paper, and I don't remember when else I have ever been this thirsty. I groan, taking a deep breath before opening my eyes. To my surprise, there isn't that much light. The curtains are drawn and the room is calm and dim, and I'll bet I have Axel to thank for that. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and sit up much faster than I should have, my head spinning and right away I feel the massive head ache go off like an explosion. The pain bursts behind my eyes and my brain seems to cramp up before swelling and crushing itself against my skull, almost like it's looking for a way out. I toss my legs over the edge of the bed and struggle to stand, the need for Advil much greater than the need for rest. It seems that my drunken co-ordination from last night has lasted until morning and I stumble towards the doorway, tripping and smacking into everything along the way. I'm going to use my bathroom, because no way in hell am I risking puking all over Axel's.

On my journey across the hall, I stop at the sound of voices. There is someone speaking to someone else downstairs, and I can hear them quietly mumbling to each other as I stand almost at the top of the stairs. I walk slowly towards the railing and grab on, steadying myself as I sway, trying to get closer and hear a little better. Sadly, I still can't hear anything from this distance so I hurry back towards my room door, the taste in my mouth is really making me sick. My stomach is rather unhappy, sitting heavily in the center of my torso, like a bratty child right before a huge tantrum. I feel the thick spit start gushing in my mouth, and I just know I'm going to throw up, my throat muscles already working at bringing the puke up and out of my stomach. I feel the sickness start from the tips of my toes and continues up my legs making them feel crampy and weak. My stomach twists up painfully, now I'm sure I'm on the brink of exploding and my throat fills with bitter, warm bile. I run into my bathroom and slam the seat up, falling to my knees just in time.

Puke has a horrible taste, especially if it comes from alcohol and out your nose. Its even more bitter and vile than puking from food poisoning. When the sickness finally ebbs away to nothing but an even worse head ache, I hover over the toilet bowl, feeling the nausea still lurking just underneath my skin. My eyes feel like they're pulsing, hot streams of tears cooling on my cheeks and my nose is really stuffy. It's finally safe to attempt to stand, and I get to my feet slowly. Unfortunately, my stomach isn't quite content yet and my mouth starts up again, coating itself with saliva as the feeling of being sick takes over once again. I lean over, gripping the cool edge of the toilet and stare into it. That must be what does it, looking at all the contents of my stomach, mushed up and floating in the toilet bowl. My stomach gives a violent lurch and before I can stop myself, I'm heaving loudly, snot slowly sliding out of my nose and strings of spit cling to my lips when I think the worst is over. I take a deep breath, and again I throw up. It keeps coming, and for a second I think I'm gonna die here, puking out my guts or something.

I'm trembling, my face feels like it's on fire and I think one of my eyes actually popped out of the socket but I'm not going to throw up anymore. I stand up, my entire body sore from the force I used to puke and I rip some toilet paper off to blow my nose and wipe the spit off my face. I don't even think about looking down into the toilet, because I know that as soon as I see it, I'm going to start heaving again. I flush quickly and go towards the sink, to fill up a tiny paper cup to rinse my mouth and then wash my hands and face.

Once that's all finished, I rip off another strip of toilet paper to blow my nose again, but I stop. I can hear the voices, only this time they are a little clearer. I can definitely make out that one of the people is Axel, his deep rumbling voice easy to pick out. I turn with the tissue still held up to my nose, and try to find where the voices are coming from. I see the source of sound in the corner, a tiny air vent that probably leads towards the kitchen. I kneel beside it, feeling warm air blasting out and I blow my nose quickly. The other person speaking is my father, and when I realize this I feel sick to my stomach again. I swallow thickly, trying not to gag. I wonder just why he's here, and I hope to God or whatever, that nothing has happened to my mother.

I get off the floor quickly and toss out the soiled tissues before hurrying toward the sink again. I have a horrible taste in my mouth, so I decide that brushing my teeth will definitely help make me feel better. It's a lot more rushed than usual because I can't concentrate past the fact that my dad is home after weeks. I spit out the suds and rinse my mouth and tooth brush, tossing it off to the side and walking out of the bathroom as quickly as my hang over will let me.

I reach the stairs and realize that they've both stopped speaking, meaning they probably heard me stomping around and puking upstairs. I blush, taking the plunge and hurrying down the steps. The floor is freezing when I first step down onto it, and I can only imagine how icy the kitchen tiles are. I cringe walking along the dinning room floor and finally I reach the double doors. They are closed for some reason unknown to me, and it makes me really uneasy. I push my way through, to find just who I suspected, Axel and my father drinking coffee.

"Roxas...my god, are you alright?" My dad rushes over to me and Axel turns to look when he sees my dad leaving his bar stool. The redhead's eyes widen and he too comes over, stopping beside my dad as he grabs my face and tilts it, looking at it in the light. I stare up at them both, while they look down at me worriedly. To tell you the truth, they're scaring me. I swat my dad's hand away and rub the spot on my chin where his hard, rough fingers dug in. He probably doesn't know it, but his hands freaking hurt when he grips you. Axel turns to the fridge and takes the mirror down to pass it to me, just as I ask what the hell the big fuss is about.

My whole face looks fucking red. I blink crazily, bringing the mirror closer to get a better look. My skin isn't actually red, thank god, but it is in fact covered in millions of little red spots, sort of like red freckles. I know right away that these are all broken blood vessels and I'll have to deal with looking like this for a few days. I frown deeply, Axel taking the mirror and sticking it back on the fridge. It's hard to hide the jealous glare when I notice Axel's face is clear of any visible signs of puking, and he looks in fact, fresh like a lettuce. He smiles at me, just as my dad talks and interrupts me before I can say something rude.

"You boys took the partying pretty seriously huh?" My dad must crack himself up, because he laughs for a good while at his own little comment, though it's a weird laugh. Like he's trying to cover something up, but I don't know what he can possibly have to hide. I stand there awkwardly, waiting for it to finally die down. Axel grins at me while my dad laughs, and I have to chuckle a little too, reminding myself to stop over thinking. Its really good to see my dad laughing and smiling, it can only mean something good, so I should stop being a pessimist and trying to find something wrong with it. He straightens up and dabs the corner of his eye before showing me all his teeth in a brilliant smile. He hugs me before pulling away. "Get dressed, your mother wants to see you!" When the words leave his mouth, I feel weak. My knees sort of wobble and both Axel and my father look ready to pounce and catch me should I start to fall.

I blink, still in shock and not really grasping it. What does he mean by that? Could it be that my mom is actually awake? Before I ask questions, I run upstairs, forgetting that I feel like shit because my mom might be awake and asking for me. I slip on a pair of socks and hit my ass pretty hard, the feeling of getting sick slowly rising up in my throat. I scrunch my eyes closed, getting up and grabbing whatever I can reach. The only thing that smells a little weird is the t-shirt, but I cover that up with a sweater. I run back down the stairs to find both men standing by the door, Axel standing with his hands shoved in his pockets. I don't know what it is, but something in his face seems off to me. When he looks up and smiles, I see something in his eyes that throws me off. It reminds me of the look he gave me, before he told me his sister was murdered by a blood thirsty gang. It makes me feel queasy, but my dad doesn't give me a chance to ask him. "Hurry, hurry! Let's go!" We rush out of the house and towards my father's car, which is parked where it usually is. I haven't seen it in the drive way in such a long time, the sight actually makes me feel a little nostalgic for a few seconds.

We all climb into the car, Axel going into the passenger seat and leaving me alone in the back. I don't know why, but it bothers me a little. I don't say anything and instead buckle my seat belt, it's not like I'd start our first argument as a couple in front of my dad or something. That would be way too awkward, even for me.

My dad is usually a safe driver, and never once had I felt it really necessary to have my seat belt on, I'd always wear it because it was law, not really because I'd ever need it. But now, well I feel completely different about that. He's driving like a speed demon, zooming past yellow lights and making it to the hospital's main entrance in record time. The car actually screeches to a halt and I send my father a look through the rear view mirror. He smiles at me, before looking towards Axel. Here they exchange a weird little look, my dad putting his hand on Axel's knee before setting the car to park and letting us out.

I stare at Axel as he stands there, hands in his pockets again and I move to walk beside him. My father rushes ahead of us, looking back occasionally as if we wouldn't follow him. I look at Axel but he's not looking at me, instead he's staring straight ahead. "Hey, what's wrong?" I ask softly and my voice seems to startle him. He looks down at me, again that strange look in his eyes and he shrugs, shaking his head.

"S'nothing...I'm just...in shock I guess. Your mom's awake..." He smiles, but it doesn't look like he's sincere. It doesn't light up his face like I know it could, and it bothers me that he'd lie. I mean, I'm pretty sure he knows I can tell when he isn't alright. We're in the elevator before I can say anything, and we're at my mother's floor even quicker. My dad zooms past the nurse, who gives us a happy thumbs up when we pass by. My stomach is feeling queasy again, and I think I'll probably throw up when I see her. I walk slowly, and on shaky legs until we're all paused at her door, like we don't know who should be the first to enter. My dad and Axel move aside, and I look towards them, my dad smiling.

"You go in son, she wanted to see you. I'll stay out here with Axel until it's his turn," I don't question why we have to go in separately and just walk into her room. So many times I've been in here, crying my eyes out and hoping beyond all hope to see her eyes open again. Right away, I notice a lack of machinery, all that's heard is a quiet little beeping sound coming from her heart monitor. As soon as I walk in, she turns her head slowly, her eyes actually open and staring right at me. I feel like I might pass out, especially as I get closer and she actually smiles at me.

"M-mom..." it comes out like a scared little squeak, and as soon as it's out there we both start crying. I throw my arms around her, and she wraps her arms around me, laughing through the tears. "Mom...you're awake!" I cry against her shoulder and she runs her fingers through my hair, something I thought I'd never feel again. "I missed you so much!"

"Roxas...my baby...I missed you too...are you okay?" Her voice sounds rough from the long while it spent unused, but I'd be able to listen to her speak all day anyway. I went far too long without her talking to me, far too long wondering if she'd ever laugh or talk again. When I pull away, she brushes the hair out of my face, her eyes scanning the skin and looking at all the blood vessels. She frowns slightly, and I cry even harder. "Shh, shh, stop crying." She whispers it soothingly and I can't seem to stop. I'm just so damn happy. "I'm here now baby, I'm okay."

"Oh mom, Axel and I were so worried!" I notice that when I say Axel's name, something in her eyes changes and she licks her lips slowly before sucking them into her mouth. I don't like that look, I really don't. My heart falls into my stomach when she looks towards the door with a frown, I thought she would be happy to know. "What's wrong?"

"Is he here?" When she looks at me again, the strange emotion in her eyes is still there and she sighs heavily, patting the spot beside her on the bed. I freeze, my blood turning to ice in my veins. It's not what she said that really upsets me, it's the way she said it. If only you could have heard her yourself, you'd understand. What does that even mean? I send her a strange look, pulling further away from her instead of getting closer like she wants. She looks at me sadly, like she has some horrible news. It's the face of a mother who has to tell her child that, Mr. Whiskers is being put down, she has to admit to her child that she is sending her best friend to be killed. My stomach twists up painfully, and I feel nauseous, so much that I fear I might throw up.

"What?" I croak out, my throat burning from all the vomiting I did previously, and the sudden lack of moisture. "Of course he's here mom...he's been worried sick!" My mom twists the material of the hospital sheets between her fingers, looking afraid to say what she wants to say. I want to start crying again, but not from happiness. How could a moment such as this, be ruined? Why did she have to ruin it? "Why...what's going on?" I don't like how everyone is being so strange, and I seem to be the only one out of the loop. First that look in Axel's eyes, then the way my father was seemingly comforting him...now this? What the fuck is going on!

"Sweetie...Axel has turned 18, and I've decided that I want him out of the house by the time I leave the hospital," she says this with a certain dryness in her tone that seems to punch me in the face, my mouth suddenly feeling like I swallowed a handful of ash. I must look horrified because her eyes fill with tears. "I was afraid you'd react like this..." her heart monitor starts to beep a little faster and I look over at it, before turning away to wipe the tears that leak out from my eyes. This can't be happening. Why is she doing this to me?

"Why? I thought...We're his only family..." I don't turn around to face her when I say this, I don't think I can. Here I was hoping she'd wake up, tell me that she loves me, no matter what or who I chose to be with, and instead I get _this_. I had hoped that maybe, after coming so close to death, she'd realize that my orientation doesn't matter. Us being happy as a family, spending our limited time together and enjoying every second of it, is what's important. At least, that's what she's always said.

"I've already contacted a relative of his. Roxas, this was decided before the accident...I'm sorry I never had the chance to tell you under better conditions, I'm sorry it stretched out this long." My eyes almost pop out of my head with the way I stare at her when I fling my body around, my chest starts rising and falling faster and faster, each lungful doesn't even seem to give me any oxygen. I feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes and pure, blinding rage fills my core.

"What! Did dad know about this?" I almost scream it, and my mother looks at me like she's even a little sorry. I can't breathe. Why did she have to do this? Why now? I turn towards the door, ready to storm out there and confront my father but she talks before I leave the room.

"He tried to talk me out of it...but Roxas, I just can't accept what you two are doing. Forgive me, please. The last thing I want is to have you angry with me, especially at a time like this..." I look at her, turning slowly until I'm facing her. I'm too far for her to reach out and grab, and I can tell she really wants to. It breaks my heart, but I'm just so angry with her. I missed her so much, but the first thing she does when she wakes up, is tell me she's sending Axel away? I clench my fists tightly at my sides and try to calm down.

"You accepted Sora!" I scream that out, I can't hold it in anymore and she cringes into the hospital bed. I don't know why she isn't screaming back at me, and maybe it's because she's just too weak right now. I start trembling, holding all this raging fury inside is getting harder and harder.

"Because he was born that way Roxas! You're just confused!" her eyes seem to say she truly believes this, she struggles to sit up but manages, she reaches out for me but I can't bring myself to go to her side. "You don't know what you want. I'm sure Axel makes it seem glamorous but honey, you don't know any better. Do you know all the hatred those people receive?" She starts crying, covering her face in her hands and sobbing loudly. My heart breaks in my chest, and I'm torn between comforting her or screaming. Instead, I sigh, feeling tired and drained. I look away from her and towards the door, where just on the other side, Axel is sitting with my dad probably discussing how he's going to leave forever.

"I didn't chose to be this way. I don't care about glamor. I know what I want mom and I know who I am. And about the hatred? I always thought it wouldn't be that bad if _you_ at least accepted me, but you don't...and that hurts more than the whole world hating me." I storm out of the room, rushing too much to even slam the door. Both Axel and my father stand when they see me exit, and they both chase after me. I turn angrily on my father, grabbing Axel's hand and tugging him behind me. My dad stops, blinking confusedly but he knows exactly what's happening. "I can't believe you're just letting this happen," I croak, my throat tight with sadness. I'm trying not to cry, I really am.

"Roxas wait...listen," I shake my head, starting to walk away "you can't go, your mother just woke up from a coma for Christ's sake!" My dad looks baffled when I glare venomously at him. I turn, tugging Axel along and the redhead doesn't even fight it.

"I can't be here right now dad...I just...I can't." I hurry to the elevator before he can say anything else, and I watch as he stares, before turning and hurrying into my mother's room. I'm glad he let me leave, I'm glad he understands that I won't be able to speak to her until I calm down. In the elevator, Axel slips his hand away from mine and I realize that my grip was probably hurting him. "Sorry...I didn't mean to squeeze that hard," I whisper, not having the strength to look at him. If I even catch a glimpse of his face, I'll breakdown for sure.

"S'all good. Rox, listen...maybe yah should reconsider leavin' your ma on that hospital bed. She needs her family more than ever." I exit the elevator, silently telling Axel that I'm not going back upstairs. He follows me, though he seems reluctant. I wonder if he even knows that he's being kicked out of the Strife family. I wonder if he even see's how unfair this is.

I realize once we're outside that we're going to have to walk home. I don't have my car, and we don't have the tandem bicycle. The memory almost brings a smile to my face, but instead it just makes me sad. My bottom lip trembles, and I can't stop the painful little hiccup that escapes. Axel grabs my arm and spins me around, looking down at my face and I look up. There. I did it. I stare at him, his image going blurry really quickly as tears well up, spill down my cheeks and well up again. "Hey...hey...what are yah blubberin' about?"

"Axel...they're sending you away with some wacko relative! She's sending you away and it's all my fault! How can I stand to stay in that room, when all she does is tell me I'm not who I am? When she just keeps hurting me? She's taking you away!" It all comes pouring out, and the more I say, the more I cry. Axel dries my tears, but he's too slow to get them all. They keep coming but he keeps wiping. Eventually, he realizes he's not going to win, and he dips down and connects our lips. For a few seconds, I forget everything and I go completely numb. It feels almost as if none of this is real and Axel isn't going anywhere. When he pulls away, it all comes crashing back down on me with a new realization.

If Axel leaves, everything is going to fucking suck so damn much.

The rest of the way home is silent. We catch the bus and get home a lot quicker than if we'd walk the whole way, but a lot slower than if I'd had the car. It's when we're walking down the side walk that I see someone standing at our door. My hang over seems to come back full force and I feel even sicker than I did this morning. The thing that really turns my stomach, is the color of this person's hair. It's the kind of red that can only belong to one family tree, because I've never seen anyone else with hair that freaking bright. I stop and notice that Axel had stopped a long time ago. I look back at him, and his eyes are wide and glossy as he stares. Slowly his jaw drops open, and a shout of "RENO!" leaves his lips.

The guy standing at the door turns sharply in our direction, and almost trips over the bags near his feet in his haste to run over to us. He races over, Axel and him crashing into each other and hugging in a way that makes me jealous. It's not because I feel like they are attracted to each other or anything. It's because it's the type of hug only two siblings could share. They seem to seep caring into each other. My heart sinks, because for a second I still thought Axel hated his brother, like he did when he was younger, but I remember how much he regretted kicking the man away. I feel empty, like a melon with all the good stuff scooped out, left to rot in the sun.

They peel away from each other and Axel turns to look at me, his smile so bright I temporarily ignore the fact that I'll never see it again, and just enjoy it. "Roxas, this is my brother...Reno!"

"Yeah, I can see that..." I hurry past them and into the house, ignoring the way Axel looks at me and the sound Reno makes. I don't hear what they say, and once I'm in the foyer I run up the stairs. They aren't behind me, but I hear Axel open the door once I'm laying face down on my bed. I hear his brother come in after him, so the hope that Axel would reject the other redhead is eliminated all at once. I can't stop crying and I feel so stupid. I bury my head in my pillows, trying to suffocate myself but it's a lot harder than the people in movies make it seem. I figure I need someone to actually hold the pillow on my face, or at least someone to make sure I don't pull away and breathe. I'm trying to suffocate myself for such a long time, I feel sort of dizzy when I finally pull my face away from my pillow. I look around the room and realize I'm still alone, and Axel is probably in his room packing, talking to his brother about the shit he had to endure in this messed up house. I can't stop the pout that forms on my face as I curl up, pulling my knees up to my chest and shutting my eyes tight. Yes, I do feel sorry for myself, even if that makes me pathetic...this all hurts so much. I can't believe Axel is just going to leave, he isn't even going to try and talk to my mom. He isn't even going to attempt to stay with us. My dad, who I thought understood us, just let mom get rid of Axel, like he's some pet you can just give back. I have never wanted to talk to Sora so much in my life. I never felt like he understood me until I realized that he's probably the only one who does.

My skin prickles when I hear my door knob turn, and I want to throw up when I feel someone sit beside me. "What the hell was that Roxas?" Axel sounds angry and I sit up quickly, all the sadness turning into anger. All the anger I feel for my parents merging with this one and I feel like I'm mad enough to actually hurt someone. I glare at Axel and curl away from him. He looks confused and that only makes me angrier.

"Don't you have to go pack?" I hiss out through clenched teeth and Axel stands up off the bed, looking at me sadly.

"Roxas, s'not my fault. I can't just stay if your ma wants me to leave, it's her house. Listen, I'll keep in touch...somethin'-" I cut him off, wiping the only thing I have near me. A pillow.

"Why don't you at least try and talk to her? I feel like I'm the only one who tried to make this seem right, like I'm the only one who thought we were actually worth all the effort!" My voice feels hoarse and Axel sighs, frowning and reminding me of that day out on the field. I remember how he looked and how I realized that he's so cute when he's serious. Ugh, fuck off brain, seriously.

"Roxas, what do yah want me to say to her? Your dad talked to her 'n she still wants me out. I can't do anythin' about this!" I can hear the frustration in his voice, but how dare he? I'm the only one who's receiving the shittiest part of this. My mother hates me because of him, because I confronted her about my feelings for him, and now he's leaving, going off to be happily ever after with his fucking brother. The more I think, the angrier I am. I know that most of my thoughts might be selfish, but it's the only thing I can think of. I can only concentrate on my pain right now, I can only concentrate on how lonely I'm going to be, _all over again._

"You can't do anything because you don't want to!"

"That's not true Roxas! I care about yah! If I could do somethin' I would!"

"You fucking liar! You didn't do anything to save Kairi, and now you're not doing anything to stay! Go, leave! Get the fuck out of my life!"

Axel stops, his mouth staying open, his tongue frozen while he processes what I just said. I hold his stare the entire time, breathing deeply through my nose because the longer he stays in my room, the sicker I'm feeling. I can already feel the regret weighing down on my insides, but right now I'm too angry, too hurt to even care about that. "Roxas...I promise I'll come back or somethin', this doesn't have to be the end..."

"Yes it does Axel. You've ruined everything, only to run away and leave me with all the broken pieces. Get out. I never want to see you again..." As I'm saying this, and watching Axel's eyes mist up, I realize I love him. I fucking love him so much, which is why it feels like I'm being turned inside out. "You ruined me..."

"Roxas...I...I-"

"Just stop it Axel! Get out!"

He leaves without saying anything, closes my door and I finally, really let myself cry. I sob loudly, but muffle the pain with my pillow. I didn't mean any of the things I said to Axel, but I wouldn't want him to make empty promises. At least this way, I can start to forget him without having that tiny ounce of hope that he'll return. I know that once he leaves, it's forever.

* * *

**A/N:** I told you you'd all hate me D:  
Now Roxas is gonna be all emo...rofl.

I know Roxas is really selfish in this chapter, and he is really mean to Axel and his recently-awoken-from-a-coma Mother but...well...this reaction seemed to fit well.  
Don't worry, Brotherly Love isn't over just yet. I've got a lot to fix after this mess xD

Thanks for reading (:  
I hope you're all still with me after this D:  
(I have a feeling I might lose some readers...)

-Sharmander (Who can guess what song inspired this chapter?)


	28. Two Days After

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**  
Two Days After

I always wondered what falling in love felt like, and I always wondered what it would be like to actually _be_ in love. I wanted to know if you could feel it as it happened, or if you woke up one day and just sort of knew. I had so many questions, and so many wistful little thoughts about the day I'd be in love, honestly and truly. In all my fantasies, I never pictured it like this. Snot faced, trails of dry tears and my throat raw from all the screaming and sobbing I've done.

The phone is ringing, it's been constant since around the time the sun was high enough to fill the room with light, it stopped late at night and started up again this morning. But that feels like it's been years ago, morning feels like something light years away. I don't want to get up and answer the telephone because I know who it'll be and who it isn't. It's going to be my dad, begging me to go to the hospital and see my mother. I already told him yesterday that I wasn't leaving the house, and even less were the chances of me going back to that hospital. He's left at least 80 messages after that, saying she wants to speak to me. But about what? I don't have anything to say to her and even if I did, it's too late to talk about Axel now and I'm too tired to even want to. She has to accept that she's ruined my life, and no matter what...I don't think I'll forgive her for a long time. Axel's already been gone for two whole days, off with his brother fixing their relationship and having the time of his life. I heard him call the cab as I waited patiently upstairs for them to leave. Once I heard the door downstairs shut, I experienced what could be classified as the worst emotional pain I have ever felt. It was sort of like all my emotions had turned into some sort of advanced cancer, one so severe there isn't even a point in treatment. I just have to sit and wait for death to wither my body.

I can hear my cellphone start up, somewhere off across the hall, vibrating loudly against the wood between my nightstand and my bed. I'm not in my room, I'm curled up on Axel's bed, tangled in the sheets and breathing in the scent of cigarette smoke and horse shampoo. I wonder how long it'll stay smelling like this, how long I'll be able to cling to the late night memories and use his smell to recall all those times. There were quite a few, and we never learned our lesson. Or at least I didn't. We'd stay up late, talking about pointless shit, or stuff we thought could change the world, and I'd always pay for it in the morning. Axel of course, would be awake before me and not even a little tired, as always. I think it was all the talking we did during the night that made me fall in love with him, it was all the insight and jokes he'd share. Who'd have thought that a damn delinquent could be so philosophical?

I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to will away the image of his face silhouetted in the darkness, the way his smile would appear and light up the entire damn room. How he'd laugh at me when I'd argue with his morals. The way his eyes would fold up into crescent moons, and the green of his iris would shine right through his eyelashes. And how fucking red those eyelashes were. Why am I talking about him like he's dead? He's still alive, walking around out there, somewhere far away from here. A rueful smile forms on my lips along with the thought that, he's so out of my reach, he might as well be dead. My cellphone stops, but the house phone starts just as my cellphone begins to beep loudly. Someone's probably left me another text message or something. I'm willing to bet I have at least 100 of those, but I'm in no rush to check them. I'm in no rush to do anything.

I know the people harassing me on my cellphone are Hayner and Sora. I didn't go to school today or yesterday, and I finally got around to locking all the windows in the house. Sora, Riku, Hayner or anyone else who tries to climb in are in for a world of surprises and if they've knocked, I haven't heard. I have to admit though, the constant ringing is really driving me insane, the more I listen to it, the louder it seems to be. Brrrrrrrrring, brrrrrrrrrrrrrring, ! It's been going on for two fucking days.

"Shut the fuck up!" I scream, but there's no one here to listen to me. The house is completely silent, like it has always been. I never minded much before, it'd only bother me during the night, but now just the fact that I know there is no one in here, makes me want to start crying. So I do. I have no one to hide from anyway, I can cry all I want. My face is practically drenched, and so is Axel's pillow but I can't pull my face away. I've already tried suffocating myself at least a hundred dozen times, but I keep pulling up at the last second, my brain panicking when it doesn't get any oxygen, my lungs screaming and begging it to do something. I hate my brain for jolting my body up and taking my face out of the pillows, for saving me time and time again.

I feel a tiny weight jump onto the bed and I finally turn my head, looking around the room in what could have been hours and realizing that it's actually getting kind of dark again outside. I blink, surprised and when I sit up, I spot Oblivion sitting at the foot of the bed, staring right at me with her big, yellow eyes. We have this miniature staring contest, until finally she gives up and walks towards me. I'm terrified because I know she's going to scratch me or something, however she shocks me by rubbing against my knee, purring softly in a way only kittens can. It melts my heart, and the painful emotional cancer seems to lessen for a few seconds.

"Oh Oblivion," My eyes tear up and I reach out, touching her ear softly, making her look up at me, "..he's gone girl..._forever_," I choke up, my throat clenching around the words and I start to cry again, Oblivion climbing into my lap. Something about saying it out loud makes it hurt a million times worse. Instead of feeling claws ripping at my skin, I feel the softness of Oblivion's paws against my face, her fur absorbing some of the tears as she bumps her little toes into my cheeks. Her tiny meow makes me open my eyes, and stare down at her. Vicious and demonic Oblivion, sitting in my lap and drying my tears. I smile a little, or as much as I can muster and shakily raise my hand to pet her. She stays still, purring and pressing into the palm of my hand, rubbing her tiny head up into each pet. "You're sad too huh? Did he steal your heart away too?"

I've had all of two days and all of one night to think and the more I think, the worst I feel. I can't believe I said all those things to Axel, I can't believe I pushed him away while he was trying to find a solution to the separation. Sure, long distance relationships never, ever work but it would have been nice to keep in touch. We could have stayed friends or something...or not. I don't think I'd be able to stand not having him and that concept alone freaks me out beyond belief. I mean, I'm without him right now, how am I supposed to go on? I reminisce and look back on all those times, early in the stages of our relationship. The anger and supposed hatred I felt for him. All that time I wasted on pointless dislike and stupidity. Well, now it's too late and I can't fix anything. I don't think I'd be able to anyway, he probably hates me and is off, somewhere with his brother completely forgetting about me and the entire Strife family.

Oblivion's ears perk and she quickly scurries away from me and out the room. I watch her leave sadly, a tiny frown on my mouth. "What? You're leaving me too?" I call out behind her, but all I hear is silence. Then a loud crash and a thud. My eyes widen and I grip the bed sheets, pulling them up to my face as more sounds reach my ears. I know it's not Sora and Riku or Hayner because the windows are locked, and I know it's not my dad because I would have heard the front door open. I feel my hands start shaking, and through all the fear I feel, I remember when this exact situation happened with Axel. We were laying right here...on this bed. He got up, all brave and went to go see. Well too bad he isn't here now, and without him in front, there is no way in hell I'm going to investigate a strange sound. If I'm going to be brutally murdered, I want it to be in this room and not in the kitchen or something.

I hear the stairs creak, and I know that whoever broke into my house is now coming up the stairs, ready to kill me. I close my eyes and just wait for it. I'm not going to fight or anything, it's not like I have anyone to defend. I just hope it's quick and painless, and they don't stand there teasing me or telling me how they'll go about disemboweling me or something.

"Roxas?" I open my eyes at the sound of my cousin's voice and I look over to see him standing at the door, Riku hovering behind him. I blink a few times but I don't really know what to say. It seems Sora doesn't care what I have to say, because he keeps talking. "Roxas...my God, what happened to you? You look like shit!" My cousin runs over and jumps onto the bed, cupping my face between his hands and looking at me worriedly, he runs his smooth thumbs underneath my eyes and I realize it actually feels sore. I guess it's from constantly wiping my tears. "Where's Axel?"

That does it. That question makes all the pain that Oblivion masked for a few seconds come crashing back full force and the tears just burst out of me. I throw my arms around my cousin, burying my face in his neck and I cry. I hold him tight, appreciating the fact that I have him to grasp onto when it feels like everything is falling apart. Good old Sora, who'll always be here to understand me. "Hmmmmmmz unnnnnnn" I mumble into his neck and he giggles before pulling my face away, the smile I expected to see gone. I probably tickled him or something.

"What? What do you mean he's gone?" I'm surprised my cousin can understand me, and Riku seems to share that surprise. He raises an eyebrow before moving to the side of the bed, plopping himself down and looking at me. I guess he's waiting for an answer, but when I look at him and I mean, really look, I see that there's a strange look in his eyes. It makes me uncomfortable, because behind the strange look, his face is all hard lines and disappointment. Again, just like at the Halloween party, he looks like he knows something no one else does. Well, this time, I know the secret too Riku. Axel fucking left with his damn brother.

"He left Sora, packed up his shit and left with his brother..." it hurts to hold in the tears, but I'm done crying. The more I say it out loud, the more is seeps into my skin, the more real it becomes. He's gone, living with his brother and I'm here, left with this regret and unrequited love.

"What? I thought...how? Where the hell did his brother come from?" My cousin stares at my face for a few seconds, like he can't believe what I'm saying, like he's expecting me to start laughing and Axel to run out of the closet but Riku decides to butt in.

"It's true Sora. He came over to say good-bye last night," I get a strange feeling in my chest when Riku's eyes trail over to look at me. "Sara called Reno before the accident and told him to come get Axel once he was 18," I feel sick when he frowns, the muscles in his jaw clenching tight. "Can I ask you something, Roxas?" The way he says my name, makes me feel like we've never been friends.

"W-what?" I choke out, and Sora turns to look at Riku in bewilderment. He's probably wondering why Riku is talking to me like I'm scum and if I had cat ears of some sort, they'd be pulled back. My heart picks up and Riku stands up off the bed and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Did it ever occur to you that leaving hurt Axel too? I get the feeling you really are selfish..." I don't know what to say, my throat blocking any attempt at speech and I don't even try to defend myself. I know that whatever Riku says I deserve. What I said to Axel was just so damn harsh, he didn't deserve it at all. I'd take it all back if I could, if I could go back to yesterday, I'd give Axel a reason to stay. I'd find something to work this all out. Or maybe I'd just blow up in his face again, like the selfish bastard I am. "And bringing up Kairi? How fucking low man...I thought you were better than that, I thought you'd actually deserve someone like Axel."

"Whoa, Riku...what the fuck?" Sora stands up and whirls around to face his boyfriend, and my stomach twists up in a horrible premonition. They are going to fight over my stupidity, Sora is going to defend me when I don't deserve it.

"Sora, stop..." I try to silence my cousin but he just looks at me like I'm insane. He doesn't know why Riku is so upset with me, and maybe if he did, he would attack me too. My cousin didn't hear the things I said, he didn't see the look on Axel's face when I kicked him out of my life. Only I saw that, and I'm the one who has to live with it forever engraved into my brain tissue.

"No Rox! Riku what the hell is your problem?" Sora glares at Riku waiting for the teen to say something but instead he just juts his chin out at me, looking repulsed by me.

"Ask your cousin. I can't be on good terms with him after how he hurt my best friend," Just like that Riku leaves the house, and I hear the front door slam. I swallow thickly, Riku's words lingering on my skin like acid, slowly burning it away and seeping into my blood stream. I wonder if he came just to make me feel like shit, and I guess he probably did. I know I deserve it, but it still hurts to hear. I guess losing Riku doesn't hurt me because after losing Axel, only death could move me to tears. Well death and the memory of Axel.

"Roxas, what the fuck did you do?" Sora looks exasperated, like he's trying to finish a puzzle but half the pieces are missing. He plops down beside me, scooping me into his arms and rubbing my back affectionately. I curl up against his side and sigh, staring at the door that leads to the bathroom, and remember how excited Axel had been when he first walked into it. The image of him barging into my room, in that miniature towel plays in my head and I smile a little, though it's a bittersweet kind of moment.

"Axel...he didn't want to leave but he had to, there was nothing he could do. I didn't..._couldn't _understand that last night. I told him to leave forever, even if he didn't want it all to end. I hurt him...Sora, I felt like he didn't care. I was hurt, I was angry...I...I didn't know what else to do! I didn't want to feel stupid for falling in love with him," I stop, my eyes widening and my cousin pulls me away from his side and turns me to look at him, his own eyes wide and questioning. He looks shocked, hurt and about to cry.

"You...you_ love _him?" I nod slowly, and my cousin takes a while to say anything. He sort of stays sitting there, his hands falling away from my shoulders and lay at his sides. He clears his throat a few times, licks his lips and looks around the entire room. I think he doesn't know what to say, but I don't know what I want him to say either. I don't think anything he says could make me feel better now. All we can do, is just hope I someday stop hurting and go back to normal. I don't want to be a wet blanket all over again.

When I look back up at Sora, I notice he has his thinking face on, the tip of his tongue held captive between his teeth. "Then we can't leave it like this Roxas! We have to do something, we have to find Axel and tell him!" My cousin pounces off the bed and moves to the door. I slide off after him and snatch his arm before he exits and runs off to do something stupid. I shake my head, tightening my grip.

"It's done Sora...who knows where he is and even if we do find out, he probably hates me. You don't know the things I said..." Sora doesn't seem like he wants to accept this. I can see the protest in his eyes and I know that even if I ask him not to, he's going to try and find out somehow.

"Love can fix everything Roxas. You didn't kill anyone for Christ's sake. It was just a few words in the heat of the moment." Sora shakes my hand off him and reaches into his pocket. I watch as he pulls out his cellphone and scrolls through the numbers.

"Sora...what are you doing?" I rub my face tiredly, and figure that the worse my cousin could do is get Axel's phone number. If he does manage to get even that, I'm sure as soon as Axel hears me on the other line, he'll hang up. I'll just let my cousin do whatever he wants, there's not much he can do to ruin my relationship with the redhead. There is nothing left to ruin anyway.

"I'm calling Riku. I'm sure Axel told him something," I groan and roll my eyes before reminding my cousin that Riku hates me, and even if Axel told him anything, any little piece of information, he would never give it to us. He's even upset with Sora, though I don't know why. My cousin rolls his eyes and starts to type up a text. "Riku is just an asshole. He'll come around eventually. No one can stand between true love!"

"Sora...you're an idiot...How'd you even get in here?"

"Roxas...I have my ways. Besides, you'll thank me, when you and Axel reunite. It'll be all my doing and you'll thank me," The smile on my cousin's face would make you think he's actually be capable of fixing this. If I were the foolish type, I'd feel a hint of hope. But I don't, because my cousin is too blind to see the rage in Riku's eyes and he just didn't see the hurt in Axel's.

* * *

**A/N:** I had the song "A Lack Of Color" by Death Cab For Cutie on repeat while writing this chapter.  
Probably explains why Roxas' thoughts are extra emo. Also, I think I deserve a prize for the speedy update. -pats self on back-  
I may throw cliffhangers left, right and center, but I never leave you guys hangin' for long _and thaaaat's the gooospel truuuuth..._

_Brotherly Love Fun fact: I accidentally used Luxord twice, but was too lazy to fix it. He appears as Roxas' english professor, and again as Aunt Larxene's sleazy boyfriend though he's never directly named._  
_Whoops._

Alright so, I'll try and not keep Axel out of the story for too long.  
That is...if I even decide to bring him back.  
Y'all might have to bribe me ;D

-disappears in a puff of smoke-


	29. A Week After

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**  
A Week After

School is torture. I'm sure if I ever found some way around it, I'd never come back. No one understands my exact feelings for this place. I mean, I didn't like it before Axel showed up, before I grew used to hearing him and seeing him in the halls. It's not so much the work that gets me, I love learning as much as the next guy, but I just can't stand people. I'm sure I've mentioned this before. I can't stand people, waking up early every day and having to lug this two ton bag around, and school consists of exactly all of those things. Not to mention, every time I sit in the cafeteria I remember the field out back, where I agreed to give Axel a chance into my heart or whatever. Staring at the clock for half the period doesn't help me either. The longer I stare, the slower the hands seem to tick past the numbers. That god damn minute hand seems to be stuck right above the eleven and no matter how many times the little red one spins around the clock, nothing changes. I groan before my head weighs down the whole top half of my torso and my face makes hard contact with the top of my desk.

It doesn't help that everyone is asking where my adoptive brother went to. I try my best to ignore them, because there is no way in hell I am going to even contribute to their stupid little gossip mill but even if I don't answer their questions, I still hear them. Each time some Cindy or Robert comes up to me, spewing idiocy from their mouth, Axel's face comes to mind. With every _"hey, where's that redheaded guy?"_ another piece of my heart breaks off and my soul shrivels just a little more. I can't dodge all the questions, and it's really wearing me out. I can't remember when the last time I've had a good night's sleep. I can definitely tell this new found insomnia is going to lead to trouble, especially when my teacher looks over at me and sets her book down on my desk. I stare at the faded blue spine of the poor abused thing and wonder why my so-called prestigious school is so damn cheap. I mean, my parents pay god knows how much for my tuition, and they have me learning from out-dated books? This is an outrage. "Roxas, either my class is boring you, or your head has outgrown your neck," The entire class bursts out laughing and you can forget about me ever changing my mind on the human race. Brutes, the whole lot of them.

With tremendous effort, I pull my face away from the cool top and stare up at the teacher with a bored expression, hoping she'll understand and leave. I look towards the clock and curse when I realize it's exactly where it was last time. When I turn my head she's still standing there like she wants me to say something to her but I don't know what the hell she wants. Why can't she just leave me alone and let me wallow in my heart-broken misery? Even if I've been wallowing in said misery for the greater half of this week, she still has no right in taking away precious time. I'm sure if I were to pay attention, I'd find different things in her lesson that remind me of Axel and that's the last thing I want. You see, even if I've been soaking in my sadness, I haven't been directly thinking of that redheaded bastard. Well, that is until now. Stupid teacher and having to come over here. I don't understand why she has to make sure my head is up, when she has a whole classroom of students who actually want her to speak to them.

Finally, when she's convinced my head won't reattach itself to the desk, she walks away and opens her book back to it's previous page. Once again, she starts talking about god knows what and I turn my stare towards the clock on the wall. The stupid fucking hand is now hovering over between the eleven and twelve, like it's scared to pass over or something. I decide that if I keep staring, it's not going to make a difference so I look away slowly, my eyes moving from the clock towards the rest of the class. I catch Hayner sending me a worried look and I raise an eyebrow at him before he motions for me to check my cellphone. With a quick glance at the teacher to make sure she isn't watching, I reach into my pocket and find that he's sent me one text message.

_R U O.K?_

I try not to cringe at the sight of Hayner's cyber speak, but I still do just a little as I reply. I ask him why the hell he's asking such a question, because as far as I'm concerned I haven't really given anyone a reason to worry about me. I mean, I only missed two days of school and I lied and told everyone I was home with the flu. Sora got a kick out of that one and luckily no one asked him why he found my illness so funny. Olette was the only one from the group to ask where Axel was, and I don't know if it was the look I gave her, or the way my voice came out sounding, but no one has brought up the redhead again. I didn't lie about where Axel went, I told them he had packed his things and moved out with his brother.

Hayner doesn't reply, instead the bell finally rings and I shoot out of my seat as the teacher reminds us that we have an important test in a few days. It goes in one ear and out the other, I'm sure by tonight I'll have forgotten all about it. Hayner catches me on the way out of the class and grabs onto my elbow, I spin around and he's still giving me that look which tells me he plans on talking this out in person. "Roxas, don't bullshit me. I can see right through you," he squints at me and I have to roll my eyes, tugging my arm out of his grip. Trying to walk faster than someone who has longer legs than you is always a lost battle, I'd have to start jogging to get away from Hayner and I wouldn't want to draw that kind of attention to myself. So, I'm stuck walking with him along side me the whole way to the cafeteria, staring at me intensely, just waiting for me to cave and tell him.

I make it all the way to the table without uttering a single word, and when I sit down Hayner can't seem to believe it. He follows quietly and thankfully doesn't bring up anything in front of the girls. Lord knows they'd start a riot if they thought something were wrong with my feelings. Sora seems to be acting stranger than usual and Riku isn't even touching his yogurt. This worries me because he's usually wolfing it down, no matter what is going on around him. Finally my cousin looks up and glares so nastily at Riku, I almost feel sorry for the silver haired teen. "You are such an asshole," Sora hisses before pushing away from the table and storming off. Riku sighs, standing up and grabbing his yogurt. He gives me a look before turning and making his way towards the back doors, throwing out his parfait before disappearing from sight. After the look he gave me, I can't help but feel like what just happened is my fault. Olette stands slowly at the same time as I do, but I shake my head at her.

"Let me go handle Sora," Hayner rolls his eyes looking at me as if to say I'm the last person who should be giving anyone emotional advice but he's dumb, he knows nothing. I ignore him for now because I have more important things to do, like find where my cousin went to and why he's freaking out.

King Harts Private School isn't a very large facility but once you have to look for someone, it seems huge. There are so many bathrooms and just rooms in general that my cousin could be hiding in. What makes all this worse is that I don't even know how upset Sora is. If he's really pissed, he could easily go to the office and sign out. I pick up the pace, hoping to catch him before he leaves school property and I find him just about to go into the theater. I catch up and when he looks at me, his eyes are glossy and a little red. He looks surprised but I keep quiet and lead him into the dark theater. The drama teacher is never around during lunch, so she usually let's people spend time in here, as long as nothing is vandalized or stolen. I doubt anything like that would happen though, every corner of this school is covered with video surveillance.

"What happened?" I ask my cousin as he tosses his bag onto the stage and pulls himself onto it shortly after. I decide to sit right in the first row and toss my bag on the floor. My cousin crosses his legs before taking a deep breath, for a minute, I'm almost sure he's going to start meditating.

"Riku said he isn't going to give me Axel's number," Sora looks seriously hurt by this and I feel disappointment curling in the pit of my stomach. I don't even know why though, I knew this was going to happen. I had totally expected it. I'm almost sure I even stated that he'd never hand over the number to us. "We've been fighting this whole week...it's wearing me out. I don't know Roxas," My cousin has this very gloomy look in his eyes and it upsets me. I've never seen my cousin look ready to give up but at this moment, he seems just about ready to toss in the towel. I can't believe my cousin's relationship is suffering because of me, a relationship that was going along great before any of my problems got thrown into the mix. I feel horrible and I tell Sora that. "Shut up. You're family."

"So is Riku...technically," I roll my wrist around and Sora rolls his eyes, shaking his head before jumping off the stage and stretching. "Well...That's it then..." I don't know why I feel so crushed but I do. For some reason I let a tiny seed of hope plant itself in my heart and now I'm feeling it dry up and die.

"No, it's not. I'm sure we can find Axel...How'd your mom find Reno? It's not like he's hiding, so it should be easy," My cousin wipes at his eyes and I stand up, grabbing him before he hurries out of the theater, leaving his bag and everything to run off and do I don't even know what. I honestly don't even think he knows. What's important though, is making sure Sora stops crying. He isn't the type of person you'd want to see upset, it'll make you feel awkward because he's Sora. He's never sad.

"Sora, stop. You fix things with Riku and leave this to me," I smile softly at my cousin but he seems to deflate, his shoulders sagging and his hair drooping along with them. That gloomy look in his eyes in haunting but I can't seem to pull away from his stare. I really do feel bad for messing up his stuff with Riku. He deserves to be happy, and I know he won't be able to, if he keeps fighting with his boyfriend over my dead relationship.

"If I leave it to you..." Sora takes a deep breath and hesitates before not saying anything and just shaking his head back and forth a few times. I cross my arms over my chest and huff indignantly, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Does he think I won't be able to do it or something? I mean, if I really wanted to, I could find Axel. It's just I know it'll be all in vain, the redhead is never going to speak to me ever again. "If I fix things with Riku, promise to at least start looking for Axel..."

"Sora...he probably never wants to hear from me again," My cousin slaps too fast for me to even attempt at blocking it and the sound seems to echo throughout the empty theater. I stare at my cousin in shock and he glares at me, before turning and ripping his bag off the stage.

"Shut up, you don't know that. Promise me Roxas, or else I'll do it..." He looks so set on this, it seems that even if I don't agree to try and find Axel, he'll still do it himself, even without Riku or my help. I'm starting to think he's got his own unfinished business with the redhead, and I send him a quizzical look.

"Why do you want to find him so bad anyway?" For a second, I think he's going to slap me again and he looks mildly offended. I have to hurry to catch up because he turns and stalks away from me, stomping his feet and I don't know when he'll stop, which is why I almost smack right into his back when he halts abruptly in the middle of the isle.

"Roxas, you obviously didn't see yourself...I've never seen you so happy. You...you look all dead now without him. I can't stand seeing you like this. You're like an 80 year old man trapped inside a teenager!" My cousin throws up his hands in frustration and I just watch him with a small smile. It means a lot to me that Sora would go through all this trouble just to help me.

"Okay Sora, I promise..."

"I mean, you guys are obviously in love! It's crazy to just let this...Oh...really?" My cousin grins brightly, gripping his school bag strap tightly and I nod my head.

"No promises, but I'll at least start looking..." I feel anxiety bubble up in my stomach, and the slight chance of me actually finding something excites me. The tiny chance of actually hearing Axel, even if for a few seconds over the phone, makes my heart start racing and my palms get all sweaty.

I really want to talk to him.

I get home and throw my bag at the door, I can hear my mother wobbling around the kitchen and I try to get upstairs before she hears that I'm home. Our relationship has slowly crumbled to the point where we don't even eat dinner together anymore. I can't be in the same room with her for too long because she'll eventually say something that will make us argue. I know it's driving my dad crazy, but he doesn't say anything. Instead he sits there and waits for me to storm off, up the stairs and into Axel's room. I've heard my mother crying before, but I know she's heard me crying too. If my pain doesn't bother her, then her pain won't effect me. Though, I can't lie, hearing her sobs does hurt me a little. "Roxas?"

Fuck, she heard me. "Yeah..." I don't make it to the stairs before she walks out of the dinning room and into the foyer. She smiles at me, leaning on her cane and just staring at me from the door way. To think, a few months back, we were cool. Now there's this tension laying just beneath all our interactions. I watch her smile slowly melt away as her eyes fall onto my dress pants. I had unbuttoned them in the car, and on my way in they started to sag. I'm holding them up from the front, but my mom obviously doesn't see that. She's frowning and I know she's going to say something. Here it comes, another fight.

"Why are you wearing your pants like that now?" The way she says it makes me bristle with anger. It's like she's implying that I'm trying to copy Axel or something, seeing as he always sagged his school uniform. I stare at her, my mouth just opening and closing. She seems to be hell bent on the idea that I'm just copying my sexuality and everything else off of Axel. It's really wearing me down.

"What do you mean? I unbuttoned them in the car mom, wow..." I turn my back on her, intent on leaving it like this and going upstairs to shower but she obviously has other plans.

"Roxas...you're changing...this isn't who you are," I stop mid step and the hand on the railing squeezes really hard, I can hear my mother shuffling behind me, switching her cane from right to left and I contemplate just going upstairs. I can't though because what she just said makes no sense. I'm exactly the same as I've always been, she's just reading too far into everything I'm doing. Ever since she found out about me, she's been acting like I'm a whole different person, like I'm some big phony. It's as if I don't have my own personality and I'm just sucking out everyone else's. Or at least, she makes it seem that way. In all honesty, I'm exactly as grouchy and temperamental as I was before Axel came along. She just doesn't want to accept the fact that any strain on our relationship is her fault and not my gayness'. If she'd just accept that this is who I am, and that this isn't some big identity crisis, we'd be able to start patching things up. I mean, I can show her a real identity crisis if she wants.

"Mom, I'm exactly the same person...I don't know what you're talking about," I don't turn around because I always have trouble listening to the things she says facing her. It hurts a lot worse when I see the expressions dance across her features, the anger, disappointment and plain nonacceptance. I try and make my voice sound as drained of energy as I can and hope she'll get the hint. She obviously doesn't, because she keeps going.

"You aren't Roxas! You're just confused, trying to find yourself...it's alright to ask for help, I can help you get on track again...I can help you get past this mess," I can picture her reaching out to me, but I couldn't even imagine how I'd react if she were to touch me right now. Anger is already buzzing around inside of me like a swarm of angry hornets and I grind my teeth hard into each other, my nails scratching the gloss on the railing. I can't believe she is referring to my suffering as some big mess, as if I'm not really hurt and I'm just pretending to be torn up about Axel leaving. She doesn't even know how much I care about him, she doesn't understand anything. If she wants to see a different person, I will give her a fucking different person.

"You think this is _off track_? You think this is all some big fucking _hissy _fit?" I turn around to say(scream) this to her, glaring the entire time and she just looks up at me, eyes watery and sad. I'm getting so tired of everyone around me looking at me like that. Why is everyone all depressed all of the sudden?

"Roxas..." I start making my way up the stairs before she answers and I hear her start to struggle up after me. I hurry, using my good legs to my advantage. I manage to lock myself in Axel's bathroom before she makes it up, and I hear her knocking on the room door. I look around before diving towards the cabinets. I stop for a few seconds when I see it, and the decision is made in no more than 3 seconds. I pick up the hair trimmer and take off my uniform, staying in nothing but my boxers. My hands are shaking when I plug the stupid thing in, and my stomach turns when I turn it on and hear the loud buzz. I turn it off, figuring I should cut my hair down before shaving it or maybe I'm just stalling. I move around on stiff legs and curl my fingers in the scissor rings when I find them in the drawer. This is it...once I do the first snip, I can't go back.

_Sniiiiiip_

It's slow and dragged out, and I watch the blonde tuft of hair float down to the ground. Once it makes contact, I get the courage to keep going. I've never actually noticed how long my hair is, and now that I'm chopping it all off, I realize just how much I have. It takes a while, but finally it's all trimmed down and I pick up the trimmer again. I hesitate before figuring, I've cut my hair up in horrible chunks, the only thing left to do is shave it off. Besides, I'm not getting rid of all of it, there'll be some left. The trimmer is set to the longest cut anyway. It vibrates in my hand as I lift it up to my head, and I close my eyes, dragging it along my scalp and feeling the hair slowly fall away.

It takes me an hour before I deem my barber job good enough, and I put the trimmer away. I'm too scared to actually stop and stare at myself for a long amount of time, so the fact that all my hair is practically gone hasn't sunken in yet. When I finally have nothing left to clean, I stop in front of the sink and look up. All that's left is a few centimeters of blonde, my long shaggy hair and bangs are completely gone. I blink a few times, staring at my face, so exposed and out in the open. It makes me look tough to be honest, like some Russian prisoner named Vladimir Destroykavich or something. I grin a little at myself, picking up my uniform and marching out into the room. I go to the closet to dump the uniform and I stop, staring at the leather jacket left on the hanger. I reach out and touch it gently, the cold sleeve feeling surreal against my finger tips. I drop everything and tug the jacket out, inhaling the scent deeply. Its a mixture of leather and of Axel.

With a crazy smile I slip it on, and zip it up. It's a little big, but it's a start in the right direction. My mom wants to see a damn change, I'll give her something to complain about. I mean, I've never rebelled before in my life, now is a good a time as any. I turn around and gather a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt. I don't know where I'm going and if my mother asks me, I'll just ignore her. Thank god my dad isn't home for another few hours, so by the time he gets here, I'll be gone. I collect my cellphone from my uniform pant pocket and turn to give myself one more once over.

The sight of my buzz cut is a shock every time, and the leather jacket really adds to the look. I grin at my reflection, and set to leave the house. I don't know exactly what I'm doing this for but I just feel like I have to. The change actually makes me feel a little excited, something I was convinced I'd never feel again. I can't stand staying home anymore anyway, this entire week has been torture.

When I step into the foyer, my mother appears at the dinning room doorway and gasps. She drops her cane and leans against the wall. I watch her from the corner of my eye as I snatch the keys off the corner table. I grip them tight in my fist, just waiting for her to say something. She doesn't speak until I grab the old pair of motorcycle boots my father bought me a few years ago. They are the only shoes I have that will match this new look and I slip them on. I shove one hand in my pocket and pull the door open with the other. It's when I'm about to step out that my mother speaks.

"Roxas...what...where..." She stammers for a few minutes and I finally just walk out and close the door. Once the door is shut and I'm out of her sight, I run towards my car and rip the door open, tossing myself in and starting up the engine. I've never just walked out on my parents before, and the rush of being disobedient is exhilarating. I can't stop smiling as I pull out and zoom down the quiet street and away from home. The freedom and over all adrenaline pumping through me, sets it all in stone.

The new Roxas is here, and he just might stay. I mean, I haven't felt this happy since Axel left. Any little ounce of sunshine I can get, I'll take.

* * *

**A/N:** Roxas rebelling has a point, and no, it's not just so I can imagine him with a buzz cut for the next few chapters.  
Nope...not at all.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy. The next chapter should be two weeks or a month after Axel's departure. You'll see just what Roxas has gotten into then 8D  
Also, I already know how this story is going to end. I know it's either happy or sad...but y'all don't ;D

Hey what's that? -points off into the distance, waits for everyone to look, runs-


	30. Two Weeks After

**Chapter Thirty**  
Two Weeks After

I've been going out every night since I've cut my hair and so far, I haven't found shit to do. One would think, in a city this size, I'd be able to find anyway to entertain myself, but I haven't. You could also guess that since I'm up all night searching for thrills, I'm sleeping all day to make up for it. I've missed another entire week of school and thank God mom started working again. If she were home I'd at least have to pretend to go to school, which would mean waking up and actually being awake using energy I would not have. But by the gracious hand of God or whatever, she's gone most of the day and I get to spend all that time in bed sleeping. Once my parents come home from work, that's when I leave. My father's tried talking to me about my new, strange behavior and by that I mean the sudden lack of hair and the new found leather attire but I just walk by because I know what he wants. He wants to talk to me before he has to go away on any business trips, to try and make me see reason, to push me into a good relationship with my mom but all he says is that _I _have to understand my mother. Well who the hell is understanding me? No one, because everyone just expects things to get better and they don't understand why the hell I'm still all torn up about this. They don't know how bad everything is, they're forgetting how hard it is to fix broken hearts and hurt feelings. Those things just don't go away in a few days. Yet, everyone expect me to be alright, as if I can just forget everything my mom said and continues to say, like I can just go on as if I never knew Axel existed. Well, it's not that easy.

I can see why Axel would sneak out so late, the city in the dead of night is one of the nicest things I've seen recently. It makes me forget how crumby I feel and just soothes me for a few minutes. While I'm driving down the streets, all the lights and over all silence. Everyone is either at home, or inside some place. No one is bustling around and it's just so serene, but that's later into the night. In the beginning, when the night is young, it's swarming with people and so I don't usually spend the entire time driving. I'd waste way too much gas doing that. Problem is, I am completely terrified to attempt getting into a bar. I always end up driving right by the places and get so scared I go to McDonald's with their all night drive-thru and get myself something to eat, then park in some deserted lot just sitting there stuffing my face until it's time to drive the long way home.

I'm actually parked right out front a bar right now, wondering if all of this is worth it. Sure, I've been out of the house and everything but I still think about Axel every day, almost every second I can. I just can't seem to escape him, no matter what I do. I close my eyes tight and rest my head on the steering wheel but it doesn't really help. I'm so tired of this pain, I can't even escape it in my sleep. I freaking dream about that damn bastard, so my every waking moment and my every dream is haunted by his stupid fat head. He just won't leave me alone. I understand the little voice in my head when it suggests a strong drink, but I peer up at my reflection in my rear-view mirror and realize I don't look a day over 18. There is no way I'm going to get into the bar, not even with the buzz cut.

I step out of the car anyway and start walking over, I don't know what is it, but something just convinces me to at least try. Besides what's the worst that could happen? He'll just laugh at my pathetic attempt to get in and make me leave. I press the alarm on my car before running across the street and walking up towards the door. My heart is really pumping now and my finger tips are freezing. There's a bouncer leaning against the door way and he stares at me when I approach, which doesn't help my nerves at all. My palms are drenched and it's so uncomfortable to keep them closed in fists. I just can't seem to loosen my hands, so I just stuff them into my pockets. The bouncer must think I'm getting ID because he shakes his head at me, and motions for the door. "It's cool, go in...Nice ride by the way," he smirks and nods towards my car. I turn and glance at it, shinning beautifully under the street lights. Yeah, she's a great car. I smile at him when I face him again and agree as I push my way inside. My legs are shaking so bad I don't even know how I'm walking.

I finally drop myself into a booth which is facing an empty stage. Everyone is just sitting at tables drinking, not doing anything special. I don't really see what the big stink about bars is, but I guess it beats being at home. I melt back into the comfortable seats and take deep breath. That was a total rush, lying to that huge bouncer and actually getting in. My heart is still pounding and my legs are still trembling. I smile a little to myself as the stage lights turn on and a pale girl steps onto the stage with a microphone. Well, I might not be pounding back shots but at least I'll be listening to something.

At some point, while I'm listening to the girl sing about mix tapes and broken windows, someone slips into the booth beside me. I bristle, my heart picking up again as I turn stiffly to see just whose come to pull me out of the bar. I think of a million things to say, like: _"Officer, I'm so sorry...I'm actually quite lost!"_ or maybe just pretend to be sleep walking. I feel like barfing my heart out when I spot Riku, glaring at me through the darkness. His white head of hair, standing out almost as if we were under black lights or something is sort of a relief to see, at least he isn't some enraged cop here to catch me for my crimes. "What the hell are _you_ doing here?" he hisses and I can smell rum or some other really hard liquor on his breath. Hm, I could ask him the same question. How'd he get a drink anyway? He's not even legal. "And what the hell happened to your hair?"

I feel a blush start burning my cheeks when his eyes widen slightly to take in the sight of my short, short hair and I give him a nasty look. I turn my glare away from him and realize the girl's left the stage. It's a shame, her voice was really nice. I can feel Riku still staring at me, and again my hands form into loose fists. "That's none of your business," I huff, my gaze still fixed on the stage. The curtains are rustling, so I'm sure someone else is about to step out and sing something. "Why the hell are _you_ here?" I turn my head quickly, to see what exactly he's doing. I'd want to know if he's sneaking up and about to slit my throat or something. Instead, he's leaning back, staring off at the stage with his drink clutched tight in his hand.

"Drinking to the loss of my best friend, and deteriorating relationship," He looks at me when he says this and I feel like he's throwing an indirect at me here. I gasp, sending him a shocked look before frowning deeply and shaking my head.

"No, don't even try to blame me for either of those things!" I spit out angrily and Riku just laughs, taking a long swallow of whatever he's drinking. I feel slightly jealous, he gets to drink his life away and I'm forced to live every second of it sober and in terrible emotional distress. "It was my mom who forced Axel out and you're the one being a dick to Sora," I bite my lip and cringe back into the seat, afraid he's going to turn around and punch me in the mouth or something. To this day, I'm still afraid of both Axel and Riku. I mean, they were in juvie and stuff while I was not. I'm like a soft, tender marshmallow trying to pick a fight with a hard, angry rock. Well, at least Axel never took a swing at me and he probably never will. I mean, I won't ever see him again.

"I know that, I'm pissed at you for being a bitch to Axel," he gives me a hard stare and I look away not wanting to hear what he has to say. "Your mom kicked him out, but you told him to get out of your life. That was your choice...he waited for you downstairs, to go and take it all back but you didn't," there's a nasty bite in his voice that leaves a burning pain in my chest, and I feel like I'll cry until Riku motions over a waitress and orders two drinks. Talk about rubbing salt in my wounds, big grainy pieces of rough salt. I struggle to keep the tears at bay as she asks him for ID and he pulls out a card, smiling at her when she hands it back and turns to get his drinks. I cross my arms over my chest, trying not to ask him where the hell he got that. Though I have some sort of idea. The word around King Harts is that Siefer, Hayner's sociopath brother makes them for an easy buck. Riku pockets the phony ID and turns back to look at me again. I lick my dry lips before saying anything.

"Believe me Riku, I've spent a long time thinking about what I said...and no one knows how bad I feel for it. He left that same night, I was still angry and hurt," I hold his stare for a long time until finally the waitress comes back and sets both cups down, telling us to enjoy and hurrying off the help someone else. Riku pushes a cup towards me and shrugs when he grabs his and takes a long drink.

"Still doesn't make me forgive you. It was a pretty fucked up thing to do. But, for Sora's sake...I say we get along," I pick up the cup when I notice he wants to clink glasses. He taps his cup gently against mine before drinking again, swallowing the liquid fire with masterful skill. I bring the rim of the cup to my lips and I can smell the alcohol, feel it burning up my nasal cavity and sucker punching my brain. I can only imagine what this stuff is going to do to my innards. After a few moments hesitation, I take a long gulp and almost choke. It burns everything on it's way down, even as it splashes into my stomach and Riku almost dies when I cough a little into my fist. What really makes him laugh is when I rub my throat and chest, he seems to think it's the greatest.

I'm confused beyond belief as to why he's even speaking to me, but I don't really want to question it. I'm glad there isn't going to be this awkward, harsh tension between us anymore. Driving him to school like that every morning was really wearing down my nerves. The situation must have been the same for Riku, which I'm guessing is also a reason behind this peace treaty. I consider this for a moment, and I realize how much Riku cares about my cousin. He doesn't like me, yet he's still sucking it up and treating me like a person. It's touching, to say the least.

"Works for me." I shrug and Riku just nods his head in agreement, before looking up at my head and pointing at it in question. I feel incredibly watched right now, so I turn my attention to the stage. There's a pathetic little guy standing up there with a guitar, singing his heart out but I still think the previous girl was better. I might just be me, but female artists always make me feel more emotional than male ones. Maybe it's just those soft voices. Riku pokes the side of my head when I don't answer for more than 10 minutes and I look at him from the corner of my eye. "I got bored of it..." I shrug and he laughs loudly.

"Bullshit. What's up with the fucking get up then?" He plucks at the leather jacket and I smack his hand away, glaring. I was better off before he got here, with his annoying questions and stupid, distrusting eyes. I can tell he hasn't forgiven me, he's letting it off in waves. I roll my eyes at him and shrug again, hoping my short responses will get him to shut up. "You're something else, for fuckin' serious."

I want to punch Riku so bad, it's just I've seen how ugly bar fights get on the television and I don't want to risk it. You throw a punch and end up with a table smashed over your spine. Instead, I grab my cup a little harder than I should and take another long, burning drink. I feel a gag working inside my throat but I hold it back, watching the little singer bow and leave the stage. Someone else is coming, to sing us all to death.

We finish our drinks in silence, and it seems to be a mutual agreement to leave. Riku drops cash onto the table and leads the way out of the bar. The bouncer wishes us a good night as I try not to wobble past him. I'm not really drunk, just a little light headed and I lead the silver haired delinquent to my car, figuring he'll probably want a ride home or something. He shakes his head and motions me to follow him. I shrug and go after him, deciding I don't have anywhere better to be. Once I fall into step with him, he speaks. "Did you ever even like Axel?" he shoves his hands into his pockets and peers down at me through all his black make up. I look at him like he's an idiot and point at my shaved, cold head. Seriously, without all the hair, the cold air is freezing my cranium.

"I cut my hair just to spite my mother. She thinks I never liked Axel either, she thinks I'm just following some gay trend, trying to be like him. Everyone needs to stop doubting how much I fucking liked..." I stop, shake my head and correct myself, "how much I like him." Riku nods slowly before staring down at the top of my head with a tiny, stupid grin. He snorts before shaking his head in disbelief. Whatever, I don't care what he thinks anyway. My hair will grow back eventually, and when it does, I just might shave it again.

"So, you plan on showing her you're not trying to be like him...by dressing like him and shaving your head?" He raises an eyebrow at me and I glare at him before looking away. He doesn't understand the main idea behind my appearance change. He's probably looked the same since birth, seeing as he was probably born in a prison yard. Their babies are born all tatted up and deranged. "Very punk rock, Roxas," He winks before bursting out laughing and I just keep walking, ignoring him. At least I know why I changed my looks, Riku's not important. He doesn't need to know. All I'm worried about is if we'll remember the way back to the car.

"Yeah well, leaving Sora and not talking isn't fixing your relationship," I say quietly, almost as a whisper and he immediately stops laughing, catching up with me before rolling his eyes and staring at me like I'm scum, again. How the hell did he even hear me? He was laughing so freaking loud.

"Ah, like I'm gonna take advice on romance from you, for fuckin' serious?" Riku laughs right in my face and I stop walking, giving him a dirty look. He's being a bastard, so I don't even know why I'm walking with him. I could easily go back to my car and drive home, I don't need to drive him. He got to the bar somehow, he'll get home the same way. I turn away from him without saying anything about my new decision to leave him stranded out here and start making my way back, I hear him huff and start running behind me. "Alright Roxas...calm down," he grabs my arm but I shake his hand off and glare at him. I feel like I'm always being told to calm down.

"Don't tell me to calm down. You have no idea what I'm going through, you have no idea how bad I want to take everything back but I can't! I can't even tell him I'm sorry. So just shut your damn mouth," Riku stays staring at me when I finish and I turn quickly, running down the street back towards the bar where I had left my car. I don't hear him following me, until I'm close enough to see the car. This is where I chance a look back and actually see he's right behind me. I feel a scream almost escape and I smack into the driver's door of the car just as he skids to a stop.

"Roxas...wait...stop...running," he drops his hands onto his knees, trying to catch his breath and I hold myself up against the side of my car. My lungs are aching, which reminds me just how out of shape I am. I can't even run for a few minutes without almost dying. Riku straightens up a lot faster than me, licking his drying lips before just staring. I don't know why he came after me, just to stare at my face and hair? Yeah, yeah, it's funny but it's also getting old really quick. "You're being crazy you know," I watch Riku as he slowly crosses his arms over his chest and examines me. I push off my car and start searching for my keys.

"I don't care..."

"...Fine, do whatever you want Roxas. Just don't end up dead somewhere," With that, he turns and starts walking away. I watch him leave, glaring viciously at the back of his head. He's such a freak, randomly appearing, buying me a drink, than insulting me before leaving all over again. Why'd he even chase me in the first place?

Whatever, I don't care. I unlock the car and climb in, deciding I don't really want to stay in some parking lot. It's pretty late anyway, so I guess it's an okay time to go back home. I wonder if Siefer would make me a fake ID if I'd ask him, or maybe I can get Hayner to ask for me. I could definitely use one of those little cards, to make the whole getting into bars less nerve wracking because I actually enjoyed myself, believe it or not. If it hadn't been for Riku coming, I bet I could have spent the whole time just enjoying the music and not even thinking about Axel. It's not like I'd use it to drink myself stupid, maybe just a few drinks to really keep Axel at bay. Who knows. As I drive away, I log the name of the place into my brain, also remembering the street names for future reference or well, just in case.

* * *

**A/N:** Tehehe Riku, you and your frenemy ways.  
Oh by the way, Axel might just be...riiight around the river beeeeeeeend!

I LOOK ONCE MORE-Oh...ehem...Sorry 8D  
Keep in mind I said..._might_

This one's for you baby! -slides on sunglasses-

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-turns into a vampire bat and flies off into the night-


	31. A Month and A Half

**Chapter Thirty-One**  
A Month and A Half...

I wake up to Sora running into my room screaming "I've got it, I fucking got this shit!" over and over. I sit up half tangled in the sheets, feeling the deep pulsing headache of a hang over while my cousin jumps onto the bed oblivious to the danger and grabs my face, staring right into my eyes. I stare back and I realize his irises are really fucking blue. I wonder if mine look like that from up close, like my pupil is cast out at sea, drowning. My eyes start to burn and I don't know about Sora, but I'm not an alien, so I blink before slapping his hands away from my face.

"...What?" Hey, don't judge me. It's all my brain, which was yanked violently from slumber, can come up with. I rub the sleep from my eyes slowly waiting for Sora to answer and when I pull my hand away he's just staring at me. I squint at him a little, my head still pounding like a war drum but luckily, I don't feel like throwing up all over my cousin.

"You reek of alcohol..." Sora says before raising an eyebrow at me and I shrug. Last night while I was listening to music at the bar (I've taken to going there a lot), I ran into Riku again. I wasn't even going to try asking for a drink, I mean, I haven't really felt the deep urge to get hammered, so why risk it? There is nothing I need to drown out immediately anyway, so I haven't asked Hayner about the fake ID's. Recently the music is really all that I need to keep my mind off of Axel, so I don't want to risk an awkward moment with Hayner until it's absolutely necessary.

Well, that is until Riku comes and slides into my booth, looking surprised though I know he's not. That is when I want to reach into my pocket and know I can buy myself a drink. He always rubs it in my face that he has Axel's number, and every time I tell him to stop, he says I deserve it. God, as if I didn't already know that, I don't need him to tell me how pissed Axel is, or how much of a brat I am. Regardless if I apologize to him or tell him how what I said to Axel is killing me on the inside, he's still being a jerk whenever Sora isn't around. Worst thing about all this is, ever since I started coming to the bar, I've realized Riku visits this place a lot too. So I'm forced to encounter Riku a lot when Sora is definitely not around.

"Roxas have you been drinking?" My cousin's voice drags me out of my thoughts and I refocus on his face. I don't even know when I got so off track. I shove my cousin off me and move towards the edge of the bed. I have to stop though when the entire room spins and I can feel Sora's beady eyes on my back. What I need right now is a bottle of Advil, not a hundred and one questions. Sora however, doesn't seem to realize this and jumps off the bed right after me. I've given up trying to hide my nakedness from Sora, so I don't even care that he's seeing me in nothing but boxers. My cousin grips my arm painfully and I shout, trying to yank myself free.

"Ow! Sora, what the hell?" I stare at him angrily but he doesn't let go. Instead he snatches a little piece of paper from his pocket and shoves it in my face. He lets go of my arm just in time for me to grab the paper before it falls to the floor. Written on the little sheet are 10 numbers, the name _'Axel'_ scribbled messily on top, like whoever had written this had run out of time to write the name nicely. I look up at Sora, and I know I feel this numb only because it hasn't sunken in yet. My cousin grins hugely at me, nodding his head as if to assure me that this is real, that he really got Axel's number.

"When Riku came home last night, he passed out with his phone on his belly. I woke up and found him like that, grabbed the phone and got the number. He doesn't even know..." Sora grins wider before covering his face and whispering _"ninja!"_ then he wiggles his fingers in front of his face. He seems to be enjoying himself but I ignore him, looking down at the paper instead. I can't believe this. I run my fingers over each number, memorizing it and making sure that when my cousin takes the paper back, I'll know it off by heart. It takes a few times, but I'm sure I've finally got it, every digit engraved into my brain tissue.

"C-can we call?" My throat is dry when I try to speak again and my cousin looks at me like I'm retarded.

"Noooo Roxas, I just got the number to stare at it! Of course!" He whips his cellphone out of his pocket and almost smashes it into my face. I grab it, stumbling over to the bed and sitting down again. I don't think I'll be able to make it downstairs like this, my legs will most definitely give out on me by then. I flip the phone open and stare down at the numbers. I don't have to look at the paper, I already know which ones I have to press. I can feel my cousin hovering anxiously, waiting for me to dial. Finally he snatches it out of my hand when I can't find the nerve to and dials it himself before giving it back to me. I don't have time to ask him how the hell he knows the number off by heart too because the phone is ringing.

My heart is beating so hard, I can feel it in my head and I know I said I didn't feel like puking before, but now it's a whole new story. My stomach is twisting and turning inside of me, cramping up with nerves and begging to be emptied. It's obviously in no condition to digest anything or be put under any kind of stress. I do a great job holding the puke down, but I almost let it all out when I hear the line pick up and a voice comes floating through. "Hello?" I freeze, clutching the phone tightly in my hand, and I hear a small crack come from deep within. I loosen my hold but still can't manage to say anything, my tongue laying uselessly in my mouth, covered in cowardice. "Is anybody there?" Axel asks and I know that if I don't say something soon, he's going to hang up. Still, knowing this I can't force anything out. "Well fuc-"

"Axel..." I choke out just in time, my tongue suddenly weighs a ton and I think my heart's stopped beating all together. Sora is twisting the sheets nervously between his fists, staring at me while he gnaws a hole in his lip. I don't dare say anything else, because Axel is still on the line, breathing quietly but not saying anything. I know he heard me though, which is what makes this silence all the more nerve wracking.

Just as the silence gets almost unbearable, he clears his throat, "Roxas?" He asks shortly and the tone he says my name in hurts. It's nothing like he used to say it, now it seems to carry this dead weight from out of his throat. I feel a painful twist in my chest as he takes a deep breath. For some reason, all I can think about is him pinching the bridge of his cute little nose. "Why'd yah call me Roxas? Yah told me to get out of your life 'n that's just what I'm doin'."

He doesn't even try to hide the hurt in his voice. The hurt and the anger. I swallow thickly, not knowing what to say. Why am I calling him? I took towards Sora as I lick my lips and he just stares at me in disbelief. _"Talk to him,"_ he hisses quietly and I turn away, still clutching the phone like it'll save my life.

"Axel, just let me explain..." I say slowly because I don't know where to start. Should I tell him that I love him? It wouldn't be as nice over the phone though. Should I ask him to meet me somewhere so we can speak? Where is he even living now? I don't have time to think of anything else because he cuts me off, sounding tired and like he's finished dealing with my shit.

"Yah know what? I don't even wanna hear it." Before I can beg him not to hang up and just give me a chance, he does and the line goes dead. I pull the phone away from my head and stare at it, feeling warm tears forming against my eyeballs. Sora sits there silently and just watches as I snap his cell closed before throwing it somewhere onto the bed. I feel him shift, slowly inching closer until finally, he's close enough to envelope me in a tight hug. I smush my face against his shoulder and cry. I didn't think I had anymore tears left, I had stopped crying at least 2 weeks ago. Recently all I've felt is that tight persistent pain in my chest, but not tears. However, hearing Axel talk to me like that, finally realizing just how much I fucked everything up, tears open the old wounds and I can suddenly bawl my eyes out again.

"What did he say?" Sora mumbles quietly after a few minutes pass, his fingers slowly running over my buzz cut. It's a little longer, but still pretty short. My cousin doesn't stop though, and just keeps petting me. It somehow(strangely) soothes me and the tears slowly ebb away to nothing. I pull away from Sora's shoulder, leaving a big wet mark in my wake and I send him a little wobbly smile. He dismisses the puddle on his shoulder and grins at me. I don't know where I'd be without him.

"He says that he's staying out of my life...like I told him. He doesn't even want to let me explain," Again, I feel the tears welling up in my eyes and Sora brushes a stray one off my cheek. He gives me a sad look before pulling away and grabbing his cellphone off the bed. I don't know what he plans on doing now, and by the look on his face, he doesn't either. I know he's thinking something up at this very moment though as he scratches violently at his messy hair. I don't know what he expected, I told him Axel probably never wanted to speak to me again. I wonder if Sora just thought it would all be forgotten in a few weeks time. Sadly, life doesn't work that way silly cousin.

He turns around to look out the room window, and I curl up on the bed. This is exactly how I wanted to start my Christmas break. Emotionally dead. Suddenly an idea pops into my head and I feel a slight hint of excitement. I can still ask Hayner for that fake ID. I mean, now is a good time to risk the awkward moment. I actually feel like I need a drink. I smile at Sora before sitting up and going to run a hand through my hair before remembering it's gone. I rub my head instead, scratching the palm of my hand against the stubby blonde hairs.

"Listen...it's okay Sora. I expected this...I just...I want to sleep a bit and be alone right now. Is that okay?" I inch up the bed a bit and my cousin looks at me worriedly, walking over and staring down at me.

"Are you sure you're okay Roxas? I'm just next door..." He looks like he's about to cry and I reach out to poke his bellybutton. I know it always works to make him laugh, and just as expected he giggles a little. The smile dies down to almost nothing when he looks at me again, but I'm still grinning up at him. I get the strange feeling he sees right through me though, which makes me slightly uneasy. I don't like it when he worries.

"Honestly. I'm just really hung over," I laugh when Sora rolls his eyes and turns towards the window. I watch as he opens it up and steps one leg out. What he uses to climb down, I will never know. In fact, I've never even checked how Hayner and him get in through the windows.

"If you need anything Rox, anything at all, just give me a call," He sends me one last little look before disappearing and leaving me all alone in my house. I actually feel sleep tugging down my eyelids, so I decide to call Hayner after I take a little power nap.

I wake up when it's 7pm (so much for a power nap) but the house is dark and silent. My parents aren't coming home until it's like a day before Christmas, so the house is going to be dead for awhile. My mother left not too long ago, I remember her trying to say goodbye but I just didn't want to talk to her. Of course, the previous night we had fought and if I'm honest with you and myself, it's really starting to wear me down. My dad has been gone just as long, so I don't expect either of them back soon. A part of me wants to be upset, this Christmas is probably going to be one of the worst, but the bigger part of me is just too tired to care anymore. If my mother wants to keep our relationship so strained, so be it.

I wash my face before moving to grab the telephone, my headache is completely gone and I thank god for that. Hayner's cellphone only rings 3 times before he picks up, a grin already shinning through in his greeting. "Yo Roxas!" he laughs and I smile, this is going to be a piece of cake. "What can I do yah for?"

Still, my heart starts pounding when I think of what to say. I stay quiet for a bit, having a little inner argument with myself because I just don't know. A drink would be nice tonight, and being able to buy all my own stuff would make it even better. I hate having to sit with Riku until we finish our drinks. But what if he asks what I want it for? I don't really know what I'll answer and I don't even know if he'll actually do it for me. If I do end up getting an ID from Hayner, I'm switching booths at the bar. "Uh well...I was wondering if..." I take what feels like the millionth deep breath and steady my nerves. It's now or never Roxas Strife, now or never. "If you could get me a fake ID? I could send you a picture right now..." I start to worry when Hayner doesn't respond, but after about 5 minutes of shuffling, I hear the voice of Siefer in the background.

"_25 bucks, 40 if he wants it now..."_ I smile so big, I think I might rip some muscles in my face. I'm about to start laughing hysterically in joy when Hayner finally speaks. "Yeah man, sure thing! I was wondering when you'd ask! We totally need to go clubbing together," I roll my eyes, laughing along but not really thinking of using my ID for that. I've found that I'm more comfortable in bars than I am in clubs, though I've never actually been in a club. Everything I know about the places I've learned from T.V and watching those movies with Axel. I just know that loud music and big, sweaty crowds aren't my thing and clubs seem to be just that. Hayner though, is a completely different story. It's like he doesn't even care about nasty, icky perspiration. "My brother says that it costs..."

I cut him off, telling him I already heard and asking for the 40 dollar one. I want the damn ID now, not in a week. Hayner laughs before telling me to send the picture and he'd be over when it's finished. After thanking him one last time, I hang up and rush to take the picture. My phone has okay resolution, so I only have to try once to get a good enough shot. I stand in front of the closet to get the white background and then it's all set. I send it to him, getting the okay before I start getting ready. As soon as he hands me the card, I'm getting out of here. It takes me a total of 20 minutes to get ready, a quick shower and just throwing on whatever clothes I find usually never takes long anyway. I grab my wallet when I feel my phone buzz with a text, and I make my way downstairs, just as I hear the doorbell. I tug my front door open and Hayner is standing there, frowning. "What the hell man, why are all your windows locked?"

I laugh loudly before pulling out the money and handing it to him. He just stands there for few minutes staring at me before reaching into his back pocket and giving me the little ID. It's actually really good, and if I were ever showed one of these, I'd mistake it for a real one for sure. I look up at Hayner to thank him, and find that he's gone right back to staring at me. I stare back not saying anything but it quickly gets uncomfortable. I shove him out of my way and lock the house door. "What are you staring at?" I growl, glaring at him when he just shrugs and scratches at his much longer hair.

"Nothing. You just look so funny in leather and with a buzz cut," Hayner can't seem to hold his laughter in any longer and I roll my eyes, leaving him standing on my front steps chuckling up a storm. I have better places to be anyway, like at the bar listening to music and drinking all this horrible chest pain away. "Hey Roxas...where are you going?" Hayner runs after me when he realizes I've left him standing there and I open my car door, smiling at him before climbing in. He waits for me to open the window and I do, before answering him.

"Out," I don't say anything else and pull out of the drive way quickly. I watch him in the rear-view as I drive away and he stands there until I'm almost completely out of sight. He's such a weirdo, I swear. Anyway, now that I've gotten this ID, I'm going to drink myself stupid and completely forget that Axel Black exists.

* * *

**A/N: **This is to commemorate the beginning of my Christmas Break. NO SCHOOL BITCHES!

Alright, I'm going to try and get the next chapter out by Christmas or Christmas Eve.  
It shall be x-mas themed because I think it's all I can dish out in time. I have no ideas for Holiday one-shots v_v  
Also, updates will slow down even more than they already have because I have recently acquired The Sims 3.

Regardless of the crappiness, I hope you all can enjoy this installment to Brotherly Love. I promise, some big things are going to happen soon.

-fades into the shadows with creepy music-


	32. 55, 500 or is it 1000 Days?

**Chapter Thirty-Two**  
55, 500 or is it 1000 Days?

It feels like it's been years. Millenniums and decades spacing out in large gaps in my mind between the memories of when I had Axel within reach and now, as I sit here with nothing to show for all the lost time but pain and liquor. In reality it's been 55 days, I should man up and stop whining because he's gone but I can't. I see his face in everyone I pass on the street, I hear his voice escaping from every mouth that opens around me. I thought I had this beat, I thought coming to the bar and listening to music, wasting time, could eventually heal me. All it really did was take my mind off the heartache for a few days but suddenly it's all coming back to me. It's like I can't ignore it anymore, the pot overflowing so to speak.

It's only been 55 days. 55 days of gruesome torture, of endless pain and suffering...but who the hell is keeping track anyway? Not me. Actually I'm more concerned with what number shot this is. I've lost count, just like my eyes have lost focus. Sadly I still know who I am and why I'm sitting in a bar on Christmas Eve, so all the rum and vodka I've ingested has done absolutely nothing but make me feel sick. Not to mention I'm still thinking about my mother and the argument I had just before I stormed out of the house. She's not using her cane to help her walk around anymore (though my dad insists that she should), so she's faster than she was before. It makes me happy to see her getting stronger, though it seems that with the more she heals, the more she hates me. She's quicker at catching me when I try and slam my door, or disappear into the bathroom. She extends the argument for as long as she possibly can.

The waitress walks over and leans her hip against the table I'm sitting at. If I liked boobs and that sort of thing, I'd be freaking out right about now because she's got a lot of them or well she only has two but they are each huge. Anyway just as I said before, I've switched booths and I haven't seen Riku since, but now that I think back, he hasn't been around for two weeks. It's probably because Sora and him are trying to work things out and while I know I should be happy for them, I can feel nothing but horrible, almost unbearable rage and a jealousy that is slowly turning my insides to poison. This is why I hate the holidays, everyone always gets all mushy during Christmas, insisting you cuddle up by a fire with a loved one. Why do they always have to assume everyone has a loved one? What if you're completely alone in this world, with nothing but a little glass filled to the brim with golden rum. Then you just jump off a high roof top, that's what.

"Don't you have a family to be with?" the question isn't meant to sound mean, though it sure can be taken that way. I think either she means I'm here too often and she wants me to leave, or she's just curious as to why I'm still sitting at the bar, even when last call was long ago and all I have left is one more shot, which has been sitting in front of me for a good hour and a half. The only people left in this place are just failures, most of them drooling against the tables in their drunken sleep. Not even the entertainers are here, all of them having sung their last song hours ago. I just shrug before finally finishing my rum and standing up, I can feel her watching me and it's no surprise when she speaks. "No one should be alone in a bar on Christmas Eve..." When she says this she sounds sad, and I look around the bar at the two or three other people in here. She seems to get what I'm trying to say. I don't know why I refuse to speak, maybe I'm just too drunk. I have a feeling I'd slur every single word if I even tried. "They don't deserve it anymore than you."

I ignore her and just make my way to the exit, I don't need a waitress telling me I should be at home. She has no idea what I'm avoiding or just what waits for me there. I step outside and much to my disdain, it's snowing. I watch the little white fluffs float down until they land on the cement, some melting away and others staying, setting up the first layer of many. I pull my hood over my head before taking my cellphone out and turning it on. I always keep it off when I come to the bar. Sora has taken to calling me every single night, asking me where I am and why I'm not home. Something tells me he's starting to worry and when I look at the screen, spotting over 50 messages, I have to wonder if maybe someone died. I mean, what could be important enough for him to message me over a million times?

At first, all the messages are the same. As usual, he's asking where I am, only now he's freaking out because it's Christmas Eve. He sends another 10 messages like this until it changes, and he's asking if I'm going to be home soon. I check the time of the message and see it was received at 11 and since then he's sent a million more. Looking at the time on the last message I realize it must be really late, his last message was at 1:30am. I see that message was only sent like 20 minutes ago and it's now nearing 2 am but I'm in no condition to go home. I stumble forward, through the light flurries and try to make my way to my car. I don't know if I can actually drive, though something inside of me doesn't even care if I can. There's a certain excitement that comes from the thought of sitting behind the wheel, the road blurring and making it almost impossible to drive. I don't think I'd make it home, but you know, it wouldn't even matter. I stop myself right there, because that's a pretty selfish thought. Just because I want to end up mangled in a wreck on Christmas Eve doesn't mean whoever I hit wants the same thing. Still, I should get into my car for warmth.

Finally I can see my car in the distance, but to my horror, there are two figures standing by it. My knees are trembling as I cross the street, though I'm not sure if it's from the cold or the crippling fear. I swallow the thick, alcohol flavored spit in my mouth, trying to focus on the people's faces, so that if I were to survive their attack, I'd be able to describe them to the police. I mentally scoff at that idea because it's stupid. I mean, I'm shit faced and if they were to beat me, I doubt I'd be thinking of their faces. That is to say if they don't kill me instead. When I'm a few paces from the people, and by a few paces I mean at least 100, one of them turns around. I almost shit myself when they break out into a run right towards me, and the blood curdling scream that bursts out of my mouth is a surprise even to me. I turn clumsily, and make a mad dash towards somewhere. My legs aren't listening to my commands though and instead, they just buckle under me and I crash into the cold, wet ground. It doesn't help that the snow makes the sidewalk feel like it's glazed with lube.

"Roxas!" I'm turned onto my back by my cousin, his hood falling away from his head and revealing his messy brown hair and worried face. I must have hit my head because I can feel a horrible ache starting at the base of my skull, but Sora doesn't let me concentrate on that. "What the fuck are you doing?" He hisses and I squint up at him, the street lights seem to be shinning right into my eyes. "Do you know what time it is...Are you fucking drunk..._again_?" He pulls away from me and I just lay on the sidewalk, staring upwards at nothing in particular. I don't know what he wants me to do but I can't get up. The snowflakes fall all on my face, melting away as soon as they touch my skin. Some however, cling for their lives by sticking to my eyelashes and eyebrows. Luckily, I bought a beanie not too long ago, so my scalp is nice and toasty. Personally, I can't wait for my hair to grow...Oh wait, Sora is talking. "How many nights a week do you go drinking?" When I shift my gaze away from the dark, snowing sky and back to where my cousin's voice is coming from, it's just in time to see Riku walk up behind him and answer the question.

"I think just about every night," Riku snitches and I struggle to sit up. I need to get up in order to send him the proper dirty look. I can't look to menacing on my back, but I can't seem to push myself onto my feet or even sit for that matter. I opt from propping myself up on my elbows and glaring at him instead. He sticks his tongue out at me before crossing his arms over his chest,_ reaaal_ mature like. "Tifa says he's a regular," The smirk on his face makes me want to stick his head in a blender. Sora turns slightly so he can see both of us and I realize that Riku actually knows the waitress' name. Tifa must be the big titted one, she's the only one who serves me enough to know I'm a regular.

"You're...y-you're one to talk. You know...her...uh...her name...how many times...you been here for that?" I hiccup, a nasty taste rising up in the back of my throat and I know I'm going to throw up. I shut my eyes tight and turn away from them, the puke rushing up my esophagus and spurting out my mouth and nose way too fast for my liking. It burns and I whimper, but I feel much better. My cousin rubs my back softly while I'm vomiting out my organs and when I'm finished, he slaps the back of my aching head. No one ever told me how much puking you have to do to raise your tolerance. I don't think my throat can take much more of this.

"You idiot! You think by drinking every night you're going to make Axel come back?" I don't know what it is, but something about Sora's statement makes me really upset. I scramble up to my feet, using the lamp post to help me stand, and when I can stay upright, I point a shaking finger at my cousin. He slowly gets off his knees, which must be freezing, and stands just staring at me.

"Sh-shut up Sora! It's...n-not just Axel. I'm so done!" I feel the tears choking me up and I curse the day my tear ducts fully developed. I'm sure I could have been just fine without them, I could be a lot manlier that's for sure. My cousin doesn't say anything, he just walks over and peals me away from the pole. I rub my cold sleeve all over my face but it doesn't clean me, instead it smears the melted snow,sweat and tears and whatever else into my skin. I don't resist when my cousin makes me wrap an arm around his shoulder and instead let him take me back in the direction of the car.

When everyone is seated, Riku having the privilege to take my keys, Sora turns to look at me as I lay across the backseats. I liked it better outside, it was dark and hard to see the disappointment on my cousin's face. Now in the car, I can see the look clearly and he's frowning at me. Sora is frowning directly at me. It hurts. "Roxas, you're starting to worry me..." I don't like that tone he's using. He sounds like my damn mother.

"Sora, I'm _fiiine_," I groan before pressing my face into the cold leather seat. My skin feels clammy, but I don't know if it's from the snowflakes or sweat from all the force I used to puke. I'm sure that if I would have had hair, my cousin would have used it to yank my face out of the cushions.

"You call this fine? Turning into an alcoholic is_ fine_?"

"You are over...over-r-r...you're being...dumb..." I can't seem to find the right word and my brain almost hemorrhages the longer I try and force it out. I can feel it on the tip of my tongue, but the muscle doesn't seem to want to flop around in the right direction. I give up and just mumble into the leather. It's smell reminds me of Axel and that faint scent he'd have on his skin. I guess it's from constantly wearing the leather jacket, but regardless of how he obtained such a strangely alluring smell, I love it. I breathe in deeply for two reasons. To keep from throwing up and to take in more of the scent.

"Roxas if you don't stop this, I'm going to get someone involved and by someone I mean Aunt Sara or Uncle Cloud," when he says that, I sit up quickly. I regret it immediately but the nausea is easily ignored. I stare at Sora in drunken shock but he just looks at me. That hard, steely look in his eyes lets me know he's serious. "What you're doing is just stupid. How the hell were you going to get home? Were you going to drive?"

I stare at my cousin for a long time though I'm not really sure for how long exactly. All I know is that it feels like hours fly by and I'm still just looking at him. My brain isn't really doing any useful thinking, instead, all it keeps playing is the fact that Sora is trying to run my life just like my mother. I glare at him, before pressing against the door for some balance.

I'm so tired of everyone telling me what I should be doing or who I should be. When did it become okay to boss me around, or tell me how I should be living? Sora has no idea what the hell I'm going through right now, he's never loved shit for longer than a few months. He has no idea at all. I hate how he thinks he knows everything, I hate how he thinks he knows more than me. He's not me, so how can he tell me what I do to feel better is stupid? I don't see him fucking helping. "Seriously, shut the fuck up..." I use a lot of effort to get the words all out right and at the right speed. My cousin just stares at me, his stupid face looking like I've done something wrong. Is wanting to get over this pain so bad?

I turn my face away and stare out the window, I don't know how fast Riku is going but it seems like he's speeding past everything. It feels like all I've done is blink and we are already pulling up into my drive way. I stay sitting even when Sora and Riku stop the car and climb out. My cousin opens the door and stands there, letting all the cold in like an idiot. I glare up at him but don't budge. I'm not going inside just yet, not because he wants me to. "Come on Roxas, you're being silly..." He sounds annoyed, as if I asked him to come pick me up, as if I even wanted him to show up and ruin my night even more. He seems to have developed some amazing Life Ruining abilities. First he pushes me towards accepting Axel, then he fucking makes out with him, then he rats me out to my mother, effectively ruining our relationship and so much other things I just can't remember right now.

"Leave me alone Sora," I grumble hoping he'll get the point and close my door, leaving it up to me to decide when I'm ready to go in. Instead, he reaches in and wraps his hand around my arm, intent on tugging me right out of my own fucking car. I slap his hand away, only getting angrier with him the longer he looks at me like that. "Go home...I'm fine," I move and climb out through the other side, walking towards the back of my house and I hear Sora take off after me. At first, I think I'm hearing things, until I feel him grab onto my jacket and spin me around.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he seems genuinely confused and I groan, tossing my head back and letting more snow attack my face. It seems to be getting worse, and I wonder if there is going to be a snow storm, I sure hope so. It feels nice, each little snowflake melting away against my over heated skin. "Roxas...answer me!"

When he screams at me, I look at him. He's finally gotten me so pissed, I just might punch him in the face. I can feel the urge just surging through my veins but I hold myself back. I don't really want to punch my cousin in the face..._do I?_ I don't know the answer to that, but instead of bugging me, it just worries me. I've never wanted to hit Sora seriously. I mean, I've always just thought about hitting him, but never seriously contemplated it. Now I'm standing here, clenching my right hand over and over, wondering if at any second, I'll just swing without even thinking. It takes me a few minutes, mauling the question over in my mind and trying to pin point just exactly what's wrong with me, or at least a reason to explain my anger. All I find is one simple thing...something I should have realized was ruining me for a long time. "You want to know what's wrong with me? I'll tell you what's wrong with me...I always listen to your stupid advice, I always do what other people want, I'm always worrying about everyone else's happiness and where the fuck has that gotten me? Alone on fucking Christmas!" It's not until I feel the rasping in my throat that I realize I'm screaming. I can't seem to stop though, not even when the porch lights of my house turn on and my parents step out into the yard. "I'm so done with listening to you people! Why does no one listen to me?"

I watch my mother run off the steps and right towards me. She stops though, hesitating right as she goes to throw her arms around me, like she's forgotten everything that's happened between us. Sora is lost, I can see him, wanting to take a step but instead he stops and thinks about it. I push my mom away from me, not even understanding why she'd think it's okay to comfort me now. She doesn't even care. I hate the fact that there's a huge scene now because of this. I hate how everyone is just staring at me, so I do the first thing that pops into my head. I go to lock myself in my room.

I can't believe I've actually shoved my way past my dad until I'm half way up the stairs and no one's tackled me down yet. I reach Axel's room and walk in, locking the door behind me before I just toss myself onto the bed. I'm too tired to change, too apathetic to even care.

The next time I open my eyes, there is light trying to fill the room but being blocked by thick curtains. I sit up slowly, everything spinning and I feel like shit. I roll out of bed almost literally, and crawl towards the bathroom. My head hurts more than it ever has but there is nothing in my stomach for me to heave. When I get to the sink, I use it to hoist myself up and I wash my face. It's now when I look up into the mirror that I realize I'm still in my beanie and leather jacket. I slip out of the jacket, letting it fall to the floor in a clump and I rip the hat off my head. I decide I need a good shower before stumbling downstairs and drinking the blackest coffee I can make.

The house seems to be deserted when I step out of my room and make my way down the stairs. The television is turned off, but the Christmas tree is lit, shinning brightly and so beautifully. That's the only thing I like about this Christmas, my mom really decorated the tree nice this year. I almost scream when I turn into the dinning room and both my parents are sitting there silently. My dad has the newspaper rolled up beside him and an empty mug by his hand. My mother has nothing in front of her but an empty glass. They both look at me when I walk past, but I don't stop or say anything. Instead I walk right into the kitchen and pour myself a mug of hot coffee. The smell alone helps settle my stomach and I go to leave, maybe lay in bed but my mother stops me. "Aren't we spending Christmas together?" She asks softly, and I notice my father shift slightly to look at me. I cup the mug tightly and look down into the dark liquid. Do I want to spend Christmas with them?

I look at my mother and she's staring at me, but I can just see how strained that slight smile is. The only reason she's asking is because we've always spent the holidays together. She knows how bad our relationship is, even my dad knows. This is just to keep up tradition, or at least the facade of our happy family. When I sigh, I see my dad's body tense against the chair, fingers lightly drumming the top of the table. He has an idea what my answers going to be, but he just doesn't want to deal with my mom afterward. I still shake my head before turning and leaving. I'm not going to spend Christmas with someone who won't accept me. Christmas is a time to be with loved ones, and my mom has made me feel anything but. I make my way up the stairs quickly before locking myself in the room again.

It's not the nicest new tradition, but it's something I can see becoming one just the same. I lay back on the bed, setting my mug on the night stand. I just hope the hangovers finally become bearable.

* * *

**A/N: **I must say it was a pretty decent Christmas this year for me. At least there wasn't some huge family fight..._  
Anyway, I can't say the same for Roxas. He's got a shitty day ahead of him, and many, many more...maybe? Yeah 8D

Well, I just hope y'all had a great time and didn't spend it like poor Roxy here.  
Sorry it's a day later than I wanted but, well...what can you do? I had to nurse my own monster hang over on Saturday, so, please be kind.  
I hope you guys still accept my little gift!

Hope y'all had a gay old time!  
-heartsandthings-

-Sharmander


	33. Will I Ever See Your Sweet Return?

**Chapter Thirty-Three**  
Will I Ever See Your Sweet Return?

So much for new beginnings in the New Year. Everything still sucks just as much as it did last year, though that was only like a month ago. And I must say, I haven't really done anything to try and change so I guess I can't complain if I'm not making an effort to make things better. My mom is just outside of my door, telling me I have to go to school today because she's finally caught on that I've been skipping a lot. I don't really want to go, I'm too tired to even get out of bed, let alone face the entire student body in the crowded hallways. Also, another thing that's my fault. I'm really starting to get tired of the hangovers, the temporary relief is so not worth the puking and pain. My head hurts like a bitch but I think it's because I was crying, which makes me want to get out of bed even less. God, I'm a pansy.

I hear her knock again and I groan before untangling myself from the sheets and getting up. If she wants me to go to school so badly, whatever I will. At least I won't have to be home with her all day, listening to her nonsense. I can't really change my relationship with my mother no matter how much I want to, unless I'm willing to pretend and be something I'm not (that's not going to happen) or she finally accepts me, though I don't see why she'd start now. My relationship with my mom is only one of the things ruining my life. There's so many other things, things that I could fix. Maybe it could be my New Year's resolution, to slowly start fishing my life out of all this shit. I mean, I've never been one to just drown away in my sorrow, but I guess that's because until now, I've never really felt such sadness in my life. I just hope all this emotional torment can make up for all the years I missed, and at some time in the near future I can finally be stable again.

I get dressed quickly, brushing my teeth even faster before shoving past my mother and heading downstairs. I'm in no mood to start trying to patch things up with her yet, I'm too grouchy and sleepy for that. First step in getting out of this slump would be going to school. I hear her huff and take off after me. I get down to the bottom of the stairs quicker than her, because even if she doesn't use the cane and can move around faster, the stairs always get her. I look over my shoulder as I toss my bag at the door and see her just reaching the last step before I move towards the kitchen. I really wish she wouldn't follow me around the house, it makes me feel bad for her. I walk towards the fridge and stop, feeling her staring at me. I glance over, not daring to turn my head and see her just standing there. I can't tell what her face looks like, but I don't want to. I hate seeing that angry scowl.

I look away and stare at the fridge._ Don't think about her standing there_, I tell myself and instead look for something to eat. I can't start my mission or whatever this is on an empty stomach I suppose, but I'm not really hungry. Maybe I'll just have a glass of milk... "Roxas, I'd like to know how to fix this..." She sounds watered down and soggy when she speaks from the door way. It's a change to how she's been speaking to me for a while, every time she'd open her mouth it would be to demand things. It would be to tell me I need to stop doing this and that because it's not who I am. Now she sounds like she's pleading for me to just listen. I reach for the milk carton, pausing before actually grabbing it. I'm not sure if I want to speak to her just yet, I'm still tired and I have to actually get to school, something I'm not looking forward to. Can I afford to waste any energy on this? I turn and grab myself a cup from the cupboard, not daring to face her just yet.

I wish I could tell her how she can make everything better, but in reality I have no clue. I can't see us ever getting along unless she finally gives up treating me like I have some sort of illness and accepts it's part of who I am. I look over at her, grabbing my cup and taking a long sip. I watch her the entire time over the rim of my glass and she looks tired, her hair is starting to lose it's volume and shine and even her clothes seem a little askew. A deep, dark voice from the back of my mind speaks up telling me it's all my fault. She looks so put out because of me, because my stupid anger is tearing her apart. Another voice counters saying it's what she deserves. She hurt me so much that it's only fair. If I wasn't so worried about the voices, I'd tell them they're both wrong. My mother doesn't deserve this hurt any more than I do. I put the cup down slowly and take the milk back to the fridge. She's quiet until I take a deep breath and walk a little towards her. She takes a shaky step but stops when I look away. "Roxas, you're my son... you know I love you," When I look into her face, I see she's crying.

"You hurt me mom..." I say quietly and stare at the tiles. I don't know what my mom is going to say and when she takes long to respond I fear she's already going to start, but I'm surprised when I feel her hug me tightly. I don't shove her away, but it's because I'm just so tired. "You don't accept me for who I am and it hurts..." I mumble against her shoulder and she pulls away slightly, smoothing a hand along my cheek. It's been so long that I feel a gentle touch from her, it almost makes me cry. "I don't know how you can fix that."

"I'm sorry Roxas. I know what I did was wrong...but I was just afraid. It's hard to accept you're getting older and you're not the little child you used to be." She holds me by my shoulders and looks at me, her eyes scanning my entire face and just staring into my soul. I fidget slightly but she pulls me back against her before I can decide to slip away. "I thought you were confused...maybe even just trying to fit in with Axel and Sora, but I see now you aren't...you're serious about this," her voice quivers and she squeezes me really tight. I guess I'm not the only one who's spent nights thinking about this, wondering when she'd realize I'm not going to back down. I feel a few tears slip out and I press my face against her. "Roxas, I love you. You're my only child, and if you want to be with Axel, some other boy, or even a damn martian, I will love you and whoever makes you happy."

I can't help it, the more she speaks the more I want to cry. It feels so strange to hear her saying that. I actually thought she'd never say it. It had become this unreachable dream, like when you're just a kid and you want to be famous, or a daredevil or even a superhero. Then as you grow older you start to realize it's never going to happen. Yeah, hearing her say those words feels like that but only the dream actually comes true. I wonder briefly how long she's been ready to talk to me, because recently every time she's tried, I've just walked away. We haven't even argued because we've barely been around each other. I lift my arms shakily and wrap them around her. Once she feels me hugging her, she breaks down and starts sobbing. "I'm sorry Roxas, I hope you can forgive me..." She keeps repeating the same thing and it takes me a few minutes to pull away and speak.

"That's all I ever needed to hear," I choke out, trying to look at her but the tears keep blurring my vision. She wipes the water off my cheeks slowly, smiling at me like everything is okay. A small part of me still hurts though, because even though my mother accepts me, Axel isn't here to see it. It's a bittersweet sort of moment, the fact that I can now be with him but he doesn't even want to hear from me.

My mother and I separate, and I get a chance to wipe all the tears off my face as my mother does the same. She straightens up before we both hear Sora and Riku coming down the steps. I know it's them because Sora is whining about something, calling Riku a cheater. I must look as confused as I feel because when Sora finally appears and sees me, he smiles brightly, like he knows why I'm baffled. He crosses his arms stopping beside my mother looking smug for some reason. Riku looks the same as he always does, stupid and annoying. My mom doesn't look surprised and she's the first one that decides to explain to me how the hell they got in, when I had personally locked all the windows. "I found them trying to get in early this morning, so I opened the window..."

"Yup, we already had breakfast and everything," Sora grins brightly at me and my mother and I raise an eyebrow at him. I feel his uneasiness as he tries to figure out if me and my mother are alright. His eyes keep skipping from my face to hers, only staying long enough to scan it over for a few seconds before fleeting away. For all he knows we're still not on speaking terms, but just standing in the kitchen doorway for a few seconds before passing. My mom rolls up her sleeves before sighing and putting a hand on Sora's shoulder.

"I spoke to him Sora, it's alright." My mother smiles before telling us we'd better hurry unless we want to be late to class. Sora's eyes widen when he notices the time and he pushes Riku right out the door. My mother bends over and hands me my school bag before shoving me out with Sora and Riku, telling me I'd better work hard, exams are just around the corner before locking us all out.

I suddenly stop, half way down the steps and glare at the back of Sora's head. What did my mom mean by_ 'I spoke to him Sora'_? Did my nosy cousin actually snitch me out to my mother? My hands clench tightly, squeezing my bag between my fists until I realize that my mother said absolutely nothing about the bar or my late night outings. Sora turns when he notices no one is opening the car doors and he stares at me curiously. I finish walking towards the car and stand beside him. I need to cool my jets and get all the information before blowing up on Sora. I take a deep breath, releasing it all but seeing no steam. It's unusually warm for this time of year. It really freaks me out. It freaks me out almost as much as when Sora stares at me like that.

"What did you say to her?" I ask, slipping my bag onto one shoulder. I really want to know just what someone as brain dead as Sora could say to my mother to help her open her eyes. I've never known Sora as insightful, or even good with words. Every time he's opened his mouth lately, it's been to spew nonsense. So, I really must know just what he said to her. He smiles brightly before patting my arm.

"I just told her how it is Roxas. This is who you are and you aren't copying anyone. I told her you're the most unique kid I know," Riku snorts from the other side of the car and we both turn our heads to glare at him. Sora is the first one to look away from the dumb silver haired jerk and he sighs when I don't turn my head. Riku is staring back at me from over the car and I feel like cussing him out but Sora catches my attention. "Roxas, I'm sorry..." I look back at my cousin and he's staring down, looking at the pavement all pathetic like. I guess this is why everyone forgives Sora so easily for all the stupid shit he pulls. He doesn't ever mean any harm by anything he does, he just doesn't think things out enough. Still, his fuck ups have caused so much trouble. I pinch the bridge of my nose and think.

What good could it possibly do me to be upset with Sora? I can tell him I don't forgive him for all the shit he's done and leave it at that, or I can just forgive him and get another little piece of my life back. I smile before looking back at Sora and he's still staring down, though he's shifting a little to the left. "It's okay Sora," I say quietly but he hears me, his head snaps up so fast I think he's going to get whip lash. He grins before tossing himself at me and hugging really tight. My mother hugging me is one thing, but my weird bony cousin is another. I peel him off and laugh when he sends me this dejected pout. "Let's not get gross Sora," I shove him away and move to open my door. My cousin laughs before rushing to the back and slipping in when I unlock all doors.

When I start the car, I can tell Sora is waiting for the engine to quiet down to speak. I look at him in the rear view before backing out of the drive way and slowly making my way towards the hill. "I have something to confess..." Sora squeaks and I can't tear my eyes off the street. The roads aren't bad. In fact all the snow has almost melted away completely, so if he has to tell me something horrible, I probably won't lose control of the car and we won't spiral off the road towards out deaths. I look at him, my eyes anything but friendly and I ask him to spill the beans. My cousin smiles a little awkwardly before looking towards Riku as if seeking back up. The other teenager rolls his eyes before slouching against the seat before looking up at me. "Sora called Axel last night," I slam on the breaks when Riku calmly says that, and if there had been ice or snow on the streets, we probably would have skid forward a little. My eyes dart right to where Sora is, curled against the door like a scared little mouse.

"And said what?" I grit out, staring at him until I hear someone honk and I have to force my eyes away and lift my foot off the brake. I hear Sora shift a bit and Riku grunts something about him being a sissy. It takes me a few minutes before I can look up into the rear view and when I do, I see Sora just running a hand through his hair nervously over and over again. "What did you say Sora?" The car sort of veers off to the right and Sora looks up bug eyed when he hears people blast us with their horns.

"I just told him I was worried about you and that maybe he should at least consider hearing you out..." My cousin swallows so hard I can actually see the way his Adam's apple bobs before I look back to the road and think. I can't decide if what Sora did is stupid or not, but something inside of me just doesn't feel right. If anything is going to happen between Axel and me, any interaction or anything of the sort, I want it to be because of _me_. If there is a chance at saving what we had, I want to be the one who takes initiative. I don't want Sora running my life for me or fixing my mistakes. I sigh deeply before shaking my head.

"Sora, mind your own business. I love you and everything, but you need to just back off," I glance up at him before merging into another lane and realizing we're getting that much closer to school. Oh, joyous of joys. Riku's face seems to reflect my emotions about this place just fine, and I want to laugh. It's only taken him a full semester to get sick of this school. He hasn't even been coming here for 4 years and already he hates it. If only he knew just how bad it could be. When I finally get to school, I realize Sora hasn't said anything and is instead just staring out the window. I must have just zoned out, concentrating on driving and all that. I'm actually a pretty good driver, when I'm not on the verge of doing it drunk.

I park the car and start climbing out before Sora stops me by speaking. I freeze, my foot half out and I listen. "I'm sorry Roxas...I just wanted to help. I can't stand seeing you so upset, but it seems the more I try...the worse I make things," my cousin climbs out of the car before running of towards the school, Riku opting for the much slower speed. He slams my door a little roughly before glaring at me. What the hell is his problem?

"He's just trying to help," I get out of the car and send him a dirty look. He's another one who needs to butt out of my life and mind his own freaking business. I slip my school bag on and lock the car doors, walking away from him before turning and just crossing my arms over my chest. Riku seems unsure what to do, so he just stays standing by the car.

"I don't need any help. He's done enough," I don't give him a chance to say anything else and instead, I walk away. Professor Pain-In-The-Ass is going to snap if I'm late, he's already in hysterics because of my horrible attendance. I pick up the pace, the thought of being out of the halls before Riku even gets into the school fuels me on even more. Also, the fact that the school has heaters and my face is just stages away from frost bite.

I get to class just in time, Naminé and Hayner quietly speaking to each other as I make my way over to my desk with the empty seat beside it. The blonde girl is the first to look at me, and her eyes stay on my head. Ever since I gave myself the buzz cut, both Naminé and Hayner stare at my head a few seconds before speaking to me. Thankfully, my hair grows at amazing speed and is already a little longer, soon enough I'll have the very first stages of slightly grab-able hair. I sigh as I settle into my seat and Naminé's eyes finally land on my face. "You look like shit," She says bluntly and I laugh, shaking my head before rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I forgot to wash my face this morning.

"Let me guess, Sora's told all of you?" I look up slowly into both Naminé and Hayner's faces, Hayner looking much more amused than his girlfriend.

"It's all he's been talking about. He's pretty worried about you, and he's got every right to be," Naminé narrows her eyes at me slightly, before looking up like she's about to lose her mind. I can only imagine the things my loud mouth cousin probably told her, making me seem like some junkie out on the street or something equally exaggerated. Hayner speaks before I get the chance to tell her Sora is blowing this way out of the water. I'm surprised, because he sounds very serious when he speaks.

"Roxas isn't a little kid and he knows what he's doing. Sora is being dramatic," Hayner looks at me before patting my shoulder and laughing. "Who doesn't like drinking now and then," My poor friend probably doesn't know that I've been drinking a little more than _now and then_ but I don't tell him that. I also don't tell him about my insane ideas about driving home smashed and instead I smile thankfully at him. "Sora is too nosy sometimes," Naminé looks offended, as if she's the one Hayner insulted.

"Hayner's right. Besides, I might not even go back to the bar anytime soon...my liver feels like it's been hit by Bas Ruten," I groan softly before resting my head on the desk. As expected Hayner gets my joke but Naminé just sits there in silence. She's probably more than a little miffed about my siding with Hayner, but oh well. She can deal with it. Finally Hayner stops laughing when Luxord walks in and I'm forced to lift my face off the cool table top and pay attention. The end of the day seems so damn far away.

Two-Thirty has never taken this long to come around before in my life. I groan as I shove my way out the side doors and head towards my car. My school bag feels like it's going to tear at the seams any second and my spine, well, it's slowly bending out of shape. I pray to God that Sora and Riku are standing by the car already, but I have this feeling that if they aren't I'm not going to wait for them.

Sometime during the day, between listening to Sora apologize about always being annoying and Olette asking when I'm going to try and patch things up with Axel, I decided to call the redhead. I don't know what came into me, but I'm telling myself I'm just really paranoid about what Sora might have said to him. I don't want the redhead knowing how pathetic I've been, I can't even dare to imagine how he'd view me then. I'd probably make him sick. Also, Olette seemed to paint such a pretty picture, telling me that it's been long enough, he's probably much calmer now. Pence added his kind two cents, saying he couldn't stand seeing me like this for a day longer. He missed the old Roxas, _'believe it or not'_. Hayner just called me sackless for not hunting the redhead down and forcing myself on him. In his eyes, I didn't try hard enough to show Axel just how important he is. For a brief second, I saw logic in what my friend was saying. Regardless, they somehow convinced me in their own way to try calling him again.

I scan the parking lot and spot my car, only there isn't anyone around it. I rush over to her and just take another look across the lot. Sora and Riku are no where to be seen, and after I stay for at least a minute, I decide they can take the bus home today. I feel anticipation buzzing in my veins and just the thought of hearing Axel speak makes me queasy. I start the car up and soak in the silence, breathing deeply to try and calm my racing heart. I love sitting in my car when it's quiet, it's so serene. I snap out of my little daze just in time to pull out of the lot before it gets really congested and I'm stuck with everyone else trying to leave the school. In the silence, the drive home is a lot quicker than it was this morning.

I get home to an empty house, a sticky note on the fridge from my mother tells me she's at some lady's house until late tonight. I crumple up the note and toss it into the trash on my way upstairs. I haven't decided if I'm going to shower before calling Axel, have dinner or what. Though, I don't think eating would do me any good, I'll probably barf it all out before he even answers. When I get into his room, my room, whatever, I throw myself onto the bed and fish my cellphone from my dress pants. I flip my phone open and just stare at the screen, wondering what Axel's doing and my thumb slowly slips towards the contacts. Yeah, I actually saved his number and everything. It was slightly comforting to know that if I ever got desperate, I could call and hear him at least breathe. Well, now I'm calling to try and get him to listen to me. It's a lot scarier than calling just to hang up, so it's okay that I'm taking so long to do it. Alright, I know I'm just looking for excuses, but I'm fucking scared. I close my eyes and press the call button, my phone ringing loud enough for me to hear it without pressing it to my head. My hand trembles and in no less than 5 rings, I hear Axel pick up.

"'ello?" My tongue dries up in my mouth and my throat starts closing up, like I'm having some sort of allergic reaction and I wheeze a little. I can hear Axel shuffle around on the other side before he asks who's calling. I open my eyes and stare up at the ceiling, it was so much easier to talk to him in person.

"Hello..." I don't know what else to say but at least he isn't hanging up. It takes him a few seconds before he responds, and I can hear the confusion in his voice.

"Who's this?"

"...promise not to hang up?" I can hear the quiver in my voice and I want to slap myself.

"Roxas, why are yah callin' me now?" The confusion quickly turns to anger and I scramble to find words, or at least something to say that won't make him even angrier and have him hang up on me. How the hell did he know it was me anyway? Or, I guess it's pretty obvious.

"We need to talk," I lick my dry lips trying to sound strong but all I hear is a coward. The silence stretches so long I fear he's hung up the phone until I hear him take a slow breath.

"About what kid? We're done speakin', I thought I made that clear..." I tense waiting to hear the click of him hanging up, but it doesn't come. Instead, I can hear his even breaths and each time he shifts in his bed, or at least I think he's laying down.

"We aren't done because we never even spoke..." I try and keep my voice calm, nonchalant like him but it's so hard. "I have to explain myself..."

"Listen...I don't want yah callin' just to dump all your bullshit lies and fake apologies on me. I shoulda known yah never really gave a shit about me. Did yah ever stop to think just how much leavin' hurt me? How much your parents telling me to get out tore me up? Nah, yah probably didn't 'cause all yah ever thought about was yourself. " My eyes almost pop out of their sockets when he says that and I sit up quickly, curling my free hand into the sheets.

"Axel, it's not like that..." The tears streaming down my face surprise me, and I don't even know when I started to cry. Axel stays quiet, the silence slapping me in the face. I can't even hear his breathing now and I roughly wipe the tears away, trying to get it together. I have to get this all off my chest, I have to tell him just how bad all this made me feel. "I'm a piece of shit, okay? I know that, I'm a piece of shit and so much worse...but please Axel, just hear me out, even if I don't deserve it..." He quietly agrees and I almost faint with relief. I switch my phone to the other side of my head and try to calm down enough to speak. "I-I said a lot of shit I shouldn't have said, so much things you didn't deserve. You were always so nice to me, but I'm just a bitch. I was selfish too, and I should have considered how you felt, I should have never taken out all my frustration on you...but I did, and I know it was wrong. You don't have to ever speak to me again after this, but please...can you try to forgive me? That's all I want...I want you not to hate me because the thought alone is killing me. I'm sorry Axel, a million times, I'm sorry," I realize that around the end, I'm sobbing pathetically into the phone but he just stays quiet the entire time.

When the silence grows to the point where I can't take it, I pull the phone away from my head and look at the screen to see that my battery is dead. My heart stops in my chest and I just blink past all the moisture in my eyes. This can't be right...no, when the fuck did it die?

I feel a small part of my soul shrivel up as my screen goes black, the battery now completely wasted. I toss myself off the bed and rush towards the house phone, dialing Axel's number but the call doesn't go through. Each time I try, I go directly to voice mail. Did he even hear anything I said?

As I'm standing in the hallway, the complete emptiness of the house really getting to me, I feel the need for a drink. A really strong fucking drink.

* * *

**A/N:** A big, warm, brotherly thank you to the late Jeff Buckley and his godly voice and soul crushing emotion for the song that really helped me get through writing this chapter: Lover, You Should Have Come Over.  
It paints out how Roxas feels perfectly, seriously.

I really love everyone's different views on Roxas and his behavior.  
I agree with almost everyone who says he's a bitch, but I also agree with those who sympathize with him because well, he's Roxas and I love him.  
This chapter starts with a little progress and ends with retrogress. Ah, Roxas...let's hope you don't find any trouble...-coughcoughhinthint-

Also, as I had said before, I do have the ending of this story planned out but...the other day as I was on the bus, the fleeting thought of a sequel popped into my head.  
It would be a cool idea to toy with, and I already know how to alter the ending to make it work out for a sequel but I don't know. I kind of like my original ending, plus, sequels sometimes crash and burn.  
Let me know what you think, and hopefully by the next update, I'll tell y'all what I've decided!

ANYWAY...Until next time, my pretties -vanishes in red puff of smoke-


	34. WaitWhat?

**Chapter Thirty-Four**  
Wait...What?

Tifa is eyeballing me from all the way across the bar, but I'm trying to ignore her. Instead I stare up at the singer, who's apparently doing a cover. I find it hard to focus on the man as he sings, but not because he's bad at it or anything. It's the lyrics in the song, they're enough to rip my heart right out of my chest and that's not why I'm here. Dear God that's the last thing I need, more heart ache...in fact I came here to try and ignore the pain. I lift my glass and just focus on the alcohol. This is about the 5th time I've picked up the cup, only to put it back down. I'm not drunk yet, even if that's what I set out to do when I decided I wanted to come back to the bar. I stare at the glass like it's going to tear out my jugular any second, and I have a feeling it really might or at least, not the actual glass itself but it's contents. And the drink won't literally rip out my jugular, but just give me the sensation of having my throat demolished. I'm torn between chugging the whole thing, or just going home. Again I lift my glass, only this time I decide _'fuck it'_ and start chugging. It burns as expected and my head starts to feel funny almost right away, so I drink more, getting that much closer to forgetting everything, if even for a while. I'm finished the entire glass in about 2 minutes, and when I look up at the stage, the guy is gone and has been replaced by someone else, or at least I think he's gone. Also, Tifa is walking right towards me.

"Hey, didn't think I'd see you again," She grins at me and I shrug before lifting my glass for her to take. She asks me if I'd like another one and I nod slowly. With one more tiny smile, she turns and walks away from me, heading towards the bar to bring me back my poison. I take this time to scan the entire place, and find it completely pointless. I can't see anything, the only light I have is this tiny candle on my table and the stage lights, which only really illuminate the performers and the few tables close enough to the stage.

It's while I'm looking around that I get this eerie feeling, a strange sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me feel slightly nauseous. I know it's not from drinking because even if I'm still a light weight, I can handle a bit more than one glass of rum and coke before I want to hurl. No, this is something completely different. I shiver, a sharp tingling that is far from pleasant surges right under my skin and I don't know what to do. I stare around the dark bar frantically, trying to pin point just what is making me feel like this and I stop when I notice someone, sitting all the way at the bar. He is the only person tilted to face the back, completely ignoring the woman singing, while everyone else isn't even talking just to hear her. I can't really tell if he's staring at me or not, but just the way his body is turned fills me with a little bit of unease.

"You okay?" Tifa's voice makes me jump and I turn to look at her, a little scared. She hands me the cup and I grab it, my hand shaking but I tell her I'm fine. My skin still has that strange tingly feeling but I try to ignore it as Tifa keeps talking to me. "You look a little spooked, kid," She stares at me curiously, and the way she calls me kid reminds me of Axel. I feel it tug on my heart strings and right then, I forget about the creepy guy at the bar and remember just why I'm sitting here again, when I had decided to avoid this place at all cost. I take a long sip, and when I open my eyes (didn't even realize I had closed them) Tifa is still there watching me.

"What?" I croak, putting the glass down a little clumsily. The waitress looks over her shoulder, probably to make sure she isn't being watched while slacking off before she slips in the booth beside me. I move over and watch as she adjusts her skirt before turning to look at me, leaving that little platter they all walk around with on the table top.

"I watch you drink every time you come here, and each time you look like you're gonna throw up. What's the point of drinking alcohol alone if you aren't enjoying it? When someone drinks all alone it's never a good thing," She looks genuinely curious and I sigh, before reaching for my glass and taking another drink. I try and make it seem like I'm enjoying myself but I fail miserably when I pull away and my face scrunches up as the alcohol slides down my throat. After every swallow I look like I'm about to have a stroke, so it's no wonder Tifa noticed.

"I like to get drunk," I shrug and look at the stage, just as the lady who was there walks off and someone else comes on. My eyes shift by their own accord all the way back to the bar, and they land on that lone figure, facing the back. He's still tilted towards my booth and in the dark, I have no chance of telling if he's staring at me, but it just feels like it. I shiver slightly before looking back at Tifa and she has an eyebrow raised high on her forehead.

"Alone?" When she says the word _'alone',_ I feel something inside my chest constrict and I look down at the table. Yeah, I come here to get drunk completely alone and up until a little while ago, it was on a daily basis. The more I say it in my head, the more pathetic I seem. Still, I reach for my glass and chug the rest of it. By the time I turn back to Tifa, my vision is swimming and I can't really concentrate on her face. I just shrug and I think she gets the point that I'm not going to tell her my life story, I'm not going to spill my guts to some waitress just because she thinks I'm some lonely alcoholic. She sighs before standing up and taking her platter with my glass. I try my best to avoid looking at her, but I just have to when she doesn't leave the table. "I know it's none of my business, but...your drinking won't help whatever's making you ache. Trust me, I know," With a little wink, she leaves and goes back to working. I sit there, looking at her as she disappears into the dark and again, I shrug. She won't see the action, but I do it anyway.

Stupid, large breasted waitress is such a buzz kill. I came here to get drunk and listen to music, not to listen to how sad I look sitting here all alone. I'm drunk but completely ignoring the music, the only thing I can really hear is my own thoughts and this strange, unexplainable urge to get the fuck out of here. I look down at my watch and see that it's nearing 1:30am and maybe I should start heading home. I push away from the table and when I'm near the door, I feel the need to stare back. I turn and right away I notice that the stranger who was staring at my booth, or at me, is gone. It sends a strange, creepy chill up my spine but I ignore it. Last call is going to be soon anyway, so he must have decided to go home too. I push my way through the door and out into the night air. Seeing a snowless January is quite depressing, but the last thing I need is to feel demoralized because of the weather, on top of everything else. I didn't drive here, so there is no need to worry about me climbing behind the wheel in this state, but I'm not so safe walking around on these wobbly legs either. Oh well, at least I won't kill anyone.

When you aren't in a car, the city at night is probably one of the scariest things to encounter. I feel vulnerable and unsafe as I walk along the sidewalks, cars are sparse but each time one passes, I feel a little wave of relief. I know that if anyone where to try and attack me, I could run out into the street, screaming bloody murder. Now, it's not the best plan but it's the only thing my drunken brain can really provide me with. Besides, it makes me feel better knowing that the worse that could happen if I run out into the street while being chased by a serial killer is that I could get hit by a car. At least I won't have to endure whatever torture the psycho had planned out for me. Well, all this is just hypothetical. I mean, how many serial killers can be wandering around now?

I stumble into a wall and just lean against it for a few seconds, feeling really tired. I don't know what it is, but something about walking around drunk and trying to stay upright can take a lot out of you. I sigh deeply before getting ready to start walking again. Just as I go to push away from the wall, I hear the thumping of boots and my skin prickles like it did in the bar. I look quickly and see exactly where the sound is coming from. I don't know if it's the lighting, or the fact that I'm drunk and scared but the man who is walking towards me looks a lot like the one who was sitting back at the bar. I lick my dry lips before trying to discretely push away from the wall and start walking again. By the time I actually get enough control over my heavy limbs, the man is stopping right in front of me and speaking. "Hey, you got a light?" his voice comes out smooth and when I look up at his face to tell him that, no, I don't, I see that he's really attractive. The fact that he isn't some disfigured, old man calms my ragging nerves for about two minutes, but that's really not rational. Good looking people could be the craziest. I examine his face and I feel a painful pang in my chest because something about his eyes reminds me of Axel. I figure someone who resembles the redhead in anyway, can't possibly be a serial killer...right? Whatever, my reasoning makes sense to me.

"No, sorry," I smile sheepishly before trying to make my way around him. He makes it hard though because he shifts to block me, resting his body against the wall right beside me. I look up into his eyes and realize that they are really green, like Axel green. I find that I can't tear my eyes away from his, even when he inches closer, so close that I can smell cigarette smoke on his breath...wait, didn't he just ask me for a lighter? How was he smoking if he doesn't have a lighter?

That strange, sharp tingling starts up under my skin again and my heart is pounding. I've never actually experienced my instincts or intuition in action before, but something inside of me is telling me that I need to run. I back up a little, successfully pressing myself against the wall and he just grins at me. Okay, I take back what I said before. So what if his eyes are the same shape and color as Axel's, when he smiles it's a completely different story. It's this frightening upturn of lips, the sight of it makes me feel uneasy and threatened. Nothing at all compared to what Axel's smirks and grins did to me.

"That's alright..." When I notice that he's trapping me against the wall, it's too late. My body is crippled with fear and my legs start to shake uncontrollably. So much for him not being a serial killer, I should have ran away when I had the chance...but I might still have a chance. Serial killer or not, I can't just let this guy kill me. I try to shove him away, putting my hands on his chest and using all the force I can muster but it's not good enough. It's still a little hard to focus when everything is blurry and in pairs and all I manage is to move him a few inches away. He grunts before grabbing my wrists and slamming them over my head. I feel the brick of the building scrapping my skin and I release a choked cry. I know I'm completely fucked because when someone grabs you by the wrists, they have a lot of control over your body. I try and squirm out of his grip, but I quickly come to realize it's no use. He's a fucking strong beast, which is just perfect. Of course I'd be attacked by someone I can't even dream of fending off. Of fucking course. "I've been watching you at the bar for awhile..." he brings his face close to crook of my neck and inhales deeply, running the tip of his nose along my jugular and I wonder if he can feel my pulse as it races. I bet he can, and he's loving it.

As soon as his lips make contact with my skin, I feel all the rum and coke rise up in my throat but I swallow it back down. If I puke I'm going to probably piss myself too...I am that fucking scared. I start fighting against his hold on my wrists again, even if all the effort I'm using isn't doing anything but tiring me out, I can't just give up. I feel his tongue slip out and start lapping at my skin, and my eyes tear up. I've never even considered what it would be like to be molested (but who the hell would anyway?) and never in a million years would I ever think this would be happening to me. It feels horrible and the more he touches me, the worse I feel. He switches both my wrists to one hand and uses the free one to grab the front of my jeans. I gag out loud when he starts rubbing my junk through my pants. If anything, he's making my penis retract into my body, not out. This is when I remember that I have legs, and I manage to somehow kick him away. He howls in pain and I realize I kneed him in the balls. With a victory _whoop_, I start running. Luckily, I'm not as drunk as I was before or else I'd be falling all over the place. The scare really sobered me up.

I'm doing pretty good until I hear the thumping of his boots, "you fucking bitch!" The way he screams that, like if he catches me, he's going to tear me to shreds, makes my legs falter and I almost fall. I look back, which I'll admit wasn't the smartest thing to do. I see him running after me and he's so fucking close, if I were to trip he'd be on me like white on rice. Just as I turn my head, ready to break out into a sprint, I trip, my hands flying outward to stop my fall but instead, they slide on a random patch of ice and I smash my face into the pavement. My head spins and my nose feels like it's on fire, and or a second everything is pitch black. With a sharp stab everything is back into view and I push myself onto all fours and try to get back on my feet but everything is spinning so badly, I feel like I'm on a tea cup ride from hell. Why is there even ice out here? It hasn't snowed for days but there's ice? This is ridiculous.

I'm too slow to get up and I feel his body crush down into mine, again my head smacking into the ground. If this keeps happening, I'm going to pass out and not even have a chance at saving my ass...literally. I'm pressed belly down and even if there isn't any snow, the ground is still freezing. I cry out and try to drag myself out from under him but he grips my hips and pulls me back. I feel him press himself against me in a hard, slow thrust and it makes me feel like puking but my body just quivers harshly instead. I begin kicking my legs out crazily when he starts tugging my clothes down, but it doesn't do anything to slow his hands. In fact, I think it makes the whole process of getting the jeans around my thighs easier. My legs are trapped by the pants but I try and hit him using my arms anyway. I squirm around like a worm on a boiling side walk and this seems to make him really angry, especially when I almost manage to get on my side. He pushes my face into the ground and the pavement scratches my entire cheek. It stings horribly but I realize that's because I'm sobbing.

"Fuck you, get off me!" I scream past the tears, flailing my arms in a desperate attempt to hit him and he just chuckles from over me moving to sit on the backs of my legs, the clinking of his belt buckle seeming so much louder in the silence. The clear sound of it makes me realize that no one is going to come save me, I have to save myself or else I'm done for. I swing my arm back trying to land a decent hit and he growls, stopping in taking off his pants to catching my first arm before grabbing the other and twisting them behind my back. Okay, now I'm really fucked. I feel this sharp, ripping pain between my shoulder blades as he grabs both my tiny wrists in his one huge hand and I know there is no way in hell I'm going to get away. I listen as he pulls down his zipper and just when I can feel it, I know it's going to happen and there's nothing stopping this...I hear a horn blare and a car screeches to a halt. I blink crazily, my vision swimming and eyes beging to burn from staring at the pavement so intensely but I'm too terrified to even try and move my head to the side and see, plus I feel like if I'd even attempt to lift my head, the horrible pain would not be worth it. I feel the pressure and pain disappear as the man pushes himself off me, my arms falling pathetically to my sides and a soft ache starting up. I can't move though, I'm still so scared.

"Yo! What the fuck are you doing?" The voice of the person screaming is a man, but I hear more than one car door slam shut. I realize the man who got out of the car takes off running just as the other man tries to get away. I try to stop myself from crying so hard long enough to pull my pants up. It's hard to actually grasp the denim with the way my hands are shaking and the pain in my arms and head but I manage. I lift my head tentatively, the salty years burning the scrapes on my face as I look around. Everything spins out of focus and I sort of see someone hovering over me, my mind immediately tells me it's the rapist so I scream. Luckily, the figure is Tifa kneeling right beside me, just staring at me face before she helps me up. I can't stop shaking, and blubbering stupidly even as she leads me back to the car in silence. It's when I'm sitting in the back, curled against the door, still crying that she speaks.

"Are you okay?" I don't know whether I should shake my head or nod, so instead I just stay quiet. I watch as a tall, dark man approaches the car and tugs the driver's door open. He looks back at me as he settles in his seat and Tifa turns to look at me too. I feel so embarrassed, they both just almost witnessed me...ugh, I don't even want to think it. I turn my head slowly, my brain pulsing in my skull and my face burning but I manage to send them both a smile. If anything, it's the best I can do to repay them.

"Thank you...thank you both so much," I don't even know who the hell the guy is, but I could just smother them both with kisses. I feel overwhelmed, the crippling fear is still inside of me, curdling in my stomach but at the same time, I am so relieved. I'm okay, I'm alive and to top it all off, I'm still a virgin. I kept him off me long enough to save my life, and thank god Tifa showed up with...with that guy! "Holy fuck, thank you Tifa and..."

Tifa grins widely at me, but her friend looks very serious. "The names Barret." I nod before spewing more thanks and how can I ever repay you's, but they seem offended that I'd even offer to do that. Barret closes the car door, dismissing the idea "Are you goin' to press charges? We can drive you to the station," I shake my head, looking at them both. What I really want to do right now, is go home and lay in bed. I want to forget this night ever happened and I just want to sleep it all way and take a nice, hour long hot shower. I don't know if I'll even be able to sleep...my entire body is still shaking so badly.

"No...I just want to go home," I say and he just nods, turning around and starting the car.

"So, where do you live?" Tifa asks as we all put on our seat belts and I tell her my address as I look out the window. I don't ever want to come back to this place again and after tonight, I don't think I ever will.

As I predicted, my night was a living hell. Every creak or clank my house issued woke me up almost screaming. I awoke more than once covered in a cold sweat and in reality, I only slept 2 hours tops. My entire body aches, with my head hurting the most and my eyes are burning something fierce. Also, the cut skin on my cheek is drying up and feels itchy, but I won't even touch it. I sit up slowly, sadly and in pain. The room is starting to lose the smell of Axel, and I even consider taking up smoking just to bring back even a hint of him.

I decide it's a stupid idea as I climb into the bathtub, last night I took a really long shower, but I somehow still feel grimy. I can still feel the man's rough fingers on my wrists and his dry spit on my neck. I shudder, grabbing my loofah and soap. Yeah, I use a loofah, haha. This bath is another long one, yet I still leave the bathroom feeling less than clean. I scratch at my cheek, forgetting about the cuts and I almost fall down the steps, cussing out like a sailor. I bump into my mother when I reach the bottom of the stairs and she catches me, looking horrified. "Roxas, what happened?" She steadies me when I sway a little and I look into her eyes as she stares at me. "What happened to your face? Why are you all scraped?"

I feel a giant knot tie itself up in my throat, flashes of what happened last night attacking my mind and I have a hard time swallowing. I pull away from my mom and shake my head instead of speaking. I don't know if I'll even be capable of forming a sentence. The idea of breakfast makes me feel sick, so instead of walking all the way into the kitchen, I drop into a pulled out chair in the dinning room. I look down at the table and my eyes almost fall out of my head. There is a picture of Kairi on the table, why is there a picture of Axel's sister here? I pick it up with shaking hands and realize it's one of the pictures Axel had in his little box. I hear my mother's heels as she approaches and she rests a hand on my shoulder. "I found it under the bed while I was vacuuming..." her voice sounds almost as sad as I feel. The girl was really cute, in a child kind of way. Her tiny nose reminds me so much of Axel and even if I never even knew her, I feel this horrible ache inside for what happened in her life.

I run my fingers over the glossy image and my mother pulls out a chair beside me, "they looked awfully alike," she says quietly and I nod, chuckling softly realizing that her huge grin in the picture, is exactly like the one Axel gave me when I agreed to give him a chance. For some reason, I feel the urge to take this to her grave and put it there along with a bouquet or something. I owe everything to her, in a weird sort of way. If she'd never given her life for her brother, Axel would have died. I really wish, with everything I have that it could have been different, but this is just how it was. I have to appreciate her act of bravery and sibling love. What she did was really outstanding. My eyes water as I stare down at her smiling face, she looked so kind. I know Axel really loved this photo of her, so that sets my plan in stone. I know he probably will visit her grave again someday and when he does, he'll get the picture back.

I stand up quickly and my mother looks up at me confused. She asks me what's the matter but I ignore her question and race back upstairs to get my leather jacket and a pair of running shoes or something. I don't have time to put on the big boots, so I'll have to settle for my old white sneakers. They really clash with the jacket and pajama pants but I feel the strongest urge to do this now, so fuck what people at the cemetery think. My mother is waiting for me at the bottom of the steps with my car keys. I almost groan, already seeing her not letting me leave until I tell her where I'm going. I'm ready to complain when I go to walk past her but she hands me the keys easily and with a smile. I stop, shocked as she picks a few invisible lints off my shoulder. "I'm not going to stop you from leaving...and if you don't want to tell me it's fine, I accept that. But you seemed like you were in a rush, so I thought I'd get the keys from the kitchen for you," the huge knot reappears in my throat and it's too late to stop myself once I fling my arms out and wrap them around her. I kiss the side of her head before pulling away and rushing towards the door.

"Thank you mom, you're the best." I shut the door, hurrying to my car with a smile on my face. I didn't think I'd ever say that to her again, so every time I do say it, it fills me with just a little extra happiness. When I go to open the car door, I remember I still have Kairi's picture clutched in my hand so I relax a little and calmly open the door, not wanting to crease the image. I settle the photograph on the passenger seat and climb into the car, starting it up and pulling out of the drive way. I can still remember where the cemetery is, even without Axel here telling me. In fact, I've always known about the place because I always saw it on the way to my Uncle Zack's house, so getting there is easy. The one part that I know will be hard, will be finding her grave again. Also, I need to remember to pick up a bouquet of flowers...I look over at the picture and decide to get red roses. I just have this feeling Kairi liked Roses.

When I get to the cemetery, I think hard for a few minutes about the direction Axel took me and when I look around, it comes to be almost immediately. Clutching the flowers tightly in my hand I trudge over all the other resting bodies, feeling slightly creeped out about it. Until finally, I see the little golden plates on the floor. I kneel down, putting the Roses in the little vase and setting the picture (which I bought a frame for) on the ground. I stare at the picture and the name engraved into the epitaph for a while, the moistness of the earth seeping into my pajamas and freezing my knees but I can't move. I lick my lips before taking a deep breath, "Kairi...if you're listening...I want to thank you. I never would have met him if it wouldn't have been for you, and I'm so sorry it had to be this way...I'd have loved to meet both of you somehow." I swallow thickly, feeling just a little crazy for talking out loud to nothing but at the same time, I feel a little better. I smile slightly, gently fixing the positions the roses are in. "I feel like you might hate me though, you know...considering if you're watching from heaven or whatever...I hurt your brother a lot...but he hurt me too Kairi. I was willing to give myself to him, I fought with my mother so long to defend our relationship, I almost punched my cousin in the face...then just like that he leaves me, without even trying to stay. I know I hurt him but I didn't mean to...I was hurt too and scared. I couldn't picture myself without him and having him taken from me just like that killed me. Well, I'm getting slightly better at dealing with the pain, but it hurts so much some days. I mean, I'm in love with your brother but he hates me and every day of my life it kicks me in the balls to remember what I did to him. It really fucking does," I can't help it anymore and I start to cry softly, the realization that Axel really hates me finally sinking in. I haven't gotten any calls, or at least not that I know of. I haven't seen my phone since I threw it off the bed after it died on me. Still, I'm sure I would have heard it ring or something but it never did. If he heard me, he didn't give a shit and if he didn't, he never even wanted to know what I had to say in the first place. "I just...I love him so much," I hiccup, feeling so pathetic.

"Roxas..." The sudden sound makes me squeak and flail my arms up in fright, effectively throwing me off balance and sending me right onto my ass. I look towards where the voice came from and I almost faint at the sight of bright red hair, torn denim jeans and a...a wind breaker? Since when does Axel wear wind breakers? Wait, Axel? "S'all that stuff yah said true?" his voice sounds surreal to me, his accent like a sacred song being heard after decades of silence.

"A-Axel..." I gasp, having trouble breathing and he just stares at me, his green pupils standing out so much against his blood shot eyes. I can't do anything but sit there, trying to form words with my ass getting damp and cold.

* * *

**A/N: **I just realized that I forgot to explain my Bas Ruten joke to those that probably didn't understand it. Sebastiaan "Bas" Rutten is a retired mixed martial arts fighter. As a fighter, one of his favorite tactics was the liver shot (both punch and kick), and it's said that a punch of his to your liver could be fatal. So, now to those that didn't understand what Roxas meant when he said his liver felt like it had been hit by Bas Rutten...well...yeah. Also, I watch a lot of UFC and MMA, so...sometimes you'll see that slowly trickle it's way into my stories. I mean, I freaking love writing fight scenes and shit...awesome 8D

Anyway, I bet you all breathed a sigh of relief when the car horn was heard huh? Yeah, you all did.  
Okay so I have a very important shout out to make to CrazyLittleMello, her (sorry for the assumption on your gender!) review, which came with a wonderful idea, gave me the piece I needed to get Axel back into the story. I hadn't figured out just how, but I knew he was gonna appear eventually. And with that being said, I have to inform you all that there will be no sequel. If anything I have like a faint idea of what to write but nothing concrete enough to risk losing interest and just killing this story. So, as I was saying...you can all send your thanks to CrazyLittleMello for this chapter being put up so quickly.

Also, it's been ready for at least an hour, I just didn't know what to title it. I know, I know...it's still not a good title...u_u  
What would you guys have titled this? 8D

OH AND BEFORE I FORGET, TO EVERYONE WHO SAID THEY LOVE ME...OMG GAIIIIISSS, I LOVE YOU ALL TOO!

Now, TUCK IN YOUR PENISES, Axel just got here...sheesh.

-vanishes with a faint whisper of _'Sharmander'_ in the wind-


	35. Mother's Secret Idea

**Chapter Thirty-Five  
**Mother's Secret Idea

"Why're yah bald?" I blink stupidly from my place on the ground when Axel walks closer and runs his finger tips along the top of my scalp. His touch makes my insides turn into nothing but worthless goop and I fight to keep myself upright, to stay alive and not just drop dead right here. I haven't said anything yet and even if I want to tell him everything he probably heard was the truth and that I'm not bald, I in fact have hair on my head, my tongue isn't moving. Axel drops onto his knees beside me, his hand falling away from my head and reaching for the framed picture of his sister. He grabs it tentatively, almost looking afraid to break it and he stares at the face of the smiling girl. I notice that his hands look like their covered in soot, or something else which makes me wonder what he's been up to all this time. "Did yah frame this?" he doesn't really sound like he's looking for an answer and I can't believe I'm just frozen here beside him. I haven't seen him in...in a really long time, his absence almost killed me and yet all I can do now that I have him within my reach again is stare and wonder what the fuck is on his hands. He puts the picture down and turns his face to look at me. He's still as perfect and painfully handsome as he's always been, though I don't know why he'd change.

Finally, I don't know what it is, but something inside of me snaps and I lunge myself at him. My arms wrap around his neck as we both tumble to the ground and I press my face into his shoulder. By the time he manages to pry my face away and hold it between his hands, it's soaked with tears and more are still flowing. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Axel!" I sob out, trying like crazy to hide myself against him but he keeps me back, staring right into my crying face. I close my eyes, not wanting to watch as the hatred and disgust etch themselves into his features. I feel his fingers spread slowly, and it makes me really wonder about the size of his hands because he can almost palm my entire head. Either his hands are huge or my head is really small. Regardless, I don't know what he's going to do but I don't want to look. That little morbid piece of me pictures him crushing my skull right between his palms, my brains coming out of my ears like playdough but I know that won't happen. I keep my eyes shut just waiting, every second that trickles by feels like an hour and yet I can't force myself to look into his eyes. I don't want to see the hurt there, I don't like knowing it's all because of me. I made him suffer all because of my selfishness, because I am no good when it comes to dealing with hard situations and difficult emotions. You can imagine my surprise when I feel his soft lips press against mine. The touch is almost enough to send me into a frenzy of squeals and screams but I swallow them all, instead attacking Axel's mouth like a starved man would a feast.

My arms around his neck tighten, bringing him closer to me and I feel like I'll never get enough of this feeling. He pulls away slightly, when we're almost at the point where someone will pass out if one of us doesn't go up for air but I don't want him to leave me. I tangle my fingers in his hair, desperate to feel him kissing me again. He swallows a few gulps of air before I crush our mouths together again and he grunts, his hands moving from my head to my waist. I can feel his fingers curling into the material of my pajamas and the sensation makes me wish I could feel him actually dig his nails into my bare skin. The thought of that alone makes my body tingle in such a weird, almost pleasant way. Goosebumps erupt all over my body as he struggles to breathe and keep up with our tongue wrestling. At some point my body decides it's okay to rock my hips forward and Axel somehow manages to tear our faces apart, a low groan escaping his throat, fingers curling even tighter into my clothes. His eyes snap open and with the hands he has on my waist, he pushes our fronts apart. I lay over him, panting like an exhausted horse after a derby and wonder if he maybe missed me just as much as I missed him. I sniffle, feeling the familiar stuffiness brought on by all the harsh crying and Axel stares up at me, his cheeks flushed as he tries to steady his own breathing. "I'm...I'm still mad...at yah," he says as he takes in large amounts of air and my hold on him loosens. What? "Also, I dunno how yah feel 'bout lip lockin' on graves, but it sure as hell makes _me_ bloody uncomfortable."

I jump off him immediately, our surroundings suddenly coming back to me and I blush as I offer him my hand to help him up which he takes and the heat of his palm makes my skin tingle all over again. Slowly he stands, then dusts off the back of his pants. I wait anxiously, not knowing what's going to happen next. He could very well walk away from me, deciding last minute that this is all a horrible mistake because really, him kissing me doesn't have to mean anything. Though I'm praying to whatever I can think of that it means he still cares about me. I can't tell what he's feeling but I don't want to look at him long enough to find out. I'm too afraid to look at his face and see just what's there. I swallow thickly before forcing myself to look up at him. I figure it's the least I could do, give him some decent eye contact, only to see that he's staring down at me with a wistful expression. His hands are shoved into his tight jean pockets, but at least he isn't leaving. Just as I expected, there's the hurt, deeply engraved into his bright green eyes but also, there's something else. A look of hope, or forgiveness or something. I can't really tell what it is, but I know it's a good emotion. He shifts but doesn't look like he's going to say anything, he's just watching my face as if I'm supposed to speak. I lick my dry lips, my brain going into high gear, trying to find something I can say to make him at least a little less upset with me. "Oblivion misses you..." I say, hating the way my voice comes out sounding raspy and quivery Axel smiles, his eyes folding up into crescent moons and my heart pounds against the back of my ribs, trying to crack them open and get just a little closer to Axel. His smile fades slowly and he tilts his head to the side cutely, something about the gesture reminds me of my tiny cat at home.

"Do you?" My heart stops beating completely and I bite my tongue to stop it from uselessly flopping around inside of my mouth. Axel is just staring at me, and I can't believe I'd almost forgotten how freaking intense his stare can be. I feel it on every inch of my skin and no matter how many times I shift side to side, the feeling doesn't go away. It's nothing like I felt in the bar, when that creep was looking at me, though it's not entirely comfortable. I feel like Axel knows everything that's happened while he's been gone and he's just waiting for me to fess up. He's waiting for me to say that yes, I miss him so fucking much it's almost killing me. I miss him so much I try and drown it out with liters of alcohol, so fucking much that I've cried myself dry. Though I want to say all these things to him, something inside of me isn't letting it all out. Then I remember I'm biting into my tongue which is why I'm not saying anything. I can taste the blood in my mouth but honestly, I didn't even feel whatever happened.

"Yes," I open my mouth and without having a chance to stop it, something leaks out. Axel's eyes widen and he rips his hands out of his pockets, taking a few steps towards me. I cover my mouth, horrified that I'm drooling but the redhead tugs my hands away from my face.

"Roxas, the fuck are yah doin'?" I go to answer him but decide fuck it. I'm not going to let my bleeding tongue ruin my only shot. I grab his hands, pulling them into my chest and he looks confused. I can tell he's staring at my mouth worriedly, so I lick the blood off my lips and try my best to swallow. I hate the metallic taste though, so it's a little hard, plus my tongue is pulsing, my brain finally waking up and realizing just what happened. "What's wrong with yah? Your mouth is bleedin' kid! Hold on, I got water in the car," He goes to pull away but I hold on tighter, stopping him and confusing the shit out of him even more. I'd smile but I don't think that will help. I have a horrible feeling the inside of my mouth is all red, so showing him my blood covered teeth will most definitely not help this situation.

"Axel, shut up for a second and stop worrying...I miss you, I miss you so much it's kind of creepy..." He chuckles but I don't let him say anything, "I'm sorry I said all that to you, but it was only because..." I stop when I see his brother coming up from behind him, climbing up the hill right towards us. Axel looks at me, his eyebrows raised high and just when he goes to tell me to continue, Reno slaps him on the back of the head. I notice his brother's hands are blackened also, which makes me even more curious.

I let go of Axel's hands immediately, but his brother looks at me like he saw the whole thing. Then his features go all funny and he asks me why my mouth is bleeding so profusely. I blush and wipe away at my chin, feeling where it's sticky and trying to take all the blood and spit off my face. Axel shifts to look back at his brother and it's startling how alike they are. I watch them as Reno speaks, "So he's why you're taking so long yo? I shoulda known, you've only been bitchin' about him since you left!" His brother throws his hands up, seemingly exasperated before giving me a pointed look. "I just gotta say, by far the toughest break up I ever saw. So, you ladies plannin' on gettin' back together or what? You better be, after all that time I was waitin' in the fuckin' car!" Axel looks horrified and torn between beating the shit out of his brother or just giving up on life. It reminds me of the way I look at Sora when he does stupid things and I start to laugh sort of crazily. Reno adds a few chuckles and at the end, Axel is the only one not laughing. I reign myself in just around the same time Reno does and he looks at me like he's expecting an answer. When I don't say something he looks towards Axel. "Well? I don't wanna have to listen to anymore drunk rants, so don't go actin' all hard to get."

"Reno, go back to the fuckin' car," Axel rests his face in the palm of his hand and again, it's like a scene of Sora and me interacting. His brother, just like my cousin, doesn't listen and instead crosses his arms over his chest, looking back and forth between us. Sometime during this wait for one of them to do something, my phone starts to vibrate in my pocket and I reach for it, flipping it open and causing both the redheads to stare at me.

"Hello?" I shift nervously, because if Axel's stare is intense, so is Reno's and now they are both on me. I worry about looking weird, or having something on my face so I sway slightly to make it harder to focus on me. They seem to have no problem keeping up with my movements though. I look at both their eyes, my gaze hopping back and forth between their faces. Reno's eyes are a more neutral green with a tint of blue, while Axel's are just all green and bright. Having them both here, I notice that the shape of their eyes is also different. When my mom asks where I've gone, I remember I'm on the phone with her, so I probably shouldn't be getting lost in the brothers eyes at this time. I blink myself out of the weird trance and laugh awkwardly. "Yeah, sorry mom, I'm here..." I notice Axel tense slightly when I mention my mother and I send him an awkward little smile.

"_Roxas where are you? Are you alright?" _

"I'm fine mom...I'm just out," Reno looks at me curiously before shouting.

"Hello Missus Strife!" Axel flies across the distance between them and covers his brother's mouth. The redhead looks towards me and I just stare at him.

"_Roxas who was that?"_ My mother sounds very curious and I know that I won't be able to dodge this question easily. I clear my throat, trying very hard to think up something to tell her. Reno squirms his face away from Axel's hand and stares at me.

"Tell 'er I say hi!" Axel groans loudly before smacking his face into his brother's shoulder in defeat. I stare at his brother's face to see if he's serious and he is. Licking my lips nervously, I deliver Reno's message and my mother sounds shocked when she responds.

"_Oh...you're with Axel? Put him on the telephone please..." _I blink, pulling the phone away from my face to look at the screen though I don't know why. It's not going to tell me why my mother wants to speak to the redhead and unless I ask her out loud, I won't ever know.

"Why?"

"_Roxas, please, just do it."_ She brings out that tone, the one I told you all about a long time ago. That tone that leaves no room for argument and even after everything we've been through, I still feel obliged to obey when she uses that voice on me. I extend my hand out and pass the phone over to Axel, who looks like someone just smacked him in the face with a steel pot. Reno squirms out of his brother's grip and sweeps over to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and leading me away from Axel, who just lifted the phone to his face tentatively. I put up a little resistance, mostly because I want to hear what the redhead is going to say, but his brother keeps going, leading me to the little road where I can see my car parked in the distance.

"Listen kid," I roll my eyes, slowly getting more and more sick of people calling me kid. "I know what you did to my brother, 'n I have a small place inside that hopes you've suffered just as much as him...but-"

I cut him off before he says anything else. I look at him, dead in the eye and tell him how much I've fucking suffered because no one seems to realize just how much this fucking destroyed me on the inside. "You or no one else on this planet will ever have any idea how much I've been hurting...I fucking shaved off all my hair just to make a point, and I liked my hair! If it's a matter of emotional torture, I think I've gone through just enough to make him at least consider that I'm telling the truth about being sorry." Reno doesn't say anything even after I make it clear that I'm finished speaking and he just rubs his chin thoughtfully.

"I don't think my bro will be too hard to convince. If anyone knows 'bout your sufferin', he does."

I'm about to say something when Axel appears behind us and hands me my cellphone. He looks at his brother before scratching the back of his head. We both look at him, waiting for him to tell us what's up. I'm wondering if it's finally time for all of us to split up. I'll go home without Axel and I'll have to find some sort of way to see him again and explain everything. To get him alone so I can tell him I love him. Or well, tell him something. I don't know if I want him to know about that just yet...I mean, what if it chases him away or something?

"She invited us over for lunch, Reno..." Axel licks his lips staring at his brother and my eyes widen. I look at Axel but he doesn't seem to be joking. I think Axel and I are the only ones a little uncomfortable with this because Reno looks all kinds of excited.

"Great! Let's go then," Reno starts walking towards where my car is parked, just along the curb and I notice there are two motorcycles parked behind it. I look back at Axel and he sighs, throwing his head back and looking up.

"I won't lie Blondie, I'm a little anxious..." When he looks at me, I'm sure he sees the feeling is mutual. I mean, what could my mother possibly want Axel to come to lunch for anyway?

* * *

**A/N:** YO! Lots of people wanted Reno to make another appearance, so here he is, in all his loud mouthed glory 8D  
Man, and Roxas thinks he's got it bad with Sora. Poor Axel has to deal with that nutcase!

Anyway, I'm working my butt off to get these chapters up, along with working on a few other stories too. I've got a pretty awesome idea for a one-shot, so keep a look out for that. Also, I'm going to be putting up a poll on my profile. Now that Brotherly Love is nearing it's ending, I'd like to know what you guys wanna read next. I have 3 other stories and an idea for a new chaptered one I might start. So, those'll be your options!

I hope y'all enjoyed this little installment, and until next time!

Good night everybody!

-credits roll across the screen, talks nonchalantly to others standing by while theme music plays-

Brought to you by Sharmander. Trusted in some places, others...not so much.


	36. Preparation

**Chapter ****Thirty-Six**  
Preparation

I drive to my house alone in the car, Axel and Reno tailing behind me or sometimes along side me on their bikes. I have to fight hard to keep my eyes on the road and make sure I don't careen into other cars in my lane. It's just damn near impossible to not stare at Axel on that motorcycle. He looks like he was made to be sitting on the back of one of those things, and I feel so strange sitting in this car. My brain conjures up images of me, arms wrapped tight around Axel's waist as we zip past everyone else, going only somewhere we know. The thought entices me, and even if I'll probably never mount a motorcycle, on account of not wanting to die in a horrible crash, I can still fantasize about sitting on it with Axel, or maybe making out on one.

The one good thing about being alone in my car is the silence, which allows me to think. I have no idea what my mother said to Axel over the phone, and I'm not entirely sure if any of it was good or not. Axel's face didn't really give anything away, he was quiet and calm as he got on his bike and Reno didn't even question him as he got on his. Reno doesn't seem to find anything wrong with this whole situation and it makes me wonder if he even knows why Axel had to leave. I'm sure he does, but then why isn't he at least a little curious as to why my mother suddenly invites them for lunch? I mean my mother kicked Axel out of the house, and if Reno knows that, he should at least be skeptical as to why she wants to see him again. If it were my brother I'd be nervous for him, instead Reno seems almost eager to get to my place. Maybe she just wants to apologize, to make sure there aren't any harsh feelings about the whole mess, but I don't know if I could really trust her. It definitely sounds like something my mother would do, so I wouldn't be too surprised. I just hope she doesn't decide to be spontaneous and do something unexpected.

I park the car, my hands shaking as I pull the keys out but I'm too scared to get out of the car. If this was one of those Rob Zombie movies or something, my mom would probably have gone insane and is calling us all back home to kill each of us. My dad would be gutted in the basement and our lunch meat is off his bones. _Okay_, gross Roxas...that's just morbid.

I jump, startled out of my weird thoughts about Rob Zombie and why he's so gross, when Axel knocks on my window. I'm glad humans don't have the ability to read minds, or else Axel would turn around and run. I open the door and spill out, my legs feeling like jelly and the redhead stares at me curiously. "Yah seem more scared than me," he laughs lightly, Reno coming up and walking right past us, going straight to the front door. If my mother has gone crazy, at least she'll kill him first. Axel sighs, reaching for my hand and I grab onto his. It's a bit rougher than I remember it, though the warmth radiating from his palms comforts me. He smiles brightly before slipping away from me and going behind his brother, leaving me to follow them both. I'm glad I'm at the back, this way they won't see how damn nervous I am about all this (also, I'll die last if anything). Though, I'm sure Axel knows how I feel and he's probably just as worried. Reno knocks on the door, ringing the door bell a few hundred times obnoxiously. I roll my eyes before moving and taking my keys out.

"She's a little slow after the accident," I mumble, pushing the door open and letting them in. I watch Reno walk into the house, looking around just like Axel did the first time he was in the foyer. I get the same feeling watching Reno that I got while I watched Axel, only not as strongly. I mean, I don't really like the redhead, he looks rude and noisy but I won't make the same mistake again. So far, I don't like him and he made his distrust for me very clear, yet I'm not going to say a thing. I know Axel loves his brother, so if I were to do anything to him, I'm sure I'd blow this to hell all over again. I shift awkwardly as I hear my mother shuffling towards the entrance and finally, she appears with an embarrassed smile. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see she isn't covered in blood and wielding a hacksaw or something, though I knew she wouldn't have been. This isn't some cheap horror movie, no, it's much scarier than that.

"Sorry, I was in the basement," She explains and I almost swallow my tongue, choking on my spit. They all stare at me when I start coughing, but I manage to tell them I'm fine. My mother sends me a worried look before escorting all of us into the dining room. We all walk over, I of course going behind my mother, Axel and Reno. The redhead's brother is the first one in the kitchen, dropping himself at the head of the table and throwing his arm over the backrest. I wouldn't be surprised if he kicks his feet up too and maybe lights himself a cigarette. My mother looks at him, before offering them both something to drink. I guess the lunch isn't quite ready yet, so I take a seat awkwardly beside Axel. When Reno asks for a shot of hard liquor, my mother laughs happily then looks towards Axel just in time to see him shake his head. I can tell by the way he's sitting, all stiff in his chair that he isn't as comfortable with this as Reno. I guess my mother and his brother have a better relationship than I had guessed. That or Reno just doesn't give a damn. She turns to go into the kitchen and sends us all a smile "I'm not sure what we have Reno, but I'll go look for something. My bar tending skills are a little rusty," and with that she leaves us all here. I'm still beyond curious as to where this is going but my curiosity is caught by something else. Axel's hands intertwined on the table top, his once perfect, pale skin tinted gray and even black in some parts.

"What's up with your hands?" I finally blurt out and Axel looks surprised before staring down at the aforementioned appendages. He blushes slightly, which comes as a great shock to me because I don't think I've ever seen a blush on his cheeks, and if I have it was long ago and probably only once. My stomach flips and I feel myself starting to melt. He's so damn attractive, it shouldn't be allowed. He shouldn't be able to make me feel this damn pathetic just by blushing or smiling, or even breathing. He places his hands palm up and just looks at them. They look dirty, but I'm sure they aren't or at least I hope so. He's rubbing those things all over where I sit to eat dinner, so they better be clean.

"I work in a mechanic shop...s'car grease, shit don't come off easy," he turns them over again when my mom walks in carrying Reno's drink, distracting me from fully taking in this new information. She sets it in front of him before excusing herself again, stating that lunch is almost ready, so she has to get it set up. I watch her leave before standing up and going after her. I can feel both the redhead's watching me as I leave, so I rush to get out of their field of vision faster. If I want to know what's going on, I'm going to have to ask. I don't think I'll be able to sit through all of lunch with my stomach fluttery and nervous. I need to know what my mother is up to, so that I can swallow my food and calm my racing heart. I need to know she isn't going to go on some killing spree, or start another catastrophic fight. I must startle her when I walk in because she gasps, almost dropping the plates she'd gotten from a cupboard.

"Roxas!" She laughs when she realizes that her fear was misplaced and goes back to bustling around the kitchen. "I made your favorite sandwich, I thought it'd be nice..." The smell in here is enough to get my salivary glands juicing and I have to swallow before I speak, unless I want drool pouring all down my chin and shirt.

"Mom...what's going on?" My mother stops, placing a sandwich onto a plate before looking at me curiously. I have to keep my gaze straight and avoid looking at the triple decker chicken sandwich I'm going to be devouring in a few minutes but my stomach growls almost violently which makes it hard to concentrate. My mother has always made these delicious sandwiches, stuffed with chicken, bacon and a shit ton of other stuff. I've never asked what it all was specifically, all I know is that it tastes amazing. She turns to grab the other one, hesitating before turning back in my direction. She is avoiding looking right at me, so I cross my arms and persist. "Mom, why did you invite them here?"

"Just wait and see son, I'm sure you're going to love it," Her smile is just as radiant as the day she told me she was going to bring Axel home. I've heard this exact same explanation and from what I can remember, the last time she surprised me, I most certainly did not love it, or well not until all the self denial finally crumbled away and I grew used to the idea of having a crush on my adoptive brother.

"Yeah, 'cause I haven't heard _that_ before..." I don't have anytime to dodge the whack my mother gives and I rub my sore arm as she glares at me. It doesn't hurt but I like to exaggerate. I'll never admit this again, and I most definitely will never agree when Naminé says I over exaggerate. She chuckles lightly before handing me two plates and telling me to shut up and take these to our guests while she gets Axel at least some water. I roll my eyes, turning and heading out. I hesitate behind the door, and lean my ear close to listen. I can hear them talking, and thanks to Reno's loud mouthedness, I can hear them perfectly.

"He's quite a hottie baby bro...must run in the family." I cringe, completely grossed out, but await Axel's reply eagerly. I mean, it helps keep my mind off the fact that Reno is hitting on both my mother and me. I don't know if he's seen my father or not, and I don't want to know. Still I want to hear what Axel has to say, and hopefully it doesn't involve my mother.

"Shut up Reno...'n don't yah look at him no more."

"Aww, why? Jealous? I mean, if you're gonna play hard to get," Reno stays quiet for a bit and I wonder just what he's doing, "...I'll tell yah, I won't," then he speaks and I hear him howl with laughter. It's a little hard to distinguish between their voices, both of them having the same accent and way of speaking, they sound almost like the same person. Reno's laughter is the one thing that's different, it's much more loud than Axel's. I bite my lip, trying not to make any sounds before I look back and see that my mother is still busy in the kitchen and hasn't noticed me eavesdropping on the Black brothers. She probably doesn't know Reno finds her attractive, which means she isn't going to be all awkward like me. I want to go back and tell her to bring out the food herself, but that wouldn't do any good. When we'd walk in, Reno could easily just stare at us both and it would be extra creepy. I turn my attention back to Axel and Reno, just catching on to Axel's sentence.

"I ain't playin' hard ta get alright? I'm just getting' over the hurt...is all, so back the fuck off," hearing Axel mention the pain I caused hurts me a little bit and I decide I don't want to hear anything else. I push my way into the dinning room bravely, almost dropping everything but Axel jumps up to help me. He takes both plates before setting one in front of his brother, who doesn't even wait before picking up the sandwich. I watch in horror as he opens it up and looks at the contents. I had always just shoved it into my mouth, never in my life did I open it.

"Gross...tomato," Reno plucks the vegetables out of the sandwich, leaving only the chicken, bacon and sauces. Axel stares at his brother in disbelief and I just sit, waiting for my mother to bring my food. I don't know about Reno, but my mother always told me to just eat whatever I was given when I was a guest in a house. The redhead has obviously never heard about this or is just that impolite and doesn't give a shit. When he looks up and see's Axel staring at him like he's commit blasphemy, he rolls his eyes. "I ain't eaten a vegetable in 10 years. Not gonna start now," I have to start laughing at that and by the time my mother comes with my food, Reno is finished. My mom looks down at the plate as she sets mine in front of me and moves to her seat.

When she sits, Axel dives right into his food, picking up the sandwich and biting off a huge chunk. "Did you enjoy the meal Reno?" She smiles brightly, picking up her knife and fork and moving to cut off a corner of her own sandwich. I never understood why my mother ate finger food with a fork but I guess I don't really care. Seeing her eat it any other way would weird me out. Reno laughs, telling her it was quite delicious only it would have been better with more meat. Deciding I don't want to hear them, I look towards Axel. I had forgotten the speed at which Axel eats, so it's a shock to me to find his plate empty when I look over to him. I've only taken a grand total of three bites, but both his halves are gone. I faintly catch my mother chatting about rent in the city with Reno, and Axel doesn't look like he's eager to jump in, so I strike up a conversation. Talking with him was so easy before all this, I want to see if it'll be the same.

"I guess you aren't going to school huh?" I ask, dropping my sandwich and reaching for the glasses of water my mother put on the table. Axel shakes his head with a grin.

"Book learnin' was never my thing. I always liked the hands on approach," I nod my head thoughtfully, picking up my sandwich before setting it back down without biting it. I look up at Axel and catch him staring at my head, the same way Olette and all the others do. I roll my eyes and ask him what's wrong.

"Seein' yah without that wild blonde nest on your head's a trip," he chuckles when I send him a nasty glare. I cover my head, the soft hair already growing back, so I don't know what all the fuss is about. In a few months, I'm sure I'll have all my hair present and accounted for, and besides, I had been about to get it trimmed. This way, it'll grow back and it'll be at least another year before I have to trim it. Axel's hair looks longer, the short layers he had when he first came are now all growing out, the frayed tips, resting just a little lower on his chest.

"Is it bad?" I ask, looking down at my plate because I don't want to see Axel's face when he answers. I can feel my blush forming darker the longer he takes to answer and when I can't take it anymore, I look up. He's staring at me but not with an expression I've ever seen on his face before. It's different, like some sort of longing. I can imagine the look on a child's face, after they see the one toy they've been wanting for years, only it's through a store window and so out of their reach. My own expression must be the same thing, because looking at Axel I feel like I'll never have him back. I miss him, holding him, and just having the knowledge that he's my boyfriend. I realize it more and more everyday, that having him as a boyfriend was something I took for granted. I should have been on his ass all day, every day...ugh, fucking brain. But in all seriousness, I should have enjoyed his company more. Yeah, that's what I had meant to say...

"No...yah look good...yah always look good to me," he says quietly, his lips turning into a soft, almost tender smile that sends cold shivers down my spine all the way into the tips of my toes. That blush on my face is in full bloom. I'm about to answer, when my mother calls Axel's name, taking his attention off of me and onto her. I won't lie, I wish his brother and my mom weren't in the room right now.

No_ brain_, not just so I could kiss those beautiful lips of Axel's, but just to have more time to talk to him alone.

"I suppose you're wondering about that offer I had for you?" My mother smiles brightly, a little gleam in her eye that I do not trust. Axel shifts, his body turning to face my mom and Reno also tilts to get a better view of this whole thing. I notice I'm the only one with sandwich left, so I get busy eating, of course, keeping an ear on the conversation the whole time.

"Yeah, I'm curious Mrs. Strife," Axel says and I'm sure I'm the only one who senses the tension. I mean, I have to be because Reno and my mother are smiling. I get the feeling that while Axel and I were staring dreamily at each other, those two exchanged some information.

"Well you see, I'll be going away for a few months with my husband. What I'm worried about most in this house is my son, Roxas. If it weren't for him, I'd have no problem leaving for such a long period of time...the thing is, he's here and lord knows he cannot survive that long on his own, poor thing can't even cook for himself," They all send me a pitiful look and I glare, shoving more sandwich in my mouth. "The longest Cloud or I have been gone is a couple of weeks and I had been well enough to leave food already prepared. But with the accident, I can't get much work done. What I have to offer today, is that you come stay here and take care of him. I'd pay you, of course."

When my mother finishes, and everything sinks in. I choke, a piece of the crispy bacon flying into the back of my throat and scraping the shit out of my esophagus. I cough violently, my eyes tearing up and Axel reaches across the table to pat my back. When I stop coughing, they are all staring at me and I clear my throat a few times, take a sip of water and then freak the fuck out. "What do you mean you're leaving for a few months? Dad too? What the hell Mom? And...holy crap, I can survive on my own, I'm seventeen, I don't need a damn baby sitter!" I'm only mildly offended by this, but otherwise, I'm almost bursting with joy. If Axel says yes, he'll be staying with me...

Here both Axel and my mother laugh together, sharing a look that says_ 'Oh yeah, right!'_ before she keeps speaking, completely ignoring what I said, as if I'm just an annoying 5 year old speaking at the adult's table. "I know I wronged you Axel, and I told you over the telephone how sorry I am for being so close minded about this entire situation. I'd just really appreciate if you could give me a chance and do this for me...and for my son," My mom looks over to me and that gleam in her eye suggests she knows I could live on my own, if I really had to, but she thought this was a better idea. A part of me is dying, screaming in a fit of almost overwhelming joy while the other waits anxiously, for Axel to tell her to go fuck herself. When the redhead smiles, looking at my mom like she's crazy for thinking he'd ever hold anything against her, I'm a little jealous. I mean, he was mad at me and didn't even hear me out on the first try but with her, the slate is clean just like that. Then again, I can't blame him. My mother is just the type of woman you cannot hate for a long time, or well, except me. I think I can hold a grudge against anyone.

"Ah Mrs. Strife...I'd love ta help, especially after all yah did for me, but I have work..." Axel seems a little deflated until Reno straightens up and smirks like he's got an ace in his sleeve.

"No you don't, I already said you can take time off!" Reno looks at my mother, sticking his hand out and they shake on it. Axel just sits there quietly, looking like he can't believe this "Sara, Axel will be here first thing Monday mornin'," Reno stands up, stretching tiredly before announcing that he and his brother should head home. Apparently he has somethings to take care of at the shop and Axel has to start packing. My mother stands up, thanking them both thoroughly while I just sit here in shock.

It takes me until my mother walks back into the dinning room without two crazy redheads to realize that I am going to be spending a few months alone with Axel. My stomach clenches and my heart takes up this frantic beating. My mother is just watching me, leaning against the door frame with a little pleased smile on her face. "I can't bring him back to live here, but I hope this is alright," her smile stretches from ear to ear when I turn my head slowly, mouth hanging open as I stare with wide, wide eyes. "I want you two to make up for all the lost time. I know if I'd have been separated from your father at your age, I'd have gone insane...probably would have shaved off all of my hair too," She laughs as I shove myself away from the table, almost tripping over all the chairs in my haste to get to her and squeeze her guts out. I crash into her, then wrap my arms around her, and we both some how manage to stay balanced. She laughs more, resting her cheek on the top of my head, just taking in the warmth from my hug as I do the same. I cannot express how much this means to me in words, my mother is really something else. "I want this to show you both that I trust you and I want you both to be happy...you have my blessing with this Roxas. Now, all you have to do is patch everything up."

"Thank you mom, thank you so much! This is so much better than a horse!" She pulls away and just stares at me, completely lost but I can't answer, I'm smiling much too hard.

I haven't done any studying for exams and it's Sunday night, my first exam being tomorrow morning. The house is quiet because my mother is over at Aunt Betty's discussing whatever those two talk about when they are alone, so it should be easy to cram in all this peaceful silence. The problem is, ever since I had that close encounter with that creep, I feel paranoid about being all alone, even if I'm inside my house. I can feel his eyes on me, even if I know he's not around. I can still feel the tight grip he had on my junk, and the faint pain always comes back with the nausea and disgust. I look over my shoulder, staring out into the dark hallway and wonder just why the hell I didn't close the door. I get up quickly, staying where my laptop screen illuminates the floor then I slam the door shut. The room is still pretty dark, so I flick the light on. It doesn't make me feel any better, so I drop onto the bed and curl up in the sheets. I remember the warm wetness that was all over my neck as he licked it, and the way my skin felt dirty wherever his hands touched. I don't know why I even stopped, I should have just kept walking. I shiver, pulling the sheets tighter around my body, trying to will away the flashbacks. I can hear him chasing me, the steady thumping of his boots and the way he screamed out after me. My heart is pounding in my chest and when a loud knock rattles the door, I scream like a banshee.

Sora and Riku burst in through the door, Sora looking more worried than his companion. Riku's face is a blank, expressionless thing, until he finds me terrified and huddled on the bed. Then he gets this sick smirk on his face, like he's glad I'm so scared of being alone or something. I hate him all over again, fuck any kind of bonding that happened between us, he's a damn dick head. My cousin comes and rips the sheets away from my body, looking at me like I'm crazy. "What's wrong?" he examines my face and torso, almost as if he's searching for what made me scream.

"Nothing, you just scared me," I huff, sitting up and sending them both a look. My mother always forgets to lock a window or something, which is how they always end up back in here even if I don't want them. Sora sits at the desk and flips through the text book, until getting bored half a minute into it. Riku is just leaning against the wall furthest from me, texting on his phone. I curse the day Aunt Betty bought it for him, I really do. I'd like it if he had to stand there awkwardly, having no one to talk to. I know it's mean, but it'd make me feel good.

"We came over to help you study!"

"You did, not me..." Riku growls from his spot and both my cousin and I glare at him.

"Then leave," I spit out angrily and Riku looks away from his phone, the look in his eyes screaming death when they connect with mine. I get the feeling he realizes that the hatred is mutual.

"For fucking serious? Fine," He pushes himself off the wall and starts towards the door, until Sora jumps up and stops him.

"Riku, don't go and Roxas shut up." My cousin looks at both of us, putting his hands on his hips like the total queer bag he is. I watch him, before reaching for the sheets and wrapping myself up like a burrito again. I want to stop feeling those ghost hands, those frightening touches that are constantly whispering over my skin, making me feel sick. It's like a hang over that doesn't go away, like a constant nightmare playing in my mind's eye, covering me in a cold sweat. "You guys need to start getting along, it's really wearing me down..."

"I'm not gonna get along with a brat like him," Riku motions towards me with his chin and I glare through all my blankets.

"I don't want to get along with a douche nozzle like you!" My cousin has to step in before the insults really start flying and he rubs the bridge of his nose. For once, Sora is being the grown up one about this and it's about fucking time. Riku is about to say something when my cousin tells him to shut up again. It's amazing, it's almost like he sensed the words before they even came out of the jerk's mouth.

"Why can't you guys just drop it? Axel and Roxas are fine now, he's even coming to stay for a few months. If Axel can forget what Roxas did, so can you Riku...or what, did it scar you emotionally?" My cousin crosses his arms over his chest and this is when I notice he has a tiny stack of papers stapled together in his hand, like a little booklet. I stare at it, not being able to see exactly what's written on it, but I can tell it's from a computer. I look up, just noticing that Sora is informed of Axel's baby sitting job and I scrunch my eyebrows.

"How the hell do you know about that?" I ask and my cousin looks away from Riku and I get the feeling I just saved the stupid jerk a little more time before Sora turns and wails on him for holding this grudge.

"I heard mom and Aunt Sara talking about it, your mom really wants you to be happy." Sora smiles at me, looking like he wants me to know this. I do know, but I just find it hard to act as if nothing happened. I'll admit, it's getting easier every day but sometimes I do remember. I'll always love my mom and eventually, it'll be good. But as long as I remember it, eh. Sora turns away from me and faces Riku again, taking up his fighting stance. Riku groans and I just tune them out. I don't listen to them as they take up their previous argument, Sora flailing his arms around wildly while Riku does the same thing. All I can hear is _'Well oh my god', 'excuuuuse me!', 'For fucking serious?', _and so on and so forth. I honestly have no idea what they are arguing about.

I roll out of the bed and walk towards my computer and when I sit, the room goes quiet. I wait for a few minutes, just to see if the argument will start up again but instead I hear a soft grunt, and the sound of something thumping into the wall. I get a horrible feeling but I still turn around. I'd say I'm surprised but I'm not. I've come to realize this is how Riku and Sora's arguments always end. My cousin pinned to a wall, having the life sucked right out of him by way of Riku's tongue. Just when I get the feeling they're going to start ripping their clothes off, my cousin pulls away from his boyfriend's mouth with a wet pop and a gasp. "Roxas...I...got something for you," he says this while shoving Riku away and walking towards me. I try not to stare at his kiss bruised lips, but they are so damn red it's a little distracting. I mean, I could have done just fine without seeing that, I really could have. Riku's taken up leaning on the wall again, looking satisfied, at least for a little while.

My attention goes back to my cousin when he slams the little booklet onto my desk and I read what the first page says. "SORA, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" My eyes are glued to the white sheet of paper, with nothing but black, Times New Roman font in the center, spelling out **'Anal Sex and You'**. I sputter, looking at the page like it's going to jump off the desk and attack me. Sora grabs the booklet and flips it open before looking at me.

"I thought you'd need some tips, you know...seeing as Axel is gonna be here with you, all alone for a while," My cousin does that stupid nudgenude winkwink thing and I think I'm about to hit him. I blink a few times, trying to relax and not rip the booklet into a million pieces. It would be a waste of trees, but it's so tempting to make him eat the torn pieces.

"Sora, you do realize we had this massive fight. I doubt sex is even on his mind."

"Nonsense! Sex is always on people's minds, men think about it every 52 seconds!" I look at Sora skeptically and he just flips through the booklet, and I try to ignore Riku chuckling in the background. I am actually terrified to read what's written on those pages, and when my cousin looks up and clears his throat, I don't know if I should listen or cover my ears and start screaming. "If you are not relaxed and your partner is too hasty or urgent, then you can be torn, the technical term is an anal fissure, or you can feel agonies from a large object being inserted too fast." I look at my cousin in horror, not believing that he is actually going to read this book to me. "It's very serious Roxas. Shitting with a torn asshole is probably worse than having a fucking baby!" I don't want to think about how my cousin knows this, I don't want to know anything about his asshole or about anything that's gone into it. I hope he can see this all written clearly on my face, but he doesn't. He just keeps talking, "I mean, if you think a good amount of spit will do it...it won't. Sounds hot and everything, but spit will NOT get you ready. Do you understand?" He looks at me so seriously, I'm thrown off for a second and I nod. "Perfect, now..." I watch him slowly reach into his hoodie's pouch and pull out a bottle, which kind of looks like a baby's bottle but instead of having the little nipple thing, it has this long nozzle. I stare at it confused and when Riku looks up and see's what my cousin is holding, he bursts out laughing.

"This is the part where I leave," Riku announces, turning and walking out of the room. My cousin looks back over his shoulder and waits for Riku to close the door and it confuses me because just a minute ago he was yelling at Riku to stay. I watch my cousin, my heart beating in fear more than anything and he turns back to look at me with a smile, a smile I do not trust. I'm not entirely sure what that thing in his hand is and I open my mouth to ask, but he shakes his head and tells me to be quiet.

"Okay Roxas, this is an enema..." I stand up here and look at him like he's finally lost his mind. I'm shaking my head so vigorously, I can't see anything in the room.

"No, no, no, no Sora!" When I stop shaking my head and look at my cousin, he's still holding the fucking enema. I look around the room, trying to find a corner where I can throw myself and disappear but my cousin cuts me off before I run away.

"Look Roxas, it's not so bad! You're being a baby!"

"No, I'm not! I'm not going to squirt water up my ass then shit it out! No way in hell Sora!" My cousin looks like he wants to laugh but he holds it in quite well. Instead he clears his throat and puts the enema on the computer desk. I stare at it like it's a freaking ticking bomb and inch away from it. My cousin calmly sits down, crossing his legs and stares at me with a leveled gaze. The booklet is still clutched in his other hand and I feel like a child, while their parent scolds them for not taking a bath. Sora sizes me up and I feel violated as his bright eyes roam up and down my body before finally stopping at my face.

"I guess you like being gross then," he says this with such a snobby air, he almost reminds me of the girls that attend Kings Hart. I stare at him like he just insulted me because, well, he did. I do not like being gross or dirty, in fact I'd consider myself pretty hygienic but there is no way in hell that I am going to shove that thing in my asshole. Sora must have hit his head or something on the way in if he even thought suggesting this would be okay. "Roxas it's a part of being gay. You gotta clean yourself yanno, like a girl's gotta take care of her shit. Us takers have gotta keep ourselves fresh!" For a split second, my brain understands and even agrees with Sora, but I stop the traitor right in it's tracks. I. Am. Not. Using. A. Fucking._ Enema_.

"What if Axel and I don't even..." I feel my mind lag as soon as I think about Axel. As soon as his face comes up, my brain turns to mush. A alarmingly large part of my brain, which can be very persuasive even in this liquified state, is telling me that in the next coming months, I'm going to want to do something more than just kiss Axel. I've had enough damn dreams about it and I've definitely thought about it a lot. Not every 52 seconds though, but enough for it to count and who knows, maybe Axel will give in. Maybe he wants this just as bad as I do. I just wish real sex was like it is in my dreams, clean, easy and enema free. "I mean...he's pretty upset..." this takes me back to the strong reluctance. I'm not doing an enema for no freaking reason.

"If you don't do anything, your asshole will still be clean...but I've got a pretty good feeling you two won't resist," My cousin gives me a little wink before he stands up, leaving the booklet and the enema on my desk. He looks down at the objects before raising his eyes to look at me, his little smile slightly unnerving. "You don't have to use the enema...you can clean it normally but, it's not as thorough. I'll leave these here...you know...just in case," and with that he wishes me luck in my studies and leaves the room. When I'm sure he's gone, I walk towards the things tentatively, staring at them with a look akin to horror.

I guess Sora does have a point. Even if Axel and I don't do anything...I'll be cleaned out but, fuck, it's so damn awkward and weird. I pick up the little bottle and turn it over in my hands, feeling the soft squishy plastic before putting it back down again. It's like a fucking rubber turkey baster with a big handle. I know what Sora said is true and that somewhere down the line, if I ever want to rid myself of my virginity, an enema will have to be done but it just grosses me out. I mean, I'll have to be 100% sure I'm going to get laid. What if we're all just jumping to conclusions? I'm not sure Axel wants a relationship with me again now that we live pretty far, so why should I go through the embarrassment of an enema? Why am I even thinking about this so much?

I sigh deeply through my nose, dropping into my computer chair and just stare at my laptop. My brain sneers that I'm being pretty immature about this whole thing and I groan, closing the computer and trying not to look at the booklet or the enema. Immature or not, I don't think I can actually do this. I mean, how the hell would I even go about it? My eyes slowly slip towards the contents on my desk until I can't take the curiosity and I flip open the little guide. _'Hey Roxas, I wrote this for you. I even did research to be super accurate. Directions for the enema are at the back, call if you need help cuz.' - Sora ;)_

I guess there's no harm in reading this, I mean, if he did go through all this work. It's the proper cousin thing to do...though if I do anything, I'm not calling for a second set of hands. I flip to the next page and hold my breath, the title...Preparation. Oh dear Christ.

* * *

**A/N:** This is personally my favorite chapter. I love everything that happens, and I feel that it's humor makes up for the angst in the previous chapters.  
I hope you guys like it, and enjoy the 6,994 words this stole from my brain. This chapter took me around 2 1/2 days. I spent my sick day finishing it up, and researching enemas and anal sex.  
Wow, sounds a lot weirder than it did in my head xD

Sora likes his cousin to be informed. He's thorough like that.

Also, who else enjoys the image of a long haired Axel covered in motor oil, in one of those little mechanic's jump suits. Worn just around his waist, of course.  
Ohhh yeah. I totz should squeeze in a little segment about Roxas fantasizing about that ;D

Okay guys, I love you all and thanks for reading this!

-Sharmander the dragon


	37. Fantasies

**Chapter ****Thirty-Seven  
**Fantasies

I'm not sure where I am, but it looks like some sort of garage. I walk in, the smell of motor oil and sweat reaching my nostrils and I sniff at the air like a blood hound. This feels weirder than waking up with Sora in my room, riffling through my drawers. I'm serious, it's such an invasion of space, I feel so violated. I lick my lips, which happen to be really dry and step further into the shop, realizing that while this is weird at least Sora isn't here. It's so strange that I don't remember coming here, I haven't even had a drink since that night, so I couldn't of ended up here drunk...right? Or did I have a fight with Axel and drink so much I am in a coma? I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. Man, I need to calm down. I'm sure there's a reason for him. It is scary that I have absolutely no recollection of where I am, so I hope I can find a worker, or someone to ask how to get home. I hear a drill start up, and I turn to where the sound is coming from and walk towards it. At least there isn't any scary background music, though in a way it'd be helpful. I'd know if something bad were to happen, instead of feeling so anxious like I do right now. I have no idea what or who I'm walking towards, so I'm almost literally shitting bricks. I look to the side and find a room with a door that has a window, but it's covered with a thick layer of dust. I walk towards it and use my sleeve to wipe a little circle into the grime. I look through and see someone working on a car there, so with a deep breath I walk into the weird office.

When the guy looks up, I see it's Axel. The worry that I'm going to be murdered dies and is replaced with a weird, excited buzzing just under my skin. His hair is tied back and a black streak runs across his cheek cheekbone, his skin shimmering with a light sheen of sweat, the thin white tank top he's wearing looks painted on, a sharp contrast to the loose jumper he has rolled down to his hips. I've never seen anything so appealing before in my life, and I feel kind of barbaric when I drool a little. Suddenly, this autoshop is a whole ten degrees too hot and I start to sweat too. He smirks when he spots me, like he's just been wasting time until I got here. I stand frozen at the entrance and he seems to dance toward me, his movements so quick and graceful. I just stare like I'm in a trance, his eyes holding mine and not letting me look anywhere else. Each step gets him way closer than you'd think until suddenly, he's right in front of me. The musky smell of Axel and his skin reaches my nose and I feel sort of dizzy. I have no choice but to close my eyes and inhale. Everything is spinning. I open my eyes and look up just in time to see him coming towards me, his lips sticking to mine as if pulled together by magnets. I melt in his arms, and luckily he catches me, then pulls me towards his body until I feel every inch of him pressed against me. I groan as his hands slide along my sides, the temperature still rising, more beads of sweat collecting on my skin and rolling down. Axel doesn't seem to care, his mouth seems to almost want to catch every last drop. His tongue dances down my neck, a burning path that seems to seep right into my blood stream has my knees turning to jelly. Axel grabs hold of one of my legs and tugs it up to rest on his hip, our fronts coming together in an almost shocking wave of pleasure, especially when he presses against me harder, his lips crashing back against mine as his fingers press roughly into my flesh.

I'm almost completely lost in this, when I get a horrible stomach cramp. My legs quiver and suddenly, my eyes snap open when I get the worst urge to shit. I pull away, breathless and Axel stares at me confused, his hands holding my hips against his in the most provocative way, but then again...is there any other way of doing that? I scrunch up in pain when the feeling gets worse and I have to pull myself away from Axel. I start to hurry towards the door as my stomach begins to gurgle loudly, a deep tremble from my middle has me speeding up and Axel just stands there, looking lost and I send him a look. He's staring at me like he's disgusted. Then I look down and realize...I've fucking shit myself.

I wake up in a cold sweat, the bed sheets sticking to me and I want to scream, but instead I sniff the air crazily. I don't smell anything weird, no sweat or motor oil or even...poop. In fact, the only thing out of place is my boner popping up from my lower half, looking like a little bed sheet ghost. I look around and curl up quickly, feeling embarrassed for some reason, having been laying there on my back, everything out in the open. The room is really dark, but I can hear someone talking downstairs. I get a little freaked out until I look at the time and realize it's my parents getting ready to head to the airport but then I feel even more worried. I mean, what if my mother came to check on me and saw something? I clench my eyes shut and push that thought away, I need to be optimistic. She hasn't been in here yet.

Instead, I wonder why I never ask them where they go, and figure it's probably because ever since I was a kid, I'd like to imagine they go on spy missions. I know they are probably going to some resort now, to relax after all the stressful shit and I'm glad. But during the week, when they leave for days at a time for work...that's when they do spy shit.

I roll over and look up at the ceiling but quickly look away. Looking into the darkness makes me remember that creep and when he chased me. I swear when I smacked my face into the ground, everything went dark for a split second and I thought I was a goner. Closing my eyes doesn't really make it any better, I mean, it's still black but it makes me feel a little safer. I slow my breathing and just when I think I'm going to fall asleep, I hear my door creak open. I roll onto my side quickly because, somehow I'm still a little hard and it's awkward. I squint into the hallway light and see my mother's figure at the door. "Hey...you awake?" she breathes quietly, so quiet that if I were sleeping, I probably wouldn't hear. I hope this is her first time popping her head in.

"Yeah..." I whisper back and I can't tell if she smiles or not but she blows me a kiss.

"We're leaving now, Axel is on his way baby. We'll see you sooner than you think. I'll call every day or every now and then just to check in...okay?" I nod and she tells me to sleep more before closing the door and leaving. I hear my dad ask her if I was awake and she tells him, though he doesn't come to the room but I think he knows mom said everything that needed to be said. I close my eyes and sigh, I should probably sleep...Axel will be here soon.

When I open my eyes again, it's still kind of dark outside but I know it's time for me to get up. I roll out of bed and stretch, the bones in my back popping before I stand and head to the bathroom. I hate exams because I have to be there on time and there is no way I can skip. Though, I know I have to stop skipping school. My marks are on a steady decline, so showing up to class would probably help. I yawn as I step into the shower, deciding I need one to wake the hell up. I need to be as alert as possible for these freaking boring tests.

The water really does the trick and I feel a lot fresher when I step out. I don't take really long showers anymore after I shaved off my hair, I swear it's almost pointless to shampoo myself. I wrap a towel loosely around my hips and realize quickly that I need to get my hamper to the laundry room. All I have left are the small towels, that barely cover my decency, in fact they are probably only a few inches too long to be considered face towels. I walk out of the bathroom, cursing my laziness when I get the feeling someone is watching me. I turn around quickly and scream so hard I think I might rupture my esophagus. Axel screams too, dropping his little Tim Horton's bag on the floor but luckily keeps his grip on the coffee. I briefly wonder how he rode a motorcycle and brought all those things before remembering that I'm in a fucking towel a tiny ass towel. "AXEL!"

"Roxas," He says quite calmly now that he's not terrified. I look around the room before scurrying to stand behind the bathroom door and he just watches me, not even trying to hide the smirk on his face. It seems he got over the scare quite easily, and I can almost feel his eyes looking at every inch of leg and chest I have exposed. Well, I'm glad one of us has a normal heart rate. He bends over and picks up the paper bag, then drops it on the desk, placing the coffee there too. Thank God I moved Sora's little sex kit. I threw it safely into the furthest depths of my closet. Not the closet in Axel's room, but into my own walk in one. I feel my legs shaking when I look and realize Axel is directly across from me, standing in front of the desk. He must have gotten there when I was concentrating on remembering where I'd put the sex kit. He turns and looks at me, the bathroom door isn't even hiding me now, it's pointless to stand here. "Why yah hidin' from me?" he looks like a wolf, watching a tiny lamb that strayed from the heard and is now cornered, all alone. I look up at him, my breaths coming quick and shallow.

"Uh...towel..." I squeak but he reaches out and pulls me away from the door and towards him. I feel my towel grow just a tad bit looser and I start to panic. He looks down at me and I'm pressed against his chest before I can start frantically trying to squirm away. Axel's hand slowly slide down my arms and all the way to my back, he doesn't stop smirking for a second. I finally feel his hot palms against the small of my back, and if I ever had any sort of ache there, it's gone now.

My hands move up his chest, almost without my say and they start wind around his neck, before I lock them together and pull myself a little higher up, in the process bringing Axel a little lower and closer. We stumble into the bathroom door as our mouths connect and it's almost the same feeling as I get in the dream, only a million times better because his lips are sweet and taste faintly of coffee, and well, he's real _duh_. I know I shouldn't have kissed him, at least not until I had gotten some pants on but damn it, my brain just sends commands without letting me give the go ahead. He presses our bodies against the wood and I push my tongue into his mouth right away, figuring I've already started, so I might as well take advantage. I went way too long wanting more of his taste and never getting it. There's this warmth that spreads through me when his tongue slides along mine, leaving behind the familiar ashy flavor of cigarettes.

He groans, moving his hot hands along my back, before stopping and changing his course half way through. I realize quickly where his hands are going and tense a little, but something in me doesn't let me reach back and stop him. I feel the heat almost right away as he grips my ass and really starts fighting to win control for the kiss. Once he starts, I'm just fighting against a never ending current. There is no way I'm going to win, so I just let myself be kissed, tangling my fingers in his hair and enjoy the whole feeling as he gently sucks my tongue into his mouth. One hand releases my ass cheek and moves to touch the soft skin of my thigh and I shiver, pulling away to take a deep breath but Axel doesn't need to breathe apparently. He latches onto my neck and I think I just might collapse, my heart hammering against my ribs so hard it almost hurts. Just when his hand gets a worrying distance up my towel, the bedroom door slams open, Sora walking in and stopping abruptly. I realize I'm panting when I look to the side, my chest heaving and Axel is also pretty out of breath when he pulls away from the crook of my neck. I feel the little wet spot get cold almost instantly, and the faint sting worries me.

"Oh uh...thought you were ready..." My cousin clears his throat before looking to the side "well then...I'll just be downstairs," he turns and runs out of the room and we hear him smack right into Riku, telling him to turn his ass right around and go to the kitchen. At first the silver haired buttface is curious, wanting to push past my cousin or at least it sounds that way, but finally, we hear their retreating steps. I turn back to Axel, feeling my towel as it slowly slips looser and looser, but he pulls away before it falls off. I grab hold of it with nothing short of cat like reflexes and my blush is burning me, making me almost sweat.

"Sorry Roxas...yah just drive me crazy," he looks towards me and grins while shaking his head, "I haven't been near yah for so long, havin' yah this close is enough to kill me," I almost drop onto my ass when he says this and I watch him pick up the paper bag from the desk and grab his coffee. "I don't think I'll be able to stay mad at yah for much longer if yah keep prancing 'bout in little towels," He winks, which only makes my blush burn harder. I'd try to pull down the towel, to at least cover more of myself but looking at the size, if I'd try and cover my legs, I'd only expose everything else. "Yah should really get ready for school, don't wanna be late," He smiles before turning and leaving the room. I watch in shock as he slips out the door and closes it for me, leaving me here alone with my thumping heart and quivery legs. I hurry over and lock it, just in case someone else barges in and I press myself against it, almost sliding down and sitting on the floor. I notice my body is completely dry though, so I rush to gather my uniform, not really having all the time in the world to waste. It's not just because Axel is downstairs, but because he brought something for breakfast in that bag and I'm fucking starving.

When I get downstairs, Axel and Riku are chatting and Sora is going through the bag of goodies, though it seems he didn't ignore the little doughnut box to his right. He looks up at me, cheeks stuffed and teeth latched onto a doughnut. I point at him, glaring before charging into the dinning room and ripping the bag away. He has at least three different things in his hand and one in his mouth, why the hell is he still going through the bag? He looks at me, almost like he's insulted but I glare even harder before looking into the crumpled bag and finding a delicious cheese croissant. I pull it out before moving to the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice. Axel calls out to me, telling me that he might not be here when I get home, because he needs to buy some things. Apparently my mother left a long ass freaking list. I spot it on the counter, rolled up when I walk into the kitchen. Yeah, it's almost like a freaking scroll.

I hear the kitchen doors open and close right behind me and it's no surprise that Sora got up and followed me. I turn to look at him and the doughnut is quickly sucked up by the black hole known as his mouth. His hands are empty in a few minutes and when he's done licking the crumbs and chocolate off his fingers, he looks up at me. "What was that all about?" he asks with his eyebrows raised high on his forehead and I roll my eyes, placing my croissant on the counter and grabbing a glass. My cousin doesn't stop looking at me, and when I pull the juice carton out of the fridge I cave in and smile hugely.

"I have no idea, but holy shit Sora...it was _amazing_," I almost pour too much into my cup, on account of being busy remembering what happened upstairs but Sora saves me by a few centimeters. He puts the juice carton away, claiming my hands should be free so that I can tell him every little detail. Of course I refuse and only give him the basics. I walked out of the bathroom in a small towel, Axel was in there and attacked me, then he came in and ruined my life, yet again. I chug my entire juice cup before Sora speaks.

"Did you read the booklet?" his eyes glisten when I groan and look up at the ceiling. I only read the first two sections. The whole bit about preparation and how the guy has to relax my fucking anal muscles and then the hygiene. Over and over it kept repeating that once you do the enema, your ass will be best comparable to fucking Niagara Falls. Everything in the hygiene section terrified me, so I stopped reading after that. I mean, if anything, it seems like the process of the enema gets you dirty. The preparation part wasn't so bad though.

I'll admit, something about having Axel touch such an intimate place excites me, and the thought of being able to touch and feel him...oh God. But I have no idea how to go about starting this. Last time I tried, he rejected me and sent me to bed. Well, one thing is for sure and that is that this time, I won't be drunk...or well, if there even is a this time. He's still angry with me and I don't want him to be when we decide to do this, or like you know, if we decide to. I'm trying to convince myself that I don't really want this as much as I do, but holy shit, I've never felt my hormones raging like this before. Talk about absence makes the fucking heart grow fonder. "Roxas...you do realize you've got quite the hickey on your neck," My cousin says nonchalantly and I rush towards the fridge, using the little magnetic mirror to look at my neck. I spot the purple bruise almost glowing against my pale skin and I squeak.

"Ah, fuck!" I lift the collar of my dress shirt and check in the mirror to see if it's covered. Thankfully it's not visible, but the problem is I have to walk around like a douche bag who pops his collar. I decide I don't really care, I'll only be in school for like 2 hours anyway.

"So, did you read the booklet?" My cousin eyeballs my neck before deeming my hickey hidden and returning to his previous train of thought.

"I only read a little okay...I'm still not 100% sure about this Sora," I chew my lip nervously before going to grab the croissant but notice that it's gone. I look towards my cousin and he grins, flakes of the pastry all over his uniform blazer. I glare viciously before I stomp my way back to my empty glass on the counter "What the hell?"

"Don't hurt me or I'll scream," Sora opens his mouth, looking ready to wail like a siren but I stop him. Promising I won't rip him limb from limb and he believes me because I'm not even close to him. Instead I move to wash my cup, rinsing it before setting it in the dish rack. My cousin follows me around the kitchen and stops me before I walk out. "Do you think you guys might? I mean, it sure looks like you both want it bad enough," My cousin can't even suppress his giggles and I push him out of the way by his face.

"I'll give it a month of him being here...before I even consider a way to bring it up," I level my cousin with a glare but he just nods his head.

"Fair enough...did you use up the enema? I'm sure you can reuse it...I've always just gotten another one though..."

"SORA STOP!...and no, I didn't use it..." I look away embarrassed to be talking about this again with my cousin but he just laughs before patting me on the back. When he got so close to me again, I will never know.

"I don't think you'll both even make it to a month."

We walk out of the kitchen and I stop myself from saying anything, though I doubt I would have been heard. Axel is speaking when we barge into the dinning room and all we get to hear is _"So fucking hot." _He almost seems to choke on the words when he sees us standing there but he pulls it together pretty quick. I mean, he could be talking about anything with elevated temperature, right?

Riku stands up and stretches, announcing that we should all leave now. It's so weird any time he decides to go, considering he hates being in school more than I do. Everyone agrees, though it's probably because we have no choice. Damn exams. Axel wishes us all luck and waves us off. When I go to start the car, my hands are shaking because I don't feel that prepared and now that I'm actually on my way, this fact hits me full force. I mean, after reading Sora's booklet, I did some _real _studying but no where near enough to feel safe. I just hope everything goes smoothly. I'd like to be back home with Axel as quickly as possible.

Sora climbs into the car after, both of us having finished our exams right around the same time. The brunette is quiet before looking at me, wondering why I haven't started the car yet. I look around for Riku but the parking lot is completely deserted. "Isn't Riku coming?" I ask and my cousin shakes his head.

"He says the science room has at least another 20 pages left in their booklet," I nod my head and start the car. It's this sort of strange silence, but I guess I only feel awkward because I expect Sora to start ranting about my anal hygiene. I grip the steering wheel and leave the school, wishing the roads weren't so slushy. I'd be speeding down the street if they were clean. My cousin clears his throat and shifts slightly in his seat, I don't take my eyes off the road but I watch him in my peripheral vision, my mind preparing for the onslaught of Gay Sex Ed. He's smiling. "Roxas, I noticed that so far...all you know about sex is horrible. I promise it's not all about enemas and anal fissures, I mean...with the enema I was really just pulling your leg," I scrunch my nose before stopping at a red light and looking at him. "You know, see if you'd actually go that far to shag Axel!" Sora bursts out laughing like it's some great joke and he pats my arm, giggling.

"What the fuck..." I go to continue but he cuts me off with this weird look. It seems sort of stern but like he wants to laugh again and he turns quickly, looking out the windshield. I can't believe him sometimes, and the stupid shit he does. He had me scared half to death with that fucking enema. "I know about sex Sora...I just didn't know about all that weird shit your booklet talked about!" He starts to shake his head, putting his hands on his lap and I watch his body tense up, before he turns to face me again and grins. Every time he looks at me like that, nothing good ever happens.

"No Roxas, _you don't know about sex_..." He inhales deeply, still grinning before looking me dead in the eye "when it's all done, the prep and the awkward feeling in your belly...when he starts to move and gets it_ juuuust_ right. Oh god Roxas," My eyes widen, horrified but my cousin's eyes are shut for this, his fingers curling into the material of his dress pants and he bites his lip, still smiling before opening his eyes again. "I swear I die every time."

I have to stop him here, not only to save my brain from permanent damage, but also because dear Christ I don't want to think about this while driving. Also, I still have to bitch at him for being such a jerk about this whole hygiene thing. I step on the gas and he lurches forward, my plan to shut him up working like a charm. When he sits back and looks at me confused, I send him a disgusted look. "That was _waaaaay_ too much info there Sora," I scrunch up my nose again, still trying to fight away the image of Sora doing anything that involves his butt hole. "And thanks for freaking me out completely. That booklet says things about your asshole that shouldn't ever be said," We should never have to speak this much about our asses to each other, but my cousin doesn't seem to realize this. All he does is laugh.

"I know, but all sex help things are like that. They exaggerate the bad things dear cousin," Sora smiles before smoothing the wrinkles out of his pants. "I just want you to know, all the awkwardness and shit...totally worth it." I park the car, and Sora just seems to realize we're home. He sighs sadly, before opening the door and stepping out. Okay, that was weird. I shut off the car before climbing out after my cousin and catching him before he starts walking towards the fence.

"What was that all about?" I stare at my cousin but he looks startled that I followed him. He starts to laugh which really confuses me.

"Oh no, I just wish Riku was..." I slap my hand over his mouth before glaring at him. I've heard enough and seen enough of him and Riku together. I don't need to know anything else.

"Okay Sora, go home," I push him away and he starts laughing, turning away from me before walking through the fresh snow, looking at me over his shoulder before laughing again.

"Okay Roxas, take it easy," I roll my eyes before walking towards my house. I see Axel's motorcycle, parked close to the garage door but I wonder if maybe he took one of my parent's cars. I'm sure my mom must have left him something to be able to properly do groceries in, especially if she left a list like a torah. So, I open the front door not really knowing if he'll be home, and for the most part, I think he already left. I drop my empty bag by the front door and take off my boots and jacket. I don't hear any noise through out the whole house, which slowly confirms my suspicions that Axel is gone.

It's when I'm half way upstairs, ripping my blazer off that I hear it. A soft mumbling, which I'll admit creeps me out. I turn and head back downstairs because the noise is coming from somewhere down here. Don't ask me why I'd walk towards the sound that is weird and out of place in my empty house. That is, unless the house isn't empty and there is actually someone in here. I stand in the foyer and wait for more sounds to come, and when I hear them, the still soft mumbles, I realize they are coming from the garage. I wonder if I had left the door open this morning as I make my way towards the side entrance. I press my ear against the cool wood and hear Axel's voice, as he talks to someone. "I just don't know...yanno?"

I scrunch my eyebrows before turning the knob and walking into the garage. Sometime long ago, my father made sure he'd never freeze in this room while working on his bike. In fact, I think this is the warmest part in the house during the winter, so it's no surprise that I feel a little sweaty as soon as I step into the place. I shut the door softly behind me and when I look around, I spot Axel standing by his motorcycle, a box of tools by his feet along with Oblivion, sitting there meowing softly at him. My eyes decide to trail up Axel's body slowly, just to torture me, taking in the sight of him in sweat pants, rolled up to the knee and a tight white tank top. I get even sweatier when my eyes linger on every inch of exposed flesh. My curiosity is peaked about Axel's tattoos again when I spot a few on his legs. I swallow thickly, and when I try to take a step closer to get a better look, I knock over an empty bucket, bringing Axel's full attention to me. When he turns to look at me, I feel like my heart just exploded in my chest. His hair is tied back away from his face and on his fucking cheek there is a black streak. Just like from my steamy dream. He smirks when he sees me, giving a little salute and my knees turn to jelly. I did not need to see my fantasy in real life.

My brain sputters like a dead car, trying to bring me back to the world of the living but it's not working and I fear what I might do in this state. All I can really see is the next scene in my dream, where Axel comes over to me and starts trying to fuse our faces together. My breathing gets sort of shallow as I try and fill my lungs but they aren't expanding like they should. It's too hot and stuffy in here...I can't get any damn oxygen. The redhead takes a step towards me and I have to stop myself from squealing. If Axel keeps being this irresistible, Sora's gonna be right. I won't make it a month before I try and tackle him into a bed even if I'll be totally awkward and inexperienced. Before either of us can say anything, I turn on my heel and rush back into the house. I'll just go upstairs and take a cold shower, because those always work, right?

Well, for me and my brain's sake, it better.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey, I was wondering how many of you guys would be willing to read a mystery/crimescene kinda fanfic?  
It's different than what I usually write, but I got this idea and I'd like to try...I dunno. Check out the poll on my profile and gimmie all your feedback 8D  
I have no idea what I should do once this is over...I mean, I've been working on it for a while!

Oh and this chapter, how many of you knew the Axel as a sexy Mechanic part was coming? Ohhh yeah.  
I told y'all I'd write it in somewhere.

Anyway, enjoy!

-self destructs-


	38. Fucking Towels

**Chapter ****Thirty-Eight  
**Fucking Towels

Exam week is stressful enough all on it's own, so throw awkward tension into the household and it's only going to be ten times worse and a million times harder to study. I have no idea how I'm supposed to retain any information from my reading with Axel here being all...well, Axel-y. I'm trying to concentrate, I really am, so screw anyone who doesn't believe me. I've got my textbooks on the desk and my notes, I even have white out in my hand (though I don't know why I need it) but the sound of Axel singing happily in the shower is really distracting. My brain keeps veering off, and I end up thinking of things like, how wet and naked Axel is at this very moment, instead of thinking about these damn math formulas. I guess I'm not really to blame, I mean, what would you be thinking of if there was a hot man in your shower? Definitely not your algebra.

I groan and drop my head onto the desk, all the papers sticking to my forehead but I just don't want to lift my face and push them out of the way. This whole week is draining my life force. I never noticed how much the redhead bathes until, well, until I started paying attention. Axel has been in there for at least 40 minutes and I'm starting to wonder just how long he really needs. He's a twig, how much time can it take to clean off his body? Just as I'm about to turn towards the bathroom door and glare, I hear it click open and see Axel step out. Again, I should have taken the hamper downstairs Monday night, I should have done the laundry and put all the bigger, fluffier towels that can wrap around you ten times, from head to toe, back in the bathroom. I say this because the towel Axel has around his hips definitely shouldn't be used as a body towel. I can't pull my eyes away at first, so I just sit here staring at him, his long, wet hair sticking to his body in little red designs. He smiles at me when I look at his face and I swivel quickly in the chair, trying to make it seem like I wasn't molesting him with my eyes. I figure I should have turned a little slower, especially when my foot whacks into the desk and sends a horrible pain shooting up my leg. Real smooth Roxas, _reeeeaaal _smooth.

I hear Axel sigh and my body tingles, the fine hairs on the back of my neck standing. I don't know how I expect to go a month, when a simple little sigh makes me want to jump his bones. Just the fact that he is right behind me, in that tiny towel erases all other thoughts, good and bad. All my brain is thinking about right now, is how easy it would be to get him naked. I don't want to turn around and risk tenting up my pajamas, even when Axel clears his throat. I know if I see him now, there's a freaking good chance it'll happen. The mere thought of seeing him all squeaky clean and dripping wet makes me giddy and fills my stomach with butterflies. It doesn't help that my damn privates have gone crazy these last few days, jumping up whenever they see fit, without so much as a warning. It's a mutiny, I'm telling you.

It's why I've been awkwardly running away from Axel every time he steps into the shower, looks good enough to eat, or when he just so much as touches me. The worst part is, he isn't even touching me in a sexual way, we haven't even kissed since Monday morning. It's usually a casual brush when we're too close in the kitchen, or him rubbing my short hair. The worst time so far was his hand landing on my thigh. The warmth seeped right through my jeans and into my skin. I had no choice but to run away into my room. But you see what I mean? It's nothing to get all..._excited_ about, yet my body does anyway. It's ridiculous and he seems to know all about it.

"Yah don't have to turn around. I ain't got nothin' to hide," Axel's voice carries a chuckle just underneath and I wonder bitterly what exactly about my situation is funny to him. Something tells me he knows a lot more about my awkwardness than he lets on. I actually haven't been too smooth about it at all, almost every single time I've run away out of no where, straight upstairs, I've made quite a ruckus. Not to mention I've stuttered and bit my tongue a few times too. These last few days, I've been a vision of grace and tact...hah.

It doesn't help that I've been extra _excitable. _I swear it feels like the rest of my brain is being pushed out of my skull by my ever growing libido. I personally blame it on these fucking dreams I keep having. They always start off so good, and I get so into it, but then something horrible happens and I'm left feeling so frustrated, so unsatisfied. Axel is always doing something in the garage in the dream, and we always end up making out and almost go beyond that, but I never make it. I never actually get to see what it'd look like to have Axel over me, actually having sex with me. No, the fucking stomach cramp comes before any of the good stuff and it happens all over again. I blame it this on Sora and his help guide. Ever since I read that thing, I'm slightly terrified of my asshole. Not to mention it spoke an almost unbelievable amount about pooping.

Though sometimes, and these are the worst and scariest, what wakes me up is Axel changing into my attacker. I'll open my eyes mid-make out and the green eyes are similar, but so different. I don't get the stomach cramp, instead it's this horrible nausea that makes bile rise up into the back of my throat. My eyes snap open and all I see is green. I can never scream though and usually just wake up, all sweaty and with a semi-hard on that's always uncomfortable to move around with. This shit is driving me crazy, I'm telling you. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to stand it.

"Put some clothes on and I'll think about turning around," Axel laughs loudly at this but doesn't say anything else and I think I'm safe. That is until I feel his finger tips gently slide along my jawline and the devil of a redhead walks right into my line of vision. He moves to stand in front of me (just close enough for me to reach out and touch if I wanted) with a wide smirk on his face. I'm doomed from here on out and I think we both know it. My eyes can't resist the temptation to take in Axel in all this freshly bathed glory. I soak in the sight of him, little water droplets rolling down his stomach, some stopping half way through, letting my eyes linger on his smooth skin. The tattoos look so natural along his torso, they almost seem like really awesome birth marks, all intricate designs and vivid colours. Staring at him is just great all over. And holy fuck that towel. I swear those things just keep getting shorter and shorter.

My brain, well, you can just imagine what's happening to it now. I can't stop picturing myself leaning over and licking away those stray drops of water, grabbing him by the hips and tracing over every single tattoo with my tongue, even the ones hidden behind the towel. I blink once, really hard to immediately banish that image from my head. With the way I'm thinking, it almost seems like I want to charm my freaking snake in front of Axel.

That short half of a second that I'm blinded is enough for Axel to grab my hands and place them on his hard stomach. My finger tips press into his warm skin just a little before I open my eyes and he's staring down at me. I resist the urge to shiver harshly, instead I examine his expression. The playfulness is almost completely covered up by another emotion. It's the same look he's been giving me since I ran away from him in the garage on Monday. With his hands still around my wrists, he controls me, he makes me softly touch his skin and I don't resist. Slowly, I stand off the chair but don't tug my hands away. Instead I step closer and Axel lets go of me, letting my hands continue their journey along his body on their own. I don't think I could stop even if I wanted to, my brain wouldn't let me at this point. Axel just feel so good under my hands, his skin so smooth yet firm, letting off a pleasant heat that seems to pull me in closer.

My hands reach his chest and I can feel his heart beating, a steady thumping right under my palm. My brain of course cannot ignore the fact that Axel's nipples are a few centimeters away from my fingers. I could easily just slide my hand down and touch one, but my train of perverted thought is stopped when Axel grabs the back of my head and crushes our mouths together. It's a rough, almost desperate kiss and right away, I'm out of breath. I feel Axel take a step forward and I stumble back in reaction. This keeps happening until he's got me pushed up against the foot of the bed and my only options are to throw myself back, or stay standing here awkwardly. So, I decide to lay myself back, only I don't want to stop kissing Axel so I wrap my arms around his shoulders and bring him down with me.

The redhead braces himself over me, disconnecting our mouths just long enough to breathe before coming back full force. I feel one of his hands slip under my shirt and slowly caress its way up to my chest, making my skin erupt with goosebumps. I know my heart is pounding so hard against my ribs that Axel can probably hear it, and I'm kind of embarrassed until I realize he's not feeling for my heart beat. I gasp into the kiss, when his thumb runs over my nipple, the rough skin brushing over my sensitive flesh, making me press myself into him a little more, my arms wrapping around him just a little tighter.

This sudden heat starts up right under my belly button and spreads all through my body. I want him to keep doing it, and for a split second I worry if he's a mind reader because he does it again as if he'd heard me. This time, when I gasp he pulls away from the kiss and moves his mouth down my neck, leaving a little trail of cooling spit. I try not to close my eyes, because I'm scared. Every time I close my eyes for too long, those flash backs attack me. I keep them open for as long as I can but every time Axel's fingers run over my chest, I want to shut them. Luckily, his hand slides away from my nipple but I tense when he doesn't pull it away. My heart picks up even more when his hand passes my stomach and the elastic of my pajamas. Axel's hot hand hesitates right over the slit in my boxers and I realize I've stopped breathing, my finger nails really digging into Axel's shoulders. I feel Axel pull away but I'm scared to look. This is how it happens in my dreams. One minute it's Axel, and when I open my eyes he's gone. I feel a giant knot tie itself in my throat and I can't swallow, I can barely breathe.

My closed eyes snap open and I want to scream when all I see is green. My heart stutters in my chest and I try to take a breath. All at once the memories of that night bombard me, blocking out Axel's face. All I can remember and feel is that man's tongue gliding across my skin and his hands on my front. I forget all together that Axel is the one over me, and not that man. My entire body feels cold and almost sticky and I want to throw up. Axel isn't touching me anymore, in fact he's already climbed off and is staring at me while I lay here hyperventilating. I sit up slowly, fighting off every single memory before I look at the redhead with tearful eyes but he just stares at me, worried and confused. It's Axel here with me, my brain keeps repeating.

The part that kills me, is seeing guilt on his face, as if he's done something wrong. "Sorry...I...well...shit," Axel furrows his eyebrows and I feel so awful about this I almost start to cry. I cover my face and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and beat away those memories before I even try to speak. I have to remind myself that that guy isn't going to come back. It's just me and Axel.

When I pull my hands away from my face, Axel is leaning against the wall looking at me like he's sorry and I realize he's trying to put space between us. "Axel...I'm sorry...it's..." I try to take another deep breath, but it's so hard. "It's nothing you did," I swallow thickly when this just confuses the redhead even more and he takes a hesitant step towards me. I motion for him to come sit on the bed with me and he does, very slowly and a few inches away. I turn and try to keep my eyes on his face, this is a very serious moment. I can't just let myself get distracted by this gorgeous nakedness.

I clench my hands, and already I can feel them getting sweaty. I have no idea how I'm supposed to explain this to Axel. Should I tell him the truth or make up something? Though, I have no idea what I'd be able to make up that could explain my strange behavior. "I've been having these nightmares..." I decide to start it off like that, but realize I'm just trying to beat around the bush. I groan loudly and Axel puts his hand over mine as I clench it tightly into the sheets.

"Blondie, relax. Yah don't need to say anythin'. I get it," Axel smiles softly but I shake my head. How can he get it, when he doesn't even know. I let go of the sheet and turn my hand to grab his, he looks surprised when I lace our fingers together and to be honest, I'm a little surprised myself. Holding his hand though makes me feel so much better. I give it a little squeeze and right away, he returns the action with a chuckle. I look up right into his eyes and he holds my gaze, smiling softly. Seeing the warm, tender look in them calms my heart and my queasy stomach down and I feel like I can actually do this.

"If your not ready..." I cut Axel off right there because holy fucking shit. I am ready. I've been ready for a long time and if it hadn't been for that nasty molester, we could be going at it like rabbits right now. It's just somehow, those memories always make their way into the front of my mind whenever I have my eyes closed and it scares me every time. I always have to remind myself that it's over, but that doesn't make it any less terrifying.

"It's not that either..." I figure I have to tell Axel now, I wouldn't want him to think it's his fault I freaked out or anything. He didn't do anything wrong, it was my fault. I shouldn't have shut my eyes, but it's pretty hard to keep them open the whole time when he's touching me. The redhead stays quiet and I guess he's waiting for me to expand. I lick my lips and look away from him. I never realized this would be so hard to say. It's not like he raped me or anything, though having him touch me was pretty fucking disgusting. God, this is hard. "It's just...uhm...a few weeks ago, I went out at night," Axel makes a shocked sound when I say this, so I look at him and his eyes are round and wide.

"Yah left the house willingly?" He says with a tiny laugh and I glare at him.

"Yes...though looking back now, I shouldn't have," right away, the smile on Axel's face vanishes and he squeezes my hand when I look away. My heart is pounding again, and not even holding Axel's hand is going to make it better. The words are stuck in my throat like a really big piece of splintered wood and I have no idea how to get them out.

"Roxas?" Axel asks quietly and I take a deep breath before I continue. I don't look up from the sheets though, I don't want to see Axel's face when I tell him what happened. I mean, what if it grosses him out? What if knowing someone else touched me, makes him not want me?

Oh fuck, I hadn't thought of that before...shit. Axel squeezes my hand again and I look over at him briefly, seeing him waiting for me to continue before I have to look down.

"I was walking home...and this guy asked me for a light. I said I didn't have one, but he didn't leave. He trapped me against the wall and started to force himself on me," I scrunch my nose at my choice of words. I sound like I'm saying this to some judge and jury instead of Axel. "I tried to run and he chased me...it was so scary...but luckily this girl I know came by with her friend and saved me. It wasn't so bad...but now, every time I close my eyes, I remember it and I get scared all over again," I can't look up, especially when Axel lets go of my hand. I feel like I might start crying, until I feel him wrap his arms around me and pull me into his chest.

"Fuck Rox, that's awful...I'm so sorry yah had to go through that...S'that why yah keep runnin' away every time I touch yah?" Axel pulls away and makes me look up at him. I have no time to stop the fiery blush that spreads across my face and I can't even turn away because Axel is holding me by the cheeks. Instead, my eyes dart off to the side and it's now or never. I could lie and tell him that yes, that is why I've been so awkward, or I can tell him the truth. I can tell him I've been running away from him because I'm afraid he'll get me too_ excited_. I've been running away from him because holy shit, I want to have sex with him so badly.

"...No," I barely get the word past my lips and somehow Axel hears me. He looks at my face, just staring at every detail and I start to squirm a little. I've never been watched this closely. I want to laugh, but maybe that's just all the nerves. I decide I might as well, the atmosphere in the room could definitely use a bit of humor and it's not like Axel doesn't think I'm some weird psycho anyway. I start cracking up, and I mean really laughing. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time, and I just laugh even harder when Axel joins in. It's funny because he was no idea why I'm laughing, yet, here he is, holding his stomach and guffawing like I'm a master comedian.

Our weird giggle fit dies down and I realize I still have to explain this to him. I take a deep breath, which is a lot easier now and open my mouth. "Sora told me..." Axel beats me to talking and I almost choke on my tongue. I sputter and start to cough, Axel patting me on the back until I stop. When I look up, I swear to you, Axel must have seen something terrifying because the look on his face is spooked. He raises his arms in mock surrender. "I never asked'im or nothin'. He just called me 'n told me yah wanted to jump my bones, I didn't believe him but..." Axel smirks at me, but I'm still thinking about Sora. That fucking little snake. "How could yah not want all this?" Axel does a little wiggle and I'd probably laugh, if I wasn't getting ready to march across my yard and strangle my cousin. I stand up off the bed slowly and Axel follows me. "Hey...where yah goin'?"

"To kill-" I get cut off by none other than Sora barging into the room.

"_The fuuun haaaas aaaarrriveeeed!"_ He sing-songs but when he spots Axel in a towel, he stops. I mustn't have been too subtle in my ogling, but Sora...he doesn't even_ try _to hide it. His beady eyes are all over Axel's exposed body and a powerful jealousy fills me. I growl before stomping right in between him and Axel. My cousin seems to snap out of it and a sheepish look sweeps across his face. For that little innocent act to work, he might want to wipe the drool off his mouth. "Sorry...he's just really nice to look at."

I glare so viciously, my cousin backs away until Axel starts laughing, placing himself beside me and rubs my head. It takes a lot of me not to charge right at Sora, especially when Axel moves away from us to go to the dresser, leaving me all on my own. When he's far enough, I stomp forward and my cousin squeaks, pressing into the wall instead of moving away. Axel shouts at me from behind the bathroom door, before stepping out in his pajama pants. He's still not wearing a shirt, but he has the towel draped around his neck and his legs are covered. I'm a few inches away from Sora when Axel catches me and I back up a little before turning back to start glaring at Sora all over again. "You told him Sora? You fucking_ told _him?" I hiss out and my cousin looks like I just sprayed him with pepper spray.

"I was giving you guys a friendly shove in the right direction?" He grins, but I can see the filthy little gossip queen underneath. Sora could never keep anything to himself, so I have no idea why I'm even shocked. I feel my anger just gush out of me and I sigh deeply, before tossing myself onto the bed.

"Fuck you Sora...fuck, you," I say before curling up and laying there. I keep my eyes open, staring at the pillows and wondering what the thread count is. I hear Sora mumble something to Axel and I sit up quickly, staring at them curiously. "It's rude to tell secrets," I nag and my cousin rolls his eyes before giving me a look.

"It's rude to say fuck you," Sora replies like a smart ass and I glare, pointing an accusing finger at him. Axel looks like he's ready to jump in and stop us if we start trying to strangle each other.

"It's rude to always be fucking exposing other peoples things!" I try not to shout but my voice does get a little louder, the anger I felt before slowly coming back. My cousin looks so offended, but he has no right to be. He's told everyone all my things! First he tells my dad I'm gay, then he exposes me to my mother and now this? What the fucking hell man?

"Yeah well...whatever Roxas!" My cousin crosses his arms like a grouchy kid and Axel snorts before giving us both looks. "I was coming here to tell you something, but I guess I won't now." I glare at my cousin before snorting.

"Pfft, like I even want to know!"

"I'm sure you would if you'd stop being such a jerk!"

"I'm a jerk! You're the damn blabber mouth!"

"Y'all sound real mature," The red head stops up before this fight escalates and he winks before stepping past Sora and leaving the room, announcing that he's going to make dinner because he's fucking starving and we better not kill each other before the food is ready. When I hear him get downstairs, I send Sora another dirty look but he doesn't return it, which in the end kinda makes me feel like a jerk.

"I'm sorry I'm a loud mouth," he mumbles and I have to laugh, shrugging when he looks at me.

"I shouldn't have expected anything less."

"HEY!" I laugh before asking him what he'd come to tell me about in the first place. "Oh yeah...wait...I thought you didn't want to know," He grins at me when I roll my eyes and send him a look.

"You either tell me or you don't, decide," My cousin, never resisting the urge to dish the latest gossip caves and throws himself on my bed with a little giggle.

"Well all our Aunties have contributed and got back all the money Larxene stole from your parents! My mom is throwing a party at our house with everyone there as soon as your parents get back! You know what this means?"

My heart sinks into my chest and I stare at Sora in horror as he smiles happily. I know exactly what this means.

"Family reunion!"

* * *

**A/N: **Y'all know what this means? No really, do any of you? 'Cause I don't...-shifty eyes-

Just thought I'd post this before I go off and do laundry. -grumblegrumble-  
I don't have much to say about this chapter, but well...you know.  
I promise something _good_ -nudgenudgewinkwink- will happen soon.

You'll all find out if Roxas made it to a month or not ;D

Arriiibaaaa, andale, andale!

-Dances around sombrero with maracas-

El Sharmander del Oeste.


	39. Stick It Up My Pooper

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**  
"Stick It Up My Pooper"

_Bzzzzzzzt, bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt, bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt_

"Mmmrgh, answer..." Axel grumbles against his pillow, his hair a wild mess that completely covers his face, so I have no idea if he's staring at me or not. In fact, I have no idea if he's even facing my direction. I squint my eyes curiously into all the red, trying to see if I can find Axel somewhere in there. It's a lost cause so I resort to peaking under the covers, which he has pulled up to his chin. I find that almost inhuman, seeing as I am sweating like a pig in a sauna. It's hard to believe the bed isn't drenched. I find he's facing the other direction, my eyes trailing along the smooth curve of his side. My eyes slowly drink up all the pale skin and I pause, realizing I have quite the view of his tattoos. One that catches my eye, is a large, cursive font starting at his hip and curling towards his lower back. I focus and lean forward just to get the first words._ '__I can think of nothing..._' then it begins to curl and my eyes follow the black ink, greedily drinking up the words, _'more pleasurable than a life devoted to pleasure.'_

I tear my eyes away and smile a little to myself. A part of me wonders if Axel really believes that, and I figure quickly that he must. I mean, he has it tattooed onto his body. I'm sure he must think something of the quote. I lick my dry lips, wetting them before casting a quick little glance at Axel. I want to laugh at myself for actually being this creepy, I mean, who watches someone in their sleep? I'm about to laugh, until my cellphone interrupts me.

_Bzzzzzzzt, bzzzzzzzzzzzzt, bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt_

"Roxasss, come the fuck on," Axel groans loudly and I snort before sitting up and reaching for my vibrating cellphone. I've been awake for at least an hour but I've just been laying here staring at the ceiling. You know, my mind going a mile a minute, so it leaves no time to doze off again. I can't stop thinking about what happened last night and it's kept me up for quite some time. It's really made my think, but I haven't really found anything useful. When I finally grab my phone, I have to clear my mind before I answer or else I'll have no idea what the hell is going on.

"Hello?" My voice somehow still sounds heavy with sleep, even if I haven't been sleeping for the longest time. I hear Axel sigh as he curls up tighter into the blankets and I mentally aw, before turning my attention back to the phone call.

"Roxas!" The person on the other end is my mother and I smile when she speaks. So much for calling every day, this is the first time she's called since they left. "Hey sweetie, how is everything?" I can hear music playing in the background and I'm not really sure, but it could be my father singing out loud. It's hard to imagine him doing anything of the sort, but I figure he's doing it to cheer my mom up. "Are you boys sleeping?" My mom says with a teasing little tone and I roll my eyes. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's my dad howling out whatever song he's listening to, completely butchering the poor thing. I may not pay much attention, and my parents may not share all their worries with me, but I'm sure they have some. It's good to know though that they back each other up through the hard times. I shrug before realize that uh, hello, this is a phone call. What a dumb move, yet I always seem to do it.

"S'good," I mumble while rubbing at my itchy eye a few times, before looking towards Axel who's fallen asleep again. "I'm awake but Axel's fast asleep," I know this because I can hear him softly snoring. Flashbacks from last night assault my memory and I smile softly, my mother going on about something on the other line but I'm not listening. In case you're jumping to conclusions, no, nothing _sexual_ happened between us. In fact, it had nothing to do with sex.

It's a little embarrassing to say, but I had another nightmare. I'm still having those horrible dreams where Axel shifts into my attacker, but last night was the first time I've actually been able to scream. It felt like the knot that was in my throat untied, and my vocal chords finally worked again. I personally think it's progress, but maybe that's just wishful thinking. I must have woken Axel up because he came barreling into my room, eyes wild and hair even crazier as he stood at my door, looking around my room for the source of my distress. When he spotted me sitting on the bed, all sweaty and out of breath, trembling like a leaf, he knew right away and came towards me. It took me a while to actually admit to having the bad dream, but when I did, Axel didn't laugh. Instead he crawled under the covers with me and held me against his chest. It was the best sleep I've had in a while, up until I woke up around 7 and couldn't fall back asleep. I look towards the redhead and smile, my heart beating just a little faster. When he was laying beside me, all the bad dreams went away.

Suddenly, I remember I'm on the phone and my mother is still talking. "So then I told him, 'Cloud...I will not dance like a monkey', sometimes I wonder about him Roxas," I raise my eyebrows high on my forehead and regret zoning out. What the hell is she even talking about? "If Axel ever asks you to do anything weird, have some dignity honey," My mom giggles softly to herself and I laugh a little too. I don't know what the hell my dad is asking her to dance like a monkey for, but I'm not going to ask.

"That's uh...nice mom," I shift and roll out of bed, deciding that if I'm going to keep the conversation going, I'll need to leave the room. I walk out slowly, and realize the house is really hot, which means Axel must have been fucking around with the damn thermostat again. It would explain why I've been boiling half to death the entire night. I hold the phone with my shoulder and walk downstairs, on a mission to restore the house to a normal, bearable temperature.

"I'm sorry it took me a month to call sweetie," When my mother says that, I stop and the phone drops to the floor. By some stroke of luck it doesn't bust open like it's done so many times, instead it just stays there on it's back but I don't really notice. I'm staring straight, letting that information sink in. It's been_ a month_ since my mother and father left, meaning it's been _a month_ since Axel came, meaning I've made it a whole _month_. I grin hugely and bend over to grab the phone, when I pick it up my mother is asking if I'm still here.

"Yeah sorry mom, I dropped the phone...but it's okay. You know, I didn't even notice you were gone," My mother snorts in this way that lets me know she knows that's a huge lie. Axel may be a great chef, but he's terrible at grocery shopping. He takes the list with him every time, yet he always forgets half of the items. He's yet to complete the list, and it's been an entire _month. _Hah, I can't stop repeating it. It's been a whole month and I held back, I gave Axel his space and everything. Lately though, I've found Axel is the one coming towards me, kissing me, hugging me, actually following me when I run away from him during our little awkward encounters where he almost gives me a boner. Yeah, my wiener is still on the fritz, something still going on between it and my brain. I feel wonderfully proud that I managed to keep my distance though. It was a smart move on my part, because now I know for sure Axel is fine with me. The actual forgiveness finally seems real and I grin.

"Is that so?" My mother laughs softly into be phone before I hear my father yell at her that they are going to be late for the tour. With a little sigh, she comes back onto the line with a less than excited voice. "I hate stupid tours," she grumbles angrily into the receiver before my dad yells at her again to hurry. "Well honey, we should be back in a few weeks, I'll call again tonight. Have a good day sweetie, be safe both of you."

"Bye mom, have fun," I laugh when she groans, my dad finally making her hang up. I pocket my phone and walk into the kitchen. Surprisingly, I'm not starving, so I don't know what to do with myself. I grab my phone again and start a text.

_I made it to a month...now what?_

I send the text to Sora but figure I probably won't have a reply for a while. I doubt he's awake at this time, especially on a Saturday. Riku and him were over late yesterday, celebrating the end of the semester with me, Axel cooking us all one of the best meals I've ever had. It was all great, until I caught Axel and Riku having a little chat while smoking. Sora had sent me to get his cellphone off Riku, and I'll admit I went just to see Axel but I regret it. I found out that Riku really, really doesn't approve of Axel's quick forgiveness. I heard him listing all the reasons why I'm a little brat and not mature enough. I walked out just when Axel was responding, but something in his tone told me he didn't believe what Riku was telling him. It was awkward to say the least and as soon as I got upstairs, I whipped the phone in Sora's face. I don't really care what Riku thinks of me, just so long as Axel likes me. Anyway, I don't think my cousin is awake because they left really late last night, so he's probably knocked out cold.

You can imagine my surprise when I hear a loud crash and footsteps running all around upstairs. My eyes widen as I jump up from the kitchen table and race up the stairs to see what the hell is going on, because most likely it's Sora. I catch him just as he's storming out of Axel's room, about to push my bedroom door open and find the redhead, sprawled on his back asleep. I almost tackle him to the floor to stop him, because who knows what he'll think if he sees Axel sleeping in my room. The last thing I need is him screaming or something and waking Axel up. My cousin looks at me, the puffiness from sleep still heavy on his eyes and he shoves his cellphone in my face before I can ask why he's here. I blink stupidly as I try and focus on the too bright screen. I then remember I was the one who just texted him, so I release my cousin only to tug him downstairs to explain my text. "Can't you just reply? Do you have to come barreling into my house?" I ask as we both sit at the kitchen table and my cousin smiles at me, shaking his head.

"Oh no, when it's a text like this...this requires face to face interaction," his eyes are glowing as he regards me up and down. "So, how are you gonna make the first move?" My cousin's eyebrows move up and down a few times and his eyes stay on me watching and waiting to gauge my reaction. It takes a while for what he said to sink into my brain. I lick at my lips in the mean time, which are really dry and I remember I forgot to put the thermostat down. Sweat collects on my forehead and my cousin leans over the table, eyes still looking shiny and dangerous. Which tells me avoiding this question will not be easy.

"We're not even together!" I blurt out, but mostly because I have nothing else to say. I mean, obviously I want to but there is still a little something holding me back. It's not really anything to do with Axel, in fact it's all to do with me.

I don't know how to tell my cousin if it's safe to try and go ahead with this. I mean, at the beginning of the month I was holding back to give Axel his space, to see if he really forgave me and to show him I was sorry. I wasn't counting on these flashbacks really being a big problem, but that last make out session really spooked me. It's just, what if I close my eyes and see that man again while we're doing it? That will definitely ruin any tender moment, and I don't think I can handle such a fail. It's going to take so much courage that I don't have, just to engage the act. I can't even imagine what I'd do if we get half way there, then I have another little spazz attack. I can't explain this fear to Sora, though something tells me I might have to. My cousin looks confused for a few minutes, as if Axel and I not being together just doesn't make sense..

"What? That's ridunkulous!" My cousin looks insulted and he stands from the table. I have to stop him before he marches right upstairs and slaps Axel awake. I don't know if he'd actually go and do that, though the look on his face says he feels like it. He probably thinks Axel is the one keeping us from being together. It's all I need to stop him (my little hypothesis) because with Sora, you can never tell. I look at him with big, pleading eyes and he sits back down again.

"Hear me out okay?" I take a deep breath and again it doesn't come easy. I can feel Sora's eyes glued to me as I lace my fingers together on the table top. This is the second time I'm going to say this story and I pray to whatever it is people are praying to these days, that it'll be the last time. I look up into the face of my worried cousin, and when he sees my watery eyes, it looks like a gear in his brain slipped loose. All at once I spew the story, a little vague on the details (like how I was drunk) but it's enough for him to get the point. Again, I feel light, like I've just lost a few pounds and I try to avoid staring right at Sora's face. He's quiet, which is what scares me the most.

"He...he didn't manage to do anything, right?" My cousin's voice sounds tight and wheezy, so I have to look at him, to make sure I don't have to perform CPR on him any time soon. Luckily, when I look up at him, he isn't blue in the face or anything. He's just staring at me blankly, looking like he just saw a ghost but he doesn't quite believe it.

"No, thank god...it was just really terrifying and I have these flashbacks a-and...I just don't want it to happen during sex," I bite my lip nervously as my cousin mauls this new information over. It seems to actually be sinking in, and I feel I may have a little hope at shutting him up about this whole Axel and I having sex thing, until he smiles brightly. "Oh god...what now?"

"Well, maybe having sex will help get rid of the flashbacks? Hell, I'm sure your mind will be wiped clean for a few days," My cousin winks at me and I do nothing for a few seconds. I can't do anything because I'm just staring at him in disbelief. When I can gather the energy, I face palm myself.

"Sora, I just told you I was molested and you think sex will help?" I look away from my hand and at my idiot cousin, but he doesn't seem any less sure of himself. In fact, with the way he's staring at me, it makes _me_ feel like_ I'm_ the dumbass who knows nothing about anything. I blink a few times, just to remind myself this is Sora who I'm looking at.

"Hey, it wouldn't be the first time...just, why don't you try being on top? You know, so it doesn't get all suffocating."

Oh horror of all horrors. Just as my cousin finishes that sentence, Axel walks right into the dinning room. His frizzy hair is standing all around his head like a red mane, but that seems to be the last thing on his mind. He has a short, stubby eyebrow raised high on his head, and a tiny little smirk on his face. I fear the worst, in fact, I'm almost shitting myself because I'm sure he just heard half of this conversation. My throat goes instantly dry when Sora flings himself around and stares at the redhead. Axel crosses his arms over his chest, before letting out a little chuckle and I notice his pajamas are slipping a little low, revealing the tattoo I read earlier. "Now, what are y'all talkin' 'bout?"

Sometimes the way Axel plays stupid frustrates me. I hate how I can never tell if he actually knows something or not. He just gives you a stupid little smirk, which is no help because it's on his face like half of the time. I wish he was easier to read, or that he'd just be straight up and be all _'Yeah, I heard you guys. I especially heard you, Sora, tellin' Roxas to stick it up in my pooper.'_ The voice of Axel I hear in my head is hilarious, in fact, it's just me speaking with deep southern drawl and I'll admit it doesn't actually sound anything like the redhead, but it gets the point across. I snort out loud, interrupting whatever Axel and my cousin had been talking about. Much to my dismay, they both look at me curiously and I just shrug my shoulders. "Sora was just telling me he's stupid..." I smile devilishly at my cousin when he squawks angrily at me, trying to hit me from his seat but failing due to his arms not being long enough. Axel laughs before shaking his head and walking towards the kitchen.

"Can I whip you up some breakfast, boys?" Axel calls from behind the swinging doors but Sora covers my mouth with his hand before I can answer. He looks at me and it freaks me out that he got this close without me noticing, which he seems to do a lot lately. He can see the wonder in my eyes but he ignores me, instead, leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"_I am turning down food for you. I'm telling you, just give it a shot from up top," _I pull away from his hand and stare at him, my heart pounding in my temples as my libido makes me nod my head. My cousin smiles at me, ruffling my hair before a question pops into my head.

"Rox, Sora?" Axel calls again and I turn my face towards the door and watch it with fear filled eyes. What calms me somewhat is the fact that his voice is hard to hear, meaning he's probably standing deep in the pantry. I look back at my cousin and he's staring at me, still leaning close.

"_...how do I be a top? I only learned about being on bottom from your book,"_ I whisper crazily to my cousin, the words coming out before I can stop them. I have no idea why I'm agreeing to any of this, but I'm trying to convince myself it's just to get Sora out of the house. I ignore the tiny swell of excitement in my stomach along with the little voice in the back of my head, telling me my cousin might be giving good advice.

"_Roxas...you just sit on his dick...Everything else is the same."_ The bluntness of Sora leaves me speechless and I watch him straighten up and cast a look towards the kitchen in sadness.

"Actually Axel, I'm gonna go home! I promised Riku I'd make him a grilled cheese!" I want to start laughing hysterically because the look on Sora's face is all sadness and regret. I feel like I have to make it up to him one day, by inviting him over for dinner when Axel cooks. My cousin runs towards the front foyer, stopping at the exit of the dinning room to look back at me with a little smile. "So help me God Roxas, if you are still a virgin come sunrise tomorrow...I'll initiate this damn thing myself."

I sit there in shock for a few minutes before I hear Axel push his way out of the doors, "Are you sur...?" Axel stops talking when he realizes the person he is addressing is long gone. He laughs when he notices I'm all alone and leans against the table beside me. Right away my eyes zero in on the front of his pajama pants. My heart, which still hasn't slowed any, goes even faster and I fear I might have a heart attack. _Stop staring Roxas, for the love of God stop staring at his dick._ "How 'bout you blondie? Yah hungry?" I don't know if it's my imagination but Axel's voice sounds husky, and the sound causes the front of my own pajamas to stir. Oh god, why is my damn dick always going insane? I swear once a long time ago, I was told that boys nearing the age of 18-19 got really horny, but I never thought it'd be like this, in fact I didn't even know if it was true or not. I almost choke when Axel nudges me with his knee, and I fly to my feet, coming forehead to nose with Axel. "Roxas?" he takes a step back and raises his hands as if to grab me. I have to duck away from him, telling him that no, I'm not hungry before making a mad dash towards the stairs. I can feel him watching me but I have to get away from Axel and think this through. I can't just sit there staring at his damn pajamas, imagining what's behind the fabric.

I almost slip and break my neck as I run into Axel's room, the carpet skidding forward a few inches and throwing me off balance. I don't run into my room because my door is closed and I'm going too fast to turn the knob. I topple onto the bed with a huge sigh and I lay there on my stomach. At least up here, I'm safe and away from Axel, plus the fact that I'm in here and not in my own room will buy me some time if he does come looking for me, though I don't know how much. I don't have much time to think, the words of my stupid cousin floating around in my gray matter, making it hard to find a reason not to go through with this. I wish Axel would just go out and give me an hour or so to think. I know I've had a month to think over everything, and underneath this fear I know I'm ready and willing it's just...I'm so fucking scared.

There's nothing to be afraid of...A voice speaks up and I have to agree, I know Axel would never do anything to hurt me but fuck, I am still terrified, terrified of the whole experience. I'm a wimp, and if anything that little guide said is true, this is going to take me to a whole other level of pain. I bite my lip as I think about this. My cousin talks about all this stuff like it's no big deal, and I wish I could view sex like him, like something so easy to do but I can't. Which is kind of obvious considering I've never even given someone a hand job (not counting the time I held Axel's cock in my hand for a few minutes), while my cousin has seen quite a few people naked. Though if I have to admit, I can't picture anyone better to do this first with than Axel. He can be gentle but with just that touch of roughness that I enjoy so much from some weird reason. If I wasn't such a darn chicken, I could have done this long ago.

I turn around and lay on my back, my body needing much more air than my previous position was allowing me to get. When I turn over, I almost barf out my spirit and eat it again. Axel is standing right at the edge of the bed looking down at me, and I sit up quickly, going to scoot away from him as fast as I can, only to stop half way. "Holy shit, creepy much!" I squeak out and he laughs before sitting on the edge of the bed. He's so close to me, it's almost like he's testing me. Pushing me to the brink to see if I'll actually have enough guts to go through with this. Man, I hate being so damn nervous...it makes my hands sweat.

"I actually made quite the ruckus comin' up, not as loud as you, but pretty close," His eyes are twinkling, crinkling up in that way they always do and suddenly, I could care less about the horrible pain. "I thought yah heard me," Staring at him, as he sits there smiling at me, just makes me understand all of Sora's logic. I remember when I was dying to see his face again, how much I yearned for his touch and his warmth. And now, it's just all sitting there in front of me, ripe for the picking. All I have to do is go over to him and grab it, which is easier said then done. Something in the way he's looking at me, tells me he'd let me do whatever the hell I want, so that makes me feel a little less afraid.

Now, I'll admit, this is probably just my libido taking over, overwhelmed by the gorgeousness that is Axel's smiling face, but I feel like I'll be able to push myself and do this. I feel a sudden burst of bravery and I lick my lips before I crawl over to Axel, figuring it's now or never. He just watches me, the smile dimming down and his eyelids fall to half mast. It seems like our thoughts suddenly both weave into the same wavelength. "Why'd yah run away?" he asks softly as I come up beside him, a little scared still, underneath all this new found determination. I lift my hands up and shakily turn him to fully face me. He does, lifting his leg up onto the bed and everything. Alright, so far so good.

I shrug, which is the best I can do before I lean forward and kiss him. He doesn't pull away or anything, instead he stays sitting there, while I carefully get onto my knees and for the first time I'm a few inches taller. I can hear Sora in my head, though it's not the best motivation, it still does something. _"Roxas...you just sit on his dick...Everything else is the same."_

With that thought in mind, I plop myself onto Axel's lap, and I can feel the shock in his body as his hands slowly come up to grip my hips. Our kiss is a lot slower than usual, together our mouths are moving at this really calm pace. It's quite a contrast from my heart beat and my thoughts. I'm trying not to think of Sora, but everything he's told me about sex is filling my head and I can hardly think straight (I'm dead serious when I say no pun intended).

Suddenly, Axel throws himself back and I go with him, landing over him before I use my arms to prop myself up. The kiss completely loses the slow pace once I'm hovering over him. My body seems to go on auto pilot, making me do whatever I think will release some of this tension. My hips push down into his, just as he bites on my bottom lip, a fleeting sense of relief sweeps through me and Axel curls his hands into my shirt. I disconnect our mouths to look down at him, a deep groan coming from his throat as he pushes his hips back against mine. I get this deep, pleasurable shiver at the friction and I almost moan when Axel starts biting his own lip. I feel empowered as he stares up at me, a little breathless and flushed. Now that I'm here, I'm stuck. I have no idea how to get us moving in the direction towards well, you know, so I just stay over him trying to catch my breath, waiting for an idea or something. I watch as he releases me and puts his hands behind his head, sliding them under the pillow like he's going to hold his head up but instead he pulls something from underneath.

The look of confusion that slowly dawns on his face, tells me he's surprised to find the little tube himself, so I know he didn't stash it there. "Dear Roxas, spit won't do it," Axel reads off the little note before turning the bottle around to show me what it is while he laughs. He doesn't have to show me because I already know and I'm already horrified but only slightly shocked to see the post-it with Sora's hand writing covering half of the label for the lube. Axel laughs a few more times before going to chuck the bottle but I grab it from him. Here, his eyes widen and he stares at me as I turn it over in my hands, not daring to look into his face. "...Roxas?" Strangely enough, I'll have to thank Sora for this.

The fact that I took the lube from him should be quite a clear little message to Axel and judging by the look on his face, he's slowly getting it. I set the little tube beside me before sitting straight, my butt resting on Axel's thighs. He pushes himself up a little, the entire time, his eyes are glued to me. I figure since he isn't pushing me off, I might as well really go for it. With one last deep breath and hands shaking like jello, I grab the bottom of my t-shirt and slip it right off my head. When I can see the redhead again, his eyes are round, but not on my face. They are in fact, skimming over every inch of exposed flesh, instead of feeling shame though, I'm a little excited. The touch on my lower stomach surprises me, and the burning heat from Axel's palm makes the front of my pajamas twitch, the little feeling of excitement growing that much more. Much to my embarrassment, the slowly forming bulge in between my legs is now quite visible, only getting worse as Axel gently touches my skin, his hands exploring every inch of me he can reach.

"Uh...Axel..." My voice comes out quite shaky and low, which only makes me feel even more embarrassed. Luckily, I don't have to speak twice because the redhead hears my pathetic attempt to get his attention, and he looks up, away from my body. His hands are still both touching me, doing to my body what I did to his not too long ago. My throat is constricting around the words I want to say, and it's almost impossible to breathe when I feel the rough skin of Axel's thumbs brush over my nipples. Somehow I manage to control myself, though the stutter makes it seem like I'm a total mess, "D-do you...I mean...uhm...we h-have lube a-and..." Holy shit, do I really sound that stupid? A burning blush immediately takes residence on my cheeks and I sputter, looking away from Axel. Wow, if I'm being this weird about it, I can only imagine how I'd be without all of the advice from Sora and the little booklets. I mean, the more knowledge you have about something, the more comfortable you are doing it, right? Then how come I can't stop trembling and am about to have a stroke?

"Are yah askin' me if I want to have sex with yah?" Axel's voice is definitely husky now and I know it's not just my libido because when I look at him, his usually bright green eyes are hazy with lust. Before I can manage a response, Axel grabs the back of my head and brings my face down to his, our mouths coming together softly before Axel bites my lip and shoves his tongue in. The hot muscle is slick as it dances around my own, the sensations of his fingers curling in my hair making goosebumps rise up all on my skin. Axel practically devours my face, tilting his head in such a way, his tongue reaches even deeper into my mouth.

My hands frantically move to his body, the urge to feel his warm skin making me almost desperate. When I do touch him, I waste no time in moving towards his nipples, finally getting to feel them. Axel gasps into the kiss, and I push my head into the crook of his neck. That familiar scent over ridding my senses and almost driving me insane. I can feel the hand he had on my head travel down my back, his fingers gently following the curve of my spine until stopping at my pajamas. Here his hand hesitates and I decide I've got to show him it's okay and that I won't flip out on him. You know, we're actually going to do this. I know this to be true because I've had my eyes closed this entire time and not once has anything other than what I'm doing with Axel crossed my mind.

My hands leave his hard nipples and move to the top of his lose pajama pants. I remember what I did on Halloween and I'm amazed at the bravery I had then. I figure if I mustered up that courage once, I could definitely do it again and well, I do. I slide my hands into his pants and wrap my fingers around his surprisingly hard member. I swallow thickly once I have him in my grasp, and Axel doesn't tug my hand out like he did on Halloween, instead he slides both his hands into my pants and grabs hold of my ass. I almost squeak when he gives me a tight squeeze but instead, I answer him back with a squeeze of my own. His body goes rigid against me, which only spurs me on to start moving. Heh, my first real hand job.

Judging by the soft sounds Axel's making, I'm not doing a bad job. His hips start to thrust into my hand and the heat between us increases until little beads of sweat collect along my forehead. When Axel groans deep in his throat, I remember he asked me a question but I think I answered that when I grabbed his dick.

I could keep this up all day, I mean, watching Axel writhe underneath me is probably way better than having sex, but I can't chicken out now. As much as I enjoy the feeling of him pulsing in my hand, something tells me it'll feel even better somewhere else. Oh hell I can't stop now, especially not now. I tug my hand out of his pajamas and move to start sliding them off. When they are half way down his thighs, I stop. Everything is going so smoothly, it almost seems too good to be true. I mean, I was expecting it to be way harder than this, though I don't know why. It's not like it's rocket science or anything...but fuck, it's probably more nerve wracking...no one has to point out how freaked I am.

"Rox?" The call of my name makes me look up and I swear I black out for a minute. I wasn't ready to look up and see Axel naked. No, I needed some mental preparation for this, but I must have forgotten. It's too late to look away, so I figure I have to get it out of my system. I can finally see all his tattoos, and I must say, he looks like a masterpiece. Every detailed design ties together seamlessly but that thought is soon tossed to the wind.

I've felt it a grand total of two times but not once have I seen what Axel is packing, so you can't blame me for staring. I don't know if it's really big or if I'm just scared and am seeing it larger just because. All I know is that never in my life have I shit something out the same size. Axel must get slightly self conscious because he sits up, which makes him scoot away from me a bit. I must have completely dazed out because I don't remember feeling him slip his hands out of my pants. "Yah alright?" Axel sounds worried and I look up at him, blinking myself out of that daze before nodding and taking a deep breath.

"Yeah...uh...it's just uhm...I have no clue what to do next," I laugh but it's mostly because I'm so fucking nervous and Axel adds his own little chuckles. I stop laughing right away when Axel switches things around and tosses me onto my back. He manages to get me naked a lot faster and the blush on my cheeks starts to migrate across my entire body. Axel positions himself over me and I feel him, every single inch of him pressed against my naked body. I shut my eyes and throw my arms around his neck, for lack of having anything better to do with the stupid limbs. I feel Axel shift and reach back, and my stomach seems like it's going to burst and fill my insides up with butterflies. My chest is falling and rising so much it almost looks like I'm heaving, but I blame that on the heat in the room. I let out a tiny squeak when I hear Axel uncap the tube.

"So, yah sure about this?" Axel asks, pulling himself away to give me just a little bit of distance. I can still feel his hot manhood pressing into my stomach, which makes it a little hard to concentrate. All I can think about is where that is going to go, and I start to tremble a little.

"Y-yeah...uh...stick it in," I say with this squeaky voice that reminds me of when I was 13 and about to go into puberty. Axel raises an eyebrow before cupping my cheek tenderly and looking at me with that smile, the one that crinkles his eyes.

"Didn't yah read that little booklet? I gotta do some prep work first," Axel grins at me as he sits back on his haunches and pours a lot of fucking lube into his hand. Some of it drips and lands right on my thigh, the coldness making me gasp before I manage to speak.

"Y-you saw the booklet!" I almost shout and Axel chuckles, rubbing the lube on his fingers before setting the tube down beside him.

"I found it while cleanin'...now, if you're ready, I'm gonna start with one finger," Axel smiles and grabs hold of one of my legs, bending it towards my chest and I just lay there. This is a pretty fucked up position and it's all I can think about. I feel awkward laying here like this, but I know I'm only concentrating so hard on the way my body is because I don't want to zero in on Axel and his finger, which is slowly slipping between my ass cheeks and moving towards my entrance.

"W-wait!" I sputter and right away Axel's hand freezes, I can feel his finger tip just millimeters away from my asshole and my heart is pounding so hard, I think I might throw up from the nerves. I lick my lips before looking into Axel's face and he smiles down at me, staying perfectly still. "Uh...can you kiss me?" I ask nervously and Axel looks like he'd be more than happy to. He leans down and I pull our faces together fast, kissing his mouth greedily, wanting to taste every bit of him that I can.

At first, all I feel is pressure and a weird little moistness. When he wiggles the finger around is when I realize that he has it knuckle deep already. Huh, it didn't hurt at all. In fact, I didn't even feel it slipping it. I do feel it however, when he pulls it out and pushes it back in, a little more forcefully. It's a weird feeling that I'm not sure I enjoy yet, but I'm just glad it's not hurting. If I'm lucky, everything the booklet said about first time pain will be just a little myth.

_Hah, keep dreaming_...Urgh, shut up brain.

Actually, this is not the time for this, not the time to be arguing with my stupid brain. I should be concentrating on what Axel is doing because he's uncapping the lube again and pouring another generous amount onto his fingers. I see what the booklet said about needing a little towel as I watch a few more drops of the gel like substance drip from Axel's fingers onto the sheets. He moves back onto me quickly, wasting no time in kissing me again and this time, I do feel it as he slides his two fingers in. I try not to clench around them, because (even if I'll never admit it to anyone..._ever_) the booklet said I shouldn't. I take deep, slow breaths, my hands grabbing onto Axel's shoulders. It feels like I'm taking a backwards shit, which is probably not the best way to describe this, but it's true. Axel starts pumping the two fingers in and out of me and I have to gasp at the strange feeling. I'm reminded of that damn thermostat again when I realize my face is now dripping with sweat, which means the rest of me is pretty sweaty too.

It makes me self conscious when Axel starts kissing my neck, his lips touching the moist skin, meaning he's obviously tasting my saltiness. I squirm a little, still not used to the feeling, especially when he spreads his fingers apart. I take a few deep breaths, Axel's tongue dragging along my collar bone. I have a hard time keeping myself from gasping every time Axel pushes his fingers in deep, the very tips of the digits lightly brushing against a sensitive part inside of me. My stomach clenches and I arch up a little, my own fingers digging furiously into his shoulders.

I feel strangely connected to him, and it's funny because it's just his fingers he has in me. Even so, I already feel just a little closer to him. Then all of a sudden, I feel tense, a hot, burning heat spreading through my body and I let out a loud moan. I feel Axel's fingers curl when he pushes them in deeper than before, and the heat in the room only intensifies. I bite my lip to stop from moaning really loud, and instead I breathe deeply through my nose, listening to Axel as he pulls the fingers out and reaches for more lube.

"Nnngh, aren't you finished yet?" I groan, an impatience like I've never felt before pushing it's way to the front of my mind. I watch as Axel shakes his head, smirking before pushing three fingers in. Okay.._.oookay_, that one stung a little. I shut my eyes tight as the pain eases, but only slightly. Axel stays still the whole time as I fight against my own muscles to keep them relaxed. What gets me through the uncomfortableness, is the thought of that wonderful pleasure. If I get to feel more of that, I'll withstand this.

"It hurt, didn't it?" he says softly and I nod without opening me eyes, "means I'm not done," he murmurs, going back to the task of tasting my salty, sweaty skin and stretching me. I keep my eyes closed as he kisses his way down my neck, those soft lips leaving a warm trail all the way to my chest, where he stops before taking one of my nipples into his mouth. I whimper softly as his free hand grabs my aching erection. With all the attention on my ass, I almost forgot about it. If it hadn't been for the constant throbbing and the little drop of pre-cum on my stomach, I'd have completely forgotten. The heat from Axel's hand is even stronger against the sensitive flesh and I have no idea how I haven't just burst and orgasmed yet. I can feel it coming though, the steady build up of this combined pleasure. My moans are a lot harder to control, and I can't stop panting, each breath in rhythm with Axel's hands.

"A-ahh, Axel...mmmmph," I bite down on my lip hard, the three fingers inside of me really working at getting me ready. When I feel like I just might lose control, everything stops. Axel pulls away completely, his fingers slipping out of me with a wet pop. My body is buzzing, my abandoned hard on weeping for attention. I use this time of rest to catch my breath and I watch Axel through hazy, heavy lidded eyes. He pours a lot of lube on his hand, even compared to the first three times, this is a lot. I watch the goopy stuff, drip all over the place as he moves his hand down, wrapping his fingers around his manhood and coating it with the cool fluid. I watch this, listening to Axel's heavy breaths and it only makes me want him even more. I find though that I can't tear my eyes away from his dick. I mean, it felt heavy and everything in my hand, but now, in person and out of it's clothes it seems so much bigger. I swallow a little nervously before looking up into his face.

He slowly scoots towards me, his hand going back behind my knee and pushing my leg to my chest. I shift and help get myself a little closer, but the worry I feel over his size wins over how bad I want him inside of me. "Uh...hey...that's...kind of big..."

"Well, thank yah," Axel chuckles breathlessly, leaning down and licking my bottom lip slowly before pushing his tongue past my teeth and eating the words right out of my mouth. Axel grips my hip with his other hand and he pulls away to look down. I watch as he concentrates and I squirm, the hand he has behind my knee is dripping lube all down the back of my thigh and it tickles the light hairs there.

"W-what are you doing?" I stutter and he looks up quickly before letting go of my hip and using this hand to spread my cheeks.

"Linin' myself up," he says with a tiny smile before I feel the tip slowly press against me. I clench my teeth together, the sudden sting not what I was expecting. I guess since his dick isn't as thin as his fingers, it's obviously going to hurt right as it slips in. Finally, I feel him push the head in and he stops. I'm panting crazily, reaching out and curling my fingers in his hair. I need to kiss him right now, or else the steady pain I feel is going to make me chicken out. Slowly, I feel my muscles loosen and the pain goes away, a faint sting only barely present until it's almost nothing. Axel must feel the muscles too because very soon, he's pushing himself in deeper.

"Ah...wait, wait..." I grit and he stops, the hand behind my knee finally slipping away and he uses it to prop himself up. Each movement of his is accented by a little groan from deep in his chest. I open my eyes and look at his face, finding little droplets of sweat all over his brow. It's a surprise, because I've never seen him sweat. I use one hand to wipe the moisture and hair away from his forehead and he smiles at me, leaning down to softly kiss the corner of my lips before moving his free hand from my hip to my once again, neglected boner. I forget everything when he grabs me, the heat surrounding and engulfing me, wiping my brain clean. I moan softly as he slowly starts moving his hand, the side of his thumb sliding along the slit. I move my hips and realize Axel has pushed in all the way, his hips pressing against my ass and the movement makes us both moan.

Remember when I said I could feel him pulsing in my hand? Well, when he's pushed God knows how many inches into my body, the feeling is so much more intense. I can feel him pressed against my smooth inner walls and just the thought of how we're joined makes me a little dizzy. Axel kisses all over my face and I peal my eyes open, his hand is still slowly working my front so I don't know how I manage. "Does it still hurt?" he asks softly and the strain I hear in his voice reminds me that this must be hard for him too. I shift my hips, lifting my legs to wrap them comfortably around his waist before shaking my head.

"It...it doesn't...uh...are you going to move?" I ask and he laughs at me, making me feel a little stupid.

"Of course...unless you don't want me to," I guess the look of panic on my face is funny because he laughs again. I shut him up though by grabbing his face and kissing him roughly. The hard kiss seems to wake him up and he starts up a quick pace with his hips like it's nothing. I can hear the springs in the bed, and the soft thump of it against the wall and I smirk a little as Axel pulls away, only to muffle his moan against my neck. So many people talk about the shaking headboards and here I am, experiencing it first hand for myself. I actually like the steady beat, listening to it only adding to the over all experience. His hand lets go of my front and comes up to lace our fingers together, the little action making me shiver. I squeeze his hand as I try and swallow every sound I want to make. It's just too embarrassing to keep moaning over and over, even if I can't seem to help it.

I feel Axel pull away and I look at him, "Stop bein' so quiet," he says through his pants, and punctuates the sentence with a rather hard, upward thrust. My body quivers and I let out a loud moan that I probably couldn't have stopped even if I tried. Axel grins deliriously when he hears the sound and straightens his back, using both his hands to grab onto my hips. As soon as he has a good enough grip, he starts using it to his advantage. Every thrust is harder than the last, each time he pulls me against him by my hips, he seems to slip in deeper.

I'm moving too, trying to keep up with his quick movements and even if I can't, I must be doing something right. Axel is groaning, his head tossed back and I drink in the sight. God, staring at him is almost enough to push me over the edge...his body coated with a light sheen of sweat. It's really quite the sight.

When Axel thinks I'm being too quiet, he wiggles his hips a bit before thrusting upwards again, this time, I moan even louder, my back arching off the bed as my hands clench into fists, bunching up the sheets. "Ah, fuck...right there...do that again," I huff out as I try to breathe, but Axel doesn't let me. Instead he listens to my command and does that upward thrust again. "Mmm...aah, A-axel," I cry out and he leans down to kiss me.

"God Roxas, you're amazing," he mumbles against my mouth and I nod my head but I don't know why. My arms shakily move up to wrap around him because I feel like if I don't, I might just lose my grip on reality. My entire body is trembling now, sweat rolling off my skin like each pore is a faucet and I can hear our skin slapping together. Every sound Axel makes increases the pressure in my lower stomach, and every upward thrust makes me black out for a second.

Finally, he seems to get a burst of energy and along with that, he takes up rubbing my member again, which I had almost forgotten (again). I can't stop the sounds now as they pour out of my mouth one after another, even Axel can't seem to keep quiet and on the last thrust, I feel myself let go. A warm, goopy substance splatters onto my stomach, and I feel my inner muscles all clench at once. The feeling is like nothing I've ever felt before, my entire body buzzing crazily as my head feels filled with cotton.

If you've ever had someone shoot their load in your ass then you understand the strange, yet slightly pleasurable sensation of it...or not. Either way, I can't help but think of it as sexy and I shiver lightly as he kisses my neck. "Hah..." Axel crumbles down onto me, his hips still slightly twitching, until he finally stops and just collapses. The air I had in my lungs all comes out in one gush and soon, I'm struggling to breathe. I squirm a little underneath the redhead, until I finally really need air and I shove him off to the side.

Bad move Roxas, because he's still buried deep in your ass, my brain reminds me a little late. Axel is pulled out of me abruptly and I gasp, the redhead making his own sound of surprise but otherwise seeming dead to the world. I can feel the evidence from our actions drying on my stomach and slowly leaking out of me, being pulled back out by gravity and now that the whole thing is over and done with, it actually feels really gross and uncomfortable. Axel shifts and throws an arm over me before he pulls it away quickly. "Ah, yuck...I got cum on my arm," He says with a chuckle and I grin before turning to face him, pressing my nose up against his. I watch him go cross eyed as I do the same.

"Wanna go wash it off?"

"...Mmm, later," he mumbles, giving me a soft kiss before brushing the hair out of my face. "Yah wanna know somethin' blondie?" I shut my eyes and curl up against his chest, I get really comfortable and completely forget all the sweat and jizz and lube. I nod slowly, all of my energy suddenly drained, leaving nothing but a warm little tingling underneath my skin. "I love yah...as crazy as it may be...I really do," when Axel says that, I get strength from some hidden reserve I have, to pull away and look at him.

I can't explain the way I feel but the best, simplest way to put it would be that my heart just had an orgasm. I grin from ear to ear before giving him a kiss. "That's good, 'cause I feel the same."

"So...we're together right?" I ask after ten minutes or so of silence and Axel just grunts in response, pulling me closer to his side. I realize we're both falling asleep and quickly cast a glance at the alarm clock. It's only 10am, but to be fair, I did lose an hour of sleep this morning. Axel nuzzles into the top of my head and I decide I don't give a crap what time it is, I am fucking tired.

* * *

**A/N:** Almost 10,00 words and 15 pages, I really hope this made up for the wait.  
I'm still relatively new to well...you know...-shifty eyes- lemons...so, please be gentle with me like Axel was with Roxas.

We don't want any fissures on my emotions, but I trust you all, so I'll just you know, lay here with my eyes closed and stuff ;D

-Goes off to wrangle up some banana slugs-  
For what you say? IT'S CLASSIFIED!

_*Edit* I came back and fixed the few typos I missed when I first posted this. Hope I got them all gaisss~_


	40. This Is It

**Chapter Forty**  
This is it

**I** try not to stare directly into it, I mean, I heard that cat shit could cause potential blindness or something along those lines, so I don't want to take any chances but I have to, to figure out where to scoop and to distract myself from my annoying cousin, who hasn't shut up since walking in early this morning. Again I remind myself to look away as I drop the litter into a plastic bag before turning to look at said annoying cousin.

He's been bothering me for about 2 weeks, asking whether or not I had sex with Axel. At school I'm lucky enough to avoid him quite a bit, only running into real problems at lunch when he's in my face for the full 40 minutes. After school, it's more of a gamble. Some nights Sora will actually do homework, or work on a project and others he'll just procrastinate and come bother me. I sigh sadly as I cast a glance at the calendar. It's now spring break and Sora has nothing but free time on his hands. "I don't know why you have to be so tight lipped about this, Roxas," I hear him huff from behind me and I roll my eyes before straightening up and tying the plastic bag. I don't have time for this.

I was going to tell him, I really meant to, but I forgot. I honestly did. What with catching up in school and Axel living at home with me, it really slipped my mind to call him and be like 'Yeah hey, we did it. I lost my virginity'. Besides, not only does that sound really weird and make me feel terribly awkward, I really did forget. Then I got annoyed by him, because he wouldn't drop it and he got even more insistent, so now I'm just not saying anything because he doesn't deserve to know. He made it even worse when he involved Naminé and Olette. Those girls are almost as annoying as Sora and all three of them combined have me contemplating never going back to school again. The way I see it is, it's either that or admit to all of them that the 'virgin' of the group is no more. God knows how they're all going to squeal and giggle and be obnoxious...and the questions...the endless flow of questions.

Personally, I'd rather drop out and never have to listen to them but that's crazy talk. Sora is my cousin, and I'm sure Naminé and Olette would march right over to my house if they caught wind of me avoiding them. Not to mention my parents would flip shit, and drag me back to school as soon as they'd find out. There's really no way of dodging their annoyingness, and part of me wonders why the hell I went and picked such weird friends. Well, in my defense, Naminé and Olette seemed normal at first and Hayner and Pence aren't too bad.

That being said, I guess I'll just have to take it like a man, or at least until I eventually cave in and tell them. "Get out of my way, or I'll beat you with cat shit and fake sand," Sora side steps me when I walk by, the bag swinging side to side as I march through the kitchen, eyes set on the side door.

I hate cleaning out Oblivion's litter box, and according to Axel, he hates it just as much but the house is in desperate need of a spring cleaning, and my parents are coming home tomorrow. Which means the entire family is soon going to be packed into my house. When Sora told me this, I was so pissed. The reunion was supposed to take place at Sora's house, not here. After all, Aunt Betty is the one setting this whole thing up, but apparently, she believes my parents will be more comfortable at home. What the shit? They've been on vacation this entire time, they don't need to relax anymore.

I toss the soiled litter into the garbage behind the house and stay hanging out the door for a few minutes. The snow has finally started to melt away and the weather is really getting nice quickly. I wonder where the smooth transition between seasons went but realize I don't really care. As long as winter is gone, and with it the cold, it could be summer tomorrow and I wouldn't question a thing. Plus, Spring gives me the sensation of a new start or at least the start of something great. My relationship with Axel is coming along nicely, and everything else seems to be going quite smoothly as well, though I haven't officially asked him out per se. Not to mention my hair is growing back marvelously, and for that I can thank my father and his weird hair genes.

I get back inside, and Sora is staring at me, waiting for me to tell him something. He doesn't keep asking, instead he just trails around behind me as I move about the house. I ignore him as best as I can, plopping onto the sofa and turning on the TV, not so much as glancing at him and this goes on for a full 20 minutes. I know I should be cleaning, and it would be a nice help but I also know Axel can do it on his own. Besides, he'll probably clean the house much faster without me trailing behind, destroying what he's cleaned.

I decide to look at Sora from the corner of my eye and watch as he texts someone and I have to wonder just who he's been messaging all morning, before he looks and catches me staring. "I'm going to just march up there and ask him myself," Sora grins and I roll my eyes, not understanding why he needs to know this information so badly.

"Can't you just drop it? Why do you care so much?" I really want to know, so it's my turn to stare very steadily at him. My cousin looks down at his phone quickly, before looking back up and shaking his head, like he's upset that I just don't get it naturally. He points his phone at me before speaking.

"You're my cousin and best friend! Of course I want to know," I decide I'll never understand Sora's logic, so I turn my attention back to the TV as a knock sounds from the door. Immediately, I look towards Sora and see him get up, a little grin on his face as he saunters over to the entrance. I hear the voices of Olette and Naminé as they all squeal in greeting to each other before the girls barge into my living room. I sigh before looking back at them from over the sofa's edge, and I watch my cousin and the two girls stand there watching me. The girls aren't taking off their coats, instead just smiling at me and it makes me wonder what's going on. " You know what, Roxas? It doesn't matter, I have ways of making you talk." Sora's shit eating grin makes me want to wring his neck.

My eyes widen in fear and my cousin laughs walking towards me and leaning against the backrest of the couch, he plucks the remote from my hands and shuts off the TV without even asking, the little shit. Naminé comes to stand beside him and Olette jumps over the armrest and lands beside me with an even bigger smile. "We think it's only fair that, since you haven't used the lube...you give it back to Sora," Olette is grinning so hard, it's almost as if she's seen the empty lube bottle sitting in the waste basket upstairs. I swallow, just a little nervous as I slowly realize I'm stuck.

I don't know where to buy lube, or else I'd tell them all to get out and say I have to find the unused bottle, and to do such, I have to clean out my room and while they're all out of my house waiting for me to find it, I'd drive off to the store and buy a new lube. That plan is almost perfect and it hurts me so much to know I'll never use it, because I don't fucking know where to buy damn lube!

All this reminds me that the bottle is bone dry and I'm going to want more sex and for that to happen, I need more lube but that also means telling them, right here, right now that I'm no longer a virgin. It means giving in to them and their stupid questions. My insides are turning and I feel sweat start collecting on my brow. I don't know what I'm going to do, but it seems that I'm just going to have to admit to using the lube. "Why are you both here?" Instead of answering, and to buy myself a bit more precious time, I question them and completely ignore what they asked. Seriously though, don't they have anything productive to do with their lives? They can't be that desperate to know if I've been deflowered or not, can they?

"We all want to be there when you have to buy yourself new lube," Naminé's eyes are glittering with excitement and I choke, hard. I start sputtering and coughing, trying to breathe while I listen to Sora laugh so hard, he just might wet himself. I look up through teary eyes and he smiles at me, ruffling the short hairs on my head.

"Axel tells Riku all about it, and you know Riku complains to me the whole time," Sora smirks and I sit there opening and closing my mouth, not really knowing what else to do or what to even say. He laughs before turning and moving to the foyer to grab my car keys.

"If you know, why the hell did you all bug me so much?" I glare at them as we get ready to head out, and they all laugh, Sora controlling himself enough to answer as he hands me my jacket from the front closet. I snatch it from his hands, along with my keys and shove my feet violently into my shoes. I'm a little angry at Axel because it seems he and Sora share a familiar trait. The blabber mouth trait, and lord knows how much I hate that.

"At first, I didn't believe it! I mean, you guys wasted that _whole_ tube in no time, so I wanted to hear you admit it, you know, to make sure Axel wasn't just exaggerating...and then you got all weird and didn't want to tell me..."

Olette jumps in, opening the door for me and leading us out. "So, he asked us to help torture you, to get you to spill the beans," I stare at them one by one, each getting their own glare but they all just grin at me. "You could have ended this by admitting it, if you weren't such a weirdo!" I roll my eyes and unlock the car, letting them all climb in and before I have the chance to get in myself, the front door opens and a disgruntled Axel sticks his head out, his red hair standing all staticy around his head like a mane and I smile, all the rage completely forgotten.

"Where yah headin'?" He asks and I pause before answering, realizing that if I'm going to tell him the truth, I'm going to have to shout that I'm going to buy lube all the way from the drive way, for everyone to hear. I blink a few times before laughing and spitting out some horrible lie about going to buy something at the mall for Naminé. I don't even know how far away this place is, so I pray to God he doesn't ask which mall, because he needs to go to one too or something. He nods his head, before asking how long we'll take and I shrug, my hands getting sweaty as I wait anxiously for him to go back inside already! "Bring me back some mayo, like a big tub of it. Your Aunt Betty asked me ta get it, but I gotta clean," I wave it off, promising to bring the biggest tub I find because I know how much Uncle Leon loves potato salad and I'm sure that's what it's for.

When I get in the car and Axel shuts the front door, it's a relief and I realize they're all laughing at me. "What?" I bark, starting up the car and adjusting the mirrors. I don't always do it, though I know I should and since I remembered it this time, I do it. I spot Naminé smiling at me, and Olette is smiling too. "Seriously, what? You guys are scaring me."

"It was just funny how awkward your responses to Axel were," When Olette says this, they all burst out laughing again and I sigh, focusing on the road and trying to tune them out. It's a lot harder than you'd think, especially since Olette and Naminé are the worst back seat drivers, and Sora...he's just talking to hear his own voice. I decide on my own to get the mayo first, Sora can figure out the directions to the sex shop from the grocery store perfectly fine.

**W**e get to the sex shop a lot faster than I thought we would, and it amazes me it's been this close to home and I've never even noticed. Sora smiles as he shuts the passenger side door and he looks over at me, the smile still in place. Apparently, he can get from the grocery store to the sex shop, no problem. "Excited?" he asks, his eyebrows raising on his forehead and I laugh, shaking my head.

"Why would I be excited?" I'm pushed towards the entrance by Olette and Naminé as Sora opens the door casually, letting us all in before coming in last. The door shuts with a little ding and I look around. The first thing I notice is...well...dildos, lots of fucking dildos, and there's a stripper pole in the middle of the store. I walk behind Sora, seeing as he's the one who's been in here before, and he's the one who knows where he's going. Naminé and Olette venture off on their own and I don't look towards where they've gone. I don't really want to see what caught their attention.

There's a sudden call of Sora's name and we both look back as a tiny girl with black hair bounds towards us, arms spread open and a smile way too big for her tiny face. My cousin spots her, screaming "Yuffie!" Before running towards her, meeting in the middle with a crash. I wince, as they cling tightly to each other and laugh. With an expert roll of my eyes, I turn away from them and see where Sora had been taking me, so I finish the rest of the journey alone, wondering just why my cousin has to be such a twit.

It's like a huge bookshelf, but instead of carrying books it's filled with an array of bottles, pretty, little vials and boxes. Closer inspection tells me this is their lube selection, and to say I'm not impressed would be a lie. I have no idea which I should grab, all I want is lube...nothing too fancy. There is so many to choose from, it makes it even harder to know which I should take, so I stand there, a little dumbstruck as I read the different flavors and sensations. Really? I thought it was more of a 'One Lube Works For All' kind of thing. Obviously, this is not the case.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump, almost dropping the bottle I'd grabbed for a closer look and Sora saves it just in time, slipping it back into my grasp and patting the top of my hand. He smiles before introducing the girl he was hugging. "Roxas, this is my friend and the manager of The Fantasy Shop, Yuffie!" The girl hops over to me, and wraps her arms around me as I stand there, holding the lube tightly in my hand. She pulls away, spotting my selection and smiles.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you! Sora's told me all about you!" I send my cousin a look and they both laugh, before Yuffie plucks the bottle from my hand and I step out of her way. She reaches over and switches the lube I had grabbed for a different one before she hands it to me. "Here, I recommend this one, 10% off just for you. I'll let you boys enjoy the rest of the shop," She giggles before prancing off and I stand there looking at the bottle. It's pretty, but not too pretty like some of the other ones. I'd never buy any of those elaborate bottles, because knowing my luck, my mom would probably end up thinking it's some cologne or hand cream...and I don't even want to think past that. I decide I'll take it, because who am I to say no to a 10% discount? No one, that's who. I look towards my cousin and he smiles, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"I come here quite often, I've got like, costumer appreciation!" My cousin laughs as we reach the register and I spot Naminé and Olette, each with their own little black bags and I wonder who else is in here selling things as I try and ignore the knowledge that Sora's a regular at a sex shop. I eye the two girls and they wink at me as I place my item on the counter. Yuffie pops up out of nowhere, and I almost shit myself. My heart is beating pretty hard when she scans the bottle and places it into my own black bag, taking the money before handing me my change with a smile. I hear Olette and Naminé share a little giggle but don't turn around.

"You take care, and I'll see you again soon!" She waves us off and out of the store before going back to doing whatever she was doing, and my cousin leads us all out. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, weird store manager aside, it was pretty easy. I unlock the car again, letting them all in before getting in myself. Again, I remember to check the mirrors and when I look back, I also remember Naminé and Olette buying something.

"What did you guys buy?" I ask curiously, but they just grin at me. It's a telling kind of grin, one that tells me I'd rather not know what they bought in there, unless I want to puke out my eye sockets.

"Oh you know, stuff." I decide I won't question it any further, listening to my intuition and pull out of the parking lot. Now all that's left, is to go home and get ready for the onslaught of family coming in tomorrow.

**W**hen I get home, the house is spotless. I look around, setting my keys and Slushie on the end table. It's completely silent and I wonder where the redhead went, until I hear movement coming from upstairs. I clutch the black bag in my hand tightly before marching up the stairs and towards Axel's room. As I'm about to finish climbing the steps, Oblivion's tail appears right under my foot and the loud screech makes me erupt in goosebumps.

I feel her paws hit my leg before I can feel her nails going through the fabric and into my skin. When she does get a good grip, I howl in pain, throwing a hand out to grab the railing. I want to shake her off my leg, but I also don't want to send her flying down the stairs. "Axel, help!" I call out, Oblivion still spazzing on my leg, scratching at it like a post. Slowly but surely, Axel comes out and finds me clutching at the railing, Oblivion attached to my leg and hissing at me.

"What's this?" he says with a chuckle, coming over and gently prying the cat off my leg. I stare in angry confusion as she transforms from a flesh eating demon into a soft and cuddly kitten in seconds. Axel rubs her head, making her purr happily and I glare before moving past them cautiously and towards the room, Axel following behind laughing.

"Get her away from me...I swear, she's not even a cat!" I toss the bag onto the bed and rip my jacket off, throwing it onto the floor before dropping my pants. As expected, there's a few bloody spots but no real damage and for that, I can thank good old denim. It stings like hell regardless and I wobble towards the medicine cabinet in the bathroom as Axel sets her down on the floor.

"She just knows yah don't like 'er," I hear Axel grabbing the bag, the unmistakeable sound of crinkling plastic reaching my ears as I grab a cotton ball with some rubbing alcohol for my stab wounds. It stings so bad, I have to fight off tears but I'd rather disinfect them than leave them dirty. I look up to find Axel leaning on the door frame with a wide smirk on his face, the lube in his hand and I blush before tossing away the used cotton ball.

"I love that demon cat, she just gets on my nerves and terrifies me," I say and Axel takes a step into the bathroom, nodding his head like he totally understands what I mean.

He doesn't stop until he's standing right in front of me, and I look up at him, realizing he's still holding the lube. "Kinda like me, huh?" I smile, nodding my head before grabbing the lube from him.

"10% off," I say a little awkwardly, because I really don't know what else to say. I can't come up with anything clever or sexy, so...well, whatever!

"Roxas, yah know how discounts turn me on," The grin on Axel's face makes butterflies suddenly start fluttering viciously in my stomach and I have trouble keeping my legs stiff enough to hold me up.

"It's why I mentioned it," I let out a sorry excuse for a laugh, before Axel stops any more useless words by kissing me. I wrap my arms around him, and it seems to be a mutual agreement to try out bathroom sex.

**S**unlight is my sworn enemy. Every time my face grows hot and my eyelids turn bright red, I curse the big fire ball in the sky. I will one day get my revenge for all the countless dreams ruined, and all the perfectly comfortable sleeps disrupted, just not today. This particular morning, it isn't sunshine that wakes me up though, but the feeling of being watched. I shiver, squeezing my eyes tight, afraid to open them and see my attacker from the bar. Yeah, I still occasionally freak out about that, but I'm getting better with Axel's help. My hand worms around under the covers until it finds Axel's, and I lace our fingers together. He's still asleep, I can tell by the total lack of response when I squeeze his hand.

I decide that at the count of three, I'll open my eyes but it takes a few tries until I gather the courage. I scream when I spot two big blue eyes staring right into my face at such a close proximity. Axel jolts up in the bed, his eyes wide as he looks around the room for what made me scream. He starts to laugh when he spots Xion kneeling at my bedside. I push her face away from mine, my heart pounding viciously in my chest and she just giggles, like giving someone a heart attack is freaking hilarious. "You're awake Roxas!" She screams, and I don't know how to respond. I'm obviously awake now.

When she gets that look on her face, the There's-A-Perfectly-Good-Bed-To-Jump-On look, I panic, remembering that underneath the thin covers, I am completely naked and covered in my own baby batter. Axel notices the change in my expression and in Xion's, slowly remembering our conversation the previous night. The grin that spreads across his face makes me want to slap him.

"_Are yah sure yah ain't gonna shower Roxas?"_

"_Mmmmm"_

"_Yah stink and are all sticky."_

"_mmmmmmh!"_

"_Alright, alright."_

Looking back, I should have showered but I was so, so, so tired. He could have easily carried me to the bathtub, but I guess he was pretty tired too. Well, it's too late for regrets now. I'm filthy, and Xion still has that look on her face, and I can tell at any moment, she's gonna bounce. Before either of us can stop her, she's flying through the air, over me completely and lands right between Axel and me. I grab the sheets quickly, clutching them to my chest as she gets comfortable. I shoot Axel a look over her head, but he's too busy trying not to piss himself laughing. "What's so funny Axel?" Xion asks, tilting her head in his direction, and I wonder the probability of me successfully slipping out of bed and finding clothes before my cousin sees me naked.

Axel, of course is always ready with an answer and doesn't miss a beat. "I just remembered this real funny show on TV, wanna come with to check if it's on?" Xion, never wanting to miss a moment of comedy, quickly scurries off the bed and runs towards the door, rushing Axel in fear of missing the show that probably doesn't even exist. "Get a head start, I'll be down when I find a shirt!" My cousin obediently leaves the room and I watch her in disbelief. Why does everything work out so well for him, but is always so complicated for me? He rolls over to catch me glaring at him. "What?"

"It's not fair...Oblivion loves you and Xion listens to you...what the hell, man?" I huff and cross my arms over my chest, this causes Axel to laugh loudly before he grabs my arms and wraps them around himself, tugging me against him. I nuzzle into his neck, inhaling the clean scent of his skin before mentally cursing the fact that my entire family is probably downstairs. Axel seems to remember this too because he pulls away, leaving me with a chaste kiss.

"Go shower, I meant it when I said yah stunk," He laughs, rolling out of bed and finding both a t-shirt and pants without really looking around. I don't tell him the shirt he's wearing is mine, and let him waltz out of the room. He's a brave, brave man, I'll give him that.

I feel much better after my shower, and it seems that since I'm awake, the party was thrown into full swing. I can hear the loud laughter and chatter coming from downstairs and I brace myself. I remember the last family reunion, and it was nothing short of dramatic. I'm sure nothing like that will happen again, but what worries me, is what will happen this time. My entire family hasn't seen what I did to my hair, so they're all going to flip shit when they see how short it is, compared to how it used to be. Hopefully, that's the most drama that'll go down tonight. I throw on a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt. It's just family downstairs, I don't have to dress up for anybody.

I was right about the party going full throttle. When I get downstairs, the whole family is sitting in the living room, watching Sora and it looks like he's trying to be...a sea lion? I can't tell, so I stay quiet as I slip into the living room, trying to find my parents. I spot Demyx sitting beside his boyfriend Zexion, and I wave from my side of the room. "Roxas!" Everyone seems to spot me at the same time, and it's a collective call of my name, all of them waving happily. Then comes the moment they all realize I cut my hair, and the different questions all come flying at the same time. I spot both my parents sitting in between Aunt Betty and Uncle Leon and use them as an excuse to ignore everyone. You'd think I was the one who left on vacation for weeks, instead of them, with the way they're all waving and shit.

"Good gravy!" My grandmother Anita calls, her big blue eyes bugging out of her head, "Sarah, what happened to the boy's lovely hair?" My grandmothers both look so sad that all my bouncy hair is gone, Uncle Zack just seems to find it hilarious. Upon closer inspection, I see that my entire family isn't in the living room. There are two people missing...the only two people you wouldn't want to be missing. Aunt Alice and Uncle John. I stand behind the couch their sitting on, not wanting to be too far from people with those psychos on the loose but not wanting to get sucked into whatever the hell is happening in here.

"What did I walk in on?" I raise an eyebrow, sending Sora a look as he lays on his stomach on the floor.

"Charades. Wanna join?" Belle's eyes sparkle at the mere thought of me playing a game with the family, but as usual, I shake my head and tell them I'm going to grab something to eat. I turn but pause at the archway, looking in both directions before bolting towards the kitchen.

When I'm about to walk into the dinning room, I bounce right back, landing harshly on my ass with a loud thud. I'm so confused, I can't even explain it to you, but with a closer look, I see the sheen of plastic wrap, placed expertly in the doorway. Aunt Alice and Uncle John both appear at the same time, their eyes tearing, their faces turning red as they both laugh themselves silly. I get up slowly, not impressed at all, and tear down the damn wrap. "Oh Roxas, you should have seen your face!" Aunt Alice howls as I walk past her, Uncle John agreeing that it was simply the funniest thing he's ever seen, but according to him, everything that makes him laugh is the funniest thing he's ever seen.

I look back at them, just to check that they're both there before pushing open the kitchen doors and I deem it safe when I walk in because there's no one around. Aunt Alice and Uncle John are still chuckling, but I can hear them leaving, heading back towards the living room...or at least I hope they are. I don't want to walk into another trap.

I open the fridge, just as someone pushes their way into the kitchen, my body tensing, preparing itself for whoever just walked in. "They got yah with the plastic wrap huh?" Axel can't hide the laughter from his voice as he comes towards me and pulls me away from the fridge. I ignore him, trying to worm my way back because I am starving. There is so much food and sweets in the fridge, my stomach is growling angrily, demanding to be fed. "I don't get why yah look into the fridge, yah ain't ever cook anything," The redhead says this with a smug look on his face and I shut the fridge, turning slowly to look at him. He waits, almost like he knows I can't think of anything to say. My brain struggles to find a good come back, but all I can think about is the cake I spotted in the fridge.

"Why should I cook? I've got you doing it for me," I smile, the best, sweetest smile I can conjure and it works like a charm. Axel grins, reaching out and pulling me in for a hug. I thought I was far enough that he wouldn't reach me, but the bastard's got some long ass arms. I feel a little nervous hugging in the kitchen, my whole family is really unpredictable, so any of them, if not all of them, can come barging in at any given second and I have no idea if any of them know exactly just what went on after the last reunion. I peal myself away with a great deal of effort and before Axel can start my breakfast, my mom walks in.

"Pumpkin!" My mom races over to me, clinging like she hasn't seen me in years and I pat her back, feeling like all my bones are being crushed into fine powder. With a wheeze, I squirm my way out of her clutches. "I missed you so much! Aw, look at your hair, it's gotten longer!" She ruffles the hairs on my head, and I swat her hand away.

"Mom, it hasn't been that long," Why are mothers all so embarrassing? I swear, they forget how to be normal people once they give birth. After that, everything that's socially acceptable to say or do, seems to vanish and in it's place, the knowledge of how to make your kid feel the most uncomfortable.

"For me, it's been ages," She pouts before turning to look at Axel, smiling all the while. "And look at you! You get manlier every day!" I fight against face palming myself, and instead grab my mom's arm while Axel laughs, thanking her in this soft voice and I wonder if maybe, she's embarrassing him too. I stop, an evil idea forming in my head and I send Axel a devilish grin.

"He most certainly does, doesn't he?" I chirp from beside my mom and she nods her head enthusiastically.

"And I bet it pleases you, right honey?" My plan backfires right away, and what makes it worse, is that everyone walks into the kitchen now, each with their own look of questioning.

"I don't want to know," My father says, quickly walking towards me and patting my shoulder. "Nice to see you again, stranger," It's all he says before my Uncle Zack comes sprinting towards him, throwing himself onto my father's back. This seems to set off a chain reaction, everyone in the kitchen starts running around like headless chickens and in seconds, it's a chaotic mess. Uncle Maurice running after the kids pretending to be a monster.

I somehow end up half way across the fucking kitchen, staring longingly at the fridge, and all the deliciousness I know is within its depths. I'm safe here for the most part, no one's spotted me and they are all still being weirdos but I'm so far from the food. I have to find a way to get all these crazies outside, and I spot the key to my success. The side door. I slowly ease my way towards it, careful not to make a sound and I open the door. The first one to see outside is Belle, and with a high pitched war cry, she's running out into the yard. Xion follows after her, and just as I had planned, everyone else decides outside is a better place to horse around.

The kitchen is emptied, and when everyone is out, it's just me, Axel, my mother and father. "When are we eating?" I say out loud, seriously wondering when it'll be time for lunch. I don't think my stomach can hold off any longer, and it'll soon resort to eating away at itself.

"I'm going to start the grill now," My father slips out back, and the noise is cut off when he shuts the door. It's still not completely silent, I can hear everyone laughing and shouting but it's muffled, so I can live with that...and to think, they haven't even started drinking yet. Or at least, I don't think they have. Knowing my family, they'll all be plastered by the time they have to come back inside.

"Axel, why don't you invite your brother for lunch? We'll have the whole family here," My mom turns away from us and starts grabbing plates, setting them on the counter and I look towards Axel. His eyes are wide, and he keeps blinking, like she just spoke to him in another language. The silence is obviously not what my mother was expecting, so she turns around to see what's holding Axel's tongue. I don't know why he's being so quiet either, and I really would like to know what did this to him. He clears his throat, quickly shaking his head.

"Sorry...s'just...y'all consider us family?" I know Axel is in for quite the tongue lashing when my mother furrows her brow and stops what she's doing. She'll usually just keep talking while she works, but when she has to stop...it's probably going to be this long ass, intense speech. I'd like to know the answer to this question too, so I settle myself onto a bar stool and watch as my mother walks over to Axel, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Darling, of course. You're Roxas'..." My mom pauses for a second, before looking towards me and I wonder what she's thinking. "Are you two even dating?" She twists her mouth up in thought and I shrug, looking towards Axel. Now that she mentions it, I'm not even sure if we are. All I know is that I love him and he loves me back. We haven't even discussed our relationship, so I have no idea what's going to happen once he has to go back home with Reno...I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I look quickly towards Axel at the same time my mother does.

"I thought we were...now, if Roxas told yah different..." Axel raises both his short, stubby eyebrows, along with his shoulders in a shrug, as the attention is taken off him and brought back onto me onto me.

"Roxas never tells me anything," My mother sighs and Axel laughs, looking like he knows exactly what she's talking about. "Well, regardless if you two are dating, you've been welcomed into the family and if you can forgive my actions in the past, I hope you still want to be a part of it." I watch her hands nervously twist together and Axel stays quiet for a few seconds. The longer he goes without saying anything, the more terrified I become.

"Would yah mind if I use the house phone?" Axel smiles brightly, and I can see my mother release the breath she'd been holding before rushing to grab the cordless phone.

"Of course not!" She hands it over to him, and the redhead dials, moving away to talk to his brother. The smile is on his face the whole time, which makes a smile slowly break out across mine. My mother obviously sees this, seeing as she was staring right at me, the creep. "I guess we'll officially announce you two being an item at lunch then," I turn to look at her, eyes wide and almost falling out of my skull but I see she isn't joking...she looks very serious.

And what the hell does she mean by _officially?_

**T**ime seems to be ticking by slowly, and lunch was supposed to be ready in _"15 minutes, tops"_ but it's been half an hour since then and there's no sign of food. My mother, after her weird statement, didn't answer my question and just shooed me from the kitchen, telling me to go hang out with my cousins. Apparently she's noticed I don't really socialize with people besides Axel, and I wonder if she forgets I go to school and this is Spring break, my week off having to socialize. She also hasn't even been here, how would she know what I've been doing?

That was what feels like hours ago, but it's only been an hour. My stomach, I'm sure is half way through devouring itself and the cramps are nothing short. I told Axel this and he says I'm exaggerating, but he doesn't know. He thinks the dinner from the previous night could hold me off this long. I'm a growing boy damn it.

I groan, and Sora looks at me from over his cards. I'm not fooled by their card game, I know it's not serious and I'm not interrupting no battle of the brains. After all it's between Sora and Demyx and both of them combined know as much about cards as a new born gorilla. "You hungry too?" Sora asks with a frown, then looks at the time and back down at his cards. I can tell he's desperate to jump into the fridge but is using this little game to distract himself. After all, he loves food more than anyone I know, even more than I do.

"Yeah, I didn't get to eat breakfast," This is usually how a family reunion goes, the adults outside doing their thing, taking forever to make lunch, while we sit inside. It's not even that nice out, but they don't seem to care. Riku and Axel are both out there too, and Reno got here a long time ago...or at least it feels that way. It was probably like 20 minutes ago.

I didn't have to see him, because he went to the backyard through the side of the house. I know he's here though, because I can hear him nice and clear. Axel, Riku and Reno are the only ones with those weird accents, and then I can tell all their voices apart, so Reno doesn't need to come in. Thank god. It took me quite a while to get used to Axel, and Reno is like...10 times worse. My mom however, seems to think he's hilarious. Every now and then I'll hear him say something, and shortly after I'll hear my mother's laugh, the laugh that usually comes out at Christmas parties after she's had a bit of wine. The thing is, she isn't drunk because she hasn't been drinking since her accident. I can only assume, Reno is a comical genius.

I look at the time, hoping it's gone by, at least a little bit. I see with relief that it has, and sure enough my father calls from the kitchen for everyone to take a seat. Sora and Demyx put their cards down and I realize Zexion's been here the whole freaking time! He shifts from the armchair and follows my cousin towards the dinning room. Sora stands and dusts off the bottom of his pants before looking at me, asking if I'm ready to go. Stupid question, of course I'm freaking ready.

When I walk in to the dinning room, I spot Axel and Reno, sitting close to my mom. Reno is sitting across from Axel leaving an open space for me beside the redhead. Everyone else is already seated and I curse myself for letting that happen. I should have just been sitting here from earlier, to avoid being the center of attention. I look around and notice no one is actually looking at me, they're all engulfed in their own little conversations waiting for Uncle Leon and my dad to come out with the barbeque. Even the kids are busy talking to each other.

Everything on the table looks delicious but I realize I'm only thinking all this to avoid the fact that soon, when everyone is present and accounted for...my mother is going to formally introduce Reno and tell everyone about Axel and me. My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel like hiding under the table, but my damn stomach keeps me seated here, waiting to be fed.

I spot Axel watching me from the corner of his eye and I look towards him, catching sight of Reno speaking to my Aunt Aerith. I wonder briefly what the hell they could be talking about before paying attention to Axel.

"Yah nervous?" He asks and I shrug, not wanting to openly admit that I'm about to hyperventilate. I spot Sora from across the table and he waves, Riku sitting beside him and it surprises me when he sends me a little finger wave. I don't wave back because they are stupid for even doing it, we aren't sitting that far away from each other, really. They're just a few seats down. "Yah look nervous," Axel whispers and I jump at the breathy voice. He pulls away with a smile and I glare at him. It worries me that we still haven't talked about when he's going to leave and what happens then.

"Maybe just a little," Right after I finish that sentence my father comes in with Uncle Leon in tow. I realize Uncle Zack was in the kitchen with them when he comes out and sits on my Aunt's other side, rubbing his hands together and licking his lips while looking at the food. I can imagine Sora doing the exact same thing and it makes me want to laugh. I don't even know why I'm nervous, my family is pretty cool. Crazy, but cool.

My dad takes his seat at the same time as Uncle Leon and then, my mom looks right at me, standing up and calling everyone's attention to her. My stomach still flips nervously when I hear my entire family shift in their seats to listen to what my mother has to say. Axel holds out his hand under the table and I grab it, deciding...what the hell, what's the worst that could happen?

"Everyone, I'd like to welcome Reno, Axel's brother into the family." It's the usual claps and Reno sends out a wave like the Queen of England, earning himself a good laugh. My mother smiles at Reno before continuing, like I knew she would. "Along with this great addition, there's something else that should be said," I don't know if she pauses for dramatic effect or if it's to breathe, and then I realize it's because she's looking at me and so is everyone else.

I swallow hard, and I try to find my voice but come up short each time. "Uh...We're dating," I stammer and my Aunt Betty's eyes widen but I don't know why. The entire table is silent, and I look around not really knowing what's going on. I ignore the fact that Sora and Riku seem to snickering at some funny untold joke.

"You're dating Axel's brother?"

"No! I'm dating Axel," I cry out, remembering that not everyone can see us holding hands under the table. I hold up our hands and everyone starts to laugh, Axel and Reno probably laughing the hardest.

When it dies down a little, my Uncle Leon looks at me, smiling. I_ know_, it scares me too.

"Roxas, we all know that, she's just teasing," It's a relief but I still feel stupid. The blush burns my cheeks, I can feel the heat almost coming off them and I look down into my plate. Soon enough everyone with shut up and start eating.

"Well, with that being said...everyone, dig in," My mom takes her seat again and everyone jumps into action, passing food bowls every which way. My stomach growls fiercely and I almost drool all over everything when I finally get my hands on some chicken.

**T**he rest of the day pretty much passes the same way as before lunch for me, and the night time rolls around quickly. I'm sitting outside on the back porch with Sora, Riku, Axel, Demyx and his boyfriend. I don't know where Lewis is, but I'm willing to bet he's inside on his laptop. Again, lucky bastard, everything seems to easy peasy for him. No hassles, I'm telling you. Though, I'm not complaining about where I am, curled against Axel's side, comfy and warm. The kids have fallen asleep, giving the parents the real go ahead to start partying. The adults are all in the basement, and even if they say they are down there to make less noise, I can still hear them from outside. Luckily, all those kids seem to be sleeping right through it. Sora sighs, looking down at the face of Riku in his lap, before looking up at me and finally, looking around at everyone else. "This would be more comfortable if Roxas and Riku got along, who agrees?"

"Mmm, I agree," Axel hums, fluffing the short hairs on the top of my head before I look up at him, sending him a dirty look. I don't like Riku for my own reasons, and he still has his own issues to deal with but I guess we haven't really been too discreet about our hatred. I can imagine how it makes Axel and my cousin feel, seeing as they both have no problems with either of us. It must be because I'm in a good mood that I decide to actually start trying with Riku again. I know we said we'd do it for Sora's sake, all the way back in the bar but we never really followed through. Now that I'm sober, and he's only a little tipsy, I think would be the perfect time to renew that promise. The booze will soften him up for me, I hope.

"We said we'd get along...Remember Riku?" He makes a sound in agreement, but I don't see his face. Sora looks at me, almost like he's trying to assure me that Riku does remember. I shrug, before trying to find the words to convey the proper message. I still don't like him, but I don't want to all out hate him forever. "Well, how about we promise to actually follow through? For Axel and Sora's sake this time," It bothers me that I can't see his face because then I'd at least be able to see his reaction. All I have is Sora's face to go off of. If Riku says no, or anything rude, I'll go on being a dick to him. Axel and Sora could work something out but I won't do this again.

"Alright...but only 'cause you finally seem to be gettin' it," I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean, but Sora laughs, looking at me and smiling, so I guess it's a good thing.

"Well, I'll be able to sleep in peace tonight," I say, settling against Axel and Demyx laughs, stretching his neck out to look at me.

"Pffft, with all the sex you've been having, I'm sure you pass out with your ass out at night, right Axel?"

"Like a rock," Axel says with a smirk and I can't believe this is happening. I look at Sora right away and he just shrugs, laughing a little before speaking.

"It just amazed me a little, that's all!" I'm going to die one day because of him. I'm serious, that Sora Leonhart is going to be the fucking death of me.

**T**he time for everyone to head home quickly approaches, and they all gather in my dad's car, and Uncle Zack's car, my mother and Aunt Aerith at the wheels, driving all the other adults home. I guess they'll all come for their cars tomorrow. I notice Reno's bike is still parked in our driveway when the vehicles pull away and the house goes quiet. Sora and his family are gone, and so are all the kids. The only one's home are Axel, Reno (apparently) my dad and me. I head back into the house and search for Axel right away, wondering if he's heading home tonight and if he wants me to drive him there with his brother. I'm hoping he'll be staying the night, Reno can always sleep in the guest room, so I don't want to ask right away. I gotta see what he's doing first.

I stop when I get to the stairs, spotting my dad in the living room sitting on the sofa with Reno, the TV on in the background. I hear a loud snore before realizing they're both passed out, so maybe Axel isn't leaving tonight. I climb up the stairs quickly, finding the room door slightly open and I fight against the urge to smile. I walk in calmly, completely collected but nervous to see Axel packing. He could always just wake Reno up and shove him into the back seat of my car. To my relief, Axel is laying on the bed. The bad news, Oblivion is curled up happily on his chest. I don't trust her at all, so I'm not even sure I want to lay down. I could be perfectly still and she'll decide my stomach looks like a lovely nail sharpener.

"Hey," Axel says softly, looking towards me before plucking the cat from his chest and setting her down. She quickly leaves the room and I finally feel comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I love my cat but she scares me something fierce, as I'm sure I've mentioned. I move and crawl into the bed, pealing off my shorts under the covers then tossing them away. Every time I do this, Axel always laughs and tonight is no exception. When I'm settled, and he's somehow managed to get under the blankets, I decide is the time to talk about important stuff. I wriggle my way over to him, and right away, he slides his arm under my head and pulls me towards him. I sigh contently, completely understanding Oblivion's love for being cuddled by Axel.

"What's going to happen when you leave?" I ask quietly, and he pulls me away from his neck, looking confused.

"Nothin', I'm gonna go live with my brother the next city over...but it ain't too far a drive Roxas. Besides, we've got phones and computers, we'll manage," Axel kisses me on the lips and for some reason, I believe every word he says. I nod my head, looking at him and I feel so damn sappy for thinking it but I do. This is the happiest I've been in my entire life.

"Yeah, we'll manage," I say before hiding my face against him again, feeling completely drained of energy. It might be because I'm so tired, but I'm not worried about Axel leaving. It's completely different than when he left the first time. This time, he doesn't hate my guts.

It hits me then, right as I'm about to fall asleep, just how much has happened in the last few months and I hold on to Axel tighter. The way this whole thing ended up, is pretty crazy. I mean, I never would have expected to be here, all the way back when I first saw Axel in my foyer, all mangey and intrusive, in my mind he was nothing but a criminal. I'm sure as hell my mother never thought it would be this way either. It's been a really crazy time, but I'm glad it all came out this way. I love Axel Black to death, and yeah, it might not be brotherly love (like my mother had been hoping) but it's something like it, I guess.

The End.

* * *

**A/N:** Oh my god, I can't believe this story is finally done. It seems like it's been forever, and I went through such a crazy slew of emotions over the course of this fic.  
In the end, I'm pretty happy with the final chapter and the way everything came to a close. I figured since the whole fic revolved around family somewhat, I might as well end it with Roxas and his family.

Wow...I still can't believe it. I'm so grateful to have each and every reader, every single review helped me and in it's own way shaped this story.  
I love each and every one of you, and as always, I'll see you in another story!

-jumps into the sea-

**Some Brotherly Love Fun Facts:**

- Riku originally had no place in the story  
- Oblivion was made to seem like a heartless from the game (duh), what with the black body and yellow eyes. Explains why she was so vicious to Roxas too xD  
- Instead of the Tandem Bicycle scene, Axel and Roxas had originally played Monopoly. Axel was awesome at that too, if you're wondering.

Much crazy, lusty love, Sharmander.


End file.
